i may have gone overboard

so out of respect for you, i apologise for my ranting online.
i removed the post already... so no one can read it now.

takmo marah ok?

al-fatihah

if you all read the newspapers today, you will chance upon a story about 2 women who died in a motorcycle accident.

one of them, Siti, is my brother's girlfriend.

please gift your prayers for her, and her friend as well.

and to all of you who read my blog, and ride motorcycles... please do take extra caution, because the risks of riding are clear. take care ok. because its going to be torment for me if anything happens.

bite back.

haha.

urm, kalau yang terasa tu eh, memang patut lah terasa.
tapi sebab dah terbalas kan, takpa la... nizar memaafkan.

and kalau sakit kan, memang padan muka, tapi nizar pon mintak maaf.

and bagus lah kalau dah baca, at least you now understand.
because whatever i write is usually not meant for the eyes of those for whom the real message is intended.

yeah yeah.

contradictions.

sedap gigit.
as how they would say, puas hati!!!

kukusai, bubumai, kenasai

do these names sound alien to you?
hahaha... let them.

these people are my beloved.
i really had fun today.
and i guess i always will when its just the three of us.

and though i dunno why i was bombarded with those questions, i will just let it pass.

because i looooooove you both.

hahaha. *MUACKS*

Sister’s engagement

sigh.

because i went for the scavenger hunt, i did not know that i missed my sister's surprise engagement.

she was so excited when she showed me the ring.
and i cannot express how happy i am for her.

all i can give is prayers for her.

Allah, bless her and Rauf with a happy and guided life.

Amin.

olympus scavenger hunt 2006

yeah... so the 4 of us joined in this competition...
me abu uan and mahmud.

and along the way, we roped in adri our driver and juni our researcher.
haha.

and chow was our team leader and photographer.

we entered with not much hope of winning, but as we got along the race, somehow all our hopes were raised, cos we thought that we had the upper hand in one of the places we were supposed to go to... which was at the Malay Heritage Centre... we really thought that no one else knew where that place was... so when we finally reached the last point, against all odds... the rain, traffic, wrong turns and tired legs... we were pretty optimistic.

but hell. the guy did not even look at our camera pics... a bad indication.

and when we asked, the guy said that there were 10 teams who already reached before us (out of a possible 20).

and when the results were announced it was no surprise. we did not win.

so here's an analysis of what could have possibly happened.

1) we spent too much time at the fort canning station, because we got lost, and we could not run cos our heavy butts were... well, heavy.

2) we spent too much time looking for the camera shop at peninsula plaza.

3) we spent too much time running around saint andrew's cathedral.

4) we spent too much time on the road.

Conversely, if things were not our fault,

1) the other teams cheated, and did not complete all the stations. but they were given privilege of doubt because they were first to arrive.

2) the other teams were given more clues than they should have gotten, leading to them being at an advantage. hence, again they cheated.

3) the other teams were somehow privy to the fastest routes, which can only come from them knowing the details beforehand. hence they cheated again.

4) the organisers could not verify the pictures, hence no way of establishing the winner, except by time. hence the teams who won did so unfairly.

yes, i am a sore loser. sue me.

i blardy wanted the cameras la... even third prize would have been something.

urgh. yes i won friendship and what not... but a camera is worth sooooooooooooo much more.

hahaha.

materialistic me. i still want the camera.

preliminary FYP results

hehe...
spent the morning in school today with my fyp-mates...
and then we were slugging it out with the transcriptions... which were of course killers by nature...

but by lunch, we got tired of transcribing... and decided to move on to the SF-36 and CHIEF surveys which we ran... and we managed to use to SPSS...

and we ran the analysis to get some idea if we were on the right track...
and found that... YES!! hahaa... although the correlation between SF-36 and CHIEF were more in the .7 range, indicating moderate correlation, at least we have something to say now...

at least our hypothesis is somewhat proven... although may not be so convincing to the statisticians out there... but hell, we at least got our main question answered... quite proud of it la...

if you don't understand what i am ranting about here, no worries... i am just ventilating what i feel is an achievement... yay!! FYP is going somewhere!!

haha.

ok back to earth.

holidays not happening

i was supposed to take a holiday with tau and iskandar this year end.
we were supposed to go to krabi.

but because i had no money, i couldn't go along.

and i was super sad and super jealous that they are going anyways.

then i realised that i cannot go.
because i have debates competition.

30th Dec, 3rd and 6th Jan.

They coming back on the 30th.

So yah.

did not matter that i sulked. i wouldn't have been able to go anyways.

stupid me.

fyp update

on one note, i am glad that our data collection is over.
although i am so dissed at my supervisor for interrupting my focus group discussion and just spoiling the whole arrangement.

but that has passed.

the other side now, is the analysis of data.

beginning with the transcription of recordings.

i took 4 hours to do 25 minutes of recording.

can you believe it?

so fun to talk, but its a hell in itself when you need to look at what has been said.

sheesh.

but i am getting paid for another friend's focus group... that is something to look forward to.
hahaha.

i need money

yeah, as how the title says, i need money.

damn it.

how i envy those with holiday jobs, and those who are already working.
because they have money to spend.

how i envy those rich kids who don't need to work.
because duh, they already have money to spend.

and how i envy those who somehow make good decisions that leave them with money laden hands, and not otherwise.

i cannot go out, because i cannot get the money to.
i cannot go for a proper holiday, because i dont have the money to.
i cannot take this time to rest myself from a whole academic year of crap, because unfortunately, i won't be given the money to.

am i complaining?
yes i am.

but it is really to no avail now is it?

sometimes i really wonder, is it my management that sucks, or is it truly a matter of there is nothing to manage in the first place?

whatever la.
talking here does not make any money appear in my pockets.

now i am miffed.
urgh.

to say or not to say

only a few people know of this.
2 in fact.

i am contemplating saying something that could potentially be a turning point (read: marker for future plans, or onset of crises) for my relationship with someone.

but i have yet to summon the courage to say it.

but like i said, if it happens, it happens.

there is no need to rush into things.

but to some extent, i am hoping that the heart of the person will be as attuned and receptive to what i want to offer, that these words need not be said at all.

Guidance, i seek from Thee.

end of attachments

it came and passed by just like that.
the whole 8 weeks of attachments, and that is the longest we will have ever... until we work that is... hahaha.

but anyways, all my work paid off very well.
i was most shocked at the level of confidence that my supervisor had in me, and the degree with which she saw me performing.

i had thought that i was just average and did not really do well in the attachments. in fact i was under the perception that i was underachieving, what with all the work that was backlogged and the projects which were not really completed...

so it came to final eval time... and i concurred perfectly with her analysis of my strengths and weaknesses... which bordered at the 4 and 5 level, with the occasional 6 when i performed exceptionally well. but her spoken comments were what touched me the most.

my supervisor commended me on my language ability, and my communication with the team. she also commended the way i conducted myself confidently and the way i build a substantial rapport with my clients (i am proud to say that a parent actually asked if the unit would employ me, because she thought i was really good). she said that i had a very positive attitude and many beneficial traits that would bring me very very far in the field.

although my evaluation was not really something fantastic (like the all 6s that some of my friends got), i did secure myself a 90/100 as a final grade. this was definitely something that i did not see coming at all. 90/100 is a distinction grade, and for this module, which has the highest weightage ever, i would be more than blessed to have obtained such a good score.

but more importantly, i feel that the remark which is most indelible is this, "Nizar already has the skills as a therapist. He just needs to refine it, which will come with experience."

as a final year student, nothing is more important than the assurance and stamp of approval from those within the field of practice - an acknowledgement that you are ready to enter the world of clinicians. it is the comment that each of us wants to hear from our supervisors. and i really treasured that remark. especially coming from someone as long and experienced in the field as my supervisor is.

i am glad to say that the sacrifices i made for this attachments really paid off.
but now i have to start paying my dues... hehehe... debates here i come.