what a week

its 30th may, and more than a week since i last updated. but of course as the title-head implies, it has been a truly great and busy week, with everything happening and rushing past, swirling me round and round.

let's just have a look at major events that took place from sunday to sunday.

last sunday was the K2 mock camp at mendaki...that was a really fun thing to attend. i met all the people whom i have not met for so long... it was truly a delight for me. and i was back to being a kid around everyone as i always am when i am excited...sigh, i miss the days when the camps were for us rather than by us. but from this standpoint, i guess the whole experience becomes even more meaningful. and i hope it will turn out to be just as good for the kids as it has been for me.

monday tuesday and wednesday passed by quite uneventfully, except that i am starting to get really numb hands from all the hammering at work. and the rash has disappeared completely, which only means that i had to get used to the working environment. which thankfully i am.

thursday was a short meet-up with my dear junior asri who's getting married on 6th june, CONGRATULATIONS!!! i pray that all goes well during and after the wedding for the rest of their blessed lives...and the ceremony on sunday would bring us all together again, so once more...its gonna be a social event on the calendar...so look forward to it!!! after the short rendezvous, me and tau went to catch shrek 2, which was really a great laugh... i ADORE puss in boots...those big eyes just kill me, literally... and when taufiq left to meet up with his special someone, i joined zaki and zul for the day after tomorrow, which was another nice show...the whole plot was really not that impressive, but effects and details really make up for it...so cool...

friday was half day work

saturday was busy as hell. work in the morn, had to turn down overtime in the afternoon because of a prior commitment to hosting a tarian competition (persada juara tari 2004) at cairnhill cc...i wore the shawl aidil bought me for the first time, and i looked good...so thank you...abang kamal said i was very read-y and farida said i was too firm and not kindly...oh by the way CONGRATULATIONS ON LAW!!! that was for farida for successfully getting into law... but back to my emcee skills, well everyone's a critic...hamim already got me in place for an event happening in july at the cc as a dj-mc person...see how lah about that...then after the competition, we had to go down to tapac for a combined training with the whole kilir jati performance peeps...that place stinks literally of cat-poo and the training space sucks...if we have to go there again, please for goodness sakes, get us better facilities...we had to roll around on bricked ground, with a carpet for cushioning...its no wonder some of the girls were really abused... hahahaha... then had to rush to hara to meet shafur for supper where i had to take my mendaki tuition stuff back from him, since last minute i decided to go and teach...and reached home around 1 am...and had to wake up at 8 the next morning to go tuition, and then go for FOC mock camp in school, where i finally met the rest of the NTU gang whom i missed so much, and some of whom i just met for the first time, but they really endeared to me...the activities were tiring but fun, i had a fantastically superb time trying out the games and activities planned for the new intake...my only worry is that i may not be able to help out when the time comes for the real event. everyone was asking...i am sorry...sorry...sorry...it really makes me feel depressed thinking about it...but i love you guys all, and i will help if and when i can, believe me...

so there it is.

a physical and emotional week for all to read.

regards.

rash and other stuff

1. i am nursing a bad rash. i want everyone to know. it is not really making me very happy or kind or even-tempered. so beware. but damn it i have to persevere because of the money. blardy dust mites and sensitive skin. damn them all.

2. received a call from a friend just now, who tried to make me not go for my K2 camp meetings and events. he said i would most probably not be around next semester anyways, so why bother. i got rather dissed at that comment. firstly, its a commitment that i made way way beforehand. who are you to question my priorities? secondly, my presence at YOUR appointment will not really make a difference. i will not contribute even if i go because there really is not much to say. what is this crap about a final meeting ever? its not as if we wont be ever working together again, and i can always meet up with the others on other days at my own time. dun make me the bad guy here, the uncooperative one. i did what i had to do, but some people did not. they are the ones that you should be pissed at. and this is the second time you dissed me off because of your attitude. be careful.

3. farida, remember to just go au naturel. and be kind to yourself.

4. got my interview date finally, its on 3rd June, everyone please pray for my successful transfer, and pray that it all turns out well.

5. blardy rash.

work

i started work today at my auntie's company. and it was tiring as hell. stood for a good 7 hours. now my hands are full of paper cuts, even though i wore gloves. my auntie had warned me that this job might not be suitable. but i was thinking, after army, what could be worse? well, this wasn't as bad as the army. but bad enough to set me thinking about my career options anyways.

two good things came out of this.

the work was really physical. hands and feet must work. so i sweated a lot. and since i dun bring a lot of cash, i only ate fruits for lunch. i hope by the end of the stint, i will have lost some weight. and my footache from tarian is gone, because i stood too long. ironic.

money, money, money. the initial motivation for me to even consider working in the holidays. i want to earn at least $2000 in the holidays, enough to pay off all my bills and debts, finally obtain my driving license and get a new phone. with enough to spare for later. i am hoping for extra kindness from my auntie. hehehe. nepotic ass.

my apologies to my friends who would be slugging their butts and brains away preparing for the camps. i will try to make it as and when i can, and i will definitely make an effort to keep up and attend important meetings. but meanwhiles, i am sure you guys are doing fine without me. i hope.

PS: had a dream about a friend. of the same genre as before. weird. same person, same kinda dream. and taufiq told me to write it down. but i shall be cryptic in describing it. all i will say about it:

police raid, photography shop, bath-house, invitation, "i won't do it unless you want to."

hmm. go imagine.

a cousin's wedding

WARNING:
this is a bitching story. so for those who can't stand it, carry on to other posts. but for those who carry on, it ends pretty well. so whatever.

saturday night was the dinner affair at the national orchid park. there was a quota for every family, like only three or four could attend the dinner. wtf. its a wedding and you split family like that. the worse thing is, its not the first time. no point being rich and all that, but then in trying to show off wealth and sophistication, you compromise the integrity of the family. and you served alcohols at the dinner. wtf again. thank goodness i did not go. i was initially uninvited and later, due to a poor response they asked that i come anyways. too late. two strikes against you.

sunday, i was forced to attend the "sanding" affair. fine. give face to you as eldest child to my grandfather, and to the groom, eldest grandchild. i managed to have fun there anyways. saw my cousins, met up with my grandaunties, aunties, uncles, and most importantly, the youngest few in the generation after me, my nieces and nephews...they are soooo cute... and they made the day all fine and dandy...

sigh...when will i have kids?

PS: cousin is half arab, cousin-in-law is chinese-korean. talk about exotic.

11.35pm, friday night...

in a defiant act of triumph (does that make any sense?) against the crappiness of having a curfew, suhaila, taufiq and me went to watch troy after tarian. the movie was that late. and being an epic, it lasted for a good 2 hours 45 minutes...and boy, was it an epic.

well, knowing the story beforehand really did not take away the essence of the show. it was, by the way, a really good take on the whole siege of troy story...in order to not spoil it for some people who would be reading this, but not seen the story yet, i will just say that the romance, the character depth, and the whole grandeur of the tale made the story worth it, no matter how predictable. and for the horny ones, well, there are a lot naked bodies to look at...

as tired as i was, i was glad i did not fall asleep in the theatre itself...what a waste it would have been.

wish i could say more.

maybe after tuesday.

troy

the story of troy went to the tune of some city being deceived by what was initially perceived to be a gift, but eventually turned out to be the main cause of the city's downfall.

well, to put it crudely, our tickets and the premiere yesterday were troy-ish.

can you believe that i had actually dressed up nicely, in aniticipation of a major gathering of stars? so of course the glam factor had to be there...but as we were jitterily going into the theatre and looking for our seats, it soon became apparent that we were cheated, as how the citizens of troy were.

firstly and most importantly, i got the worst seat in the house.
LIDO 1, row Y, seat 34.
i will never forget that seat number. its the left bottom-most corner of the cinema, so what i would have been able to get, would be a really distorted image of the screen and a crink in the neck at the end of the day.

secondly, i saw no stars there. my camera, clothes and charisma all were for nothing.

so, we left the cinema, even before the movie started. we could definitely watch it some other time, where the experience would be so much better.

i really felt cheated. what's the point of getting free tickets if it meant not being able to watch the movie like other people? sheesh...media corp...so crappy. what a scam.

and have i said it yet? i feel cheated.

closure for the loser

since i most probably will never say this in your face, 'cos i dun intend to speak to you anymore anyways, let my just post it up for all to read.

firstly, i really dunno what happened. and i did try to salvage what i can. but unsurprisingly, lo and lo, there was no response from your side. and three times i tried, but still, zilch. so the ball has effectively gone into your court to play, but you choose to not play. so by rights, i am relieved of responsibility.

if we go back to the time it began, surely there would have been a moment where i got dissed by your actions and apathy. when previously i took heart, you would try to know where things went wrong, this time round you chose to ignore it. and i took heart as usual. but rather than sound it out to you, i was tired as well, and just could not be bothered then to do so. to you that was a tantrum. and you had the cheek to tell others that i was pissed off at you. fine.

then came the meetings, where i am sure you felt my hostility. and please dun even think that i will ever be warming up to you again. if that is what is keeping you from reconciliating with me, then let me just put it plainly across, it is your fault. no matter what the meeting is, where, with whom, i will still be just as cold. and if you feel it, too bad.

i can so easily take all the blame, and being that kind of person, i will take the blame. i do not regret what i have done though, please do not be mistaken. i just blame myself for thinking that in some way, subtle or otherwise, i could change you. but that was where the mistake lay. i should have never thought that i could change people, i should have never thought that my love could make you a better person. i should have never seen that glimmer which gave me hope that our friendship could last. in all ways, i should not have cared to try, cared to care.

because i am still feeling the pain of it, no matter how i act, no matter what i say.
because i am still feeling the lost of it, no matter who i am with.

and my only respite, is that you are still nothing, that you are still as screwed up as you were. and i feel no remorse for your disability.

who you were, who you are, who you will be - essentially a loser with nothing.

and that is my closure for you.

kill bill 2 with the deer in the village

t'was a great outing... and i like the fact that we can make so much noise in the movie theatre (well not so much lah) and disturb other viewers enough to move them from their seats...hahahha...i still dun understand why they moved lah...seriously...

and to think that you dunno where borders is...well...we shall go out more often yeah? since you say that orchard is not your turf, let's make it your turf in the holidays...we can go out again...no we must go out again ok??

thanks for the outing again...next time you decide the food, and i decide activities...how bout that?

:)

wake up

You like snow but only if it's warm
You like rain but only if it's dry
No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you

You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
You sit... and you wait... to receive
There's an obvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistence
could make you try tonight

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you to you to you to you to you...
There's no love no money no thrill anymore

There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
With his head in his hands
There's an underestimated and impatient little girl
Raising her hand

But it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you

get up off of it
get outta here enough already

Wake up

Wake Up, Jagged Little Pill - Alanis Morissette

i post this song in response to a conversation i had with taufiq and farida a few days ago, at separate times but talking about the same things: my take on life and attitude towards caring for others. i guess this song pretty much sums up what i was trying to put across to the both of you, especially so the first verse. while it actually sucks being in this place emotionally, you cannot help but do it because you have to protect yourself from the undesirables.

i hope the two of you can now understand better.

for love or money or everything else...whatever

just finished viewing this reality show called for love or money II. which by the way, is just stupid.

giving love a value of a million dollars and making idiots choose.

whatever is happening to the perception of love? perhaps i am being a romantic, but hey i would rather be a romantic than a materialistic asshole. at least i can live with myself and a clear conscience. game it may be, but still... mebbe i am just too jaded about this whole love thing, or mebbe i am just angst-ridden because i still have yet to experience it.

love the game, hate the players? love the players, hate the game?

love and hate are so subjective. if you ask me, hate is just an extreme of love. and therefore, there is truly no such thing as hate. but am i right here? or is hate an absence of love?

when you love and hate someone, you actually love that person.
when you hate and love someone, you still love that person.
when you hate someone, then you hate that person.

i guess i have gone through every type. but i am still hanging on to that hope that my romantic kind of love will prevail for me. as how a dear friend once said, "i am hoping for a fairy-tale love." i cannot really remember what i said to her, but i say now that there is no harm in hoping. perhaps it will come, and if it does not, at least we did not lose hope. and i do pray that you get it, in all your fantasies.

but for myself, i guess i want to just be removed.

dreams

they say that dreams are a way of looking into the mystery called life. in dreams, you see things that have happened, are happening or yet to happen. a good dream is one fortieth of prophecy. dreams are our subconscious, living in ways not possible except on their terms. we work out our anxieties and live our unexpressed lives through our dreams.

i believe in all these, for many times, i have experienced deja-vus. and remember them from the scenes that play out in my mind at night.

they say that souls call out to each other in sleep, and affinity brings these calling souls to a meeting place. at that place, these souls catch glimpses of secrets of the past, present and future. and at that place, they experience alternate lives. good or bad, is another matter altogether.

i write this, because both my sister and i dreamt of our father, who is in nigeria currently, last night. while she told me about it, she does not know that i had had a dream about our father as well.

to make it more freaky, our dreams were disarmingly coherent in terms of subject matter - family trouble.

i dont know what to make of it.

prayer

lead us to a place
guide us with Your Grace
give us faith so we'll be safe

the prayer - various artistes

approaching the end of my exams, approaching the end of first year at school after national service. need time to regroup and think about how things have turned out. many things have happened. and many more to come.

this prayer goes out to all who needs the faith and guidance to get through hard times, and hopefully at the end, all will be well and fulfilling.

spiralina, if you read this, hang in there. good coffee makes better times. and yoga tops it all off, :)
remember the triumvirate's date.

i love you all, truly.

HARA

me and taufiq were entranced by this quaint little place somewhere in bukit timah a few months ago. the place serves halal chinese tim sum. and we being the connoisseurs that we are, of course jump at every opportunity to eat non-traditional food.

the initial forays were like thursday nights after arab class. so we tended to be among the last few customers all the time, and most of the time, the last customers sitting inside the shop.

one night the landlady, now affectionately referred to as aunty nancy, approached us and asked for our help in promoting the outlet to students specifically and to our age group generally. we gave her some ideas and as the story went, we became friends, in a way. and we were the first customers to the inaugural buffet spread, the first customers to enjoy the new seats in the upper-storey, the first customers to use the tatami room. it was all good. and during our second buffet, uncle robert (the landlord) came and spoke to us of his experience in running businesses and proposed some opportunities to us, which in our excitement, we actually considered taking a break from school for a year to try out.

how things can just churn themselves from nothing.

i guess we were just there initially for the different cuisine.
but excellent service and hospitality can really, really make a difference.

and that was what kept us coming back.

and of course, the special dining privileges :)

worms that get through windows but cannot eat the apple

i write tonight in outrage of the stupid trouble that all these viruses and worms caused. my computer was infected with the sasser worm while i left it online the whole night before. apparent effects were overall slowing down of the system, plus programs could not be run without error messages popping up all over the effin' screen.

i got worried. and i got pissed.
more pissed than worried.

nobody knew what hit me when i asked for advice and help. then channelnewsasia announced the problem.

but not before i uninstalled my modem, burnt out my files, almost thrashed my computer, and pulled my already damaged hair out.

farida assisted me in the end, thanks for that, girl.
but i am still seething with quiet rage over the whole mess that i got myself into.

taufiq's prescription: an apple.

windows had better buck up or shut up.

else they gonna lose lotsa business to a fruit.