promised an update on the KL trip.

taufiq and zul were my trip buddies by the way.

dr taufiq to the left, and perfusionist zul to the right.

and since it was truly geared towards us eating our hearts out... here's the itinerary we followed over there.

day one lunch: carl jr's. massive burgers. and free top ups. and we each stupidly got a drink. when we could have just shared.

day one dinner: ichiban boshi japanese restaurant. food wasn't that fantastic. but its the experience, neh?

day two lunch: tony roma's. ribs. ribs. RIBSSSSS!!! fantastico!

day two dinner: gaucho's grill. highlight was the espada de gaucho. everything on a sword.

day two supper: kedai mama. can't miss traditional roadside food, can we?

day three lunch: outback steak house. too much meat the past few days, so we decided to share one main course, to the horror of the waiter. he actually asked, "you from singapore?" Dunno what that implied.

day three tea: subway. the sandwich we can't have here.

so there you go, our food extravaganza in KL.

like it or not

again this topic comes up.

yesterday i was quite hurt when someone made a negative response to my overt expression of affection. and it wasn't as if i was excessively showering my love. i just made two statements comprising two words each.

when we were there, i understand if i stepped over your comfortable limits. and i apologised already. but its apparent that you still carry it today. at least that is how i see it. and i am even more saddened because it was really just innocent bantering. and i don't know if what you did was all an act then. 'cos it feels hypocritical to me. when you need me, you cajole me, and coddle me.

else i am just trash.

here i am, having to deal with my feelings, because you cannot retract what you said.
i feel diminished. but at the same time, i refuse to deny caring for you.

i long for the day when i will be emotionally independent, not having to rely on you or anyone else for that matter, to have that sense of self-worth and feel valued. but i will not do so without being able to love freely and truly.

so whether you like me or not for that, if you will not spare a thought for how i feel, at least respect the love that i have.

you, my medicine

salve - the sight of you
doth still my quivering heart
once every week.

brought me to tears

last episode of coffee prince... good.
sarang hae you.

on love...

Love is patient and kind, it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited,

it is never rude or selfish, it does not take offence, nor is it resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth;

it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.

Love does not come to an end.

There are three things that last, faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.

coffee prince

"i'll say this, and i'll say this only once. i like you. let's see how far we can go."

blardy sweet ah.

sami yusuf - supplication

further treatises on friendship

retrospect of what you said to me.

On the other side, "a believer is the mirror of his brother" (Abu Daud), and if he sees any faults in the other believer, he draws his attention to it, helps him to give it up and helps him wipe away any evil that he may have. Ibn Hazm said: "Anyone who criticises you cares about your friendship. Anyone who makes light of your faults cares nothing about you."

so keep doing what you do.
because if you do not, i may just fall into my own pitfalls.

and thank you.

haiku

Infinite Sadness,

Bittersweet thoughts of times past.

Together we cry.

from Gratification through Sadness.

had a great 10 minutes conversing in haikus.
not easy.

but here's what transpired.

morning conversation among two haiku-ers.

good morning people, i am messy and smelly, let me shower now.
for sure you do stink, so off to the bathroom stall, with body foam.

do not worry for, i will do so now surely, no more dried up drool
that is of course good, spit on the face is not cool, you look like a fool

wow my friend is good! he has included end rhymes, and called me a fool!
second to none - him, rhyming master of the world, truly a fool - you.

cliche he is though, second to none he maybe, but first of egos - true.
stunned to silence, poor girl naive, innocent, will she be alright?

alas she must go, the sun rise brings a new day, dreams will start anew.
so goodbye dear friend, may the new day bring success, sweet dreams the night 'ere...

alamak i cannot think anymore...
HAHAHA!!!

kenapa?

disappointed today.

blf xlfow szev qfhg glow nv gszg blf dviv hgroo xlnrmt wldm. gsvm r dlfow szev dzrgvw. yfg blf qfhg ovug vevibgsrmt szmtrmt rm gsv zri. hl gszg'h dsb r ovug. ivzoob blf pmld. szra, r zn wrhzkklrmgvw, yfg r droo lmob yv wrhzkklrmgvw uli mlgsrmt... bvg ztzrm.

sabbatical

i am taking a short break to KL.
they tell me to have fun and rest.

will try.

pray that my trip goes smoothly.
catch up with everyone when i get back, insya Allah.

nani

my grandma's not doing too well.
friends, please pray for her health.

update:
apparently, grandma suffered from transient ischaemic attacks since 2006. none of which we picked up. for the uninitiated, that's minor strokes which went undetected.

there was a more significant insult to the brain this morning, resulting in two seizures. the cause of the seizures cannot be properly assessed due to my grandma's weak state and unstable condition, we suspect a variety of causes - a lung infection which spread to the brain, abnormal blood composition due to poor nutrition and ventilation, and MRSA.

however, one effect of it was clear.
grandma is unable to speak now.

frankly speaking, i really feel helpless.
utterly so.

nak kiss?

kiss hot dog.

i can laugh and cry at the same time.
thank you for everything, and for you.

do what you have to do

"the yearning to be near you... i do what i have to do... i know i can't be with you... i do what i have to do...but i have the sense to recognize that i don't know how to let you go..."

what it says

i am not an easy person to love, i guess.
and that is why...

reconciliation of the self

self-deprecation is sometimes the worst thing one can do to oneself.
given that sometimes, you are all you've got.

i think its hard to see it, but you've got to do the things you've got to do, in the way you do it, because you are you.

i will do the things that i do, and i will become the person that i am, because i am me.
and frankly, there is nothing wrong with that.

qalbil khali

today i gave you up again.
against my desires, i gave up the chance to be with you.

and frankly, i don't know whether to feel proud of myself for fighting against myself.
or to feel stupid and regret for that one chance that i may never have again.

the feeling inside me now... the emptiness... i'd rather be torn apart, so that the emptiness will not exist.

the pain of love. the pain of love. the pain of love.

Its You... its You

Habib Ali Al-Jifri - The Prophetic Mirror

masya Allah. tergenang air-mata mendengarkan dia.

prayer

how we all can feel sometimes, right, Uan?
Disturbed - Prayer - Music Video - The most popular videos are here

poetic truth

"We all aspire to the same goal: to worship God in a way that satisfies us and that pleases the Lord.

Looking at it in this way provides a basis for all people of faith to find common cause and find a way to achieve harmony and to work.

It is like we are all together inside a big black box with many pinholes along the exterior.

We look out and see pinpoints of light shining in.

Each person picks one source of light and says ' that is the one I follow'.

But outside the box, there is only one sun shining."

-- Shyakh Hisham Kabbani (of Naqshbandi Haqqani Sufi Order) in an interview with the Middle East Quarterly in 2000. The above quote, so beautifully put, has been taken from an article 'Sufi antidote to religious terrorism' by Mafoot Simon, The Straits Times, 12 September 2006.

note to self.

things to write about:

inspirez plans
iktishaaf 2007
new year celebrations