Monday, October 06, 2008

in memoriam of the sweet lady


got this message a few days ago.

"Hi Nizar, just want to thank you for all your help to rehabilitate my mother and lending her a listening ear. She got a stroke and passed away 10 days ago. You gave her much joy in being able to stand, and listening to her grievances, she enjoyed your visits very much. God has been gracious, she slipped into unconsciousness very fast, but we all miss her a lot. Thank you very much in lifting up her spirits."

one sometimes fails to realise the value of one's work, especially when caught up in the humdrums of life.

but i know why i do what i do.

raya yang hilang


"Bergema suara di pagi fajar
Mendayu irama takbir berlagu penuh syahdu
Oh sayang Syawal menjelma, tiada seindah yang sudah
Hanya keluhan pilu bermain di kalbu..."

suffice to say that perhaps things have changed. and that it saddens me greatly.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Eid Greetings to all

May our sins be expiated, like birds freed from their restraints,
And our rewards, proliferated, bountiful without constraints,
As the day is celebrated, free from malice and taint,
Our egos exonerated, to Him we reacquaint.

Minal aidin wal faizin wal maqbulin.
Forgive me my transgression against you, and have a blessed Eid with loved ones.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

emo me part 2

emo me

warning.
not quite ramadhan-ish.


reflections of ramadhan

thanks to a friend for posting this...

ramadhan is observed all over the world in various manners... and its just beautiful how everyone else does it... these pictures tell you why...

Symbolizing the faith of Islam, the crescent moon is seen at sunset on top of the Faisal Mosque in Islamabad, Pakistan, Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2008. (AP Photo/Wally Santana)

An officer of Brunei's Islamic authority looks through a telescope as he performs "rukyah", the sighting of the new moon for Ramadan, over the skies of Bukit Agok outside Bandar Seri Begawan August 31, 2008. Muslims scan the sky at dusk at the end of their lunar calendar's eighth month in search of the new moon to proclaim the beginning of Ramadan. (REUTERS/Ahim Rani)

The Al-Zaim family of Duxbury, Massachusetts sits, gathered together for their dinner after 7pm on September 14th, 2008, to break their Ramadan Fast. (Justine Hunt/Globe Staff Photo)

Kashmiri Muslims offer prayers inside the Jamia Masjid, or Grand Mosque, on the first Friday of Ramadan in Srinagar, India, Friday, Sept. 5, 2008. (AP Photo/Dar Yasin)

A child prepares food for Iftar (evening meal) before the breaking of fast on the first day of Ramadan at Memon Mosque in Karachi, Pakistan on September 2, 2008.

Visually impaired Palestinian students read verses of the Koran, Islam's holiest book, written in Braille, during the holy fasting month of Ramadan at Al-Qabas Islamic school in the West Bank city of Ramallah, Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008.

A boy sleeps in a mosque while waiting to break his fast on the first day of Ramadan in Makassar, Indonesia on September 1, 2008.

more pictures at http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/observing_ramadan.html

its really sad how soon it is going to be over...

Allah accept our deeds, forgive our sins, and make us better people...
And let us meet the next Ramadhan, by your Grace.
Amin.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

jason mraz - life is wonderful

"And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes some tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished..."

and another

puke-a-thon. *WEEEEEEEEEEERRRRGHHHHH*

family guy farting contest

i couldn't help but laugh. my youngest bro showed this to me.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

the journey

the blessed month of Ramadhan is finally here.
and so begins the journey of self-reflection.
May Allah grant us all the piety and strength to increase our devotions, and may He too accept the endeavours that we strive towards.
"It is not the end that matters, but the journey towards it."
Ramadhan Mubarak everyone!

wall-e

watch it.

you cannot believe how adorable robots can be.

especially when they are in love.

and i cried at some parts. laughed at most parts.

i love the psycho robot ward. brings new meaning to "short-circuited".

one of the many scenes that make the movie absolutely worth it.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

the ties that bind

had an interesting discussion a few weeks back with two friends. and one of them raised up a very pertinent point about me. a very apt observation, if i may say.

well, she said, "If you weren't so religiously inclined, I would think that you would have gone wild."

i hate to say it, but she's right.

she also said that she thinks I am holding on to a very thin rope - so tenuous that it could go anytime. and frankly, that scares me, and I am afraid of the truth of it.

it got me thinking about the whole concept of the ties between humankind (habluminannaas) and the ties between Man and God (habluminallah). Man is connected to God by that relationship of faith and subservience, of a servant to his Master. However, how Man chooses to sustain and maintain that relationship is entirely up to him. He can choose to reinforce that rope, through God-awareness and piety, or he can wear down that rope through disobedience and mischief-making.

Yet, Man is not entirely alone in this. His relationship with others serve to further bolster or deteriorate that relationship to God. Imagine Man hanging in limbo between God and other men. All other men would also have relationships with God. If one man were to have a fraying rope, but he is with others whose ropes are strong and taut, the chances of that one man falling to his own doom is lessened, because the net force is upwards. But conversely, if that one man were to have a frayed rope, and he associates with others whose ropes are similarly frayed, then their association will just increase their combined burden, and the net force will snap their individual ropes, who cannot bear the load of their accumulated actions.

which is why the Prophet made it especially clear in the matter of choosing companions, that one should never forsake faith for any other matters that may attract the friendship.

something to think about.

Monday, August 18, 2008

no air - jordan sparks ft. chris brown

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real
But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

nice song. nice nice song.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

recap: then vs now.

the then
(L-R) back - munir, fahmy, hatta, nizar, taufiq, azfar, rennie iskandar, zul, aidil
(L-R) front - zaki, rizal, firdaus


the now
(L-R) fahmy, yusoff, zaki, aidil, munir, zul, taufiq, azfar, rizal, hatta, nazir, nizar
missing: firdaus, rennie iskandar

quite glad to know that no love lost. haha. and much love found.

if all goes well, we will be having 3-4 weddings from these people in the next 2 years. am waiting for it!

Azfar's engagement

made our way to azfar's place for his engagement ceremony. since it was the guy's side, it was low key, but made the perfect setting for a long called for gathering of the boys.

here is the fiance with his grandfather.

the cake that he received from her. so sweet right?

the tanda he received from her. loads and loads of food... delicious food.
azfar and his ayat-ayat cinta. a nice 2 prose from the girl's side.
the boys! not so young 'uns.

we enjoyed ourselves loads, with a lot of reminiscence going on that cannot be mentioned here due to the particularly adult nature. haha.

in any case, we wish the newly engaged couple all the best, and for a smooth sailing journey towards marital bliss!

evil look

as how faiezah would say, its the time of our lives as babies. even the evil look is appreciated. don't you love babies??? *coos*

32,33,34

had a meet up with tau and ida, and the conversation came about to our marriage plans.

tau made a comment which somehow seemed so true.
for the men, 32 years is the limit to get married. because 33 is so ganjil, and 34 is too old.

when i thought about it, it felt weirdly true.

what you think?

the dark knight


saw this with abu and uan post-national day.

indeed the actors make the show.
i was deeply moved by this installation of the evergreen superhero... for reasons i think many would agree with, this is by far the bestest of all the batman movies ever made. much accolade has been lauded for the brilliant delivery of the Joker by the late Heath Ledger, and one can almost feel that it was as if he was playing out the deliriums in everyone's heads... if ever we went out of control ourselves. his untimely demise only calls for the much heralded appreciation of his talent, now lost from us forever.

it was because of him primarily that the movie took a darker turn, not quite for the emotionally immature audience. his interplay with the other characters - batman, gordon and harvey - is what truly remains the stellar quality of the movie. the joker represents the uninhibited soul who does all of his whims and fancies, but does not require a reason to do so. his compelling performance convinces the audience that he is not the joker of the past, who tended to be portrayed as "fun" in the more literal sense; this joker by heath had a macabre quality - fun which was lethal, and fun which was serious, hence adding to the irony of the much quipped phrase, "Why so serious?"

and when faced with this notion of fun, the other characters are forced into corners which they find no way out of, except through last measures, or amoral avenues - righteousness and morality are not notions close to the joker - and to this end the joker pushes all the other characters, to come to terms with the reality that they do not wish to face, to make the choices that they do not want to make.

batman is eventually left with having to end up the bad guy, as a sacrifice he has to make to protect himself and others. harvey dent loses his life because he gave in to the darkness of his heart. commissioner gordon has to live with the guilt that his actions contributed a great deal to the above happening. the joker lives.

the dark knight is really really a poetic movie, doing justice to the entire franchise. in fact it can even be a standalone, and still stand higher that all the rest that have come before. it will definitely be very tough to make another production that will beat this.

its so good, that i remember a kid saying in the lift as we were going up, "it's his 7th time watching!"

yup. its THAT good.

Friday, August 15, 2008

for ustaz

At the windows, show everyone my heart which you set alight;

Enclose within me the light you encountered on the street.

Monday, August 11, 2008

congratulations!

attended the surprise engagement ceremony of two dearly beloved friends, hafiz and shahisdah. in any case, its always brings about such a welling of emotions inside me, when two people i love come together. although this is an engagement and not the wedding yet, i pray that all goes well to the point where they ascend the dais together and ever after, and may Allah bless them both always.
hafiz, to the extreme left. see how cute he looks. of course shasha terpikat.

hafiz's side of the tanda. 5 butterflies and a ring make up the 10%. hehe.
shasha's side of the tanda. hafiz won't be wearing a maxtor on his finger though!
shasha dreaming of the things to come.
"oh the evil i can do now... *sinister laugh*"
believe me, she really said that.
and she also said that hafiz cannot escape. cos she has the one ring to rule him all.

the four. abu and uan were of course not paying attention to which cameras were snapping. most likely checking someone out at the side.

anyways, congratulations again dearies. *muacks*

Sunday, August 10, 2008

quatrain to the teachers

I am but a seeker,
on the path towards the Light.
Each step I take is lit by a mirror, reflecting the Source.
If I do not love these blessings with which I am able to see,
wouldn't then I be ungrateful towards the Lover,
Who sent them to guide me?

Saturday, August 09, 2008

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE!

the traditional fly past of the national flag
-courtesy of quek chee leong william, taken from msn

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

farewell meal with Ustaz Saif-ur-Rahman

had a meal with Ustaz Saif-ur-Rahman yesterday night at Garuda Padang Cuisine, in an effort to meet up with him before he finally departs for the US. in his own words, it was to prevent a certain someone from feeling left out, and "nanti merajuk pulak"... in any case, it was indeed our benefit and honour to be able to bring him out for a meal, and for him to grace the event with his presence, despite the ultimately packed schedule that he is running in this last local week that he has. so first and foremost, my deepest gratitude to you for taking time out for us.

it was meant to be a relaxed dinner, and it was. but as it is with scholars, we, the non-scholars tend to do consultations anyways. but it was a good 2.5 hours worth of talking. and just made me realise how much i have missed out, and will perhaps be missing out for the next few years, till he comes back. and that is if he decides to teach, if and when he does come back.

the content of the whole conversation we had, among the 3-4 of us cannot be replicated in its entirety here. so i will just highlight the golden moments of the conversation, and some take-away points that the blessed fellow decided to share with us. some of these points are of course expressed in my own understanding (so even if you did not say it, just take it as a student giving his feedback, and rephrasing, ok?).

on a youthful appearance: wudhu', solat, and exercise. all of these are crucial in ensuring the balance of life of a muslim. in solat, you gain discipline of time management, and to gain the freshness of mind, you do your wudhu'. Especially so for the tahajjud and dawn prayers, which are crucial for the attainment of spiritual luminescence, which can be seen from the countenance of those who are committed to them. Exercise produces endorphins, which makes you feel happy and keep your state of mind and emotions stable. With stability, you are less likely to feel depressed and stressed, which helps prevent the aging process. Exercise also energises you, so you feel strong and energetic, and young. Feel young, look young.

on life: one needs to have a long-term plan, be it 10, 20 or even 30 years. If one has a long-term plan, the quibbles of life that one experiences in the short term, is put into perspective, and one moves on much faster, and with less baggage.

on friends: the best friends are those founded on faith. sincerity in looking for friends who are firmly grounded in faith, will ensure that all else that comes with those friendships are blessed. you will feel at peace with them, and they will feel at peace with you.

on subtlety: one does not need to be exuberant in the expression of one's character or self. there are times and places when one can drop off masks and be at ease, but there are also times when one needs to be firm and assert oneself, in order to achieve a certain impact. to hide aspects of oneself, is not a sign of weakness, but rather is a sign that one is able to control the situation one finds oneself in.

on da'wah: a muslim is not a da'i only when he puts on his religious attire. a muslim is a da'i all the times. and one does not need to appear to be pious to be pious. in fact one's piety is measured by the extent that one strives in his community, and that standard is different for each individual. just be the best that you can, and let that be your da'wah. one can have fun, and still be a good muslim. conversely, one can be an asatizah, but still be unable to fulfill one's obligations. hence one should know what one's responsibilities are, and fulfill them as how they are meant to be.

on discipline: it has to be self-motivated to achieve maximal impact.

on perspective: progressive vs contemporary. progressive is looking forward. contemporary is already passe the minute we finish talking about it. hence be progressive, because status quo is never enough.

on being: we are people with many facets. each of these facets need to be understood. how we look to other people can be based on any of the facets. however, what is more important is how each of the facets reflect who we are, and whether we can be at peace with what each of these facets show. cleanse the inside, and the outside will follow.

on etiquette of conversation: talk what should be talked about, and refrain from asking what should not be asked. things that benefit should be shared. things that do not benefit should be left unshared.

many many more things we talked about, and many more things i internalised.
its just amazing how one simple encounter can bring about so many different points of learning.

frankly in my 26 years of life, i have only been with Ustaz for barely 60 hours. but i believe that it is not just me, but other students as well, who have been touched by his wisdom and charisma.
again, may Allah expedite your journey to higher learning, and higher realisations, and may He allow the ummah to benefit from you, through your efforts.

Yarhamukallah, wa yahfazukallah ya shaykhi.

BON VOYAGE!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

celebrating almir's birthday

27th july was the day we all went to flyer for the first time.

but... it wasn't to ride the contraption, but to celebrate a dear friend's birthday... with a fish spa!

first up, we went to Kenko Fish Spa, where we had our feet attacked by the gara ruffa fish, better known as the Doctor Fish. Definitely an experience that we will not forget, and one which we will be coming back for, albeit not at the same location...



with our feet newly cleaned, and feeling oh-so-refreshed, we made our way to the cathay to go to strip-ed co, not for a boyzilian of course, but for a manicure and pedicure, just to pamper the birthday boy. but because of my absent-mindedness, we couldn't get in because we had no appointment - HOW DISAPPOINTING. but i still love their adverts.

we called ALL the centres in singapore, and still, nada. so with heavy, unbuffed and unpedicured feets, we just went to eat. and it so happened that we went to fish and co's. it was all unplanned of course, but we hadn't gotten a cake for our birthday boy. so while he went to catch some fresh air, i managed to sneak in a cake order... and this was the surprise celebration at fish n co, courtesy of the good people.



then after the food, we decided to take dessert at max brenner's, where our dear birthday boy gave a wonderful demonstration of the different looks he has.

Mat-Emo "The Sensitive Guy"

Mat-Rugged "The Tough Man"
Mat-Rocker "The Punk"
Mat-Cool "Slick Casanova"
Mat-Nerd "The Nerd"
Cikgu Mentel "The Perverted Teacher"

well, suffice to say we enjoyed ourselves. Happy birthday Shaf!

Friday, July 25, 2008

healthy-errrr lifestyle

this is so in the making for the past few weeks.

in an attempt to try and begin a healthier life, me and almir have been trying our best to insert active activities into our non-active lives.

so we have been trying to go around in the weekends to have a more active life.

see how i am just using the word active over and over again.

although it hasnt been dutifully followed, the program has brought us to some nice places in singapore. as i download the photos from my camera, it is only now that i remember to talk about it.

henderson waves is part of the southern ridges of singapore, part of a nature conservation and community engagement plan with nature. it is a very very nice place, as you can see from the pictures to come.



it was a long walk to the top, and a bit more to the waves themselves. but i think its worth it. the night view is supposedly more spectacular.




the wave formations on the bridge that give the structure its name.


quite a marvelous sight.


then as we continued our walk, almir decided that we should take the cable car from mt faber to sentosa and back to harbourfront. as it was all in the fun of it, we did. and here is the conversation that transpired between us as we were hanging 50m above the sea...

*urm...apparently the conversation is not for everyone's ears... so here's the aftermath of the ride instead*



glad to know that the whole trip was not wasted spiritually... HAHA.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

supplication


from ustaz's zhulkeflee's blog, An-Naseehah

Monday, July 21, 2008

reservist call up

served my first real reservist in june.
and boy was i out of touch with what the army is.
after all i spent the good part of it in another world unknown to the army then.
i remembered ranting away because i was not very keen about having to go back, or even having to be associated with the army once again.

but hey, its every proud son of singapore's duty to serve, ain't it?
so i trudged and made my way back.

and when i came back, i was like... what?

it was a pleasant surprise.
the unit is great, the people were great.

and i am glad to know that i still got what it takes to shoot the butt off the range, all puns intended.

in fact i may even be looking forward to the next call up, ;)

hehe...

obviously i have been so caught up with my birthday that i have totally missed out blogging.
because it was my birthday i wanted to talk about.

and although my birthday is still technically being celebrated(some people still getting me gifts), i guess i should just move on already.

after all, i was the one who so gallantly said i did not want anything for my birthday.

haha.

and still caught up with it, after the first four sentences.

get a grip.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Stream of Life

Stream of Life

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day

runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth

in numberless blades of grass

and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth

and of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.

And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.

- from the Gintanjali of Rabindranath Tagore

where the hell is matt?



its just such a beautiful video to make.
one people, one world.

we all dance.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

birthday week updates

so my sister and brother-in-law were the first ones to gift me. Hugo Boss's newest fragrance for men: Hugo Pure.

then nura, yanni and azmi with these books: Moomin, a comic...which up till now i dunno whether it is about a cow or a hippo. and persepolis - critically acclaimed art film about sanctions and gender discrimination in iran.

then taufiq and azfar bought me a camera. the pentax optio m40. been wanting to get me a lens for the longest time.

and then almir bought me a levi's watch. black with red screen. just the way i like it.

abu and rezuan got me hush puppies white shoes. hehe. always wanted to look cool in white shoes, but never got the guts to go buy it. well, now some people bought it for me... so no excuse not to look cool.

yups. so that's for now. birthday week ends on sunday. so let's see what else we can get, HAHAHAHA.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

pre-birthday celebrations

photos will hopefully come soon.

yanni and nura planned a lunch and karaoke session. and i had a ball of a time there with the girls and azmi and taufiq. we were also celebrating azmi's advance on 17 june. karaoked our butts off. i hope the video is not uploaded. haha.

then met afiq and chris for max brenner's. i finally got my max brenner's. and it was good good good good good good good...

hahaha...

then watched a short concert at the esplanande, and then took a leisurely ride home.

what's happening tomorrow?
i don't know!

finally the updates 3

ok i do not have the pics yet. but in the period of may to early june, we observed and celebrated the matrimony of 4 happy newlyweds.

Ashraf and Yati on 25 May 2008.
Siddiq and Fazlinah on 31 May 2008.
Syahid and Renee on 1 June 2008.
Fareez and Murshidah on 8 June 2008.

I will update with pictures accordingly.

May Allah bless the couples and their unions as husband and wife, and may Allah give them a happy and long-lasting marriage and home, guided with faith and love always. Amin.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

finally the updates 2

something happened to a close friend, and it was a big thing.
and while initially i was out of the loop, i am thankful that this friend managed to recollect himself in time to prevent what could have possibly been a very very big mistake.

however, the whole incident did leave me angered and frustrated for a while, and at times it did seem that the friendship would end there. because i just could not take being treated with such nonchalance, and being taken for granted.

and that frustration was acted out, and other people also got the brunt of it.
and another close friend received a cold shoulder from me for it.

for my own lack of control and temperance, i caused others to suffer.

but luckily all that has passed, and we have somehow all made up.
i just want to bury it and let it pass.

not a very beautiful thing to remember, but important nonetheless.

finally the updates 1

ended the hoopoe's class close to the end of may.

and it dawned upon me how much i will miss having some form of spiritual engagement on tuesday nights. and that last day, i was actually tearing when i walked away from the place. i was wanting more. although the hoopoe had an upcoming class on fridays at al-falah, i unfortunately could not make it for that class.

i guess i will miss the intimacy of the class that the hoopoe had.
and the way he presented his lessons, which always seem to touch deeper.

and i will miss him as a teacher who is hip and up-to-date with the times, contemporary and moderate.

and of course that is that something more. few teachers are around whom you know you can speak to on different levels, and engage them on different levels. i regret not having gotten to know him better before this, and now that he is leaving for the US, i regret possibly not being able to get to know him better, until after he comes back.

but our paths takes us to all places, and we learn from everyone.
i just hope that our paths will cross again, and i will be able to receive guidance and light from him once again.

may Allah bless his endeavours and efforts in guiding us to the Path, and for being who he is.

just wondering

who will present me the most precious gift?

Thursday, June 05, 2008

quiet weeks

but not so quiet heart.

actually a lot has happened in the past few weeks.

where do i start?

haha.

wherever it is convenient then.

will update on:
ending of the hoopoe's classes
fights and makeups
weddings

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

the young ones


its been a good 14 years since my secondary school days.
but as they say, the bestest friends are made in those days.

these are the friends we begin to build strong relationships with, the ones with whom we go through the most testing of our pubescent years, and the ones with whom we fall in love with just by virtue of them being around the longest.

and how much we have changed since then.

and yet the friendship remains.

azfar is getting engaged soon, alhamdulillah.
zul is getting married not so long after.
fahmy and firdaus are getting hitched too, though news have not reached us.

haha... how we've grown.

*i've got tears in my eyes*

Friday, May 16, 2008

fairness

so everyone else gets to complain. but me.
sigh, the fairness of it.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

did something today

and i was reminded of what the hoopoe excerpted, about hatching out the helpless inside.
to be utterly and totally at His Mercy, and to feel utterly and totally without power.

all things happen for a reason. even what happened yesterday.
and i have to accept it and thank Him that it happened, because i was moved to do what i did.

and then He reminded me.

"Verily, my prayers, my worship, my life and my death are for God, Master of the Worlds. There is none equal to Him, and this I have been commanded, and I am of the believers."

accept from me, Allah, and forgive me.

sleep it all away

bawled my eyes out.
but it was comforting.

feel much better... but just for good measure, will still abstain.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

matter of fact

that even the best of people are flawed.
that even the best of friends can let you down.
that even the hardiest of souls can be worn out.

that everyone has the capacity to cause hurt.
that everyone has the capacity to feel hurt.
that everyone does either, at one time or the other.

that others are empathetic.
that others are apathetic.
that others are emotionally sensitive, or emotionally inept.

MALAS. MALAS. MALAS.

at this stage i want to cuss and swear, and cry my heart out.

david cook final 3 performance

american idol. he deserves it.

mess within

i think i need to be away for a while.
i feel more messed up than i have ever been for a long long time.

just been thinking

about the future.

how once everything seemed so near and clear.
and how suddenly now it seems just fuzzy and blur.

maybe it is just my fear, my lack of vision or plans to set things in gear.
or maybe it is just that i sense the currents swiftly flowing, and i have become unable to steer.

and everything, everyone, is moving away from here.
only the void is near.

relief

i was glad you told him.
in my humble opinion, of all people, he deserved to know.
although i don't understand why you decided to hide it before hand.

you guys went through so much together, worked so long and hard together.
so i really just feel that it was the right thing for you to do.
and i am glad you did it.

and i believe it was also a burden off your shoulders.

now you have someone to talk to about the whole thing, and wanting to prepare for it.
much better than before right?

arrogance

to be so is to set yourself as being above others.
fear that Allah brings you down and shames you before others because of your arrogance.
even the slightest words, and the slightest actions may be seen as arrogance.
and you will be taken to task for it.

i guess i was arrogant just now.
and i got the recompense quite immediately.
because i was shunned and hurt.

Allah forgive me, and free me from arrogance.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

of the favours God granted, are we not thankful?

On Resurrection Day God will say,
“What did you do with the strength and energy your food gave you on earth?
How did you use your eyes?
What did you make with your five senses while they were dimming and playing out?
I gave you hands and feet as tools for preparing the ground for planting.
Did you, in the health I gave, do the plowing?”

You will not be able to stand when you hear those questions.
Youwill bend double, and finally acknowledge the glory.

God will say,
“Lift your head and answer the questions.”

Your head will rise a little, then slump again.

“Look at me! Tell what you’ve done.”

You try, but you fall back flat as a snake.

“I want every detail. Say!”

Eventually you will be able to get to a sitting position.

“Be plain and clear. I have given you such gifts. What did you do with them?”

You turn to the right looking to the prophets for help, as though to say, I am stuck in the mud of my life, Help me out of this!

They will answer, those kings,
“The time for helping is past. The plow stands there in the field. You should have used it.”

Then you turn to the left, where your family is, and they will say,
“Don’t look at us! This conversation is between you and your Creator.”

Then you pray the prayer that is the essence of every ritual:

God,
I have no hope. I am torn to shreds.
You are my first and last and only refuge.

Don’t do daily prayers like a bird pecking, moving its head up and down. Prayer is an egg.

Hatch out the total helpless inside.

The Soul of Rumi
excerpted from the hoopoe

Sunday, May 04, 2008

mabruk ustaz!!

our dear hoopoe will be undertaking a highly acclaimed program, and a well-deserved candidate he is. masya Allah, when i read the prospectus of the program, i was in awe. here is an excerpt of the program.

from wiki:

“The Fulbright Commission aims to bring a little more knowledge, a little more reason, and a little more compassion into world affairs and thereby increase the chance that nations will learn at last to live in peace and friendship.” - Senator J. William Fulbright

The Fulbright Program, including the Fulbright-Hays Program, is a program of grants for international educational exchange for scholars, educators, graduate students and professionals, founded by United States Senator J. William Fulbright. It is considered one of the most prestigious award programs and it operates in 144 countries. The Fulbright Program has 37 Nobel Prize Winners among its alumni, more than any other scholarship program of its kind.

may Allah hasten his journey towards excellence, and reward him equitably with the efforts expended, and more, by His Generosity. And may Allah benefit us from his work.

mabruk, mabruk!

Insya Allah... Professor, Doctor, As-Shaykh, Ustaz, Haji... everything la!!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

saying my piece (peace) yet again

this is for you bro.

i think it is not fair to either of us that the whole incident happened.
so i am saying how i feel here. and however you choose to feel or regard me after reading this is entirely up to you. but i would have said my peace, and i won't ever want to bring it up again.

i have never been one to let go of an offence towards me that easily. it is not because i am an unforgiving person, or because i am petty, but it is because i am tired of people being emotionally inept, and not using their hearts to think about others some time in their lives. and i especially have a stronger expectation of my closer friends to understand me, and to be more aware of how they affect me emotionally. because if i take the effort to understand and be empathetic, there is no reason why you cannot take the same kind of effort.

you may think that this whole issue was a small matter blown up by me. but that is entirely your perception, and if you feel so, then so be it.

when it began:
i did not know what triggered off that first attack that night when you kicked my chair. totally and utterly uncalled for. and yes you apologised, but the way you apologised was also insincere like you were angry and were forced to do so by some unknown impulse. i took that act as disrespectful and hurtful, and the apology as a non-apology. yes we hugged after before we parted. but part of me was still there on the chair, kicked and abused.

before we parted:
you broached the 10-million dollar question: "any advice for me?" and you automatically expected me to know what is in your head? and give you a reply that would knock some sense into you? no, i am not a psychic, nor am i a saint to know what goes on in your heart and mind. you were arguing over the phone throughout the whole trip, and then you ask me for advice? what was i supposed to think of? the phone conversation naturally, no? but apparently you wanted to ask about another thing - which in my opinion, you do not have a right to ask about anymore, if you have moved on from the relationship, and frankly, i don't know whether you have. you chose not to tell me anything. you told another person. and you expected that person to tell me? is there no confidence among friends, that we would keep the secrets of the other? what sort of people do you think we are? that we would talk among each other about things which i would have much preferred to hear from yourself? again, disrespect to friends.

and then you disappeared for two weeks. i did try to get you to go out with me, the immediate monday after, so we could talk about whatever you wanted to talk about. you said you had to go out. fine. you knew my flexible hours through the week, but you did not call me back the whole of the week. no, the whole of two weeks. i just thought that you were busy with school, what being newly transferred and all that. i did not think much about it. but in fact, there was no news at all.

most recent contact:
you suddenly came online, asked about some trivial things, and then jumped that information on me. and frankly, i don't know how you expected me to react, because i did not know how to react. under normal circumstances, i would have been esctatic. but this time round, my happiness was overwhelmed by my sense of disappointment about how a friend had treated me so nonchalantly, so dismissingly. and then when i told you about how i truly felt, you just said that you were very very sorry, which i felt was very patronising because i am not a child who can be so easily soothed with sorry, and you moved on to talk about other trivialities. and it appeared to me that how i was feeling then was something that was merely trivial to you. how did i feel then after that? indignant.

yes. that entry was for you. but i could not bring myself to say it to you, because i still cared about whether you would feel hurt. you tell me to tell you if you had done anything to offend me, but are you sure that you would have been able to handle it? i don't want to beat you down the way you beat yourself down. but the last sms on the issue that i sent you - that i did not know how to feel towards you after what you told me, much less feel indignant - had to be told as it is. and i apparently hit you somewhere inside. and now you are missing again, leaving it not resolved.

i am saying my peace here, in this piece of writing, to let you know what i feel right now. and now that i have said it out, you can perhaps see for yourself if i am justified to feel indignant and angry. and if sorry is enough to cover up the wrong that i feel has been done towards me.

i have said what i wanted. and i will not say it again anymore because there is no point repeating it another time. and i have to write my feelings off because i have already made it known, so i cannot keep it inside anymore. so that means that i cannot feel angry already, so i won't. and if any of my words offend you, i apologise beforehand. but it will be as though this never happened, and if you choose to act indifferently, then by all means, it is a choice you make.

i cannot fault you for being unable to see from my point of view.
and i cannot and will not take you to task for that.
because i still have regard for you as a close friend, and i still respect you.

don't make me have to discard that respect for you, as how you may have unknowingly done towards me.

better prospects?

a flyer came in promoting teaching as a career.
and my mother asked me to take it up, quoting better prospects.
exactly what she implied by better prospects, i don't know.

but its getting very clear to me that she does not seem to think what i do is anything worthy.
she does not seem to think that my work is real work.

for whatever reasons.

and i am hurt by this attitude.

for many reasons too.

and i am sad that she only has this narrow view of what life should be like.
and i don't share the same view. unfortunately for the both of us.

i want her to be happy, but i don't want live on her terms only.
because its not fair to me. not after all i have done to get where i am.

life can get real crappy when you don't see eye to eye.

Monday, April 21, 2008

hot ears.

i feel extremely indignant.
extremely.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

advice not solicited

just the words that i wanted to say but never did, because i could not find the right expressions for it.

asalkan jangan sampai perhubungan itu menjadi fitnah buat diri kamu. fitnah dari segi menjauhkan diri dari mengingati Allah, fitnah dari segi membebankan diri dengan hal yang tidak mampu ditanggung, fitnah dari segi menjadi buah mulut orang yang tidak manis, fitnah dari segi mencabar pegangan diri sendiri. dan bermacam-macam lagi fitnah.

mungkin nizar tak dapat beritahu secara berdepan muka.

tetapi nizar harap sampai pesanan ini kepada yang ditujukan.

"Ya Allah, kami bermohon perlindungan daripada azab Jahannam, dan azab kubur, fitnah dalam hidup ataupun mati, dan dari keburukan fitnah Dajjal."

humility in seeking knowledge

Sometimes we feel that we have gotten a certain amount of knowledge, and then we feel satisfied with ourselves. But the amount of our knowledge as compared to the vastness of His Oceans of Knowledge, is but that of a bird who dips his beak to drink, and the smallest of drops falls back - that is the quantity of knowledge that has been related by Moses and Khidr a.s. And those two are learned people, and prophets to boot. who are we?

3 instances to bring up.

Maqasid class, Ustaz asked:
"Do you know the hukum of a jemaah prayer?"

DI last week. A kid asked:
"Abang you know how to pray?"

And this morning, Ustaz commented:
"We are just students on the path of knowledge..."

It is a great blessing to have been started on this path.
But I got to remember to always see myself as incomplete and not knowledgeable enough still, so that I will continue to search.

Taqabbal minni Ya Rabb.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

top 8 - seasons of love



five hundred twenty-five thousand
six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty-five thousand
journeys to plan
five hundred twenty-five thousand
six hundred minutes
how do you measure the life
of a woman or a man
in truth that she learns
or in times that he cried
in bridges he burned
or the way that she dies
its time now to sing out
tho the story never ends
lets celebrate
remember a year in the life of friends
remember the love
measure in love
seasons of love

carrie underwood - praying for time



And its hard to love,
Theres so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above
Say its much too late
Well maybe we should all be
Praying for time

annie lennox - many rivers




I`ve got many rivers to cross
But I can`t seem to find my way over
Wandering I am lost as I travel along
The white cliffs of dover
Many rivers to cross and it`s only my will
That keeps me alive
I`ve been licked, washed up for years and,
I merely survive because of my pride.

daughtry - what about now

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

recap of idol gives back

last thursday i stayed home to do some work, and at the same time, had the good fortune to catch Idol Gives Back, the american idol fundraising event. and some of the world issues raised up really touched me, and the celebrities going into impoverished areas around the globe to make their reports did make an impact.

each time there was a story, it made me cry - as it rightfully should.

in any case, it made for good realignment of perspectives as well as giving me insight into myself.

the process was cathartic to say the least.

and i loved the music that night. so i will be dedicating a few posts on the music i heard that really drove straight home to the heart.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

woes of a working man.

well. talk about the cost of education.

just about education.

letters came in my post today.
both from cpf.

saying about the education scheme thing, which basically means that since i have completed my education on account of my father's moolah, it is now time for me to pay back.

1 year in ntu - $5495.05
3 years in nyp - $6558.23

thats the amount that i will have to credit into my dad's account, with interest within the next 12 years. doesn't sound so bad when you look at it. but from a person who is earning peanuts, the amount works out to quite a significant amount per month, even at prevailing rates.

and lets not even go into wanting to pursue my degree which would cost me about $20000 more.

everything is about money.

i just want to go back to the books. and study for free.

sigh.

Monday, April 07, 2008

seeing through the hoopoe's eyes

i quote from his blog.

"At times, we think that we know it all. But we do not if we do not see the world. Travelling across God's land is also something which God encourages us to do - and by doing so, we begin to see the greatness of His Creation through the multitute of diversities in which He creates. Every step we take in a different land and place, every breath we breathe in this huge expanse of God's land, every person whom we meet in our lives who touched it or scratched it - all these experiences make us what we eventually are and mould us. The more we undertake such journeys, the richer we become. The more perspectives we learn, the more merciful and forgiving we become. The more experiences we go through, the faster we become what we are destined to be. The more we have of this, the more humane we become."

excellent words.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

angry..?

i wrote that to remind myself what i read last week.
that my anger avails no one but syaithan.
and my irritation serves to fuel my journey to somewhere i don't want to go.

so let it be clear. i am not angry.
cos to be absolutely fair, i have no reason to be.

but i have a choice to be indifferent and detached.

al-ghadab

A man said to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), "Advise me."
The Prophet (pbuh) replied, "Do not become angry."

Anger is the worst of all seventeen of the ruinous traits. It may easily be said that anger is the source from which the others flow.

When a person is overpowered by anger, it is akin to intoxication. His anger takes him far from his normal pattern of thinking, and he becomes unable to reason rationally. When one is in a state of anger, one loses the ability to listen to reason, follow good judgment or accept advise. That is why the Prophet (pbuh) said to his dear companion Abu Bakr Siddiq, "Anger is a form of disbelief."

Allah said, " Those who control their wrath and are forgiving towards mankind; God loveth the good." (Ali Imran:134)

Referring to the opposite of being angry, Allah mentions those who are able to control their anger. Moreover, Allah makes it clear that those who forgive the ones who make them angry, will be rewarded by Him. Any person who wants to eliminate anger, and is engaged in such a struggle, will receive these rewards.

You must burn down your anger, and keep it down, like a dog. If you restrain a dog in a very small room with food and water, he will bark and bark. But after one or two days, he will stop barking. The urge will die. Similarly, if you let your anger bark and bark, allowing it to rage in your heart, and appear in your features, or worse be expressed on your tongue, you will be ruined by its overwhelming strength. Yet if you begin to control your anger by keeping quiet, not allowing it to reach your tongue and not giving it control of your actions, anger will dissipate.

For that reason, the Prophet (pbuh) said, " If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent."

May Allah protect us from anger.

-abridged verson from the Sufi Science of Self-Realization.