the traditional fly past of the national flag-courtesy of quek chee leong william, taken from msn
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
farewell meal with Ustaz Saif-ur-Rahman
had a meal with Ustaz Saif-ur-Rahman yesterday night at Garuda Padang Cuisine, in an effort to meet up with him before he finally departs for the US. in his own words, it was to prevent a certain someone from feeling left out, and "nanti merajuk pulak"... in any case, it was indeed our benefit and honour to be able to bring him out for a meal, and for him to grace the event with his presence, despite the ultimately packed schedule that he is running in this last local week that he has. so first and foremost, my deepest gratitude to you for taking time out for us.it was meant to be a relaxed dinner, and it was. but as it is with scholars, we, the non-scholars tend to do consultations anyways. but it was a good 2.5 hours worth of talking. and just made me realise how much i have missed out, and will perhaps be missing out for the next few years, till he comes back. and that is if he decides to teach, if and when he does come back.
the content of the whole conversation we had, among the 3-4 of us cannot be replicated in its entirety here. so i will just highlight the golden moments of the conversation, and some take-away points that the blessed fellow decided to share with us. some of these points are of course expressed in my own understanding (so even if you did not say it, just take it as a student giving his feedback, and rephrasing, ok?).
on a youthful appearance: wudhu', solat, and exercise. all of these are crucial in ensuring the balance of life of a muslim. in solat, you gain discipline of time management, and to gain the freshness of mind, you do your wudhu'. Especially so for the tahajjud and dawn prayers, which are crucial for the attainment of spiritual luminescence, which can be seen from the countenance of those who are committed to them. Exercise produces endorphins, which makes you feel happy and keep your state of mind and emotions stable. With stability, you are less likely to feel depressed and stressed, which helps prevent the aging process. Exercise also energises you, so you feel strong and energetic, and young. Feel young, look young.
on life: one needs to have a long-term plan, be it 10, 20 or even 30 years. If one has a long-term plan, the quibbles of life that one experiences in the short term, is put into perspective, and one moves on much faster, and with less baggage.
on friends: the best friends are those founded on faith. sincerity in looking for friends who are firmly grounded in faith, will ensure that all else that comes with those friendships are blessed. you will feel at peace with them, and they will feel at peace with you.
on subtlety: one does not need to be exuberant in the expression of one's character or self. there are times and places when one can drop off masks and be at ease, but there are also times when one needs to be firm and assert oneself, in order to achieve a certain impact. to hide aspects of oneself, is not a sign of weakness, but rather is a sign that one is able to control the situation one finds oneself in.
on da'wah: a muslim is not a da'i only when he puts on his religious attire. a muslim is a da'i all the times. and one does not need to appear to be pious to be pious. in fact one's piety is measured by the extent that one strives in his community, and that standard is different for each individual. just be the best that you can, and let that be your da'wah. one can have fun, and still be a good muslim. conversely, one can be an asatizah, but still be unable to fulfill one's obligations. hence one should know what one's responsibilities are, and fulfill them as how they are meant to be.
on discipline: it has to be self-motivated to achieve maximal impact.
on perspective: progressive vs contemporary. progressive is looking forward. contemporary is already passe the minute we finish talking about it. hence be progressive, because status quo is never enough.
on being: we are people with many facets. each of these facets need to be understood. how we look to other people can be based on any of the facets. however, what is more important is how each of the facets reflect who we are, and whether we can be at peace with what each of these facets show. cleanse the inside, and the outside will follow.
on etiquette of conversation: talk what should be talked about, and refrain from asking what should not be asked. things that benefit should be shared. things that do not benefit should be left unshared.
many many more things we talked about, and many more things i internalised.
its just amazing how one simple encounter can bring about so many different points of learning.
frankly in my 26 years of life, i have only been with Ustaz for barely 60 hours. but i believe that it is not just me, but other students as well, who have been touched by his wisdom and charisma.
again, may Allah expedite your journey to higher learning, and higher realisations, and may He allow the ummah to benefit from you, through your efforts.
Yarhamukallah, wa yahfazukallah ya shaykhi.BON VOYAGE!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
celebrating almir's birthday
27th july was the day we all went to flyer for the first time.
but... it wasn't to ride the contraption, but to celebrate a dear friend's birthday... with a fish spa!
first up, we went to Kenko Fish Spa, where we had our feet attacked by the gara ruffa fish, better known as the Doctor Fish. Definitely an experience that we will not forget, and one which we will be coming back for, albeit not at the same location...
with our feet newly cleaned, and feeling oh-so-refreshed, we made our way to the cathay to go to strip-ed co, not for a boyzilian of course, but for a manicure and pedicure, just to pamper the birthday boy. but because of my absent-mindedness, we couldn't get in because we had no appointment - HOW DISAPPOINTING. but i still love their adverts.
we called ALL the centres in singapore, and still, nada. so with heavy, unbuffed and unpedicured feets, we just went to eat. and it so happened that we went to fish and co's. it was all unplanned of course, but we hadn't gotten a cake for our birthday boy. so while he went to catch some fresh air, i managed to sneak in a cake order... and this was the surprise celebration at fish n co, courtesy of the good people.
then after the food, we decided to take dessert at max brenner's, where our dear birthday boy gave a wonderful demonstration of the different looks he has.
Mat-Emo "The Sensitive Guy"
Mat-Rugged "The Tough Man"
Mat-Rocker "The Punk"
Mat-Cool "Slick Casanova"
Mat-Nerd "The Nerd"
Cikgu Mentel "The Perverted Teacher"
well, suffice to say we enjoyed ourselves. Happy birthday Shaf!
Friday, July 25, 2008
healthy-errrr lifestyle
this is so in the making for the past few weeks.
in an attempt to try and begin a healthier life, me and almir have been trying our best to insert active activities into our non-active lives.
so we have been trying to go around in the weekends to have a more active life.
see how i am just using the word active over and over again.
although it hasnt been dutifully followed, the program has brought us to some nice places in singapore. as i download the photos from my camera, it is only now that i remember to talk about it.
henderson waves is part of the southern ridges of singapore, part of a nature conservation and community engagement plan with nature. it is a very very nice place, as you can see from the pictures to come.
it was a long walk to the top, and a bit more to the waves themselves. but i think its worth it. the night view is supposedly more spectacular.
the wave formations on the bridge that give the structure its name.
in an attempt to try and begin a healthier life, me and almir have been trying our best to insert active activities into our non-active lives.
so we have been trying to go around in the weekends to have a more active life.
see how i am just using the word active over and over again.
although it hasnt been dutifully followed, the program has brought us to some nice places in singapore. as i download the photos from my camera, it is only now that i remember to talk about it.
henderson waves is part of the southern ridges of singapore, part of a nature conservation and community engagement plan with nature. it is a very very nice place, as you can see from the pictures to come.
it was a long walk to the top, and a bit more to the waves themselves. but i think its worth it. the night view is supposedly more spectacular.
the wave formations on the bridge that give the structure its name.
quite a marvelous sight.
then as we continued our walk, almir decided that we should take the cable car from mt faber to sentosa and back to harbourfront. as it was all in the fun of it, we did. and here is the conversation that transpired between us as we were hanging 50m above the sea...
*urm...apparently the conversation is not for everyone's ears... so here's the aftermath of the ride instead*
glad to know that the whole trip was not wasted spiritually... HAHA.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
reservist call up
served my first real reservist in june.
and boy was i out of touch with what the army is.
after all i spent the good part of it in another world unknown to the army then.
i remembered ranting away because i was not very keen about having to go back, or even having to be associated with the army once again.
but hey, its every proud son of singapore's duty to serve, ain't it?
so i trudged and made my way back.
and when i came back, i was like... what?
it was a pleasant surprise.
the unit is great, the people were great.
and i am glad to know that i still got what it takes to shoot the butt off the range, all puns intended.
in fact i may even be looking forward to the next call up, ;)
and boy was i out of touch with what the army is.
after all i spent the good part of it in another world unknown to the army then.
i remembered ranting away because i was not very keen about having to go back, or even having to be associated with the army once again.
but hey, its every proud son of singapore's duty to serve, ain't it?
so i trudged and made my way back.
and when i came back, i was like... what?
it was a pleasant surprise.
the unit is great, the people were great.
and i am glad to know that i still got what it takes to shoot the butt off the range, all puns intended.
in fact i may even be looking forward to the next call up, ;)
hehe...
obviously i have been so caught up with my birthday that i have totally missed out blogging.
because it was my birthday i wanted to talk about.
and although my birthday is still technically being celebrated(some people still getting me gifts), i guess i should just move on already.
after all, i was the one who so gallantly said i did not want anything for my birthday.
haha.
and still caught up with it, after the first four sentences.
get a grip.
because it was my birthday i wanted to talk about.
and although my birthday is still technically being celebrated(some people still getting me gifts), i guess i should just move on already.
after all, i was the one who so gallantly said i did not want anything for my birthday.
haha.
and still caught up with it, after the first four sentences.
get a grip.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Stream of Life
Stream of Life
The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.
It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.
It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.
I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.
- from the Gintanjali of Rabindranath Tagore
The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.
It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.
It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.
I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.
- from the Gintanjali of Rabindranath Tagore
Thursday, June 19, 2008
birthday week updates
so my sister and brother-in-law were the first ones to gift me. Hugo Boss's newest fragrance for men: Hugo Pure.
then nura, yanni and azmi with these books: Moomin, a comic...which up till now i dunno whether it is about a cow or a hippo. and persepolis - critically acclaimed art film about sanctions and gender discrimination in iran.
then taufiq and azfar bought me a camera. the pentax optio m40. been wanting to get me a lens for the longest time.
and then almir bought me a levi's watch. black with red screen. just the way i like it.
abu and rezuan got me hush puppies white shoes. hehe. always wanted to look cool in white shoes, but never got the guts to go buy it. well, now some people bought it for me... so no excuse not to look cool.yups. so that's for now. birthday week ends on sunday. so let's see what else we can get, HAHAHAHA.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
pre-birthday celebrations
photos will hopefully come soon.
yanni and nura planned a lunch and karaoke session. and i had a ball of a time there with the girls and azmi and taufiq. we were also celebrating azmi's advance on 17 june. karaoked our butts off. i hope the video is not uploaded. haha.
then met afiq and chris for max brenner's. i finally got my max brenner's. and it was good good good good good good good...
hahaha...
then watched a short concert at the esplanande, and then took a leisurely ride home.
what's happening tomorrow?
i don't know!
yanni and nura planned a lunch and karaoke session. and i had a ball of a time there with the girls and azmi and taufiq. we were also celebrating azmi's advance on 17 june. karaoked our butts off. i hope the video is not uploaded. haha.
then met afiq and chris for max brenner's. i finally got my max brenner's. and it was good good good good good good good...
hahaha...
then watched a short concert at the esplanande, and then took a leisurely ride home.
what's happening tomorrow?
i don't know!
finally the updates 3
ok i do not have the pics yet. but in the period of may to early june, we observed and celebrated the matrimony of 4 happy newlyweds.
Ashraf and Yati on 25 May 2008.
Siddiq and Fazlinah on 31 May 2008.
Syahid and Renee on 1 June 2008.
Fareez and Murshidah on 8 June 2008.
I will update with pictures accordingly.
May Allah bless the couples and their unions as husband and wife, and may Allah give them a happy and long-lasting marriage and home, guided with faith and love always. Amin.
Ashraf and Yati on 25 May 2008.
Siddiq and Fazlinah on 31 May 2008.
Syahid and Renee on 1 June 2008.
Fareez and Murshidah on 8 June 2008.
I will update with pictures accordingly.
May Allah bless the couples and their unions as husband and wife, and may Allah give them a happy and long-lasting marriage and home, guided with faith and love always. Amin.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
finally the updates 2
something happened to a close friend, and it was a big thing.
and while initially i was out of the loop, i am thankful that this friend managed to recollect himself in time to prevent what could have possibly been a very very big mistake.
however, the whole incident did leave me angered and frustrated for a while, and at times it did seem that the friendship would end there. because i just could not take being treated with such nonchalance, and being taken for granted.
and that frustration was acted out, and other people also got the brunt of it.
and another close friend received a cold shoulder from me for it.
for my own lack of control and temperance, i caused others to suffer.
but luckily all that has passed, and we have somehow all made up.
i just want to bury it and let it pass.
not a very beautiful thing to remember, but important nonetheless.
and while initially i was out of the loop, i am thankful that this friend managed to recollect himself in time to prevent what could have possibly been a very very big mistake.
however, the whole incident did leave me angered and frustrated for a while, and at times it did seem that the friendship would end there. because i just could not take being treated with such nonchalance, and being taken for granted.
and that frustration was acted out, and other people also got the brunt of it.
and another close friend received a cold shoulder from me for it.
for my own lack of control and temperance, i caused others to suffer.
but luckily all that has passed, and we have somehow all made up.
i just want to bury it and let it pass.
not a very beautiful thing to remember, but important nonetheless.
finally the updates 1
ended the hoopoe's class close to the end of may.
and it dawned upon me how much i will miss having some form of spiritual engagement on tuesday nights. and that last day, i was actually tearing when i walked away from the place. i was wanting more. although the hoopoe had an upcoming class on fridays at al-falah, i unfortunately could not make it for that class.
i guess i will miss the intimacy of the class that the hoopoe had.
and the way he presented his lessons, which always seem to touch deeper.
and i will miss him as a teacher who is hip and up-to-date with the times, contemporary and moderate.
and of course that is that something more. few teachers are around whom you know you can speak to on different levels, and engage them on different levels. i regret not having gotten to know him better before this, and now that he is leaving for the US, i regret possibly not being able to get to know him better, until after he comes back.
but our paths takes us to all places, and we learn from everyone.
i just hope that our paths will cross again, and i will be able to receive guidance and light from him once again.
may Allah bless his endeavours and efforts in guiding us to the Path, and for being who he is.
and it dawned upon me how much i will miss having some form of spiritual engagement on tuesday nights. and that last day, i was actually tearing when i walked away from the place. i was wanting more. although the hoopoe had an upcoming class on fridays at al-falah, i unfortunately could not make it for that class.
i guess i will miss the intimacy of the class that the hoopoe had.
and the way he presented his lessons, which always seem to touch deeper.
and i will miss him as a teacher who is hip and up-to-date with the times, contemporary and moderate.
and of course that is that something more. few teachers are around whom you know you can speak to on different levels, and engage them on different levels. i regret not having gotten to know him better before this, and now that he is leaving for the US, i regret possibly not being able to get to know him better, until after he comes back.
but our paths takes us to all places, and we learn from everyone.
i just hope that our paths will cross again, and i will be able to receive guidance and light from him once again.
may Allah bless his endeavours and efforts in guiding us to the Path, and for being who he is.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
quiet weeks
but not so quiet heart.
actually a lot has happened in the past few weeks.
where do i start?
haha.
wherever it is convenient then.
will update on:
ending of the hoopoe's classes
fights and makeups
weddings
actually a lot has happened in the past few weeks.
where do i start?
haha.
wherever it is convenient then.
will update on:
ending of the hoopoe's classes
fights and makeups
weddings
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
the young ones
its been a good 14 years since my secondary school days.
but as they say, the bestest friends are made in those days.
these are the friends we begin to build strong relationships with, the ones with whom we go through the most testing of our pubescent years, and the ones with whom we fall in love with just by virtue of them being around the longest.
and how much we have changed since then.
and yet the friendship remains.
azfar is getting engaged soon, alhamdulillah.
zul is getting married not so long after.
fahmy and firdaus are getting hitched too, though news have not reached us.
haha... how we've grown.
*i've got tears in my eyes*
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
did something today
and i was reminded of what the hoopoe excerpted, about hatching out the helpless inside.
to be utterly and totally at His Mercy, and to feel utterly and totally without power.
all things happen for a reason. even what happened yesterday.
and i have to accept it and thank Him that it happened, because i was moved to do what i did.
and then He reminded me.
"Verily, my prayers, my worship, my life and my death are for God, Master of the Worlds. There is none equal to Him, and this I have been commanded, and I am of the believers."
accept from me, Allah, and forgive me.
to be utterly and totally at His Mercy, and to feel utterly and totally without power.
all things happen for a reason. even what happened yesterday.
and i have to accept it and thank Him that it happened, because i was moved to do what i did.
and then He reminded me.
"Verily, my prayers, my worship, my life and my death are for God, Master of the Worlds. There is none equal to Him, and this I have been commanded, and I am of the believers."
accept from me, Allah, and forgive me.
sleep it all away
bawled my eyes out.
but it was comforting.
feel much better... but just for good measure, will still abstain.
but it was comforting.
feel much better... but just for good measure, will still abstain.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
matter of fact
that even the best of people are flawed.
that even the best of friends can let you down.
that even the hardiest of souls can be worn out.
that everyone has the capacity to cause hurt.
that everyone has the capacity to feel hurt.
that everyone does either, at one time or the other.
that others are empathetic.
that others are apathetic.
that others are emotionally sensitive, or emotionally inept.
MALAS. MALAS. MALAS.
at this stage i want to cuss and swear, and cry my heart out.
that even the best of friends can let you down.
that even the hardiest of souls can be worn out.
that everyone has the capacity to cause hurt.
that everyone has the capacity to feel hurt.
that everyone does either, at one time or the other.
that others are empathetic.
that others are apathetic.
that others are emotionally sensitive, or emotionally inept.
MALAS. MALAS. MALAS.
at this stage i want to cuss and swear, and cry my heart out.
mess within
i think i need to be away for a while.
i feel more messed up than i have ever been for a long long time.
i feel more messed up than i have ever been for a long long time.
just been thinking
about the future.
how once everything seemed so near and clear.
and how suddenly now it seems just fuzzy and blur.
maybe it is just my fear, my lack of vision or plans to set things in gear.
or maybe it is just that i sense the currents swiftly flowing, and i have become unable to steer.
and everything, everyone, is moving away from here.
only the void is near.
how once everything seemed so near and clear.
and how suddenly now it seems just fuzzy and blur.
maybe it is just my fear, my lack of vision or plans to set things in gear.
or maybe it is just that i sense the currents swiftly flowing, and i have become unable to steer.
and everything, everyone, is moving away from here.
only the void is near.
relief
i was glad you told him.
in my humble opinion, of all people, he deserved to know.
although i don't understand why you decided to hide it before hand.
you guys went through so much together, worked so long and hard together.
so i really just feel that it was the right thing for you to do.
and i am glad you did it.
and i believe it was also a burden off your shoulders.
now you have someone to talk to about the whole thing, and wanting to prepare for it.
much better than before right?
in my humble opinion, of all people, he deserved to know.
although i don't understand why you decided to hide it before hand.
you guys went through so much together, worked so long and hard together.
so i really just feel that it was the right thing for you to do.
and i am glad you did it.
and i believe it was also a burden off your shoulders.
now you have someone to talk to about the whole thing, and wanting to prepare for it.
much better than before right?
arrogance
to be so is to set yourself as being above others.
fear that Allah brings you down and shames you before others because of your arrogance.
even the slightest words, and the slightest actions may be seen as arrogance.
and you will be taken to task for it.
i guess i was arrogant just now.
and i got the recompense quite immediately.
because i was shunned and hurt.
Allah forgive me, and free me from arrogance.
fear that Allah brings you down and shames you before others because of your arrogance.
even the slightest words, and the slightest actions may be seen as arrogance.
and you will be taken to task for it.
i guess i was arrogant just now.
and i got the recompense quite immediately.
because i was shunned and hurt.
Allah forgive me, and free me from arrogance.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
of the favours God granted, are we not thankful?
On Resurrection Day God will say,
“What did you do with the strength and energy your food gave you on earth?
How did you use your eyes?
What did you make with your five senses while they were dimming and playing out?
I gave you hands and feet as tools for preparing the ground for planting.
Did you, in the health I gave, do the plowing?”
You will not be able to stand when you hear those questions.
Youwill bend double, and finally acknowledge the glory.
God will say,
“Lift your head and answer the questions.”
Your head will rise a little, then slump again.
“Look at me! Tell what you’ve done.”
You try, but you fall back flat as a snake.
“I want every detail. Say!”
Eventually you will be able to get to a sitting position.
“Be plain and clear. I have given you such gifts. What did you do with them?”
You turn to the right looking to the prophets for help, as though to say, I am stuck in the mud of my life, Help me out of this!
They will answer, those kings,
“The time for helping is past. The plow stands there in the field. You should have used it.”
Then you turn to the left, where your family is, and they will say,
“Don’t look at us! This conversation is between you and your Creator.”
Then you pray the prayer that is the essence of every ritual:
God,
I have no hope. I am torn to shreds.
You are my first and last and only refuge.
Don’t do daily prayers like a bird pecking, moving its head up and down. Prayer is an egg.
Hatch out the total helpless inside.
The Soul of Rumi
excerpted from the hoopoe
“What did you do with the strength and energy your food gave you on earth?
How did you use your eyes?
What did you make with your five senses while they were dimming and playing out?
I gave you hands and feet as tools for preparing the ground for planting.
Did you, in the health I gave, do the plowing?”
You will not be able to stand when you hear those questions.
Youwill bend double, and finally acknowledge the glory.
God will say,
“Lift your head and answer the questions.”
Your head will rise a little, then slump again.
“Look at me! Tell what you’ve done.”
You try, but you fall back flat as a snake.
“I want every detail. Say!”
Eventually you will be able to get to a sitting position.
“Be plain and clear. I have given you such gifts. What did you do with them?”
You turn to the right looking to the prophets for help, as though to say, I am stuck in the mud of my life, Help me out of this!
They will answer, those kings,
“The time for helping is past. The plow stands there in the field. You should have used it.”
Then you turn to the left, where your family is, and they will say,
“Don’t look at us! This conversation is between you and your Creator.”
Then you pray the prayer that is the essence of every ritual:
God,
I have no hope. I am torn to shreds.
You are my first and last and only refuge.
Don’t do daily prayers like a bird pecking, moving its head up and down. Prayer is an egg.
Hatch out the total helpless inside.
The Soul of Rumi
excerpted from the hoopoe
Sunday, May 04, 2008
mabruk ustaz!!
our dear hoopoe will be undertaking a highly acclaimed program, and a well-deserved candidate he is. masya Allah, when i read the prospectus of the program, i was in awe. here is an excerpt of the program.
from wiki:
may Allah hasten his journey towards excellence, and reward him equitably with the efforts expended, and more, by His Generosity. And may Allah benefit us from his work.
mabruk, mabruk!
Insya Allah... Professor, Doctor, As-Shaykh, Ustaz, Haji... everything la!!
from wiki:
“The Fulbright Commission aims to bring a little more knowledge, a little more reason, and a little more compassion into world affairs and thereby increase the chance that nations will learn at last to live in peace and friendship.” - Senator J. William Fulbright
The Fulbright Program, including the Fulbright-Hays Program, is a program of grants for international educational exchange for scholars, educators, graduate students and professionals, founded by United States Senator J. William Fulbright. It is considered one of the most prestigious award programs and it operates in 144 countries. The Fulbright Program has 37 Nobel Prize Winners among its alumni, more than any other scholarship program of its kind.
The Fulbright Program, including the Fulbright-Hays Program, is a program of grants for international educational exchange for scholars, educators, graduate students and professionals, founded by United States Senator J. William Fulbright. It is considered one of the most prestigious award programs and it operates in 144 countries. The Fulbright Program has 37 Nobel Prize Winners among its alumni, more than any other scholarship program of its kind.
may Allah hasten his journey towards excellence, and reward him equitably with the efforts expended, and more, by His Generosity. And may Allah benefit us from his work.
mabruk, mabruk!
Insya Allah... Professor, Doctor, As-Shaykh, Ustaz, Haji... everything la!!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
saying my piece (peace) yet again
this is for you bro.
i think it is not fair to either of us that the whole incident happened.
so i am saying how i feel here. and however you choose to feel or regard me after reading this is entirely up to you. but i would have said my peace, and i won't ever want to bring it up again.
i have never been one to let go of an offence towards me that easily. it is not because i am an unforgiving person, or because i am petty, but it is because i am tired of people being emotionally inept, and not using their hearts to think about others some time in their lives. and i especially have a stronger expectation of my closer friends to understand me, and to be more aware of how they affect me emotionally. because if i take the effort to understand and be empathetic, there is no reason why you cannot take the same kind of effort.
you may think that this whole issue was a small matter blown up by me. but that is entirely your perception, and if you feel so, then so be it.
when it began:
i did not know what triggered off that first attack that night when you kicked my chair. totally and utterly uncalled for. and yes you apologised, but the way you apologised was also insincere like you were angry and were forced to do so by some unknown impulse. i took that act as disrespectful and hurtful, and the apology as a non-apology. yes we hugged after before we parted. but part of me was still there on the chair, kicked and abused.
before we parted:
you broached the 10-million dollar question: "any advice for me?" and you automatically expected me to know what is in your head? and give you a reply that would knock some sense into you? no, i am not a psychic, nor am i a saint to know what goes on in your heart and mind. you were arguing over the phone throughout the whole trip, and then you ask me for advice? what was i supposed to think of? the phone conversation naturally, no? but apparently you wanted to ask about another thing - which in my opinion, you do not have a right to ask about anymore, if you have moved on from the relationship, and frankly, i don't know whether you have. you chose not to tell me anything. you told another person. and you expected that person to tell me? is there no confidence among friends, that we would keep the secrets of the other? what sort of people do you think we are? that we would talk among each other about things which i would have much preferred to hear from yourself? again, disrespect to friends.
and then you disappeared for two weeks. i did try to get you to go out with me, the immediate monday after, so we could talk about whatever you wanted to talk about. you said you had to go out. fine. you knew my flexible hours through the week, but you did not call me back the whole of the week. no, the whole of two weeks. i just thought that you were busy with school, what being newly transferred and all that. i did not think much about it. but in fact, there was no news at all.
most recent contact:
you suddenly came online, asked about some trivial things, and then jumped that information on me. and frankly, i don't know how you expected me to react, because i did not know how to react. under normal circumstances, i would have been esctatic. but this time round, my happiness was overwhelmed by my sense of disappointment about how a friend had treated me so nonchalantly, so dismissingly. and then when i told you about how i truly felt, you just said that you were very very sorry, which i felt was very patronising because i am not a child who can be so easily soothed with sorry, and you moved on to talk about other trivialities. and it appeared to me that how i was feeling then was something that was merely trivial to you. how did i feel then after that? indignant.
yes. that entry was for you. but i could not bring myself to say it to you, because i still cared about whether you would feel hurt. you tell me to tell you if you had done anything to offend me, but are you sure that you would have been able to handle it? i don't want to beat you down the way you beat yourself down. but the last sms on the issue that i sent you - that i did not know how to feel towards you after what you told me, much less feel indignant - had to be told as it is. and i apparently hit you somewhere inside. and now you are missing again, leaving it not resolved.
i am saying my peace here, in this piece of writing, to let you know what i feel right now. and now that i have said it out, you can perhaps see for yourself if i am justified to feel indignant and angry. and if sorry is enough to cover up the wrong that i feel has been done towards me.
i have said what i wanted. and i will not say it again anymore because there is no point repeating it another time. and i have to write my feelings off because i have already made it known, so i cannot keep it inside anymore. so that means that i cannot feel angry already, so i won't. and if any of my words offend you, i apologise beforehand. but it will be as though this never happened, and if you choose to act indifferently, then by all means, it is a choice you make.
i cannot fault you for being unable to see from my point of view.
and i cannot and will not take you to task for that.
because i still have regard for you as a close friend, and i still respect you.
don't make me have to discard that respect for you, as how you may have unknowingly done towards me.
i think it is not fair to either of us that the whole incident happened.
so i am saying how i feel here. and however you choose to feel or regard me after reading this is entirely up to you. but i would have said my peace, and i won't ever want to bring it up again.
i have never been one to let go of an offence towards me that easily. it is not because i am an unforgiving person, or because i am petty, but it is because i am tired of people being emotionally inept, and not using their hearts to think about others some time in their lives. and i especially have a stronger expectation of my closer friends to understand me, and to be more aware of how they affect me emotionally. because if i take the effort to understand and be empathetic, there is no reason why you cannot take the same kind of effort.
you may think that this whole issue was a small matter blown up by me. but that is entirely your perception, and if you feel so, then so be it.
when it began:
i did not know what triggered off that first attack that night when you kicked my chair. totally and utterly uncalled for. and yes you apologised, but the way you apologised was also insincere like you were angry and were forced to do so by some unknown impulse. i took that act as disrespectful and hurtful, and the apology as a non-apology. yes we hugged after before we parted. but part of me was still there on the chair, kicked and abused.
before we parted:
you broached the 10-million dollar question: "any advice for me?" and you automatically expected me to know what is in your head? and give you a reply that would knock some sense into you? no, i am not a psychic, nor am i a saint to know what goes on in your heart and mind. you were arguing over the phone throughout the whole trip, and then you ask me for advice? what was i supposed to think of? the phone conversation naturally, no? but apparently you wanted to ask about another thing - which in my opinion, you do not have a right to ask about anymore, if you have moved on from the relationship, and frankly, i don't know whether you have. you chose not to tell me anything. you told another person. and you expected that person to tell me? is there no confidence among friends, that we would keep the secrets of the other? what sort of people do you think we are? that we would talk among each other about things which i would have much preferred to hear from yourself? again, disrespect to friends.
and then you disappeared for two weeks. i did try to get you to go out with me, the immediate monday after, so we could talk about whatever you wanted to talk about. you said you had to go out. fine. you knew my flexible hours through the week, but you did not call me back the whole of the week. no, the whole of two weeks. i just thought that you were busy with school, what being newly transferred and all that. i did not think much about it. but in fact, there was no news at all.
most recent contact:
you suddenly came online, asked about some trivial things, and then jumped that information on me. and frankly, i don't know how you expected me to react, because i did not know how to react. under normal circumstances, i would have been esctatic. but this time round, my happiness was overwhelmed by my sense of disappointment about how a friend had treated me so nonchalantly, so dismissingly. and then when i told you about how i truly felt, you just said that you were very very sorry, which i felt was very patronising because i am not a child who can be so easily soothed with sorry, and you moved on to talk about other trivialities. and it appeared to me that how i was feeling then was something that was merely trivial to you. how did i feel then after that? indignant.
yes. that entry was for you. but i could not bring myself to say it to you, because i still cared about whether you would feel hurt. you tell me to tell you if you had done anything to offend me, but are you sure that you would have been able to handle it? i don't want to beat you down the way you beat yourself down. but the last sms on the issue that i sent you - that i did not know how to feel towards you after what you told me, much less feel indignant - had to be told as it is. and i apparently hit you somewhere inside. and now you are missing again, leaving it not resolved.
i am saying my peace here, in this piece of writing, to let you know what i feel right now. and now that i have said it out, you can perhaps see for yourself if i am justified to feel indignant and angry. and if sorry is enough to cover up the wrong that i feel has been done towards me.
i have said what i wanted. and i will not say it again anymore because there is no point repeating it another time. and i have to write my feelings off because i have already made it known, so i cannot keep it inside anymore. so that means that i cannot feel angry already, so i won't. and if any of my words offend you, i apologise beforehand. but it will be as though this never happened, and if you choose to act indifferently, then by all means, it is a choice you make.
i cannot fault you for being unable to see from my point of view.
and i cannot and will not take you to task for that.
because i still have regard for you as a close friend, and i still respect you.
don't make me have to discard that respect for you, as how you may have unknowingly done towards me.
better prospects?
a flyer came in promoting teaching as a career.
and my mother asked me to take it up, quoting better prospects.
exactly what she implied by better prospects, i don't know.
but its getting very clear to me that she does not seem to think what i do is anything worthy.
she does not seem to think that my work is real work.
for whatever reasons.
and i am hurt by this attitude.
for many reasons too.
and i am sad that she only has this narrow view of what life should be like.
and i don't share the same view. unfortunately for the both of us.
i want her to be happy, but i don't want live on her terms only.
because its not fair to me. not after all i have done to get where i am.
life can get real crappy when you don't see eye to eye.
and my mother asked me to take it up, quoting better prospects.
exactly what she implied by better prospects, i don't know.
but its getting very clear to me that she does not seem to think what i do is anything worthy.
she does not seem to think that my work is real work.
for whatever reasons.
and i am hurt by this attitude.
for many reasons too.
and i am sad that she only has this narrow view of what life should be like.
and i don't share the same view. unfortunately for the both of us.
i want her to be happy, but i don't want live on her terms only.
because its not fair to me. not after all i have done to get where i am.
life can get real crappy when you don't see eye to eye.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
advice not solicited
just the words that i wanted to say but never did, because i could not find the right expressions for it.
asalkan jangan sampai perhubungan itu menjadi fitnah buat diri kamu. fitnah dari segi menjauhkan diri dari mengingati Allah, fitnah dari segi membebankan diri dengan hal yang tidak mampu ditanggung, fitnah dari segi menjadi buah mulut orang yang tidak manis, fitnah dari segi mencabar pegangan diri sendiri. dan bermacam-macam lagi fitnah.
mungkin nizar tak dapat beritahu secara berdepan muka.
tetapi nizar harap sampai pesanan ini kepada yang ditujukan.
"Ya Allah, kami bermohon perlindungan daripada azab Jahannam, dan azab kubur, fitnah dalam hidup ataupun mati, dan dari keburukan fitnah Dajjal."
asalkan jangan sampai perhubungan itu menjadi fitnah buat diri kamu. fitnah dari segi menjauhkan diri dari mengingati Allah, fitnah dari segi membebankan diri dengan hal yang tidak mampu ditanggung, fitnah dari segi menjadi buah mulut orang yang tidak manis, fitnah dari segi mencabar pegangan diri sendiri. dan bermacam-macam lagi fitnah.
mungkin nizar tak dapat beritahu secara berdepan muka.
tetapi nizar harap sampai pesanan ini kepada yang ditujukan.
"Ya Allah, kami bermohon perlindungan daripada azab Jahannam, dan azab kubur, fitnah dalam hidup ataupun mati, dan dari keburukan fitnah Dajjal."
humility in seeking knowledge
Sometimes we feel that we have gotten a certain amount of knowledge, and then we feel satisfied with ourselves. But the amount of our knowledge as compared to the vastness of His Oceans of Knowledge, is but that of a bird who dips his beak to drink, and the smallest of drops falls back - that is the quantity of knowledge that has been related by Moses and Khidr a.s. And those two are learned people, and prophets to boot. who are we?
3 instances to bring up.
Maqasid class, Ustaz asked:
"Do you know the hukum of a jemaah prayer?"
DI last week. A kid asked:
"Abang you know how to pray?"
And this morning, Ustaz commented:
"We are just students on the path of knowledge..."
It is a great blessing to have been started on this path.
But I got to remember to always see myself as incomplete and not knowledgeable enough still, so that I will continue to search.
Taqabbal minni Ya Rabb.
3 instances to bring up.
Maqasid class, Ustaz asked:
"Do you know the hukum of a jemaah prayer?"
DI last week. A kid asked:
"Abang you know how to pray?"
And this morning, Ustaz commented:
"We are just students on the path of knowledge..."
It is a great blessing to have been started on this path.
But I got to remember to always see myself as incomplete and not knowledgeable enough still, so that I will continue to search.
Taqabbal minni Ya Rabb.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
top 8 - seasons of love
five hundred twenty-five thousand
six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty-five thousand
journeys to plan
five hundred twenty-five thousand
six hundred minutes
how do you measure the life
of a woman or a man
in truth that she learns
or in times that he cried
in bridges he burned
or the way that she dies
its time now to sing out
tho the story never ends
lets celebrate
remember a year in the life of friends
remember the love
measure in love
seasons of love
carrie underwood - praying for time
And its hard to love,
Theres so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above
Say its much too late
Well maybe we should all be
Praying for time
annie lennox - many rivers
I`ve got many rivers to cross
But I can`t seem to find my way over
Wandering I am lost as I travel along
The white cliffs of dover
Many rivers to cross and it`s only my will
That keeps me alive
I`ve been licked, washed up for years and,
I merely survive because of my pride.
daughtry - what about now
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
recap of idol gives back
last thursday i stayed home to do some work, and at the same time, had the good fortune to catch Idol Gives Back, the american idol fundraising event. and some of the world issues raised up really touched me, and the celebrities going into impoverished areas around the globe to make their reports did make an impact.
each time there was a story, it made me cry - as it rightfully should.
in any case, it made for good realignment of perspectives as well as giving me insight into myself.
the process was cathartic to say the least.
and i loved the music that night. so i will be dedicating a few posts on the music i heard that really drove straight home to the heart.
each time there was a story, it made me cry - as it rightfully should.
in any case, it made for good realignment of perspectives as well as giving me insight into myself.
the process was cathartic to say the least.
and i loved the music that night. so i will be dedicating a few posts on the music i heard that really drove straight home to the heart.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
woes of a working man.
well. talk about the cost of education.
just about education.
letters came in my post today.
both from cpf.
saying about the education scheme thing, which basically means that since i have completed my education on account of my father's moolah, it is now time for me to pay back.
1 year in ntu - $5495.05
3 years in nyp - $6558.23
thats the amount that i will have to credit into my dad's account, with interest within the next 12 years. doesn't sound so bad when you look at it. but from a person who is earning peanuts, the amount works out to quite a significant amount per month, even at prevailing rates.
and lets not even go into wanting to pursue my degree which would cost me about $20000 more.
everything is about money.
i just want to go back to the books. and study for free.
sigh.
just about education.
letters came in my post today.
both from cpf.
saying about the education scheme thing, which basically means that since i have completed my education on account of my father's moolah, it is now time for me to pay back.
1 year in ntu - $5495.05
3 years in nyp - $6558.23
thats the amount that i will have to credit into my dad's account, with interest within the next 12 years. doesn't sound so bad when you look at it. but from a person who is earning peanuts, the amount works out to quite a significant amount per month, even at prevailing rates.
and lets not even go into wanting to pursue my degree which would cost me about $20000 more.
everything is about money.
i just want to go back to the books. and study for free.
sigh.
Monday, April 07, 2008
seeing through the hoopoe's eyes
i quote from his blog.
"At times, we think that we know it all. But we do not if we do not see the world. Travelling across God's land is also something which God encourages us to do - and by doing so, we begin to see the greatness of His Creation through the multitute of diversities in which He creates. Every step we take in a different land and place, every breath we breathe in this huge expanse of God's land, every person whom we meet in our lives who touched it or scratched it - all these experiences make us what we eventually are and mould us. The more we undertake such journeys, the richer we become. The more perspectives we learn, the more merciful and forgiving we become. The more experiences we go through, the faster we become what we are destined to be. The more we have of this, the more humane we become."
excellent words.
"At times, we think that we know it all. But we do not if we do not see the world. Travelling across God's land is also something which God encourages us to do - and by doing so, we begin to see the greatness of His Creation through the multitute of diversities in which He creates. Every step we take in a different land and place, every breath we breathe in this huge expanse of God's land, every person whom we meet in our lives who touched it or scratched it - all these experiences make us what we eventually are and mould us. The more we undertake such journeys, the richer we become. The more perspectives we learn, the more merciful and forgiving we become. The more experiences we go through, the faster we become what we are destined to be. The more we have of this, the more humane we become."
excellent words.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
angry..?
i wrote that to remind myself what i read last week.
that my anger avails no one but syaithan.
and my irritation serves to fuel my journey to somewhere i don't want to go.
so let it be clear. i am not angry.
cos to be absolutely fair, i have no reason to be.
but i have a choice to be indifferent and detached.
that my anger avails no one but syaithan.
and my irritation serves to fuel my journey to somewhere i don't want to go.
so let it be clear. i am not angry.
cos to be absolutely fair, i have no reason to be.
but i have a choice to be indifferent and detached.
al-ghadab
A man said to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), "Advise me."
The Prophet (pbuh) replied, "Do not become angry."
The Prophet (pbuh) replied, "Do not become angry."
Anger is the worst of all seventeen of the ruinous traits. It may easily be said that anger is the source from which the others flow.
When a person is overpowered by anger, it is akin to intoxication. His anger takes him far from his normal pattern of thinking, and he becomes unable to reason rationally. When one is in a state of anger, one loses the ability to listen to reason, follow good judgment or accept advise. That is why the Prophet (pbuh) said to his dear companion Abu Bakr Siddiq, "Anger is a form of disbelief."
Allah said, " Those who control their wrath and are forgiving towards mankind; God loveth the good." (Ali Imran:134)
Referring to the opposite of being angry, Allah mentions those who are able to control their anger. Moreover, Allah makes it clear that those who forgive the ones who make them angry, will be rewarded by Him. Any person who wants to eliminate anger, and is engaged in such a struggle, will receive these rewards.
You must burn down your anger, and keep it down, like a dog. If you restrain a dog in a very small room with food and water, he will bark and bark. But after one or two days, he will stop barking. The urge will die. Similarly, if you let your anger bark and bark, allowing it to rage in your heart, and appear in your features, or worse be expressed on your tongue, you will be ruined by its overwhelming strength. Yet if you begin to control your anger by keeping quiet, not allowing it to reach your tongue and not giving it control of your actions, anger will dissipate.
For that reason, the Prophet (pbuh) said, " If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent."
May Allah protect us from anger.
-abridged verson from the Sufi Science of Self-Realization.
When a person is overpowered by anger, it is akin to intoxication. His anger takes him far from his normal pattern of thinking, and he becomes unable to reason rationally. When one is in a state of anger, one loses the ability to listen to reason, follow good judgment or accept advise. That is why the Prophet (pbuh) said to his dear companion Abu Bakr Siddiq, "Anger is a form of disbelief."
Allah said, " Those who control their wrath and are forgiving towards mankind; God loveth the good." (Ali Imran:134)
Referring to the opposite of being angry, Allah mentions those who are able to control their anger. Moreover, Allah makes it clear that those who forgive the ones who make them angry, will be rewarded by Him. Any person who wants to eliminate anger, and is engaged in such a struggle, will receive these rewards.
You must burn down your anger, and keep it down, like a dog. If you restrain a dog in a very small room with food and water, he will bark and bark. But after one or two days, he will stop barking. The urge will die. Similarly, if you let your anger bark and bark, allowing it to rage in your heart, and appear in your features, or worse be expressed on your tongue, you will be ruined by its overwhelming strength. Yet if you begin to control your anger by keeping quiet, not allowing it to reach your tongue and not giving it control of your actions, anger will dissipate.
For that reason, the Prophet (pbuh) said, " If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent."
May Allah protect us from anger.
-abridged verson from the Sufi Science of Self-Realization.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
pearls before swine
my youngest bro loves to borrow those comics from the library.
and recently, he picked up an excellent title called "pearls before swine" by Stephen Pastis.
its just this whole menagerie of animals living in a suburb, and they all got their quirks. and i find the jokes really lame-but-funny. because the characters really bring it out. especially the ill-fated pig.
so here i have taken some selections for your enjoyment.
and recently, he picked up an excellent title called "pearls before swine" by Stephen Pastis.
its just this whole menagerie of animals living in a suburb, and they all got their quirks. and i find the jokes really lame-but-funny. because the characters really bring it out. especially the ill-fated pig.
so here i have taken some selections for your enjoyment.
Monday, March 31, 2008
ventilation
when i first heard about it, i was pleasantly surprised.
and i was thankful, that things seemed to be picking up.
then i heard it, and i was unfortunately irritated.
and even more so when i was just taken for granted.
i had many comments, but i will just let them float away from me because the more i want to say them, the darker my heart becomes. so i hope to not have to ever say it.
no thanks to anyone for making it this way.
and i was thankful, that things seemed to be picking up.
then i heard it, and i was unfortunately irritated.
and even more so when i was just taken for granted.
i had many comments, but i will just let them float away from me because the more i want to say them, the darker my heart becomes. so i hope to not have to ever say it.
no thanks to anyone for making it this way.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
congratulations!!
dear friends hafiz and khairiah tied the knot on friday night.thanks for letting me be a part of the affair!
here's wishing the newlyweds a blessed wedding, and life ahead as a couple.
barakallahu 'alaikuma wa barakallahu jam'a bainakuma!
here's wishing the newlyweds a blessed wedding, and life ahead as a couple.
barakallahu 'alaikuma wa barakallahu jam'a bainakuma!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
can't hold on
Someone cries and it washes the street with tears
But when they are mine, they collect in my head for years
Rain or shine, still I'm standing on all I said
'Cause it's in my soul, carry on when the feeling's dead
But if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through
Someone dies late at night and I never know
And even if I did, so afraid of the face I'd show
I feel trapped and enslaved to this dark contrast
Need a feeling now, give me something that's going to last
I want to be free
You say you want to be free
But you can't fool me
Oh, and if you can't hold on
I'll be there, I'll be there
Oh, and if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there so you know that you're not alone
But when they are mine, they collect in my head for years
Rain or shine, still I'm standing on all I said
'Cause it's in my soul, carry on when the feeling's dead
But if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through
Someone dies late at night and I never know
And even if I did, so afraid of the face I'd show
I feel trapped and enslaved to this dark contrast
Need a feeling now, give me something that's going to last
I want to be free
You say you want to be free
But you can't fool me
Oh, and if you can't hold on
I'll be there, I'll be there
Oh, and if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there so you know that you're not alone
Melee - Can't Hold On
loneliness in perspective
Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly
let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few human or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
has made my eyes so soft
my voice so tender
my need of God
absolutely clear.
- Hafiz
quoted from the hoopoe. i feel very deeply for these words.
let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few human or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
has made my eyes so soft
my voice so tender
my need of God
absolutely clear.
- Hafiz
quoted from the hoopoe. i feel very deeply for these words.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
when the rose is gone
When the rose is gone and the garden faded
you will no longer hear the nightingale's song.
The Beloved is all; the lover just a veil.
The Beloved is living; the lover a dead thing.
If love withholds its strengthening care,
the lover is left like a bird without care,
the lover is left like a bird without wings.
How will I be awake and aware
if the light of the Beloved is absent?
Love wills that this Word be brought forth...
Mathnawi - Rumi
you will no longer hear the nightingale's song.
The Beloved is all; the lover just a veil.
The Beloved is living; the lover a dead thing.
If love withholds its strengthening care,
the lover is left like a bird without care,
the lover is left like a bird without wings.
How will I be awake and aware
if the light of the Beloved is absent?
Love wills that this Word be brought forth...
Mathnawi - Rumi
Friday, March 21, 2008
you gotta love her.
i tell you, there is this character in Horton Hears A Who that is so freakily adorable.
her name is Katie, and we don't really know what she is.
but here is a clip.
"In my world, everyone's a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies." *smiles* *aaaaaaahhhhh*
She is either mildly retarded, or has some form of attention deficit disorder.
Or she is a genius.
Cos she flies.
her name is Katie, and we don't really know what she is.
but here is a clip.
"In my world, everyone's a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies." *smiles* *aaaaaaahhhhh*
She is either mildly retarded, or has some form of attention deficit disorder.
Or she is a genius.
Cos she flies.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
had a visitor.
haha.
thanks for dropping by, you know who you are.
but no, i am not always sad, though i do carry remnants of it around sometimes.
people have said that sometimes i seem to be infinitely melancholic.
and to me, the sadness serves to remind me.
of many things.
and most importantly, of Him.
my internal reflections are here as you read them.
things i cannot say, things i prefer not to say, things that should not be said.
and maybe because i am so happy externally, and to the point of being high, i need to tip the balance the other way sometimes. hence, the morose and sombreness here.
but that's me.
:)
thanks for dropping by, you know who you are.
but no, i am not always sad, though i do carry remnants of it around sometimes.
people have said that sometimes i seem to be infinitely melancholic.
and to me, the sadness serves to remind me.
of many things.
and most importantly, of Him.
my internal reflections are here as you read them.
things i cannot say, things i prefer not to say, things that should not be said.
and maybe because i am so happy externally, and to the point of being high, i need to tip the balance the other way sometimes. hence, the morose and sombreness here.
but that's me.
:)
Sunday, March 16, 2008
how He reminds us.
of how transient this life is.
and how fleeting each moment becomes.
and how close we are to the end, without us realising it ourselves.
"By Time that is created,
Verily Man is in clear loss;
Except those who believe, and those who do good,
And those who call others to the way of the Truth, and to the way of patience."
Al-Asr:1-3
and how fleeting each moment becomes.
and how close we are to the end, without us realising it ourselves.
"By Time that is created,
Verily Man is in clear loss;
Except those who believe, and those who do good,
And those who call others to the way of the Truth, and to the way of patience."
Al-Asr:1-3
obituary
A dear friend's mother passed on tonight.
For those who know Rita Zamzamah,
her mother Hajjah Zabidah Binte Hussein, has just passed away.
Rita asks for your sincere prayers for her mother, and for her family.
May Allah place her soul among those whom He is Well-Pleased with.
Al-Fatihah.
For those who know Rita Zamzamah,
her mother Hajjah Zabidah Binte Hussein, has just passed away.
Rita asks for your sincere prayers for her mother, and for her family.
May Allah place her soul among those whom He is Well-Pleased with.
Al-Fatihah.
Friday, March 14, 2008
what is unsaid
she stood at the door... and looked at me.
i asked her how she was, and all she managed to whisper was...
"I'm very very sad."
what she must be going through. Oh Allah, what she must be going through.
and all i can do is to hold her, and comfort her in whatever little way i can.
Allah forgive us, if we appear weak in the face of Your trials upon us. But strengthen us with patience and faith, and accept us among those You Favor for being patient and thankful.
i asked her how she was, and all she managed to whisper was...
"I'm very very sad."
what she must be going through. Oh Allah, what she must be going through.
and all i can do is to hold her, and comfort her in whatever little way i can.
Allah forgive us, if we appear weak in the face of Your trials upon us. But strengthen us with patience and faith, and accept us among those You Favor for being patient and thankful.
there has to be a reason...
why my slippers broke on me today after prayers...
why i scratched my arm against the gate today...
why my food order was misinterpreted by the waiter...
why cik brahim was not around and i had to stay downstairs...
and though i am not wise enough to perhaps see the reasons, i have faith that there are reasons.
and why she had to go through it, i believe, there is a reason as well.
whether we are entitled to understand that reason is yet to be seen.
Allah Does as He Wills.
There are times when the reasons are evident.
And there are also times when it is best to conceal the reason till His servants are more able to comprehend.
No matter what, it is important to have faith that whatever happens, the good and the bad, only serve to make us better people with stronger character. And again, these tests Allah Gives, are not without their rewards. Perhaps that is one way we can comfort ourselves.
Whatever it is, she is not alone.
So have hope. have heart. and heal.
why i scratched my arm against the gate today...
why my food order was misinterpreted by the waiter...
why cik brahim was not around and i had to stay downstairs...
and though i am not wise enough to perhaps see the reasons, i have faith that there are reasons.
and why she had to go through it, i believe, there is a reason as well.
whether we are entitled to understand that reason is yet to be seen.
Allah Does as He Wills.
There are times when the reasons are evident.
And there are also times when it is best to conceal the reason till His servants are more able to comprehend.
No matter what, it is important to have faith that whatever happens, the good and the bad, only serve to make us better people with stronger character. And again, these tests Allah Gives, are not without their rewards. Perhaps that is one way we can comfort ourselves.
Whatever it is, she is not alone.
So have hope. have heart. and heal.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Oh Gentle One, be gentle with us...
"she refused to open her eyes, as they pushed her out of the fateful room...
but yet her tears flowed continuously, the tears of a broken would-be mother, for her child who will never be."
the news of a pregnancy is always something that lifts the heart of the family. and for newlyweds, it is news of a thousand significance. unless one is a parent himself, one can only imagine the joy that parents get when told of the coming of a newborn. it is the next definite step and milestone to a marriage, to the building upon of the family institution. and it is the truest indication of a future.
so i can only imagine what went through her mind.
and yet, at the same time, i don't want to imagine it.
Allah, give her strength.
And the only prayer i have for her, "Oh Gentle One, be gentle with us..."
but yet her tears flowed continuously, the tears of a broken would-be mother, for her child who will never be."
the news of a pregnancy is always something that lifts the heart of the family. and for newlyweds, it is news of a thousand significance. unless one is a parent himself, one can only imagine the joy that parents get when told of the coming of a newborn. it is the next definite step and milestone to a marriage, to the building upon of the family institution. and it is the truest indication of a future.
so i can only imagine what went through her mind.
and yet, at the same time, i don't want to imagine it.
Allah, give her strength.
And the only prayer i have for her, "Oh Gentle One, be gentle with us..."
Thursday, March 06, 2008
now i know
he was still sulking.
but when he needed to ask questions, he would come to me.
by the end of the lesson, he was ok.
i guess kids will be kids.
they cannot take as well as they can give... sarcasm and teasing, what not.
but it was a reminder for me to watch out for my words and conduct towards them.
after all, they are a special lot, deserving special treatment.
sigh.
but when he needed to ask questions, he would come to me.
by the end of the lesson, he was ok.
i guess kids will be kids.
they cannot take as well as they can give... sarcasm and teasing, what not.
but it was a reminder for me to watch out for my words and conduct towards them.
after all, they are a special lot, deserving special treatment.
sigh.
Monday, March 03, 2008
what did i do now
turned away by a child.
and i seriously dunno what i did wrong.
and he refused to say anything.
forgive me if i had transgressed, for i know not.
and i seriously dunno what i did wrong.
and he refused to say anything.
forgive me if i had transgressed, for i know not.
on the way.
but i am still a long ways off from being the person i envision myself to be.
a long long way.
events these week have hurt me, and i have taken offence.
parents, relatives, friends.
when i shouldn't. because i want to be the bigger person.
but its not easy.
shaf said to just let it go.
i want to.
in time, it will become easier.
a long long way.
events these week have hurt me, and i have taken offence.
parents, relatives, friends.
when i shouldn't. because i want to be the bigger person.
but its not easy.
shaf said to just let it go.
i want to.
in time, it will become easier.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
some moments of contemplation
just watched this very interesting documentary on central called cosmic time, where the origin of the universe and the whole concept of time was debated and presented in a truly enlightening fashion. well to cut the long story short, let me just highlight two points that scientists are saying.
1) time is not really eternal, it had a beginning, and will come to an end.
2) stars lose their light and die off after they become supernovas... and then become black holes.
2) the universe as we know it, is not really slowing down at all, and in fact, all parts of it are moving away faster and faster from each other. the big crunch that was purported before this, well, will most likely not happen. rather, it will be a big stretch - all particles will move apart from each other and be broken down.
my take from the documentary serves to reinforce some things in the Muslims' belief system.
1) Time is a concept which is created. Not even time is eternal, and only He Who Created is Eternal. And He is therefore the only One worthy of worship.
2) Everything will come to naught and will be destroyed at the end of time.
For the Muslims, here are the verses which foretells of these scientific findings, which people are only beginning to realise.
Surah Ar-Rahman 55:26-28
26. Whatsoever is on it (the earth) will perish.
27. And the Face of your Lord full of Majesty and Honour will abide forever.
28. Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinns and men) deny?
Surah Al-Waqiah 56:5-6
5. And the mountains will be powdered to dust.
6. So that they will become floating dust particles.
Surah At-Takwir 81:1-2
1. When the sun wound round and lost its light and is overthrown.
2. And when the stars shall fall.
Surah Al-Infitaar 82:1-5
1. When the heaven is cleft asunder.
2. And when the stars have fallen and scattered;
3. And when the seas are burst forth;
4. And when the graves are turned upside down (and they bring out their contents)
5. (Then) a person will know what he has sent forward and (what he has) left behind (of good or bad deeds).
Surah Al-Inshiqaaq 84:1-6
1. When the heaven is split asunder,
2. And listens and obeys its Lord, and it must do so;
3. And when the earth is stretched forth,
4. And has cast out all that was in it and became empty,
5. And listens and obeys its Lord, and it must do so;
6. O man! Verily, you are returning towards your Lord with your deeds and actions (good or bad), a sure returning, so you will meet (i.e. the results of your deeds which you did).
masya Allah.
1) time is not really eternal, it had a beginning, and will come to an end.
2) stars lose their light and die off after they become supernovas... and then become black holes.
2) the universe as we know it, is not really slowing down at all, and in fact, all parts of it are moving away faster and faster from each other. the big crunch that was purported before this, well, will most likely not happen. rather, it will be a big stretch - all particles will move apart from each other and be broken down.
my take from the documentary serves to reinforce some things in the Muslims' belief system.
1) Time is a concept which is created. Not even time is eternal, and only He Who Created is Eternal. And He is therefore the only One worthy of worship.
2) Everything will come to naught and will be destroyed at the end of time.
For the Muslims, here are the verses which foretells of these scientific findings, which people are only beginning to realise.
Surah Ar-Rahman 55:26-28
26. Whatsoever is on it (the earth) will perish.
27. And the Face of your Lord full of Majesty and Honour will abide forever.
28. Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinns and men) deny?
Surah Al-Waqiah 56:5-6
5. And the mountains will be powdered to dust.
6. So that they will become floating dust particles.
Surah At-Takwir 81:1-2
1. When the sun wound round and lost its light and is overthrown.
2. And when the stars shall fall.
Surah Al-Infitaar 82:1-5
1. When the heaven is cleft asunder.
2. And when the stars have fallen and scattered;
3. And when the seas are burst forth;
4. And when the graves are turned upside down (and they bring out their contents)
5. (Then) a person will know what he has sent forward and (what he has) left behind (of good or bad deeds).
Surah Al-Inshiqaaq 84:1-6
1. When the heaven is split asunder,
2. And listens and obeys its Lord, and it must do so;
3. And when the earth is stretched forth,
4. And has cast out all that was in it and became empty,
5. And listens and obeys its Lord, and it must do so;
6. O man! Verily, you are returning towards your Lord with your deeds and actions (good or bad), a sure returning, so you will meet (i.e. the results of your deeds which you did).
masya Allah.
Monday, February 25, 2008
alangkah malangnya
alangkah malangnya orang yang diberi ilmu tetapi tidak memanfaatkannya.
alangkah malangnya orang yang mengajar ilmu tetapi tidak menjalankannya.
alangkah malangnya orang yang tahu betapa dekatnya maut tetapi tidak bersedia untuknya.
Ya Allah, selamatkanlah diriku yang dhaif ini. and perbaikilah diriku menuju kepadaMu.
alangkah malangnya orang yang mengajar ilmu tetapi tidak menjalankannya.
alangkah malangnya orang yang tahu betapa dekatnya maut tetapi tidak bersedia untuknya.
Ya Allah, selamatkanlah diriku yang dhaif ini. and perbaikilah diriku menuju kepadaMu.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
my beloved grandma
Almarhumah Hajjah Rapiar Binte Rahim Khan Suratteemoga Allah sentiasa mencucuri rahmat ke atas dirinya.
nizar sayang nani.
Al-Fatihah.
Ad-Deen, Sahl!
i may have spoken with less finesse than i expected.
yesterday before class started, i was discussing with some friends about an issue.
and when i gave my opinion on it, one of them said that if i gave an answer like that, then what was the point of coming to class.
looking back, yes, perhaps i should have not added my opinion.
but i did not speak from loftiness.
in fact i thought i spoke because of being grounded.
and this was what i said:
the crux of the matter is, the merits of certain rituals/practices/actions (fadhailul amal) is as an encouragement for the individual to pursue the best way, according to recommendations. at the end of the day, the process of your trying to pursue a best course of action will be judged by none other than Allah, who knows your intentions truly. and by this belief, provided your intentions are true, Allah will reward you with what is promised, and perhaps more - for such is His Generosity.
and i explain it here (though perhaps my mistake was in not explaining it then...):
So while the basis of us seeking knowledge on a certain matter is good, it is not necessarily deemed so, if the point of you seeking knowledge is to set yourself aside from the majority, and to create disagreement by what knowledge you bring, especially if it is not really something which is deemed absolutely important.
case in point - to jama' qasr vs to do a normal jemaah, while on a journey. on one hand, to jama' qasr is a convenience given by Allah to those travelling on a journey, and some scholars consider that it is better to take from what Allah has given to us as a convenience. on the other hand, other scholars feel that it is better to pray the jemaah with the people of the land, because the merits of a jemaah is more encouraged. so the question that was being parlayed was about which side had more merit. And in fact there is no clear resolution to it, because both sides represent accepted opinions of scholars.
what i would say is that if it were more convenient for you to do the jama' qasr, and there does not seem to be a jemaah around, then do it. and if there is a jemaah around, then just join it. it is not that you are being fickle, but it is about what is best fit for you at the time and situation that you find yourself in. and in all instances, dedicate that action to Allah, and let Him be the Judge. the issue of the merit of the action is not even a consideration for me, because it is pointless to think about the merits of it, because all judgement is by Allah. thinking about the merits of it, to me, somehow diminishes the sincerity of what you are doing. what is more important is the sincerity in your carrying out of your worship (ihsan and ikhlas).
maybe as students, we ask. and that is right, as we want to upgrade ourselves.
but as practicing muslims, we should also consider that islam is never burdenful upon us.
the religion is simple.
why do we make it difficult by picking on small issues?
yesterday before class started, i was discussing with some friends about an issue.
and when i gave my opinion on it, one of them said that if i gave an answer like that, then what was the point of coming to class.
looking back, yes, perhaps i should have not added my opinion.
but i did not speak from loftiness.
in fact i thought i spoke because of being grounded.
and this was what i said:
the crux of the matter is, the merits of certain rituals/practices/actions (fadhailul amal) is as an encouragement for the individual to pursue the best way, according to recommendations. at the end of the day, the process of your trying to pursue a best course of action will be judged by none other than Allah, who knows your intentions truly. and by this belief, provided your intentions are true, Allah will reward you with what is promised, and perhaps more - for such is His Generosity.
and i explain it here (though perhaps my mistake was in not explaining it then...):
So while the basis of us seeking knowledge on a certain matter is good, it is not necessarily deemed so, if the point of you seeking knowledge is to set yourself aside from the majority, and to create disagreement by what knowledge you bring, especially if it is not really something which is deemed absolutely important.
case in point - to jama' qasr vs to do a normal jemaah, while on a journey. on one hand, to jama' qasr is a convenience given by Allah to those travelling on a journey, and some scholars consider that it is better to take from what Allah has given to us as a convenience. on the other hand, other scholars feel that it is better to pray the jemaah with the people of the land, because the merits of a jemaah is more encouraged. so the question that was being parlayed was about which side had more merit. And in fact there is no clear resolution to it, because both sides represent accepted opinions of scholars.
what i would say is that if it were more convenient for you to do the jama' qasr, and there does not seem to be a jemaah around, then do it. and if there is a jemaah around, then just join it. it is not that you are being fickle, but it is about what is best fit for you at the time and situation that you find yourself in. and in all instances, dedicate that action to Allah, and let Him be the Judge. the issue of the merit of the action is not even a consideration for me, because it is pointless to think about the merits of it, because all judgement is by Allah. thinking about the merits of it, to me, somehow diminishes the sincerity of what you are doing. what is more important is the sincerity in your carrying out of your worship (ihsan and ikhlas).
maybe as students, we ask. and that is right, as we want to upgrade ourselves.
but as practicing muslims, we should also consider that islam is never burdenful upon us.
the religion is simple.
why do we make it difficult by picking on small issues?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
the good and the bad
the bad first.
maybe i have talked too much.
but i hope that i am forgiven on both sides for my speech... because i intended good for it. not harm.
and i hope good comes out of it, not distrust and betrayal.
the good.
may all the actions that are taken lead to a good end.
and may all the efforts expended reach the intended aims.
i am proud too.
and you all should be.
"Whatever of good reaches you is from Allah and whatever of evil befalls you is from yourself."
An-Nisa:79
how true.
maybe i have talked too much.
but i hope that i am forgiven on both sides for my speech... because i intended good for it. not harm.
and i hope good comes out of it, not distrust and betrayal.
the good.
may all the actions that are taken lead to a good end.
and may all the efforts expended reach the intended aims.
i am proud too.
and you all should be.
"Whatever of good reaches you is from Allah and whatever of evil befalls you is from yourself."
An-Nisa:79
how true.
Asma'ul Husna
"The Most Beautiful Names belong to Allah: so call upon Him by them..."
Al-A'raf: 180
I especially love the last prayers...
"Oh Most Compassionate, have compassion upon our weaknesses...
Oh Forgiver, forgive our sins...
Oh Concealer, conceal our faults...
Oh Bestower of Honour, honour our Ummah...
Oh Granter of prayers, answer our prayers...
Oh Gentle One, be gentle with us..."
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
thankful
Mu`awiyah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah said, "When Allah wishes good for someone, He bestows upon him the understanding of Deen.''
i can only express my thanks to Allah for allowing me the opportunities that i have been given to partake of the Sacred Knowledge.
Oh Allah!
Verily You have given me great blessings with the gift of a sound mind and intact faculties with which i can appreciate the sciences of the Ulumuddin.
Oh Allah!
Let me be among those who benefit from and give benefit to others from the knowledge You have Bestowed.
Oh Allah!
Forgive me by the knowledge that You have Given me, and save me from Your fire.
Oh Allah!
Let me not be among those who disdain and trivialise Your Favours upon us, for without Your Mercy, i will surely perish.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
doing the right thing
haiz. did i do the right thing?
sometimes the truth hurts, and sometimes you don't want to hear some things from people.
but i sincerely felt that i needed to say it. because i don't want you to stay that way.
in any case, i apologise if you feel that i was not empathetic.
that i am just one more of those people who do not understand the way you feel.
if you are upset with me, its ok.
but don't be sad for yourself, please.
Allah forgive me, if i have transgressed.
sometimes the truth hurts, and sometimes you don't want to hear some things from people.
but i sincerely felt that i needed to say it. because i don't want you to stay that way.
in any case, i apologise if you feel that i was not empathetic.
that i am just one more of those people who do not understand the way you feel.
if you are upset with me, its ok.
but don't be sad for yourself, please.
Allah forgive me, if i have transgressed.
a land called paradise
taken from faiezah's blog. its a beautiful, simple video on how we Muslims are just human after all.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
lesson in song
Desir pasir di padang tandus
Segersang pemikiran hati
Terkisah ku di antara cinta yang rumit
Bila keyakinanku datang
Kasih bukan sekadar cinta
Pengorbanan cinta yang agung
Ku pertaruhkan
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayat cinta bercerita
Cintaku padamu
Bila bahagia mulai menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus ku tinggalkan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud
Rossa - Ayat-ayat Cinta
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Saturday, February 02, 2008
ayat-ayat cinta (proses of love)
am being superficial here. this is a story about a man who is torn between 4 people. premise of the story is supposed to be touching. hope to be able to catch it. want to read the book first. see the trailer, and you know what i mean.
i hope things turn out
because believe me, i have been trying.
but sometimes the only thing that can make it right is yourself.
so you got to have faith. that things are going to change for the better.
despite how they may look now.
and when you think you got no one else to turn to, turn to yourself to pick yourself up.
and please don't stay sad.
but sometimes the only thing that can make it right is yourself.
so you got to have faith. that things are going to change for the better.
despite how they may look now.
and when you think you got no one else to turn to, turn to yourself to pick yourself up.
and please don't stay sad.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
promised an update on the KL trip.
taufiq and zul were my trip buddies by the way.
dr taufiq to the left, and perfusionist zul to the right. and since it was truly geared towards us eating our hearts out... here's the itinerary we followed over there.
day one lunch: carl jr's. massive burgers. and free top ups. and we each stupidly got a drink. when we could have just shared.
day one dinner: ichiban boshi japanese restaurant. food wasn't that fantastic. but its the experience, neh?
day two lunch: tony roma's. ribs. ribs. RIBSSSSS!!! fantastico!
day two dinner: gaucho's grill. highlight was the espada de gaucho. everything on a sword.
day two supper: kedai mama. can't miss traditional roadside food, can we?
day three lunch: outback steak house. too much meat the past few days, so we decided to share one main course, to the horror of the waiter. he actually asked, "you from singapore?" Dunno what that implied.
day three tea: subway. the sandwich we can't have here.
so there you go, our food extravaganza in KL.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
like it or not
again this topic comes up.
yesterday i was quite hurt when someone made a negative response to my overt expression of affection. and it wasn't as if i was excessively showering my love. i just made two statements comprising two words each.
when we were there, i understand if i stepped over your comfortable limits. and i apologised already. but its apparent that you still carry it today. at least that is how i see it. and i am even more saddened because it was really just innocent bantering. and i don't know if what you did was all an act then. 'cos it feels hypocritical to me. when you need me, you cajole me, and coddle me.
else i am just trash.
here i am, having to deal with my feelings, because you cannot retract what you said.
i feel diminished. but at the same time, i refuse to deny caring for you.
i long for the day when i will be emotionally independent, not having to rely on you or anyone else for that matter, to have that sense of self-worth and feel valued. but i will not do so without being able to love freely and truly.
so whether you like me or not for that, if you will not spare a thought for how i feel, at least respect the love that i have.
yesterday i was quite hurt when someone made a negative response to my overt expression of affection. and it wasn't as if i was excessively showering my love. i just made two statements comprising two words each.
when we were there, i understand if i stepped over your comfortable limits. and i apologised already. but its apparent that you still carry it today. at least that is how i see it. and i am even more saddened because it was really just innocent bantering. and i don't know if what you did was all an act then. 'cos it feels hypocritical to me. when you need me, you cajole me, and coddle me.
else i am just trash.
here i am, having to deal with my feelings, because you cannot retract what you said.
i feel diminished. but at the same time, i refuse to deny caring for you.
i long for the day when i will be emotionally independent, not having to rely on you or anyone else for that matter, to have that sense of self-worth and feel valued. but i will not do so without being able to love freely and truly.
so whether you like me or not for that, if you will not spare a thought for how i feel, at least respect the love that i have.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
on love...
Love is patient and kind, it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited,
it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offence, nor is it resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth;
it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.
Love does not come to an end.
There are three things that last, faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
coffee prince
"i'll say this, and i'll say this only once. i like you. let's see how far we can go."
blardy sweet ah.
blardy sweet ah.
further treatises on friendship
retrospect of what you said to me.
On the other side, "a believer is the mirror of his brother" (Abu Daud), and if he sees any faults in the other believer, he draws his attention to it, helps him to give it up and helps him wipe away any evil that he may have. Ibn Hazm said: "Anyone who criticises you cares about your friendship. Anyone who makes light of your faults cares nothing about you."
so keep doing what you do.
because if you do not, i may just fall into my own pitfalls.
and thank you.
On the other side, "a believer is the mirror of his brother" (Abu Daud), and if he sees any faults in the other believer, he draws his attention to it, helps him to give it up and helps him wipe away any evil that he may have. Ibn Hazm said: "Anyone who criticises you cares about your friendship. Anyone who makes light of your faults cares nothing about you."
so keep doing what you do.
because if you do not, i may just fall into my own pitfalls.
and thank you.
Friday, January 18, 2008
haiku
Infinite Sadness,
Bittersweet thoughts of times past.
Together we cry.
from Gratification through Sadness.
had a great 10 minutes conversing in haikus.
not easy.
but here's what transpired.
morning conversation among two haiku-ers.
good morning people, i am messy and smelly, let me shower now.
for sure you do stink, so off to the bathroom stall, with body foam.
do not worry for, i will do so now surely, no more dried up drool
that is of course good, spit on the face is not cool, you look like a fool
wow my friend is good! he has included end rhymes, and called me a fool!
second to none - him, rhyming master of the world, truly a fool - you.
cliche he is though, second to none he maybe, but first of egos - true.
stunned to silence, poor girl naive, innocent, will she be alright?
alas she must go, the sun rise brings a new day, dreams will start anew.
so goodbye dear friend, may the new day bring success, sweet dreams the night 'ere...
alamak i cannot think anymore...
HAHAHA!!!
kenapa?
disappointed today.
blf xlfow szev qfhg glow nv gszg blf dviv hgroo xlnrmt wldm. gsvm r dlfow szev dzrgvw. yfg blf qfhg ovug vevibgsrmt szmtrmt rm gsv zri. hl gszg'h dsb r ovug. ivzoob blf pmld. szra, r zn wrhzkklrmgvw, yfg r droo lmob yv wrhzkklrmgvw uli mlgsrmt... bvg ztzrm.
blf xlfow szev qfhg glow nv gszg blf dviv hgroo xlnrmt wldm. gsvm r dlfow szev dzrgvw. yfg blf qfhg ovug vevibgsrmt szmtrmt rm gsv zri. hl gszg'h dsb r ovug. ivzoob blf pmld. szra, r zn wrhzkklrmgvw, yfg r droo lmob yv wrhzkklrmgvw uli mlgsrmt... bvg ztzrm.
Monday, January 14, 2008
sabbatical
i am taking a short break to KL.
they tell me to have fun and rest.
will try.
pray that my trip goes smoothly.
catch up with everyone when i get back, insya Allah.
they tell me to have fun and rest.
will try.
pray that my trip goes smoothly.
catch up with everyone when i get back, insya Allah.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
nani
my grandma's not doing too well.
friends, please pray for her health.
update:
apparently, grandma suffered from transient ischaemic attacks since 2006. none of which we picked up. for the uninitiated, that's minor strokes which went undetected.
there was a more significant insult to the brain this morning, resulting in two seizures. the cause of the seizures cannot be properly assessed due to my grandma's weak state and unstable condition, we suspect a variety of causes - a lung infection which spread to the brain, abnormal blood composition due to poor nutrition and ventilation, and MRSA.
however, one effect of it was clear.
grandma is unable to speak now.
frankly speaking, i really feel helpless.
utterly so.
friends, please pray for her health.
update:
apparently, grandma suffered from transient ischaemic attacks since 2006. none of which we picked up. for the uninitiated, that's minor strokes which went undetected.
there was a more significant insult to the brain this morning, resulting in two seizures. the cause of the seizures cannot be properly assessed due to my grandma's weak state and unstable condition, we suspect a variety of causes - a lung infection which spread to the brain, abnormal blood composition due to poor nutrition and ventilation, and MRSA.
however, one effect of it was clear.
grandma is unable to speak now.
frankly speaking, i really feel helpless.
utterly so.
Friday, January 11, 2008
do what you have to do
"the yearning to be near you... i do what i have to do... i know i can't be with you... i do what i have to do...but i have the sense to recognize that i don't know how to let you go..."
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
reconciliation of the self
self-deprecation is sometimes the worst thing one can do to oneself.
given that sometimes, you are all you've got.
i think its hard to see it, but you've got to do the things you've got to do, in the way you do it, because you are you.
i will do the things that i do, and i will become the person that i am, because i am me.
and frankly, there is nothing wrong with that.
given that sometimes, you are all you've got.
i think its hard to see it, but you've got to do the things you've got to do, in the way you do it, because you are you.
i will do the things that i do, and i will become the person that i am, because i am me.
and frankly, there is nothing wrong with that.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
qalbil khali
today i gave you up again.
against my desires, i gave up the chance to be with you.
and frankly, i don't know whether to feel proud of myself for fighting against myself.
or to feel stupid and regret for that one chance that i may never have again.
the feeling inside me now... the emptiness... i'd rather be torn apart, so that the emptiness will not exist.
the pain of love. the pain of love. the pain of love.
against my desires, i gave up the chance to be with you.
and frankly, i don't know whether to feel proud of myself for fighting against myself.
or to feel stupid and regret for that one chance that i may never have again.
the feeling inside me now... the emptiness... i'd rather be torn apart, so that the emptiness will not exist.
the pain of love. the pain of love. the pain of love.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
prayer
how we all can feel sometimes, right, Uan?
Disturbed - Prayer - Music Video - The most popular videos are here
Disturbed - Prayer - Music Video - The most popular videos are here
poetic truth
"We all aspire to the same goal: to worship God in a way that satisfies us and that pleases the Lord.
Looking at it in this way provides a basis for all people of faith to find common cause and find a way to achieve harmony and to work.
It is like we are all together inside a big black box with many pinholes along the exterior.
We look out and see pinpoints of light shining in.
Each person picks one source of light and says ' that is the one I follow'.
But outside the box, there is only one sun shining."
-- Shyakh Hisham Kabbani (of Naqshbandi Haqqani Sufi Order) in an interview with the Middle East Quarterly in 2000. The above quote, so beautifully put, has been taken from an article 'Sufi antidote to religious terrorism' by Mafoot Simon, The Straits Times, 12 September 2006.
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