i don't think i mentioned before about my disappointment in having rebutia cancelled.
no, this is not a complaint about that...so rest assured. when it was cancelled, it was just that many among us were trying to console each other, saying that there are hikmahs to the event not happening.
and i sit here today, contemplating those exact words.
23-27 december was the slated duration of the whole trip.
masya Allah, the things that happened in this time period.
first hikmah - sad one, but fortunately for me, turned out for the better. 23rd december, my grandmother was hospitalised for a high fever which did not subside. 25th december, my grandfather was hospitalised for high fever and shortness of breath. both my maternal grandparents were not doing very good, and were hospitalised two days apart from each other. alhamdulillah, they are recovering well now, and as of today, have been discharged. i dread to imagine if their conditions had not improved, and i was not around to be with them.
second hikmah - by His Grace and Mercy, i managed to personally meet with a shaykh of the Naqshbandi Sufi Order, Maulana Shaykh Md Hisham Kabbani. And while attending three days of lectures by him (26-28 decembar) and other eminent Islamic scholars, i met up with old friends, whom i dearly missed. if rebutia was about finding self-awareness and bonding with my friends, i guess He made it up for me by letting me go for a most enlightening lecture series accompanied by those i loved.
and a most intimate wish made since a decade past, has finally been answered.
All Glory be to Him, the Listener and Answerer, Most Subtle, Most High.
so despite my initial woes at not being able to leave the country on a vacation, i suppose that i have been taught a personal lesson in trust and tawakkal, and in the Divine Designs of Allah. and the pleasure of this lesson, and the experience that i have had these past three days, i guess only i can speak of it.
Reborn,
He who seeks the Way is given a compass,
The guiding light shines upon the Golden Path,
His chaotic heart finds tranquility,
In the gardens of Dhikr.
Ilahi anta maqsudi wa ridhaka matlubi, 'atini mahabbataka wa ma'rifataka.
Amin.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
kitsitra gathering 22 december 2004
hmm. i found it slightly weird that the above event was not mentioned in any of the blogs.
hmm. maybe i did not read about it or something.
hmm. maybe it is something so personally private, that it is only shared by the kitsitras.
hmm. maybe there is something i don't know.
hmm. maybe i hmm too much.
hmm.
but the gathering was simple and sweet.
good food, good company and love all around.
happy birthday to the birthday babies again.
and may the new year see all of us achieving greater heights.
pictures above.
hmm. maybe i did not read about it or something.
hmm. maybe it is something so personally private, that it is only shared by the kitsitras.
hmm. maybe there is something i don't know.
hmm. maybe i hmm too much.
hmm.
but the gathering was simple and sweet.
good food, good company and love all around.
happy birthday to the birthday babies again.
and may the new year see all of us achieving greater heights.
pictures above.
Monday, December 27, 2004
who i am? really?
eXpressive: 7/10
Practical: 5/10
Physical: 4/10
Giver: 6/10
You are a XPIG--Expressive Practical Intellectual Giver. This makes you a Catch.
You are a magazine-cover, matinee idol dreamboat. Parents love you and want to set you up with their kids. However, first dates are tough because it takes time for your qualities to come out.
You are generous and kind. You think first and act later. You are cool in a conflict, but your practical side means if your partner throws out emotional appeals ("why can't we do what I want for a change?") they will grate on your nerves, even when the conflict is resolved.
You're a romantic. You enjoy the thrill of the hunt, and you don't just fall into bed with anyone. You pay close attention to your significant other's needs, and this makes you an excellent lover and partner. The problem is that your friends and lovers may find it so easy to express things to *you* that they lose sight of whether you feel as comfortable with *them*! This doesn't necessarily make you feel under-appreciated -- you're too well-adjusted and self-aware for that -- but you may feel restless. Thus you seek adventure in your life outside the relationship to prove and actualize yourself.
Of all the types, you would make the best parent.
You are coiffed.
Didja see "Big Fish"? 'Cause you're like Ewan MacGregor in "Big Fish."
Of the 169752 people who have taken this quiz, 9.3 % are this type.
Practical: 5/10
Physical: 4/10
Giver: 6/10
You are a XPIG--Expressive Practical Intellectual Giver. This makes you a Catch.
You are a magazine-cover, matinee idol dreamboat. Parents love you and want to set you up with their kids. However, first dates are tough because it takes time for your qualities to come out.
You are generous and kind. You think first and act later. You are cool in a conflict, but your practical side means if your partner throws out emotional appeals ("why can't we do what I want for a change?") they will grate on your nerves, even when the conflict is resolved.
You're a romantic. You enjoy the thrill of the hunt, and you don't just fall into bed with anyone. You pay close attention to your significant other's needs, and this makes you an excellent lover and partner. The problem is that your friends and lovers may find it so easy to express things to *you* that they lose sight of whether you feel as comfortable with *them*! This doesn't necessarily make you feel under-appreciated -- you're too well-adjusted and self-aware for that -- but you may feel restless. Thus you seek adventure in your life outside the relationship to prove and actualize yourself.
Of all the types, you would make the best parent.
You are coiffed.
Didja see "Big Fish"? 'Cause you're like Ewan MacGregor in "Big Fish."
Of the 169752 people who have taken this quiz, 9.3 % are this type.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
kem kelana
kem kelana took place at masjid pertempatan melayu sembawang, just off sembawang park. this camp, like kemBARA was intended to impart basic skills of education, morals, and islamic values to kids who are at high risk of dropping out from school, due to familial, financial or other reasons.
some of my thoughts on the whole event.
i opted to become a station master, so that i will not be too burdened with the running of the camp. i have learnt that lesson before, and it was just a lot of work, something i was not ready to do. but on the second day, i was asked to be emcee, and i could not turn that down, for various reasons. after all, i had to help nonetheless, in all the ways that i could. though at the beginning i was rather shaky, i got the hang of it once more. and yes though i may have grumbled at having to undertake the position, i retract them. i am thankful that i was made the emcee, because it gave me the chance to work with the committee closer. and through the ups and downs of trying to get people to cooperate, and in decision-making, i guess i learnt new things, about people, about trying to organise events, and about working together. also, being emcee helped me get closer to the kids, which is part of the point of going to the camp in the first place. so there, all is well.
i busied myself as and when i could with the kids, talking to them, and playing with them. and got sufficiently bullied by the kids. hehehe. and somehow i am thankful that i got to do that. it sorta readied me to take on the next post, as facilitator. wakakkaka. anyone reading this?
a brother told me that he was not sure that everyone went home with something. i found it sad that these people could spend three days, and not learn. just kind of weird to me, how sometimes people are so blind to the lessons that are being taught to them through the events that happen around them. and how could they not even see what was being shared by the kids? it all returns to the original intention - what have you come to the camp to do? i guess it is this that makes anything and everything that was seemingly unpleasant to me, acceptable. i was doing it for the sake of Allah, and for the sake of the kids.
and the kids' hugs at the closing ceremony, and their tears, made it all worthwhile, all over again. sigh.
i did not cry as badly as the last camp. in fact i even managed to smile as i hugged the children. i guess i am better at controlling it now.
but the surety of longing for the kids is definitely there.
and the surety of longing for my friends, grows even more, the more i meet them.
Lord, love us all and bless us all with happiness and peace, and bring us ever closer in Your religion, Al-Islam. Amin.
some of my thoughts on the whole event.
i opted to become a station master, so that i will not be too burdened with the running of the camp. i have learnt that lesson before, and it was just a lot of work, something i was not ready to do. but on the second day, i was asked to be emcee, and i could not turn that down, for various reasons. after all, i had to help nonetheless, in all the ways that i could. though at the beginning i was rather shaky, i got the hang of it once more. and yes though i may have grumbled at having to undertake the position, i retract them. i am thankful that i was made the emcee, because it gave me the chance to work with the committee closer. and through the ups and downs of trying to get people to cooperate, and in decision-making, i guess i learnt new things, about people, about trying to organise events, and about working together. also, being emcee helped me get closer to the kids, which is part of the point of going to the camp in the first place. so there, all is well.
i busied myself as and when i could with the kids, talking to them, and playing with them. and got sufficiently bullied by the kids. hehehe. and somehow i am thankful that i got to do that. it sorta readied me to take on the next post, as facilitator. wakakkaka. anyone reading this?
a brother told me that he was not sure that everyone went home with something. i found it sad that these people could spend three days, and not learn. just kind of weird to me, how sometimes people are so blind to the lessons that are being taught to them through the events that happen around them. and how could they not even see what was being shared by the kids? it all returns to the original intention - what have you come to the camp to do? i guess it is this that makes anything and everything that was seemingly unpleasant to me, acceptable. i was doing it for the sake of Allah, and for the sake of the kids.
and the kids' hugs at the closing ceremony, and their tears, made it all worthwhile, all over again. sigh.
i did not cry as badly as the last camp. in fact i even managed to smile as i hugged the children. i guess i am better at controlling it now.
but the surety of longing for the kids is definitely there.
and the surety of longing for my friends, grows even more, the more i meet them.
Lord, love us all and bless us all with happiness and peace, and bring us ever closer in Your religion, Al-Islam. Amin.
I'm no...
...superhero, no knight in shining armor, not a paragon of virtue nor a leader of men. I’ve most always been the bland one, the quiet one, the wallflower when spoken to; always looking for a modicum of acceptance in the social circle of whomever; never being too abrasive nor too submissive; always threading the fine line between great and less than zero.
I’ve not performed beautiful arias nor painted Mona Lisas, not built Great Walls nor won the Nobels. I’ve always been put in my place and thought that’s where I’ll always be; never reaching any heights of any particular greatness nor any depths of inner substance.
It’s been a long day, a rainy one even and all I wanted today was to be me. The simple one. The not so great one, maybe even the mediocre one. The one who didn’t have to be thought of as being a saviour of others nor the fount of eternal wisdom. The dispassionate one, the outside observer; the inert rock which lies on shifting ocean sands; the unemoting monster. If I cease to be me, am I the new self or just a reflection of the expectations of others? If I believe to be someone else for a long enough length of time, can I start believing a self-imposed personal illusion?
I wish you’d all have known who I truly am; but understand that I’d rather keep myself to myself when I felt like it; and you all, if you’d have stepped into my shoes would feel how maddening it can be to be misunderstood and yet feel an overwhelming relief of never having been known;
of being both exalted and a disappointment.
After a long day and a rainy evening, I’m no superhero, I just wanna be me.
- excerpt from Hammie's blog
I’ve not performed beautiful arias nor painted Mona Lisas, not built Great Walls nor won the Nobels. I’ve always been put in my place and thought that’s where I’ll always be; never reaching any heights of any particular greatness nor any depths of inner substance.
It’s been a long day, a rainy one even and all I wanted today was to be me. The simple one. The not so great one, maybe even the mediocre one. The one who didn’t have to be thought of as being a saviour of others nor the fount of eternal wisdom. The dispassionate one, the outside observer; the inert rock which lies on shifting ocean sands; the unemoting monster. If I cease to be me, am I the new self or just a reflection of the expectations of others? If I believe to be someone else for a long enough length of time, can I start believing a self-imposed personal illusion?
I wish you’d all have known who I truly am; but understand that I’d rather keep myself to myself when I felt like it; and you all, if you’d have stepped into my shoes would feel how maddening it can be to be misunderstood and yet feel an overwhelming relief of never having been known;
of being both exalted and a disappointment.
After a long day and a rainy evening, I’m no superhero, I just wanna be me.
- excerpt from Hammie's blog
afterthoughts.
quoted from shikin's blog, beautiful words indeed.
Time Tested Beauty Tips
"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone...
People, even more than things,
have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.
Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others."
Sam Levenson
Time Tested Beauty Tips
"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone...
People, even more than things,
have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.
Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others."
Sam Levenson
Thursday, December 16, 2004
dedication
i dedicate this song, as a follow up to my previous entry.
may peace that is sought, be found.
If you, if you could return
Don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade
I’m sure I’m not being rude
But it’s just your attitude
It’s tearing me apart
It’s ruining everything
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you
But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn’t be so confused
And I wouldn’t feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
And I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
Linger - The Cranberries
may peace that is sought, be found.
If you, if you could return
Don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade
I’m sure I’m not being rude
But it’s just your attitude
It’s tearing me apart
It’s ruining everything
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you
But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn’t be so confused
And I wouldn’t feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
And I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
Linger - The Cranberries
and nobody knows why...
i had a conversation with a friend yesterday night, about how hurtful some people can be. especially whenever there are emotional strings attached. to me, having heard this happen so many times, begs these questions: why do some people refuse to admit or see things the way it truly is? why are they scared to face up to reality, to the consequences of their actions? does it please them to cause pain, and grief, and suffering to other people, people who thought there could be something special between them? isn't it plain obvious that actions are interpreted, and if you don't want them to be interpreted the way you don't want it to, then 1)don't do it, or 2)set things straight and stop leading people on!! it is becoming a very unfortunate trend nowadays, and worse, it is creeping into characters, and making those who show it, very disgusting to behold.
the disappointment and pain, knowing that you have been led on, and played with, sucks big time. and believe me when i say, what goes around comes around. if you care for your heart, care for others' too please.
because the sad truth is, we still love despite what happens. we cannot bring ourselves to hate. and the sheer effort of trying to reconcile these two extremes of loving and suffering at the same time, can be a lot - too much - to bear.
the disappointment and pain, knowing that you have been led on, and played with, sucks big time. and believe me when i say, what goes around comes around. if you care for your heart, care for others' too please.
because the sad truth is, we still love despite what happens. we cannot bring ourselves to hate. and the sheer effort of trying to reconcile these two extremes of loving and suffering at the same time, can be a lot - too much - to bear.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
teething problems
not in the metaphorical sense, y'all.
i am really having teething problems.
my wisdom teeth are breaching the gumline, and that is causing me enough discomfort to just sink my teeth into anything that walks past me. its super super super irritating, not to mention painful. i am sure there are many out there who can empathise with me.
i almost wanted to cut my gums and do a self extraction yesterday...but then i will faint from loss of blood and pain, so decided against it.
but i think i would be going to the hospital, once i get the referral from the dentist.
whee.
stupid teeth.
i am really having teething problems.
my wisdom teeth are breaching the gumline, and that is causing me enough discomfort to just sink my teeth into anything that walks past me. its super super super irritating, not to mention painful. i am sure there are many out there who can empathise with me.
i almost wanted to cut my gums and do a self extraction yesterday...but then i will faint from loss of blood and pain, so decided against it.
but i think i would be going to the hospital, once i get the referral from the dentist.
whee.
stupid teeth.
back to me, with love too i hope
Just read ur blog, couldn't find better words to match yours but this song came to my mind and it says what i need to say, so im sending it to you as a reply. Forgive the unoriginality though, :)
Thank You For Loving Me
by Bon Jovi
It´s hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There´s no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We´ll leave the world outside
All I´ve got to give to you
Are these five words when I
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn´t see
For parting my lips
When I couldn´t breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky´s a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you´d make believe
That you believed my lies
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn´t see
For parting my lips
When I couldn´t breathe
Thank you for loving me
You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me
Lock the doors
We´ll leave the world outside
All I´ve got to give to you
Are these five words when I
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn´t see
You parted my lips
When I couldn´t breathe
Thank you for loving me
When I couldn´t fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn´t breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Oh, for loving me
Thank You For Loving Me
by Bon Jovi
It´s hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There´s no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We´ll leave the world outside
All I´ve got to give to you
Are these five words when I
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn´t see
For parting my lips
When I couldn´t breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky´s a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you´d make believe
That you believed my lies
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn´t see
For parting my lips
When I couldn´t breathe
Thank you for loving me
You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me
Lock the doors
We´ll leave the world outside
All I´ve got to give to you
Are these five words when I
Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn´t see
You parted my lips
When I couldn´t breathe
Thank you for loving me
When I couldn´t fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn´t breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Oh, for loving me
Monday, December 13, 2004
i do not love you - pablo neruda
wonderful words quoted from dear farida's blog.
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers
Thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep
i can read this and cry over and over and over and over and over again.
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers
Thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep
i can read this and cry over and over and over and over and over again.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
to you, with love
the past few weeks have been truly great, because i got to spend time with you. time which otherwise would have been spent either studying for some test, or planning for some event. no, i am not saying that you have taken me away from what i should be doing, but that you were a much needed respite from my schedule.
i needed that time, to lose myself in myself, to reconnect with what i may have lost. and i needed that time, to see that it is all fine the way things are, or whether i needed to do anything about anything. i am happy to see that things are going well, and very very relieved indeed.
i worry sometimes about neglecting and forgetting the things that matter. i fear losing these things that matter. but i sometimes find myself at a loss, being inadequately resourced in time, effort and empathy. sometimes i wish there were more of me, so that all that is expected of me, can be fulfilled.
but you, in kindness, accept me for all my flaws and unbecomings. in fact, you strive to see that i am not burdened and that i never feel inadequate. you allow me to lord you over, you simply refuse to disagree. like the willow that bends in the storm, but never falling over, you silently stand your ground in the face of my tempestuous nature. you should know, that in the end, the silent dripping of the rain on the mountain, wears it down. and that the water prevails.
that, is you.
as how rain earns the respect of the mountains, you have earned my love, my trust and my faith. and a privilege that none other has ever. a privilege only fit for one.
and while you are in complete knowledge of this privilege, you never abuse it, though many a time you could have, simply.
and that only increases the power of that privilege.
i am clear enough to the forces that move you and me. and i am eternally grateful to have been given you to love and cherish. i understand your desire to be and yet to refrain, i understand your needs and your fears, and i appreciate the mercy with which you handle your affairs with me, ensuring that i do not get hurt.
i have learnt many things, thanks to you.
my love, i do not wish to impose anything more upon you. and i wish to repay the kindness that you have shown. what is unsaid, is spoken very evidently to me, as you know. and i know.
let us not deny what moves us. but let us know, that i am always there. in my happiness, in my grief, in my anxiety, in my anger, in my apathy - i always will be there whether you ask it of me or not.
sing your own song, dearheart, and i will sing the harmony.
dance your own moves, dearheart, and i will be the beat.
and when you wish solitude, love, it will be given, no questions asked.
i believe in the sanctity and strength of what we have.
and i will never tire saying this.
i love you true.
i needed that time, to lose myself in myself, to reconnect with what i may have lost. and i needed that time, to see that it is all fine the way things are, or whether i needed to do anything about anything. i am happy to see that things are going well, and very very relieved indeed.
i worry sometimes about neglecting and forgetting the things that matter. i fear losing these things that matter. but i sometimes find myself at a loss, being inadequately resourced in time, effort and empathy. sometimes i wish there were more of me, so that all that is expected of me, can be fulfilled.
but you, in kindness, accept me for all my flaws and unbecomings. in fact, you strive to see that i am not burdened and that i never feel inadequate. you allow me to lord you over, you simply refuse to disagree. like the willow that bends in the storm, but never falling over, you silently stand your ground in the face of my tempestuous nature. you should know, that in the end, the silent dripping of the rain on the mountain, wears it down. and that the water prevails.
that, is you.
as how rain earns the respect of the mountains, you have earned my love, my trust and my faith. and a privilege that none other has ever. a privilege only fit for one.
and while you are in complete knowledge of this privilege, you never abuse it, though many a time you could have, simply.
and that only increases the power of that privilege.
i am clear enough to the forces that move you and me. and i am eternally grateful to have been given you to love and cherish. i understand your desire to be and yet to refrain, i understand your needs and your fears, and i appreciate the mercy with which you handle your affairs with me, ensuring that i do not get hurt.
i have learnt many things, thanks to you.
my love, i do not wish to impose anything more upon you. and i wish to repay the kindness that you have shown. what is unsaid, is spoken very evidently to me, as you know. and i know.
let us not deny what moves us. but let us know, that i am always there. in my happiness, in my grief, in my anxiety, in my anger, in my apathy - i always will be there whether you ask it of me or not.
sing your own song, dearheart, and i will sing the harmony.
dance your own moves, dearheart, and i will be the beat.
and when you wish solitude, love, it will be given, no questions asked.
i believe in the sanctity and strength of what we have.
and i will never tire saying this.
i love you true.
coming up
17-20 december: camp kelana with ntums
24-26 december: rebutia with ntums for experience to rebuild nypms
along that, send in scholarship application.
got chingay to dance for, insya Allah.
got to do up board in school.
got to work with student committee for SAOT.
debates?
PAL, definitely.
busy? i just want the time to breathe.
24-26 december: rebutia with ntums for experience to rebuild nypms
along that, send in scholarship application.
got chingay to dance for, insya Allah.
got to do up board in school.
got to work with student committee for SAOT.
debates?
PAL, definitely.
busy? i just want the time to breathe.
rita's house visit
the honour that rita gives to us is truly appreciated and we love her back just as strong...for that i quote her blog, and below is the entirety of the entry that was written...
Hanging Out With FAMILY
It is always nice to have friends coming over just to hang out, watch VCDs and eat. It connects friendships at a different level, away from the coldness of restaurants and the public.
Whenever Nizar and Taufiq are over at my place, it always warms my heart to see how at ease they are with my family - lying on the sofas, singing and laughing their hearts out. Zul's presence today added joy to the company. Plus, his miraculous cure to my spinning head (by rubbing some vein between my fingers) really left me impressed. Perhaps this is how he remains so charming with girls. :)
Oooooh my little brothers. Just can't get enough of them! *squeeze their cheeks*
it is always nice to be on the receiving end of wonderful hospitality, exceptional cooking, and of course, beloved company...
Hanging Out With FAMILY
It is always nice to have friends coming over just to hang out, watch VCDs and eat. It connects friendships at a different level, away from the coldness of restaurants and the public.
Whenever Nizar and Taufiq are over at my place, it always warms my heart to see how at ease they are with my family - lying on the sofas, singing and laughing their hearts out. Zul's presence today added joy to the company. Plus, his miraculous cure to my spinning head (by rubbing some vein between my fingers) really left me impressed. Perhaps this is how he remains so charming with girls. :)
Oooooh my little brothers. Just can't get enough of them! *squeeze their cheeks*
it is always nice to be on the receiving end of wonderful hospitality, exceptional cooking, and of course, beloved company...
end of raya notes
wow.
i remembered four weeks ago, when the whole hullabaloo started about raya.
syawal began with on a bad note, but fortunately progressed on with getting better and better. and there were of course many things that i participated in, many events that i attended, many houses that i visited.
today officially marks the end of raya celebrations for me, and a very very exhausted me indeed. but i am not complaining.
these weeks have seen me at the peak of my mood, and smiling most of the time.
meeting up with my friends, had a unspoken, inexpressible pleasure. jelira kemanisan hanya dapat dirasakan di lubuk hati, as how they would say it in malay.
my involvement in activities in and out of school, with and without my friends, have left me pretty much sated, and fulfilled for the holidays. i kind of feel refreshed and ready to go back to school - something which i never thought would actually happen.
i know i promised to update on the different outings that i went to, but as it is, time will not allow me to blab on and on. furthermore, a picture speaks a thousand words. so i will post some pictures instead, that capture, among others, the familial ties, the fun, the joy and the pure bliss of simply being among loved ones.
i remembered four weeks ago, when the whole hullabaloo started about raya.
syawal began with on a bad note, but fortunately progressed on with getting better and better. and there were of course many things that i participated in, many events that i attended, many houses that i visited.
today officially marks the end of raya celebrations for me, and a very very exhausted me indeed. but i am not complaining.
these weeks have seen me at the peak of my mood, and smiling most of the time.
meeting up with my friends, had a unspoken, inexpressible pleasure. jelira kemanisan hanya dapat dirasakan di lubuk hati, as how they would say it in malay.
my involvement in activities in and out of school, with and without my friends, have left me pretty much sated, and fulfilled for the holidays. i kind of feel refreshed and ready to go back to school - something which i never thought would actually happen.
i know i promised to update on the different outings that i went to, but as it is, time will not allow me to blab on and on. furthermore, a picture speaks a thousand words. so i will post some pictures instead, that capture, among others, the familial ties, the fun, the joy and the pure bliss of simply being among loved ones.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
venatoris raya outing
will update this soon.
with pictures.
but just want to say, it was nice seeing people whom i have missed for a long long time.
with pictures.
but just want to say, it was nice seeing people whom i have missed for a long long time.
starstruck
ok. all the bad things i ever said about sylvester, i take back.
errm, i saw them on my way home from orchard that day. them being sly and taufik.
congrats to taufik for winning the singapore idol competition deservingly.
and congrats to sly for a valiant effort.
i saw them walking towards me, and i was dumbfounded. hahaha...
sly smiled at us, and i managed a feeble, "hi" and wave.
and taufik waved back and said hi.
these people are not pretentious at all. absolutely down to earth.
and for that, they get my respect.
errm, i saw them on my way home from orchard that day. them being sly and taufik.
congrats to taufik for winning the singapore idol competition deservingly.
and congrats to sly for a valiant effort.
i saw them walking towards me, and i was dumbfounded. hahaha...
sly smiled at us, and i managed a feeble, "hi" and wave.
and taufik waved back and said hi.
these people are not pretentious at all. absolutely down to earth.
and for that, they get my respect.
Friday, November 26, 2004
step one: get good grades. on to step two...
my exam results were sms-ed to me in the morning.
and alhamdulillah, i am happy to report that i have gotten grades which are more than satisfactory.
it heartens me to prove to myself that i am able to perform well for academia.
and it has given me the motivation to carry on performing.
now, with these results, i intend to apply for the singhealth or nhg sponsorship for healthcare professionals. insya Allah.
and alhamdulillah, i am happy to report that i have gotten grades which are more than satisfactory.
it heartens me to prove to myself that i am able to perform well for academia.
and it has given me the motivation to carry on performing.
now, with these results, i intend to apply for the singhealth or nhg sponsorship for healthcare professionals. insya Allah.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
story of a fickle fever
it began one night, when the rain fell most heavily. but i for one, never feared the rain. afterall, the coolness only made the night more comfortable to sleep in. as i prepared to tuck myself in for the night, i wondered, how nice it would be, if every night were as wet and cool.
as i drifted away into unconsciousness, i began to feel warm - uncomfortable and insipidous. my plan for a restful sleep became fitful. i saw weird visions, strange happenings. i was confused and very disoriented - until i woke up. looking at the clock, i realised that i had barely slept for two hours. and my body was burning up. i tried to force myself back to sleep - only to awaken at irregular intervals of minutes.
i could not take it anymore. i dragged myself up, literally. my limbs were like concrete slabs weighing me down. every motion was painful and torturous. into the kitchen i went, looking for some form of relief. panadol, water - whichever came first. i did not realise that my throat was parched until swallowing became a chore.
downing a glass of water, i trudged back into my room.
as i lay down, i could feel the panadol taking effect. little beads of perspiration formed on my forehead - a sign of the fever breaking. i thought to myself, everything is going to be just fine. its just a passing fever. as i fell back to sleep, little did i know how wrong i was.
when i woke up the next morning, the fever was back, in full force. taking my temperature, i found it to be 38.6 degrees. i was shocked by the intensity of the fever. my pulse was a rapid 120 beats per minute. i told my mother, who told me to take febricol, a stronger cousin of panadol, and rest. if it does not subside, then i would be off to the doctor's. well, wonder of wonders, the medication worked, for the while. the fever broke again. my mother made me take two more tablets in the course of the day, to ensure that the fever was really gone. we both thought the fever was gone.
i felt fine enough to go out the day after. but during the outing, my systems started to act up again. all holes were leaking, to be crude. and the fever came back. it was very unpleasant and inconvenient. i managed to hold on till the end, and reached home intact.
however, i broke at home.
that night, i did not sleep at all, because of the sheer pain and discomfort that the fever was giving me. every sleeping position was a different bed of nails. every breath was like having my lungs tugged at. i did not know whether to feel cold or hot. my body was warring with itself. i made my way to the bathroom, and doused myself. it was a wonder that i remained conscious throughout the whole ordeal. i believed myself to be capable of passing out anytime.
the rest of the night passed with no improvement to my condition.
and so i decided, like it or not, to the doctor's i must go.
but guess what fickle fever decided to do? when i reached the clinic, the fever subsided, and my temperature was normal. when the doctor examined me, she found no evidence of the fever. boy was i pissed. its like the fever conveniently decided to leave, just as i decided to get treatment.
fickle fever.
but thanks to all those who wished me well. i should be getting better soon. i hope. got a lot of jalan raya planned. :)
as i drifted away into unconsciousness, i began to feel warm - uncomfortable and insipidous. my plan for a restful sleep became fitful. i saw weird visions, strange happenings. i was confused and very disoriented - until i woke up. looking at the clock, i realised that i had barely slept for two hours. and my body was burning up. i tried to force myself back to sleep - only to awaken at irregular intervals of minutes.
i could not take it anymore. i dragged myself up, literally. my limbs were like concrete slabs weighing me down. every motion was painful and torturous. into the kitchen i went, looking for some form of relief. panadol, water - whichever came first. i did not realise that my throat was parched until swallowing became a chore.
downing a glass of water, i trudged back into my room.
as i lay down, i could feel the panadol taking effect. little beads of perspiration formed on my forehead - a sign of the fever breaking. i thought to myself, everything is going to be just fine. its just a passing fever. as i fell back to sleep, little did i know how wrong i was.
when i woke up the next morning, the fever was back, in full force. taking my temperature, i found it to be 38.6 degrees. i was shocked by the intensity of the fever. my pulse was a rapid 120 beats per minute. i told my mother, who told me to take febricol, a stronger cousin of panadol, and rest. if it does not subside, then i would be off to the doctor's. well, wonder of wonders, the medication worked, for the while. the fever broke again. my mother made me take two more tablets in the course of the day, to ensure that the fever was really gone. we both thought the fever was gone.
i felt fine enough to go out the day after. but during the outing, my systems started to act up again. all holes were leaking, to be crude. and the fever came back. it was very unpleasant and inconvenient. i managed to hold on till the end, and reached home intact.
however, i broke at home.
that night, i did not sleep at all, because of the sheer pain and discomfort that the fever was giving me. every sleeping position was a different bed of nails. every breath was like having my lungs tugged at. i did not know whether to feel cold or hot. my body was warring with itself. i made my way to the bathroom, and doused myself. it was a wonder that i remained conscious throughout the whole ordeal. i believed myself to be capable of passing out anytime.
the rest of the night passed with no improvement to my condition.
and so i decided, like it or not, to the doctor's i must go.
but guess what fickle fever decided to do? when i reached the clinic, the fever subsided, and my temperature was normal. when the doctor examined me, she found no evidence of the fever. boy was i pissed. its like the fever conveniently decided to leave, just as i decided to get treatment.
fickle fever.
but thanks to all those who wished me well. i should be getting better soon. i hope. got a lot of jalan raya planned. :)
Monday, November 22, 2004
hot or cold?
38.4 degrees. and holding.
am going to see the doctor tomorrow if this soes not subside.
my temperature rarely goes beyond 38 degrees.
it is scaring me.
am going to see the doctor tomorrow if this soes not subside.
my temperature rarely goes beyond 38 degrees.
it is scaring me.
macam dah takdir
just when my mood to celebrate was healed, just when everything seemed to be going a-ok...just when i was raring to go...
fever.
i am sick now.
heavy head, heavy limbs (not due to my natural size ok), raised body temperature, sleepless nights, bitter medication, loss of appetite, weird visions... the works.
bingit ah cam gini.
urgh.
fever.
i am sick now.
heavy head, heavy limbs (not due to my natural size ok), raised body temperature, sleepless nights, bitter medication, loss of appetite, weird visions... the works.
bingit ah cam gini.
urgh.
by the ways...
just an announcement for those who read my blog...
EVENT: "BRANCHING OUT", the 3rd RAFFLESIAN HARI RAYA GATHERING
VENUE: RAFFLES HOTEL BALLROOM
DATE: 12 DECEMBER 2004, 1.30pm - 4.30pm
COST: $35 for students in RI, RGS, RJC, $55 for the rest
***KITSITRA***
errm, i know nura cannot perform on that day, but would the rest of you like to put up a performance? a medley of sorts... we need razak and/or azfar and/or zul to play the guitars...and the rest to recite or sing...
murshidah has agreed to perform a deklamasi with musical accompaniment
me and ratna will be singing a medley
anything more you guys want to contribute?
get back to me yah?
EVENT: "BRANCHING OUT", the 3rd RAFFLESIAN HARI RAYA GATHERING
VENUE: RAFFLES HOTEL BALLROOM
DATE: 12 DECEMBER 2004, 1.30pm - 4.30pm
COST: $35 for students in RI, RGS, RJC, $55 for the rest
***KITSITRA***
errm, i know nura cannot perform on that day, but would the rest of you like to put up a performance? a medley of sorts... we need razak and/or azfar and/or zul to play the guitars...and the rest to recite or sing...
murshidah has agreed to perform a deklamasi with musical accompaniment
me and ratna will be singing a medley
anything more you guys want to contribute?
get back to me yah?
Sunday, November 21, 2004
enam tabib
enam tabib datang mengubat
hati sedih sakit melarat
dibaca, ditiup, dihembuskan ayat
hati melarat menjadi sihat
enam tabib pangkatnya sahabat
enam tabib bagaikan kerabat
ayat penawar kekata hikmat
pelembut pejal dendam tersirat
hati sedih sakit melarat
dibaca, ditiup, dihembuskan ayat
hati melarat menjadi sihat
enam tabib pangkatnya sahabat
enam tabib bagaikan kerabat
ayat penawar kekata hikmat
pelembut pejal dendam tersirat
Saturday, November 20, 2004
*pffft*
ok the past entries may seem morose.
that's just me being a brat.
nobody worry about me ok?
"the only thing constant in life is change..."
i was going through a phase. still am.
but will get through it anyways.
enough said.
be well all, NUS peeps - good luck. NTU peeps - well done.
that's just me being a brat.
nobody worry about me ok?
"the only thing constant in life is change..."
i was going through a phase. still am.
but will get through it anyways.
enough said.
be well all, NUS peeps - good luck. NTU peeps - well done.
Friday, November 19, 2004
what's there left to celebrate?
i remember not too long ago having a chat with one of my friends.
and she said something about never actually having celebrated raya.
she never felt the spirit of raya.
and in my heart, i was thinking, "how sad for her..."
but this year, with all the things happening, i find myself in her same shoes. well perhaps not that i am really in her same situation, but the feeling, that there is nothing worth celebrating, resonates true inside me.
putih hati, kata orang.
tahun ini, raya pertama berhamburan.
raya bersama teman tidak dihiraukan.
semangat persaudaraan, bagaikan kian pudar dan hilang dari ingatan.
hilang erti beraya jika tiada makna yang mampu ku aqadkan kepada sambutan.
for all that it is worth, i shall grant reasonable doubt to whatever it is.
but the one thing that i had actually looked forward to, i shall now despise.
i will visit who i want, when i want. and those whom i make an effort to visit, will know that they matter more to me.
those whom i deign not even be courteous to, then serves you right.
tantrum?
no.
broken.
and she said something about never actually having celebrated raya.
she never felt the spirit of raya.
and in my heart, i was thinking, "how sad for her..."
but this year, with all the things happening, i find myself in her same shoes. well perhaps not that i am really in her same situation, but the feeling, that there is nothing worth celebrating, resonates true inside me.
putih hati, kata orang.
tahun ini, raya pertama berhamburan.
raya bersama teman tidak dihiraukan.
semangat persaudaraan, bagaikan kian pudar dan hilang dari ingatan.
hilang erti beraya jika tiada makna yang mampu ku aqadkan kepada sambutan.
for all that it is worth, i shall grant reasonable doubt to whatever it is.
but the one thing that i had actually looked forward to, i shall now despise.
i will visit who i want, when i want. and those whom i make an effort to visit, will know that they matter more to me.
those whom i deign not even be courteous to, then serves you right.
tantrum?
no.
broken.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
egocentrism
i know its kinda late for this.
but yah, selamat menyambut bulan syawal to all (not hari raya cos that day is past...)
just an entry to commemorate that fateful day then.
in psychology, Piaget suggested that humans develop in stages. at age 2-7, they are at the "preoperational stage", which is characterised by symbolic activity or play, but to a very great degree, egocentrism. egocentrism is defined as the inability to perceive objects or situations from another person's perspective. therefore, the child at such a stage is usually observed to be self-biased i.e. self-centred.
note the age range.
it is kind of peculiar, how individuals at a supposed age range beyond that, can regress to that stage - a stage which they have purported passed a long, long time ago.
many times, we experience situations which arise from this basic problem - an egocentric antagonist. and the final conclusion we draw from the incident - people should learn to see things from another's perspective, and that one's actions may have consequences on other people. but the question that begs to be answered is, how many of us actually make a conscious effort to be less egocentric after the incident?
sometimes, we just say the things that we say, to end the incident. but then we continue harbouring the thoughts and emotions - that we are right, that the other party is wrong, that everyone but yourself is being unreasonable, and that there is therefore no other way out, but your way.
i admit that at this time, i am feeling exactly that.
something happened on the morning of raya, an event that was utterly unexpected, and rather uncalled for from my point of view. to blame just one person for the affair would be very unfair. to put it nicely, yes, somehow, someway, all were at fault for being caught up in their own worlds.
but i blame another person totally for it. and i still believe that the ultimate fault lies with him. it all precipitated and accumulated because of how selfish, how stubborn, how immature and how blind he is towards the whole state of affairs, and how everyone has suffered because of him.
and i hate the way he simply pretends that nothing has happened, and that everything is fine. bullshit. he is really undeserving of the things that he has gotten, in my eyes. accuse me of egocentrism now. i dun give a damn. frankly i have a feeling that nothing was achieved by that incident, that it all came to naught, whatever we tried to talk about.
if it were me, i would have chased him out a long time ago. impulsive? come experience it for yourself first, then judge me.
whatever it is, the bitter aftertaste of the whole event remains even to this day.
all i remember, is going to my room, and just collapsing to the floor, crying and lamenting. that's egocentrism for you. i had no other thing in my mind, except how i felt and what i thought.
i really did not want to celebrate raya. the whole mood was gone and destroyed.
wait, that's wrong.
the whole mood is gone and destroyed.
but yah, selamat menyambut bulan syawal to all (not hari raya cos that day is past...)
just an entry to commemorate that fateful day then.
in psychology, Piaget suggested that humans develop in stages. at age 2-7, they are at the "preoperational stage", which is characterised by symbolic activity or play, but to a very great degree, egocentrism. egocentrism is defined as the inability to perceive objects or situations from another person's perspective. therefore, the child at such a stage is usually observed to be self-biased i.e. self-centred.
note the age range.
it is kind of peculiar, how individuals at a supposed age range beyond that, can regress to that stage - a stage which they have purported passed a long, long time ago.
many times, we experience situations which arise from this basic problem - an egocentric antagonist. and the final conclusion we draw from the incident - people should learn to see things from another's perspective, and that one's actions may have consequences on other people. but the question that begs to be answered is, how many of us actually make a conscious effort to be less egocentric after the incident?
sometimes, we just say the things that we say, to end the incident. but then we continue harbouring the thoughts and emotions - that we are right, that the other party is wrong, that everyone but yourself is being unreasonable, and that there is therefore no other way out, but your way.
i admit that at this time, i am feeling exactly that.
something happened on the morning of raya, an event that was utterly unexpected, and rather uncalled for from my point of view. to blame just one person for the affair would be very unfair. to put it nicely, yes, somehow, someway, all were at fault for being caught up in their own worlds.
but i blame another person totally for it. and i still believe that the ultimate fault lies with him. it all precipitated and accumulated because of how selfish, how stubborn, how immature and how blind he is towards the whole state of affairs, and how everyone has suffered because of him.
and i hate the way he simply pretends that nothing has happened, and that everything is fine. bullshit. he is really undeserving of the things that he has gotten, in my eyes. accuse me of egocentrism now. i dun give a damn. frankly i have a feeling that nothing was achieved by that incident, that it all came to naught, whatever we tried to talk about.
if it were me, i would have chased him out a long time ago. impulsive? come experience it for yourself first, then judge me.
whatever it is, the bitter aftertaste of the whole event remains even to this day.
all i remember, is going to my room, and just collapsing to the floor, crying and lamenting. that's egocentrism for you. i had no other thing in my mind, except how i felt and what i thought.
i really did not want to celebrate raya. the whole mood was gone and destroyed.
wait, that's wrong.
the whole mood is gone and destroyed.
Saturday, November 13, 2004
ilal liqa', ya syahrul karim
i thank You for the gift of ramadhan, and the gift of lailatul qadr.
i thank You for the gift of fasting, and the gift of life.
i thank You for the gift of thought, and the gift of reflection.
i thank You for the gift of Islam, and Iman, and Ihsan.
i thank You for the gift of Your Beloved.
alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alamin, 'ala kulli haalin wan na'im.
wa ilal liqa', insya Allah, ya syahrul karim.
i thank You for the gift of fasting, and the gift of life.
i thank You for the gift of thought, and the gift of reflection.
i thank You for the gift of Islam, and Iman, and Ihsan.
i thank You for the gift of Your Beloved.
alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alamin, 'ala kulli haalin wan na'im.
wa ilal liqa', insya Allah, ya syahrul karim.
gone too soon...ramadhan in retrospect
Like a comet, blazing 'cross the evening sky...gone too soon
Like a rainbow, fading in the twinkling of an eye...gone too soon
Shiny and sparkly and splendidly bright
Here one day, gone one night
Like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon...gone too soon
Like a castle built upon a sandy beach...gone too soon
Like a perfect flower that is just beyond your reach...gone too soon
Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight
Here one day, gone one night
Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon...gone too soon
Gone Too Soon - Michael Jackson
indeed, ramadhan has come, and gone.
leaving us wondering if we will meet again.
at the friday sermon earlier, the khatib brought up the matter of evaluating our ramadhan. so here i am, on the last night, in muhasabah.
i remember at the advent of the holy month, many of my friends were very eager, and very spirited in facing the trials of fasting and abstinence. we made our determined avowals that ramadhan this year would be different, and a definite improvement from ramadhans in the past. we would endeavour towards ibadah, and towards unveiling ramadhan in a new light.
insya Allah, i pray that we have somewhat managed to achieve that, if not all that we had wished for, then at least in whatever miniscule amount that we could.
i cannot help but feel that there could have been something more done. that i could have been more determined. that i could have exercised more control in some of my actions. that i could have done things a different way.
that i could have been a better son, a better brother, a better friend, a better muslim - a better person.
despite all that i tried, i find myself faltering in my interactions with my family. my attitude towards my family still has a lot that needs working upon. my parents, my sister and my brothers could have gotten better from me. they should have gotten better from me. yet i find some things just really hard to control and change. and these things would someday define me as a person.
despite all that i tried, i find myself faltering in my interactions with my friends.
i lose myself in them, and yet it is among them that i should practice more restraint. i forget who i am, and what i am. and i will inadvertently hurt myself.
despite all that i tried, i find myself faltering in my submission to Him. what i know, i do not act upon. what i should act upon, i take lightly. and what i take lightly, does not prove the determination that i had so spiritedly spoke of in the beginning.
has this ramadhan changed me? or have i simply changed what ramadhan means to me?
every year, ramadhan is supposed to improve one's being, physically and spiritually. it is not about a mere abstinence from food or drinks to prove one's devotion or that one is a muslim. it is supposed to be appreciated on many different levels. the cleansing of the body, is to be accompanied with a cleansing of the mind, a cleansing of unacceptable character traits, a cleansing of the spirit. it readies one to face his Lord, for it is at this month, where mercies from Master to servant are boundless, that one can aspire to achieve makrifatullah with ease. it is why this month is the month of the ummah, for it is the time when the ummah is elevated beyond other times. it is why the fast is so special, because it can only be for God, and no one else. it is why at the peak of the month, the Night of Power, one can receive more blessings than one can ever achieve in a lifetime.
ramadhan, ramadhan.
i am unfortunate that i have perhaps left this month, with nothing more than a broken heart. knowing my flaws and yet not being able to change them in time. yet i am hopeful, that by His Grace, i will be able to change. insya Allah.
Lord, we are tested with many trials. these tribulations that You ordained upon us - our family, our friends, our roles and responsibilities, and our lives - we ask that You show mercy and kindness. You do not burden a soul with more than it can bear, but little do we perceive it. therefore, we ask of you, our Lord, to grant us the strength that we would need to face our obstacles, and avail us to a blissful end. by the glory of this holy month that You gift upon us, by the Mercy that You shower upon Your servants in the days and nights, by the passing of the holy month on this last night, we ask of you, oh Listener and Knower of All. bless us, and forgive us our transgressions, oh Forgiver and Most Merciful.
Amin.
Like a rainbow, fading in the twinkling of an eye...gone too soon
Shiny and sparkly and splendidly bright
Here one day, gone one night
Like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon...gone too soon
Like a castle built upon a sandy beach...gone too soon
Like a perfect flower that is just beyond your reach...gone too soon
Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight
Here one day, gone one night
Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon...gone too soon
Gone Too Soon - Michael Jackson
indeed, ramadhan has come, and gone.
leaving us wondering if we will meet again.
at the friday sermon earlier, the khatib brought up the matter of evaluating our ramadhan. so here i am, on the last night, in muhasabah.
i remember at the advent of the holy month, many of my friends were very eager, and very spirited in facing the trials of fasting and abstinence. we made our determined avowals that ramadhan this year would be different, and a definite improvement from ramadhans in the past. we would endeavour towards ibadah, and towards unveiling ramadhan in a new light.
insya Allah, i pray that we have somewhat managed to achieve that, if not all that we had wished for, then at least in whatever miniscule amount that we could.
i cannot help but feel that there could have been something more done. that i could have been more determined. that i could have exercised more control in some of my actions. that i could have done things a different way.
that i could have been a better son, a better brother, a better friend, a better muslim - a better person.
despite all that i tried, i find myself faltering in my interactions with my family. my attitude towards my family still has a lot that needs working upon. my parents, my sister and my brothers could have gotten better from me. they should have gotten better from me. yet i find some things just really hard to control and change. and these things would someday define me as a person.
despite all that i tried, i find myself faltering in my interactions with my friends.
i lose myself in them, and yet it is among them that i should practice more restraint. i forget who i am, and what i am. and i will inadvertently hurt myself.
despite all that i tried, i find myself faltering in my submission to Him. what i know, i do not act upon. what i should act upon, i take lightly. and what i take lightly, does not prove the determination that i had so spiritedly spoke of in the beginning.
has this ramadhan changed me? or have i simply changed what ramadhan means to me?
every year, ramadhan is supposed to improve one's being, physically and spiritually. it is not about a mere abstinence from food or drinks to prove one's devotion or that one is a muslim. it is supposed to be appreciated on many different levels. the cleansing of the body, is to be accompanied with a cleansing of the mind, a cleansing of unacceptable character traits, a cleansing of the spirit. it readies one to face his Lord, for it is at this month, where mercies from Master to servant are boundless, that one can aspire to achieve makrifatullah with ease. it is why this month is the month of the ummah, for it is the time when the ummah is elevated beyond other times. it is why the fast is so special, because it can only be for God, and no one else. it is why at the peak of the month, the Night of Power, one can receive more blessings than one can ever achieve in a lifetime.
ramadhan, ramadhan.
i am unfortunate that i have perhaps left this month, with nothing more than a broken heart. knowing my flaws and yet not being able to change them in time. yet i am hopeful, that by His Grace, i will be able to change. insya Allah.
Lord, we are tested with many trials. these tribulations that You ordained upon us - our family, our friends, our roles and responsibilities, and our lives - we ask that You show mercy and kindness. You do not burden a soul with more than it can bear, but little do we perceive it. therefore, we ask of you, our Lord, to grant us the strength that we would need to face our obstacles, and avail us to a blissful end. by the glory of this holy month that You gift upon us, by the Mercy that You shower upon Your servants in the days and nights, by the passing of the holy month on this last night, we ask of you, oh Listener and Knower of All. bless us, and forgive us our transgressions, oh Forgiver and Most Merciful.
Amin.
Friday, November 12, 2004
by the way...
if the bottom entry kind of makes me appear like, shallow and superficial, so be it.
got better things to think about.
got better things to think about.
sorry...not my cuppa...
a friend of mine brought up a very salient point about me.
and its a truth.
politics is not my forte. in fact it is one of the things that i have absolutely no sense for. what is the phrase used to describe it? political apathy, yes.
so eunice olsen is NMP. good for her. big deal to me.
it is not as if she is incapable or anything. proof of that will come in her term of service. whether she's good or not will depend on the results of her work. and by that argument, who are we to judge anyone at first glance whether he or she should be NMP? and what's there to say about the level of politics in the country? "What is happening to Parliament?" Come on, surely we are more matured than that.
if anything at all, it goes to show that the government is trying to improve itself, adding fresh perspectives and new blood into the leadership of the nation. i am sure that there were and will be systems of checkbacks to ensure the capabilties and suitability of the candidates for the position. if i could further add, kudos to the government for being willing to be unconventional and expand the opportunities of leadership to younger and less jaded minds.
you see, it is not political apathy. rather, it is just a vote of confidence in the actions of the government and the direction we are heading.
but my opinions are my own.
my two cents' worth of political diatribe is above-written.
still not my cuppa tho'.
and its a truth.
politics is not my forte. in fact it is one of the things that i have absolutely no sense for. what is the phrase used to describe it? political apathy, yes.
so eunice olsen is NMP. good for her. big deal to me.
it is not as if she is incapable or anything. proof of that will come in her term of service. whether she's good or not will depend on the results of her work. and by that argument, who are we to judge anyone at first glance whether he or she should be NMP? and what's there to say about the level of politics in the country? "What is happening to Parliament?" Come on, surely we are more matured than that.
if anything at all, it goes to show that the government is trying to improve itself, adding fresh perspectives and new blood into the leadership of the nation. i am sure that there were and will be systems of checkbacks to ensure the capabilties and suitability of the candidates for the position. if i could further add, kudos to the government for being willing to be unconventional and expand the opportunities of leadership to younger and less jaded minds.
you see, it is not political apathy. rather, it is just a vote of confidence in the actions of the government and the direction we are heading.
but my opinions are my own.
my two cents' worth of political diatribe is above-written.
still not my cuppa tho'.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
muslims around the world.
yasser arafat passed away today. of what ailment, only God knows. but ihda fatihah for him. may his deeds be accepted for what they are worth, and may God accept him in kindness and mercy, by the grace of this month.
the conflict between palestine and israel is still not resolved, despite forty years of him trying. may He show mercy and pass relief over the people of Palestine soon.
iraq is still being bombarded despite being liberated. i really cannot think of what they are trying to prove. its the month of ramadhan for crying out loud, can't they show some respect? for every deed, there is its just reward. verily, He is Wise and Just.
singapore was shaken by a story of a man who tried to rob a bank. i just read that the man is a chinese muallaf, with a wife and four kids. what drove him to do it, only God knows. he got shot in the head and shoulder, but survived the shots and is being treated in hospital now. masya Allah.
just posting this, for the sake of remembrance, and contemplation.
the conflict between palestine and israel is still not resolved, despite forty years of him trying. may He show mercy and pass relief over the people of Palestine soon.
iraq is still being bombarded despite being liberated. i really cannot think of what they are trying to prove. its the month of ramadhan for crying out loud, can't they show some respect? for every deed, there is its just reward. verily, He is Wise and Just.
singapore was shaken by a story of a man who tried to rob a bank. i just read that the man is a chinese muallaf, with a wife and four kids. what drove him to do it, only God knows. he got shot in the head and shoulder, but survived the shots and is being treated in hospital now. masya Allah.
just posting this, for the sake of remembrance, and contemplation.
dasar pemalas
as i was wrote in my previous entry, i was of course springcleaning.
and the object of my attention was my quaint little room, which i have to dive around and about to just get some things out.
as my mom would complain (and as the majority of you can guess from the date difference - the whole time of which i was TRYING to springclean), i took forever.
and i decided that i really needed to pick up the pace.
and i believe so did Fate.
so as i woke up, i looked about my room, and thought, let's finish this up today.
so i reached for my shelves-structure-thing, and tried to shift the whole contraption, without first unloading the shelves, which were of course laden with all my trophies (yes i win stuff), my toiletries, my magazines, my objects of interests, my academia, and my personal memories. real heavy stuff when you put it all together on a flimsy excuse for shelves.
pull the shelves.
*CREAK*
what was that noise? can't see anything wrong. continue pulling.
*CREEEEAAAK*
what the *peep* was that? still cannot see anything wrong. pull some more.
*CRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAK, KEBOOOOOOOOSSHHHH!*
mm-hmm, flimsy excuse gave up on me, and crashed to the floor, splewing all my barang-barang all over the room.
i was super-stunned.
and then it crossed my mind, i had wanted to get myself a brand new cupboard, big and strong, so that i could put all my stuff nicely inside. so my flimsy excuse giving up was good in a way.
then i thought again, no no no. this was just His way of telling me, get off your butt and clean up!! my room was a total wreck. and clean up i had to do, like it or not. it was a just reminder. hahahah.
but now that my room is cleaned out, i actually put back flimsy excuse together, and it is standing just as it had for the past year. hmmm. i threw out some stuff (no azfar you dun need boxes so i threw them away) and got rid of some un-necessities, so flimsy excuse won't be so flimsy.
and my springcleaning is done.
curtains up! and we're off!!
and the object of my attention was my quaint little room, which i have to dive around and about to just get some things out.
as my mom would complain (and as the majority of you can guess from the date difference - the whole time of which i was TRYING to springclean), i took forever.
and i decided that i really needed to pick up the pace.
and i believe so did Fate.
so as i woke up, i looked about my room, and thought, let's finish this up today.
so i reached for my shelves-structure-thing, and tried to shift the whole contraption, without first unloading the shelves, which were of course laden with all my trophies (yes i win stuff), my toiletries, my magazines, my objects of interests, my academia, and my personal memories. real heavy stuff when you put it all together on a flimsy excuse for shelves.
pull the shelves.
*CREAK*
what was that noise? can't see anything wrong. continue pulling.
*CREEEEAAAK*
what the *peep* was that? still cannot see anything wrong. pull some more.
*CRRREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAK, KEBOOOOOOOOSSHHHH!*
mm-hmm, flimsy excuse gave up on me, and crashed to the floor, splewing all my barang-barang all over the room.
i was super-stunned.
and then it crossed my mind, i had wanted to get myself a brand new cupboard, big and strong, so that i could put all my stuff nicely inside. so my flimsy excuse giving up was good in a way.
then i thought again, no no no. this was just His way of telling me, get off your butt and clean up!! my room was a total wreck. and clean up i had to do, like it or not. it was a just reminder. hahahah.
but now that my room is cleaned out, i actually put back flimsy excuse together, and it is standing just as it had for the past year. hmmm. i threw out some stuff (no azfar you dun need boxes so i threw them away) and got rid of some un-necessities, so flimsy excuse won't be so flimsy.
and my springcleaning is done.
curtains up! and we're off!!
Monday, November 08, 2004
"start with the left bottom corner..."
springcleaning.
what a headache.
i have a small room to my own, which has a lot of stuff that i keep and need (i dont really know to which end i prioritise). as it is with the festivities, i need to clear it out or at least make some sense of the ordered chaos that has prevailed in the past year (it's always from raya to raya).
the problem with a small room is that: it is small.
and yes, while some people may complain and tell me to be thankful that i have a room because some other people dont even have shelter over their heads (well that is going a bit too far, lets just keep it at not having their own rooms), i have to make a point that with a small room, there is really not enough space.
i need to do up my room, and refurbish.
there is not enough storage areas for all my barang-barang.
which was part of the reason why my stuff is strewn all over the floor (the other being laziness and pure laziness to order my items), and the main reason why i really havent been having people over as often as i used to.
well, so i tried to clean it out just now, and try a new room layout (there are only so many i can try). in relocating my barang2 from one corner to the other corner, i suddenly found myself trapped.
i couldnt move out of the corner i was in.
hahaha.
so much for cleaning out.
so i had a mini adventure traversing through my barang2, all in the space of my room. woo hoo.
its now partially settled. i have my computer desk. and two big piles of stuff yet to be ordered.
NEXT CORNER!!
*breathe, and dive*
what a headache.
i have a small room to my own, which has a lot of stuff that i keep and need (i dont really know to which end i prioritise). as it is with the festivities, i need to clear it out or at least make some sense of the ordered chaos that has prevailed in the past year (it's always from raya to raya).
the problem with a small room is that: it is small.
and yes, while some people may complain and tell me to be thankful that i have a room because some other people dont even have shelter over their heads (well that is going a bit too far, lets just keep it at not having their own rooms), i have to make a point that with a small room, there is really not enough space.
i need to do up my room, and refurbish.
there is not enough storage areas for all my barang-barang.
which was part of the reason why my stuff is strewn all over the floor (the other being laziness and pure laziness to order my items), and the main reason why i really havent been having people over as often as i used to.
well, so i tried to clean it out just now, and try a new room layout (there are only so many i can try). in relocating my barang2 from one corner to the other corner, i suddenly found myself trapped.
i couldnt move out of the corner i was in.
hahaha.
so much for cleaning out.
so i had a mini adventure traversing through my barang2, all in the space of my room. woo hoo.
its now partially settled. i have my computer desk. and two big piles of stuff yet to be ordered.
NEXT CORNER!!
*breathe, and dive*
Saturday, November 06, 2004
ihsan
a friend wrote about ihsan, and how she felt that she was not doing a very good job of it because her hamsters are sick and she can't do anything about it.
some things cannot be controlled, as how i commented.
but just now, as i was on my way home, i came across two cats. two creatures of God who are just trying to survive this world where they are at a disadvantage as compared to us human beings. i called to them, and they came to me.
one was limping very badly.
i looked at the one limping, and saw that some mindless fool had twisted the right front paw of the poor creature a full 180 degrees. the cat will never be able to move properly again.
that limb was swollen and i could see that the paw was going to be trouble.
ihsan.
where was the kindness and compassion for fellow creatures of God? what was the person who cruelly twisted the poor cat's limb thinking when he did it? i really fail to understand their drive and motivation...what? power and might over another lesser creature?
fools!
bagi mereka yang dianiaya dan tidak mempunyai suara untuk melawan, semoga Allah memberi balasan yang setimpal. dan bagi mereka yang menganiaya, sesungguhnya azab yang menanti amat pedih. dan Allah Maha Mengetahui segalanya...
subhanallah.
some things cannot be controlled, as how i commented.
but just now, as i was on my way home, i came across two cats. two creatures of God who are just trying to survive this world where they are at a disadvantage as compared to us human beings. i called to them, and they came to me.
one was limping very badly.
i looked at the one limping, and saw that some mindless fool had twisted the right front paw of the poor creature a full 180 degrees. the cat will never be able to move properly again.
that limb was swollen and i could see that the paw was going to be trouble.
ihsan.
where was the kindness and compassion for fellow creatures of God? what was the person who cruelly twisted the poor cat's limb thinking when he did it? i really fail to understand their drive and motivation...what? power and might over another lesser creature?
fools!
bagi mereka yang dianiaya dan tidak mempunyai suara untuk melawan, semoga Allah memberi balasan yang setimpal. dan bagi mereka yang menganiaya, sesungguhnya azab yang menanti amat pedih. dan Allah Maha Mengetahui segalanya...
subhanallah.
Friday, November 05, 2004
yipppppeeeeeee
wow
*blink blink*
it's finally over.
EXAMS ARE OVER!!
i wrote my last examinable sentence at 10.29am yesterday morning, but the realisation did not sink in till about 5.00pm. talk about slow.
well, now i am free from my academic burden for the moment, just waiting for favourable results due to be out on 25 nov. i am not going to think too much about it. just let whatever happen, happen,
now its time to focus on the last 10 days of ramadhan, and make up for lost time as best as i can.
to my dear friends whose exams are currently underway (NTU) and coming soon (NUS), i wish you all the best. In your stressful states, do not forget to smile and pray for guidance and peace. I will pray for you all as well...
*blink blink*
it's finally over.
EXAMS ARE OVER!!
i wrote my last examinable sentence at 10.29am yesterday morning, but the realisation did not sink in till about 5.00pm. talk about slow.
well, now i am free from my academic burden for the moment, just waiting for favourable results due to be out on 25 nov. i am not going to think too much about it. just let whatever happen, happen,
now its time to focus on the last 10 days of ramadhan, and make up for lost time as best as i can.
to my dear friends whose exams are currently underway (NTU) and coming soon (NUS), i wish you all the best. In your stressful states, do not forget to smile and pray for guidance and peace. I will pray for you all as well...
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
take a break.
just some questions that i received in my email. courtesy of de-stressing peers. so i hope it helps you just the same, unless you are a some psychotic must-have-answers-to-all-questions person, then i will beg you not to even go beyond this line.
else, smile peeps.
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to
the core of the earth?
3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?
5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
12. What do people in China call their good plates?
13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
14. What do you call male ballerinas?
15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is
wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the
window?
else, smile peeps.
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to
the core of the earth?
3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?
5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
12. What do people in China call their good plates?
13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
14. What do you call male ballerinas?
15. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion
stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is
wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the
window?
Friday, October 29, 2004
fartekang @ FTK brew
the above mentioned concoction has been proven to contain trace elements of undesirable "stuff" which can lead to a loss of stress, a warm fuzzy feeling for a certain individual (name withheld for security reasons), and just overwhelming comfort. while it has appreciable benefits in small quantities, an overdose will lead to a long day in bed and baths. proven to work either in anticipation or in actual utilisation of the brew. once again, experimental procedures involving and names of all involved parties are kept in strictest confidence for the personal mirth of the author of this anecdote.
fartekang @ FTK.
heheheh.
fartekang @ FTK.
heheheh.
habluminallah, habluminannaas
habluminannaas is fine. getting along ok. just needs tweaking here and there. and a bit more restraint.
habluminallah. problematic, fraught with issues. hypocritical, inconsistent, fradulent, just not good at all. needs a whole deal of improvement.
sigh.
habluminallah. problematic, fraught with issues. hypocritical, inconsistent, fradulent, just not good at all. needs a whole deal of improvement.
sigh.
of manicures, pedicures and anak kopi
nizar was lavishly excessive today, of course with the help of 2 dearest friends.
had a manicure and pedicure all at once, which was really a novel experience. t'was just so fun being serviced that way. no dirty thoughts peeps. and not even being labelled while they were at it. and after that, spent a lot of the time looking and admiring his oh-so-clean-and-fresh-and-bootiful nails. wakakkaka.
then went to break fast at fish & co's centrepoint, and had a really great and satisfying meal. something which can only happen nicely and perfectly with the right kind of people. and the right company nizar had.
then walked to plaza singapura, where they had dessert at gelare. nizar met his dear friend from camp, who gave discounts at gelare. gelare good. very very good. but so sinful, so decided no more till after fasting month.
then sat by the stairs at dhoby ghaut mrt, for closure for the night. talked some interesting talk with friends.
"anak aku nanti keluar kopi susu" sums up the discussion pretty well. heh.
went home on the mrt, sending everyone off.
tired, but fulfilled.
its been a while since nizar had such a time - the close quiet company of a few good people, with whom nothing needs restraining, because acceptance comes wholly and fully. its just so nice, so refreshing to be able to revel in the antics of each other, and yet know that the concern and love will always be there in spite of what is said or done. nizar yearns for more of these moments.
but for now, thank you to both you.
love you both lots.
had a manicure and pedicure all at once, which was really a novel experience. t'was just so fun being serviced that way. no dirty thoughts peeps. and not even being labelled while they were at it. and after that, spent a lot of the time looking and admiring his oh-so-clean-and-fresh-and-bootiful nails. wakakkaka.
then went to break fast at fish & co's centrepoint, and had a really great and satisfying meal. something which can only happen nicely and perfectly with the right kind of people. and the right company nizar had.
then walked to plaza singapura, where they had dessert at gelare. nizar met his dear friend from camp, who gave discounts at gelare. gelare good. very very good. but so sinful, so decided no more till after fasting month.
then sat by the stairs at dhoby ghaut mrt, for closure for the night. talked some interesting talk with friends.
"anak aku nanti keluar kopi susu" sums up the discussion pretty well. heh.
went home on the mrt, sending everyone off.
tired, but fulfilled.
its been a while since nizar had such a time - the close quiet company of a few good people, with whom nothing needs restraining, because acceptance comes wholly and fully. its just so nice, so refreshing to be able to revel in the antics of each other, and yet know that the concern and love will always be there in spite of what is said or done. nizar yearns for more of these moments.
but for now, thank you to both you.
love you both lots.
first paper: sociology
alhamdulillah, that went very well. insya Allah the A, perhaps even distinction will come. 3 more papers, 2 hellish ones. wakakkakaka...
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
me...a witch??? noooo....
Congratulations you have achieved level 4 witch
status... you have studied hard and learned
well!!
What Level of Witch are you
brought to you by Quizilla
break from revision...hehehe
Category I - The Hub
You're a 'people person'. Networking runs in your
blood. Consequently, you can move through most
social circles with ease.
What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, October 24, 2004
perkumpulan seni iftar
i thought it was just going to be a get together, with nothing up their sleeves. but boy were we in for a good time. subtly, we were given a dressing down for attitudes, mocked for lack of commitment, and smacked in the rump for thinking that it would all go unpassed. haahhaahahhaa... well, well, well.
it was for the better anyways, and i hope it settled some things.
i hope lah.
it was for the better anyways, and i hope it settled some things.
i hope lah.
drawing near
wow. there goes a semester. and school's out. exams are up in about 3 days' time. ready or not.
it just seems like everything zooms past you when you are focused on your tasks at hand. yes people, i have been focused on my studies, whether you believe it or not. and this time round, i am glad to say that i have found passion for it.
and now the inevitable exams breathe down my neck. the results are especially important for me. i have already received a reply from national healthcare group, whose interview if i successfully nail, will grant me $900 per month of study. and if i am luckier, they will give me a scholarship to go to australia to complete my degree in the fourth year.
i am very excited, knowing that i really REALLY want it. pray for me all.
and to everyone who's having their examinations around the corner, take heart. do your best and it will be over soon. and we shall see each other after our papers are complete ok?
it just seems like everything zooms past you when you are focused on your tasks at hand. yes people, i have been focused on my studies, whether you believe it or not. and this time round, i am glad to say that i have found passion for it.
and now the inevitable exams breathe down my neck. the results are especially important for me. i have already received a reply from national healthcare group, whose interview if i successfully nail, will grant me $900 per month of study. and if i am luckier, they will give me a scholarship to go to australia to complete my degree in the fourth year.
i am very excited, knowing that i really REALLY want it. pray for me all.
and to everyone who's having their examinations around the corner, take heart. do your best and it will be over soon. and we shall see each other after our papers are complete ok?
Friday, October 22, 2004
more more!!
"'Tis an ice dragon breath...when the first snowflake doesnt melt..."
You're an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and family are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apologize later!
What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
mythical pulak...
You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.
"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."
Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.
As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
mystical creature...
You're like an angel. As everyone knows, angels
dwell in heaven. They were desribed as shining
ones wearing white and the idea that they have
wings is believed as well. Guardian angels are
the ones that many people think are dead loved
ones who try to protect the living friends or
family they have on Earth. They usually had
blonde hair and maybe brown with flawless
appearance and sweet dispositions. They were
cheerful, hopefull, selfless, loving, and kind.
Angels are the one mystical creature that a
majority of people truly believe in. Encounters
with angels are poping up all over the world
and reassuring people's beliefs in angels.
What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
longing fulfilled
diva lady has a really sweet entry on the get together.
i have to say, i concur.
during break fast, one thing that really touched me, was what she said. it was like breaking fast with family. there was a sense of togetherness, of purpose, and of a common spirit, that bound us closer than we think.
words need not be exchanged, yet there will be full comprehension.
words were not exchanged, but we know.
we just do.
it was just nice seeing familiar faces, of those whom you know you love, and love you back. while i deign for more, the encounter will leave me sated for a time to come.
for that, i am thankful.
i have to say, i concur.
during break fast, one thing that really touched me, was what she said. it was like breaking fast with family. there was a sense of togetherness, of purpose, and of a common spirit, that bound us closer than we think.
words need not be exchanged, yet there will be full comprehension.
words were not exchanged, but we know.
we just do.
it was just nice seeing familiar faces, of those whom you know you love, and love you back. while i deign for more, the encounter will leave me sated for a time to come.
for that, i am thankful.
zikr
Ya Latif lam nazal
Ul-tuf bina fima nazal
Innaka latifun lam nazal
Ul-tuf bina wal muslimin
O Most Gentle upon that which You decree,
Be kind and gentle with that which You decree,
For You are the Gentlest upon that which You decree,
Be gentle with us and all who believe.
Ul-tuf bina fima nazal
Innaka latifun lam nazal
Ul-tuf bina wal muslimin
O Most Gentle upon that which You decree,
Be kind and gentle with that which You decree,
For You are the Gentlest upon that which You decree,
Be gentle with us and all who believe.
sanctity smeared
astaghfirullah.
i have to ventilate my anger. i must. otherwise i will explode.
language warning - no apparent control in the following entry.
bloody idiot had 3 days m.c. because of some infection. but as soon as my mom went to the doctor's with him and got him his medication, he left the house and did not come back for 2 days. he returned only to change and then left again. he just returned a few minutes ago. and immediately got into an argument with my father. he simply refused to answer my father's questions and muka macam budak sial when my father asked him where he went to.
and he dared to raise his hands to my father. his fists were clenched and raised.
perangai sial. what in hell's name is he trying to do? who does he f**king think he is? what, the house owes him our lives issit? f**king ingrate! kau lupa kau datang dari siapa, kau lupa siapa jaga kau, kau lupa diri lah!
haramzaddeh, let me tell you this - if ever you touch my parents with your filthy hands, and you hurt anyone in this house, my judgment will be made. and i will move against you like i have not done before, this i swear. and i guarantee you, it will not be easy, nor simple. you will suffer.
listen to me, people.
just listen.
its ramadhan some more.
i am still shivering from my restraint.
i have to ventilate my anger. i must. otherwise i will explode.
language warning - no apparent control in the following entry.
bloody idiot had 3 days m.c. because of some infection. but as soon as my mom went to the doctor's with him and got him his medication, he left the house and did not come back for 2 days. he returned only to change and then left again. he just returned a few minutes ago. and immediately got into an argument with my father. he simply refused to answer my father's questions and muka macam budak sial when my father asked him where he went to.
and he dared to raise his hands to my father. his fists were clenched and raised.
perangai sial. what in hell's name is he trying to do? who does he f**king think he is? what, the house owes him our lives issit? f**king ingrate! kau lupa kau datang dari siapa, kau lupa siapa jaga kau, kau lupa diri lah!
haramzaddeh, let me tell you this - if ever you touch my parents with your filthy hands, and you hurt anyone in this house, my judgment will be made. and i will move against you like i have not done before, this i swear. and i guarantee you, it will not be easy, nor simple. you will suffer.
listen to me, people.
just listen.
its ramadhan some more.
i am still shivering from my restraint.
Monday, October 18, 2004
iftar ntums
the iftar session was a rather enjoyable one. we had a pre-break-fast lecture by a rather entertaining fella, ustaz zulkifli if i am not wrong. but so many of the things he brought up were like hitting home, REAL GOOD. so there i was deflecting all the arrows (of course futilely) until he said this," some people fast because they are fat." that was it. no more defence. wakkakaka.
then we broke fast with mentos, courtesy of zul. pahala dah tu. this is because our indon brothers were really numerous, and they were taking the kurma. so in order not to hold up the line, we had mentos. i had strawberry in particular.
then we prayed maghrib. and proceeded into the adjoining room for our proper meal.
briyani with mutton (or was it beef?), sambal leher ayam, acar and kimah and more kimah (stashed from the other group's dulang) all served in a nice dulang. been quite a while since i had such a meal. and there we were making jokes and all that over the meal, rezqi from Him. and our jokes had the typical, unbridled freedom of male talk and male understanding (hint hint). it was so farnie, i lost control and laughed like the maddie that i am. rabaks.
damn it.
and that mood maintained throughout the night, even at the bus-stop depan orang-orang semua, and dalam bas. while yes, the terawih was a short break (which i must say, the qiraah was superb) i think my lack of restraint was evident tonight. and i am not happy.
although i am glad that i met my dearest friends, i am almost regretting going for the fact that there were many things i would have rather not done there. but t said that it was a trial, and rightfully, i needed to go through it. ok lah.
if you say so.
but i had a wonderful time, if you discount the transgressions.
good job dearhearts.
then we broke fast with mentos, courtesy of zul. pahala dah tu. this is because our indon brothers were really numerous, and they were taking the kurma. so in order not to hold up the line, we had mentos. i had strawberry in particular.
then we prayed maghrib. and proceeded into the adjoining room for our proper meal.
briyani with mutton (or was it beef?), sambal leher ayam, acar and kimah and more kimah (stashed from the other group's dulang) all served in a nice dulang. been quite a while since i had such a meal. and there we were making jokes and all that over the meal, rezqi from Him. and our jokes had the typical, unbridled freedom of male talk and male understanding (hint hint). it was so farnie, i lost control and laughed like the maddie that i am. rabaks.
damn it.
and that mood maintained throughout the night, even at the bus-stop depan orang-orang semua, and dalam bas. while yes, the terawih was a short break (which i must say, the qiraah was superb) i think my lack of restraint was evident tonight. and i am not happy.
although i am glad that i met my dearest friends, i am almost regretting going for the fact that there were many things i would have rather not done there. but t said that it was a trial, and rightfully, i needed to go through it. ok lah.
if you say so.
but i had a wonderful time, if you discount the transgressions.
good job dearhearts.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
faithless
in the recent months, i have been writing about the value and evaluation of friendships. i noticed that i keep talking about it to people even, but seldom do i really come to a conclusion. its like i am constantly in limbo, even to myself.
never knowing what to feel, or say, or do.
and never being able to keep to what i feel, or say, or do.
it is almost as though i am losing faith in my own tenacity, and in believing the truth of friendship.
and that is a scary thing to happen to me.
never knowing what to feel, or say, or do.
and never being able to keep to what i feel, or say, or do.
it is almost as though i am losing faith in my own tenacity, and in believing the truth of friendship.
and that is a scary thing to happen to me.
respite
i know its ramadhan, and i am supposed to be spending my time more fruitfully, but grant me this:
if an elephant could dig his nostrils, wouldn't his nostrils be REALLY big?
if an elephant could dig his nostrils, wouldn't his nostrils be REALLY big?
Saturday, October 16, 2004
visit to the Diva at 11pm
me and t went for nite walking to get in some exercise for me boh-day.
me and t got invite by Diva for some waffles and cream at her semi-d.
me and t and Diva had some quiet fun (not what you think) cos parents were sleeping.
me and t and Diva enjoy each other's company.
thanks for the mini-nite-party-thingie Diva.
much appreciated.
me and t got invite by Diva for some waffles and cream at her semi-d.
me and t and Diva had some quiet fun (not what you think) cos parents were sleeping.
me and t and Diva enjoy each other's company.
thanks for the mini-nite-party-thingie Diva.
much appreciated.
Friday, October 15, 2004
it's here
hannini ramadhan, wa marhaban
so the trial of love begins.
let those who vie succeed in their ventures.
amin.
so the trial of love begins.
let those who vie succeed in their ventures.
amin.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
lickitung
went to cavana at woodlands with my dearest friend t.
we had a cherry each.
we challenged each other to tie a knot in the cherry stalk using just the tongue.
you know, the tongue twisting test thingie.
(this is the standard test to see if one is a good kisser.)
well, this blog is just here to say that t managed to do it.
so, t is a good kisser.
done.
we had a cherry each.
we challenged each other to tie a knot in the cherry stalk using just the tongue.
you know, the tongue twisting test thingie.
(this is the standard test to see if one is a good kisser.)
well, this blog is just here to say that t managed to do it.
so, t is a good kisser.
done.
hannini
its coming again, the fasting month...
today is the second last day of syaaban, and on friday, we would begin fasting again! weeee!!!
i resolve to be a better muslim in the holy month, and to carry it forward as best as i can...
blessed ramadan to all, and make good use of it!!
today is the second last day of syaaban, and on friday, we would begin fasting again! weeee!!!
i resolve to be a better muslim in the holy month, and to carry it forward as best as i can...
blessed ramadan to all, and make good use of it!!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
new name, new look
two fellow bloggies changed their templates in a space of a few days. in retort, i decided to change mine too. call it peer pressure. i prefer revamp.
in fact i think it is much more pleasant on the eye. i am loving it.
especially the lotus at the corner.
so zen.
in fact i think it is much more pleasant on the eye. i am loving it.
especially the lotus at the corner.
so zen.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
peace
the gathering was attended by six of the first clan. and it went well.
apparently, all that previously ailed, has been resolved.
because my prejudgment was that the issue will take some time to heal. but as it was yesterday, the clan is less petty and frivolous than i made them out to be. and that is good, and once again, that *duh* i am not infallible in making my judgment. hahaha... put me in my place.
and interestingly, the same kind of topics keep coming up.
and its really too funny to be a coincidence.
but i shant read too much into it.
if i read wrongly...then...who knows rite?
but glad that i am at peace now.
and the truth about the clan remains: our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
peace.
apparently, all that previously ailed, has been resolved.
because my prejudgment was that the issue will take some time to heal. but as it was yesterday, the clan is less petty and frivolous than i made them out to be. and that is good, and once again, that *duh* i am not infallible in making my judgment. hahaha... put me in my place.
and interestingly, the same kind of topics keep coming up.
and its really too funny to be a coincidence.
but i shant read too much into it.
if i read wrongly...then...who knows rite?
but glad that i am at peace now.
and the truth about the clan remains: our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
peace.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
let's see what happens.
tonight the clan gathers.
amazingly just after i wrote the short remark on the status quo of the clan, they decide to have a get together to "catch up". and even more surprisingly, the people who were remarked about are gonna be there as well. i wrote to taufiq, and he said that indeed, it's gonna be interesting.
watch this space for what transpired.
woo hoo. i can't wait.
amazingly just after i wrote the short remark on the status quo of the clan, they decide to have a get together to "catch up". and even more surprisingly, the people who were remarked about are gonna be there as well. i wrote to taufiq, and he said that indeed, it's gonna be interesting.
watch this space for what transpired.
woo hoo. i can't wait.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
shs club intra school debates
erm. this happened today.
my group of 2 won. i was kinda disappointed that i did not get the best speaker. yah. that's all i want to say.
sigh.
my group of 2 won. i was kinda disappointed that i did not get the best speaker. yah. that's all i want to say.
sigh.
sue sue!!
nura wrote in her blog about suing the yellow ass off the photocopy lady.
i want to sue all people who spit carelessly over their shoulders.
blardy biyatch was walking in front of me, blardy oblivious to the blardy world around her. taking her own blardy sweet time to blardy walk down the blardy pavement. then as i was trying to overtake her, blardy biyatch turned her blardy face over her blardy left shoulder, blardy puckered her blardy mouth, and blardy spat, straight into my path. then she blardy saw that her blardy sputum almost blardy kena my leg, and she screwed up her blardy face and said blardy sorry. i was blardy pissed man, blardy blardy pissed. stoopid blardy biyatch.
nura counsel, can i blardy sue her ass too, and punish her to a lifetime of sucking up all the sputum on the floor of the blardy world, just so she knows that she should not have F**KING spat in the first blardy place?
kindly advise...
i want to sue all people who spit carelessly over their shoulders.
blardy biyatch was walking in front of me, blardy oblivious to the blardy world around her. taking her own blardy sweet time to blardy walk down the blardy pavement. then as i was trying to overtake her, blardy biyatch turned her blardy face over her blardy left shoulder, blardy puckered her blardy mouth, and blardy spat, straight into my path. then she blardy saw that her blardy sputum almost blardy kena my leg, and she screwed up her blardy face and said blardy sorry. i was blardy pissed man, blardy blardy pissed. stoopid blardy biyatch.
nura counsel, can i blardy sue her ass too, and punish her to a lifetime of sucking up all the sputum on the floor of the blardy world, just so she knows that she should not have F**KING spat in the first blardy place?
kindly advise...
Monday, October 04, 2004
apology
i brought a friend to tarian that day. and that friend was not actually very into tarian, but i dragged him along anyways. at the concert, i met my other friends who were from the tarian group. and i sort of neglected this guest of mine. when the concert ended, i simply asked him to go home, without even inviting him to go for the supper that was already planned for the tarian peeps. how rude was i?
where have my graces gone to? i mean, what the hell sey, you bring someone out, and then you don't take care of him and give him the attention that he rightfully deserves. biadab nizar.
i will never know whether i am ever doing the right thing. it is pissing me off, that i am still so incoherent in my emotional aspects. i conflict what i expect from people and what i do them.
nizar, nizar, always screwing up other people's lives.
friend, i am sorry for screwing up yours.
where have my graces gone to? i mean, what the hell sey, you bring someone out, and then you don't take care of him and give him the attention that he rightfully deserves. biadab nizar.
i will never know whether i am ever doing the right thing. it is pissing me off, that i am still so incoherent in my emotional aspects. i conflict what i expect from people and what i do them.
nizar, nizar, always screwing up other people's lives.
friend, i am sorry for screwing up yours.
knowing my place again
at a recent outing, farida said that i was too judgmental of taufiq. and at another comment i made, azfar said tak baik mengata orang.
am i really such a laser mouth, speaking without thinking?
and do i really make baseless comments?
how far have i defaulted and how much have i affected people with the things that i say and do?
i dunno.
remind me of my place again.
am i really such a laser mouth, speaking without thinking?
and do i really make baseless comments?
how far have i defaulted and how much have i affected people with the things that i say and do?
i dunno.
remind me of my place again.
the state of affairs
some tale run insipidously in the kingdom. the tale speaks of a united people, who achieved great success while working together. however, divided responsibilities seems to have caused conflict and quiet strife among them. the slightest of issues is debated with displeasure among them. i fear that the displeasure, left unchecked, will grow to dissent and hostility. and that will spell perilous times in the kingdom.
lords and ladies of the house, take heed of your actions, and your words. be kind and firm at the same time, yet in no way, intend to purposely offend any of your peers. remember the time which had passed, when without that power and authority vested in yourselves, you worked with an unprecedented efficiency. if necessary, look beyond who you are, and see farther. relish the old times, and relive the old times when the intentions were pure and guided.
insya Allah, all will become fine in due time. and may success be yours.
lords and ladies of the house, take heed of your actions, and your words. be kind and firm at the same time, yet in no way, intend to purposely offend any of your peers. remember the time which had passed, when without that power and authority vested in yourselves, you worked with an unprecedented efficiency. if necessary, look beyond who you are, and see farther. relish the old times, and relive the old times when the intentions were pure and guided.
insya Allah, all will become fine in due time. and may success be yours.
first clan
its funny how the most unlikely people will come up to you and tell you what should or should not be done.
rizal is an example. we had a short talk that night over on msn, and rizal commented that i had been absent from many gatherings. in summary, he asked me to not stay away and to keep in touch. and if possible, go out with the guys more.
isn't it funny, how long i have been away from people like rizal, and yet receive that reaffirmation that they are still around and that they care? i am thankful for these reminders of do's and dont's... but sometimes i really need my time away. just that short session would suffice for me.
my innermost circle of friends comprise of these kind of people. our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
but i fear for this clan. certain actions, when taken too far and with a lot of assumptions, may only serve detriment to the clan. some people in the clan have fallen from grace, and though we still do keep in touch, these people have a lot of work and apologies to do, before they reinstate themselves.
and i am once again, caught in between.
rizal is an example. we had a short talk that night over on msn, and rizal commented that i had been absent from many gatherings. in summary, he asked me to not stay away and to keep in touch. and if possible, go out with the guys more.
isn't it funny, how long i have been away from people like rizal, and yet receive that reaffirmation that they are still around and that they care? i am thankful for these reminders of do's and dont's... but sometimes i really need my time away. just that short session would suffice for me.
my innermost circle of friends comprise of these kind of people. our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
but i fear for this clan. certain actions, when taken too far and with a lot of assumptions, may only serve detriment to the clan. some people in the clan have fallen from grace, and though we still do keep in touch, these people have a lot of work and apologies to do, before they reinstate themselves.
and i am once again, caught in between.
malam jaluran seni
miss tarian.
miss the group.
miss the old times.
hate the politics.
blardy dilemma.
miss the group.
miss the old times.
hate the politics.
blardy dilemma.
khalil's departure
khalil left singapore on thursday 30 sept to study electrical and electronic engineering at imperial college in the uk.
before he left, he invited his friends over to his house on the preceding saturday. i had my conference that day, but i rushed to his house after the gala dinner, just so that we could meet up and i could express my emotions. when i reached there, there was already a crowd. muslim, hasan, adib, syahid, aisah, murshidah, faris, widya, hamla, lala and ali were the ones i knew there. these are my juniors (with the exception of faris and ali) from school, and a great bunch of people they are. however that night was kind of weird, being the only representative from my clan. in fact i felt old and removed from the group. in a sense, there was a subtle acknowledgment that my juniors were all grown up now. I used to refer to them as my babies, my children - but now they are really not child-like. they have matured and grown, and it took me that long to realise it... but it was a good realisation nonetheless. I was filled with a sense of poignancy that night.
i sent him on thursday - azfar came last minute, but thanks for that. all grown up, my dear boy khalil said his goodbyes to his friends as the time came for him to board the plane. as he came to me, i held him, read him a short prayer. he held me back, and kissed my shoulder. and at that moment, i remembered him as my junior once more, ever appealing and endearing to me. Lord, keep him safe in his journey and guide him to what is good and blessed.
that aside, i realise that the juniors speak to me in a different tone and mannerism than when they speak to azfar or taufiq. funny.
before he left, he invited his friends over to his house on the preceding saturday. i had my conference that day, but i rushed to his house after the gala dinner, just so that we could meet up and i could express my emotions. when i reached there, there was already a crowd. muslim, hasan, adib, syahid, aisah, murshidah, faris, widya, hamla, lala and ali were the ones i knew there. these are my juniors (with the exception of faris and ali) from school, and a great bunch of people they are. however that night was kind of weird, being the only representative from my clan. in fact i felt old and removed from the group. in a sense, there was a subtle acknowledgment that my juniors were all grown up now. I used to refer to them as my babies, my children - but now they are really not child-like. they have matured and grown, and it took me that long to realise it... but it was a good realisation nonetheless. I was filled with a sense of poignancy that night.
i sent him on thursday - azfar came last minute, but thanks for that. all grown up, my dear boy khalil said his goodbyes to his friends as the time came for him to board the plane. as he came to me, i held him, read him a short prayer. he held me back, and kissed my shoulder. and at that moment, i remembered him as my junior once more, ever appealing and endearing to me. Lord, keep him safe in his journey and guide him to what is good and blessed.
that aside, i realise that the juniors speak to me in a different tone and mannerism than when they speak to azfar or taufiq. funny.
mirror
like the little puddle you find when the rain stops, and you peer in... and you see things the way you never saw before.
this week, from last saturday to this sunday has been a whole lot of personal introspection for me. and i appreciate the time that has been given to me to think through my life, and what i have experienced. many things i learnt, and many things i observed, both good and bad. reflections are needed, to ascertain your own objectives and goals in life.
in first reflections, i would like to state that i miss writing. i spoke to a dear friend about the need to write, to vent her inner issues, and at the same time, i forgot myself. practice what i preach and don't be a hypocrite, especially to myself. so to you dear sister, thanks for reminding me of the need to let things out myself, and to not keep all to just myself.
the next few entries would be my personal views and observations to the things that happened to me, and the things i attended or did. my opinions only, don't feel that i am attacking anyone if i happen to say anything. my memory is not really that infallible. so here goes.
enjoy reading.
this week, from last saturday to this sunday has been a whole lot of personal introspection for me. and i appreciate the time that has been given to me to think through my life, and what i have experienced. many things i learnt, and many things i observed, both good and bad. reflections are needed, to ascertain your own objectives and goals in life.
in first reflections, i would like to state that i miss writing. i spoke to a dear friend about the need to write, to vent her inner issues, and at the same time, i forgot myself. practice what i preach and don't be a hypocrite, especially to myself. so to you dear sister, thanks for reminding me of the need to let things out myself, and to not keep all to just myself.
the next few entries would be my personal views and observations to the things that happened to me, and the things i attended or did. my opinions only, don't feel that i am attacking anyone if i happen to say anything. my memory is not really that infallible. so here goes.
enjoy reading.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
mew?
You are Black Tiger, who is gentle to others, has kind and good natured personality.
You are also a broad minded and optimistic person.
You don't feel shy to strangers, and is very popular.
You have a chance of becoming very big.
You are extremely vigorous, and are strong both physically and mentally.
You are someone who is in the center of everything and are very tough person.
Under this power, you hide great ideas and are calculating all the risks.
This gives high success rate to your every action.
You don't get lost in emotions; you can analyze the circumstance calmly to make decisions.
Never the less, you tend to lack snap decision makings, and therefore sometimes are unable to show your merits.
You are capable in many different areas, so sometimes be over confident.
You tend to be unclear on "taking moral responsibility".
And be influenced by easy decisions.
If your environment treats you indulgently, you ought to be careful.
You are independent occupational wise too.
You are too proud to lower head, so you are not suited in service industry.
But if you overcome this weakness, you may become a person of high caliber.
You are talented in academic and literary area.
If you can broaden and balance out your vision, there is high possibility that you may become famous in this area.
You are weak on paper work that requires preciseness.
Occupations like government officials which think highly of authority would suit you.
http://noracom.net/eng/fortune/color_cheki1.php
You are also a broad minded and optimistic person.
You don't feel shy to strangers, and is very popular.
You have a chance of becoming very big.
You are extremely vigorous, and are strong both physically and mentally.
You are someone who is in the center of everything and are very tough person.
Under this power, you hide great ideas and are calculating all the risks.
This gives high success rate to your every action.
You don't get lost in emotions; you can analyze the circumstance calmly to make decisions.
Never the less, you tend to lack snap decision makings, and therefore sometimes are unable to show your merits.
You are capable in many different areas, so sometimes be over confident.
You tend to be unclear on "taking moral responsibility".
And be influenced by easy decisions.
If your environment treats you indulgently, you ought to be careful.
You are independent occupational wise too.
You are too proud to lower head, so you are not suited in service industry.
But if you overcome this weakness, you may become a person of high caliber.
You are talented in academic and literary area.
If you can broaden and balance out your vision, there is high possibility that you may become famous in this area.
You are weak on paper work that requires preciseness.
Occupations like government officials which think highly of authority would suit you.
http://noracom.net/eng/fortune/color_cheki1.php
Sunday, September 26, 2004
ilsatari's "kontemplasi"
"berpijak ku bumi
bertongkat ku langit..."
went to the concert at ucc at 2.30pm, with ratna, mardiana, amin, suhaila and melissa. t'was a good concert, if not for the fact that it was so confusing. we had to get abang osman down beside to explain the meaning of the dance. the dance basically representated abang man's interpretation of the malay society now. cliche i know, but i shall touch on that later.
"berpijak ku bumi, bertongkat ku langit" actually is a rephrasing of the malay idiom, "di mana bumi kupijak, di situ langit ku junjung" which means that where you go or live, you should adapt to the ways and needs and demands of the environment there. it bears various meanings and connotations.
firstly, it symbolised the powerlessness of the malay society, then and now, in running its own affairs; despite the control that has supposedly be given, and the voice of authority, in effect, we are still subtly being oppressed and our voice subverted by the greater powers at play.
secondly, it states the need of the malay community to utilise the current trends and developments to grow and develop itself to be a significant society - a society that is not backward, a society that contributes, a society that has an audible voice. for that, the malays need to be aware and not lulled by their own cultures and traditional ways, breaking free from inhibitory perceptions and self-contented mannerisms.
that i got from abang osman's explanations.
this, from taufiq.
that the malays should aim for greater heights, now reaching beyond the heavens, and the heavens are merely supports to reaching that vision.
well to each his own.
to me, it is all a matter of your own contemplation how you view your situation, hence the theme of the dance. the malay society being trapped, being oppressed and needing to make themselves heard are all passe and cliched to me. being a person of the arts has left me rather numb to the statement that the malay society is not progressing. which was why i found the dance to be rather confusing rather than provoking. yes i enjoyed the technique, but i guess abang osman's genius did not shine through this time round. but to each his own :)
more importantly to me, was the sharing of an enjoyable experience with very good friends, and the gathering of fellow appreciants of the arts. and of course, most importantly, the reconciliation of two old friends, to whom i would like to express my congratulations, and my prayers that all will be well from now on.
bertongkat ku langit..."
went to the concert at ucc at 2.30pm, with ratna, mardiana, amin, suhaila and melissa. t'was a good concert, if not for the fact that it was so confusing. we had to get abang osman down beside to explain the meaning of the dance. the dance basically representated abang man's interpretation of the malay society now. cliche i know, but i shall touch on that later.
"berpijak ku bumi, bertongkat ku langit" actually is a rephrasing of the malay idiom, "di mana bumi kupijak, di situ langit ku junjung" which means that where you go or live, you should adapt to the ways and needs and demands of the environment there. it bears various meanings and connotations.
firstly, it symbolised the powerlessness of the malay society, then and now, in running its own affairs; despite the control that has supposedly be given, and the voice of authority, in effect, we are still subtly being oppressed and our voice subverted by the greater powers at play.
secondly, it states the need of the malay community to utilise the current trends and developments to grow and develop itself to be a significant society - a society that is not backward, a society that contributes, a society that has an audible voice. for that, the malays need to be aware and not lulled by their own cultures and traditional ways, breaking free from inhibitory perceptions and self-contented mannerisms.
that i got from abang osman's explanations.
this, from taufiq.
that the malays should aim for greater heights, now reaching beyond the heavens, and the heavens are merely supports to reaching that vision.
well to each his own.
to me, it is all a matter of your own contemplation how you view your situation, hence the theme of the dance. the malay society being trapped, being oppressed and needing to make themselves heard are all passe and cliched to me. being a person of the arts has left me rather numb to the statement that the malay society is not progressing. which was why i found the dance to be rather confusing rather than provoking. yes i enjoyed the technique, but i guess abang osman's genius did not shine through this time round. but to each his own :)
more importantly to me, was the sharing of an enjoyable experience with very good friends, and the gathering of fellow appreciants of the arts. and of course, most importantly, the reconciliation of two old friends, to whom i would like to express my congratulations, and my prayers that all will be well from now on.
me a war horse...wakakakkaka
You'd turn into a War Horse. Strong, brave and
loyal like a war horse you are protective of
family and friends and generally polite and
freindly to people you dont know or just met.
However your attitude can change quickly if
your family or friends are threatened in anyway
and you quickly fight it off. However because
of your protective attitude you can oftern find
yourself getting angry and interfering if you
see anyone being threatened and cant defend
themselves.
What animal would you turn into?
brought to you by Quizilla
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
titanic
titanic showed on channel 5 again tonight.
the show never fails to move me on two accounts:
the might of God and the power of love.
the might of God is proved by the fallacy of Man in thinking that he is supreme. forgetting that his might is nothing against the supremacy of God above all else.
the power of love is proved by the fortitude and courage that it provides, in going on with life, and not giving up in spite of adversity.
and for that reason, Man is exalted by God above all creatures, for his ability to feel, to emote, and to act with conscience.
praise be to Him and all Glory be His.
the show never fails to move me on two accounts:
the might of God and the power of love.
the might of God is proved by the fallacy of Man in thinking that he is supreme. forgetting that his might is nothing against the supremacy of God above all else.
the power of love is proved by the fortitude and courage that it provides, in going on with life, and not giving up in spite of adversity.
and for that reason, Man is exalted by God above all creatures, for his ability to feel, to emote, and to act with conscience.
praise be to Him and all Glory be His.
why do you worry?
i really cannot see the point in you worrying excessively. there's really nothing else that can truly be done, except letting things work out the way they are supposed to. we do not exist to control each other, neither do we exist to influence the other. freedom. what is it if you still need to worry? free yourself, and do not bother unnecessarily. if it is meant to be, it will happen despite all your efforts. but i am not dismissing you nor am i unappreciative. but space is what we both need. and space is exactly what we both need. it hurts me as much as it hurts you. but we both have gotten along fine before. let it be.
Monday, September 20, 2004
A friend gave this to me as a reminder. Sometimes I wish I could be that person as defined. Sometimes I wish other people could be that person. Well, whichever, for anyone seeking to know, read on.
What is Friendship?
Knowing there is another human being you can trust completely. Realizing that someone else wants the best for you, too. Providing a gentle haven where the other can be relaxed and feel safe. Helping solve problems without taking over your friend's life Sharing the grief times along with the great times. Being together without needing to pretend. Forgiving pretenses when they do occur.
Cherishing together the joys and traumas of change and growth. Nourishing one another's dreams, hopes, and decisions along the path. Encouraging your friend to stretch as far as possible. Receiving feedback without questioning motive. Easing pain instead of fueling the fire of hurt. Loving another person in spite of differences and imperfections.
Extolling virtues rather than expanding on flaws. Accepting a friend's anger toward you, as yours is also sanctioned. Sending love even when you're not together or in agreement. Coming to your friend's aid an expecting nothing in return. Freeing each other from the manipulations that undo many relationships. Dancing through life together, not trudging along toward death. Soaring to new heights rather than plunging into murk and mire.
Finding time to be together despite the obstacles of everyday living. Wanting no more than to be with your friend at that moment. Understanding the occasional need for distance. Taking up right where you left off, even after several years. Knowing that your commitment to each other is always by choice. Giving freely when appropriate and taking graciously when needed.
Divining each other's thoughts and feelings easily and often. Saying "no" without having to explain why. Winning and losing do not matter to real friends. Friendships are not instantaneous, they are earned. Friendships withstand the storms and upheavals of time. Friendships surpass the trite boundaries of acquaintanceship. Friendships often develop with improbable people at unlikely times. Friends know the difference between image and substance. Friends bask in the glow of the other's triumphs. Friends will be there when you need them. Friends are one of God's greatest gifts.
What is Friendship?
Knowing there is another human being you can trust completely. Realizing that someone else wants the best for you, too. Providing a gentle haven where the other can be relaxed and feel safe. Helping solve problems without taking over your friend's life Sharing the grief times along with the great times. Being together without needing to pretend. Forgiving pretenses when they do occur.
Cherishing together the joys and traumas of change and growth. Nourishing one another's dreams, hopes, and decisions along the path. Encouraging your friend to stretch as far as possible. Receiving feedback without questioning motive. Easing pain instead of fueling the fire of hurt. Loving another person in spite of differences and imperfections.
Extolling virtues rather than expanding on flaws. Accepting a friend's anger toward you, as yours is also sanctioned. Sending love even when you're not together or in agreement. Coming to your friend's aid an expecting nothing in return. Freeing each other from the manipulations that undo many relationships. Dancing through life together, not trudging along toward death. Soaring to new heights rather than plunging into murk and mire.
Finding time to be together despite the obstacles of everyday living. Wanting no more than to be with your friend at that moment. Understanding the occasional need for distance. Taking up right where you left off, even after several years. Knowing that your commitment to each other is always by choice. Giving freely when appropriate and taking graciously when needed.
Divining each other's thoughts and feelings easily and often. Saying "no" without having to explain why. Winning and losing do not matter to real friends. Friendships are not instantaneous, they are earned. Friendships withstand the storms and upheavals of time. Friendships surpass the trite boundaries of acquaintanceship. Friendships often develop with improbable people at unlikely times. Friends know the difference between image and substance. Friends bask in the glow of the other's triumphs. Friends will be there when you need them. Friends are one of God's greatest gifts.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Society for The Physically Disabled Family Carnival 2004
saturday was the day when the above event took place.
well, before anything, i need to bitch. let me just ventilate that i ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND the inefficiencies of certain people in the school. idiots they were, making us come to school at 9 on a saturday morning when the event was only due to start at 4 in the afternoon. and we spent like a good 5 hours doing nothing much there, good time that could have been used sleeping at home or studying... more sleeping of course. hell, i am entitled. friday saw my group teaching the class for a whole hour for our problem-based learning. and apparently, we stressed out the other groups, 'cos the standards of our presentation was unexpectedly high. hahah, all i can say is yippee.
back to saturday, bitching not done.
the idiots running and organising the event really got on everybody's nerves for their lack of respect and mindfulness. while others were doing work, these nincompoops had the cheek to go around and demand for things, when they themselves were sitting around doing nothing. they come dressed in civilian clothes, when they told the rest to be in the t-shirt. they order us around according to their whims and fancies, and no thought was spared for the work that needed to be completed on hand. when i complained to sid, he gave some words of comfort, "they have no experience, so try to understand." all the more then, they should be conscientious of what they are doing, rather than bossing the workers who made the whole thing possible. idiots.
well, thank goodness i won't have much to do with them.
the event went along simply fine, against all expectations. i enjoyed myself a whole deal despite the asses up there. at the end of the day, i had made friends with a few people, and the words of encouragement, and smiles and appreciation they showed me at the end of the day, made it all worthwhile.
my reasons and beliefs are strengthened once again.
well, before anything, i need to bitch. let me just ventilate that i ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND the inefficiencies of certain people in the school. idiots they were, making us come to school at 9 on a saturday morning when the event was only due to start at 4 in the afternoon. and we spent like a good 5 hours doing nothing much there, good time that could have been used sleeping at home or studying... more sleeping of course. hell, i am entitled. friday saw my group teaching the class for a whole hour for our problem-based learning. and apparently, we stressed out the other groups, 'cos the standards of our presentation was unexpectedly high. hahah, all i can say is yippee.
back to saturday, bitching not done.
the idiots running and organising the event really got on everybody's nerves for their lack of respect and mindfulness. while others were doing work, these nincompoops had the cheek to go around and demand for things, when they themselves were sitting around doing nothing. they come dressed in civilian clothes, when they told the rest to be in the t-shirt. they order us around according to their whims and fancies, and no thought was spared for the work that needed to be completed on hand. when i complained to sid, he gave some words of comfort, "they have no experience, so try to understand." all the more then, they should be conscientious of what they are doing, rather than bossing the workers who made the whole thing possible. idiots.
well, thank goodness i won't have much to do with them.
the event went along simply fine, against all expectations. i enjoyed myself a whole deal despite the asses up there. at the end of the day, i had made friends with a few people, and the words of encouragement, and smiles and appreciation they showed me at the end of the day, made it all worthwhile.
my reasons and beliefs are strengthened once again.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
i know my place
i realised that i have really been arrogant in my assumptions and my judgments. and that i think i am super-loved, and super-smart, and super-in-the-crowd. what misconstrued perceptions i have.
2 events happened in the past week that put me back in my place. who i am to people, and what they really think of me.
shattered i am, but thankful for the reminder.
i know my place now.
In my place, in my place,
Were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.
I was lost, I was lost,
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed,
I was lost, oh yeah.
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
For it...
I was scared, I was scared,
Tired and underprepared,
But I'll wait for it.
If you go, if you go,
And leave me down here on my own,
then I'll wait for you.
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
For it, ya...
Singin' please, please, please,
Come back come and sing to me,
To me, me.
Come on and sing it out, now, now.
Come on and sing it out, to me, me.
Come back and sing to me.
In my place, in my place,
Were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
In My Place - Coldplay
2 events happened in the past week that put me back in my place. who i am to people, and what they really think of me.
shattered i am, but thankful for the reminder.
i know my place now.
In my place, in my place,
Were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.
I was lost, I was lost,
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed,
I was lost, oh yeah.
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
For it...
I was scared, I was scared,
Tired and underprepared,
But I'll wait for it.
If you go, if you go,
And leave me down here on my own,
then I'll wait for you.
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
For it, ya...
Singin' please, please, please,
Come back come and sing to me,
To me, me.
Come on and sing it out, now, now.
Come on and sing it out, to me, me.
Come back and sing to me.
In my place, in my place,
Were lines that I couldn't change,
I was lost, oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
In My Place - Coldplay
Monday, September 13, 2004
unfounded worries
the case of the missing thai man.
there was a thai man who works at at this unnamed site near jalan bahar. he was generally a very conscientious worker, and never once did he shirk his responsibilities. his peers were very glad to have him around, because not only did he keep the team together, he never once failed to lend a helping hand to any of his peers whom he sees requiring it.
one day, after the completion of a project, this particular thai worker suddenly disappeared. although initially, his disappearance went unnoticed, after some time, his fellow workers began to get worried. they did not know what had happened to this good friend of theirs. he never once missed work, and he was definitely not an irresponsible man. even the ones who usually see him around, began to question.
some thought that he was tired of the work that he was doing, understanding that the work was definitely not easy. some thought he was harbouring unpleasantries against them for some unknown reasons. some thought he was thowing a tantrum for his work was apparently unappreciated. some thought many other things. but no one really knew.
and i tried to find out, with much effort.
and found out that this thai worker was seriously misperceived, and that he was in no way doing anything that would let anyone down. he was doing what he felt he should do, working in silence and away from the normal crowd, just so that he would achieve his aims better. secretly his hands moved, silently his words spoke, softly his firmness and determination showed. all for the greater good.
i am ever in awe of him. and i suppose i will always be.
i had said that in giving up power, he would gain and work with an even greater authority. so he proves it to me, that in his ways, he is guided by a greater power, and a clarity of thought beyond many others.
our worries truly were unfounded.
pray for his well-being and his success.
there was a thai man who works at at this unnamed site near jalan bahar. he was generally a very conscientious worker, and never once did he shirk his responsibilities. his peers were very glad to have him around, because not only did he keep the team together, he never once failed to lend a helping hand to any of his peers whom he sees requiring it.
one day, after the completion of a project, this particular thai worker suddenly disappeared. although initially, his disappearance went unnoticed, after some time, his fellow workers began to get worried. they did not know what had happened to this good friend of theirs. he never once missed work, and he was definitely not an irresponsible man. even the ones who usually see him around, began to question.
some thought that he was tired of the work that he was doing, understanding that the work was definitely not easy. some thought he was harbouring unpleasantries against them for some unknown reasons. some thought he was thowing a tantrum for his work was apparently unappreciated. some thought many other things. but no one really knew.
and i tried to find out, with much effort.
and found out that this thai worker was seriously misperceived, and that he was in no way doing anything that would let anyone down. he was doing what he felt he should do, working in silence and away from the normal crowd, just so that he would achieve his aims better. secretly his hands moved, silently his words spoke, softly his firmness and determination showed. all for the greater good.
i am ever in awe of him. and i suppose i will always be.
i had said that in giving up power, he would gain and work with an even greater authority. so he proves it to me, that in his ways, he is guided by a greater power, and a clarity of thought beyond many others.
our worries truly were unfounded.
pray for his well-being and his success.
NTUMS Appreciation Tea
the above event was sumthing i really looked forward to at the end of the week. spent a good hour preparing myself, deciding my ensemble. and came up with this combi of the white top we got for kitsitra's performance, my brown pants, and a cambodian silk shawl that my sister gifted me. the shawl was purple (so metro!) to keep to the theme of something pink or purple.
the appreciation tea is actually an inaugural event organised by the outgoing 17th exco to recount the events of the past work year, as well as to celebrate the volunteers who came forward to lend their abilities for MS events. i arrived looking all fine and dandy, replete with my side purse (you know the bag that accompanies a kain pelikat when you buy it?). i really felt goooood.
then met semua orang-orang yang cukup dirindui, rezuan, osh, farida, firdaus, siddiq, sha... the works!!! it was truly a sweet gathering for me. hahahahah...had a great time, although at some points, i was close to biting the flesh of someone's hand for being a poopy-head...and knowing that he was being a poopy-head...
then abu came around five, and we went for our own tea. then whatever came over him, he even threw in a fish & co's dinner. abu abu abu. such an enigma, even now.
sigh.
p/s: poopyhead man, i think you know who you are. you poop me off again, jaga kau. :) sayang dia.
the appreciation tea is actually an inaugural event organised by the outgoing 17th exco to recount the events of the past work year, as well as to celebrate the volunteers who came forward to lend their abilities for MS events. i arrived looking all fine and dandy, replete with my side purse (you know the bag that accompanies a kain pelikat when you buy it?). i really felt goooood.
then met semua orang-orang yang cukup dirindui, rezuan, osh, farida, firdaus, siddiq, sha... the works!!! it was truly a sweet gathering for me. hahahahah...had a great time, although at some points, i was close to biting the flesh of someone's hand for being a poopy-head...and knowing that he was being a poopy-head...
then abu came around five, and we went for our own tea. then whatever came over him, he even threw in a fish & co's dinner. abu abu abu. such an enigma, even now.
sigh.
p/s: poopyhead man, i think you know who you are. you poop me off again, jaga kau. :) sayang dia.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
happy day
went to school early in the morn, had a psycho test to take which went a-ok.
then went to orchard to meet up with herman, he wanted to pass me the invite for the appreciation tea. the poor man rushed from ntu to far east, only to find that my card was for mr yusoff, and not mr nizar. so i wont be able to make it tomorrow for the tea (kidding).
fadiah and karima wanted to meet up along the way, so we did. met shaiful and shahidah along the way. went to watch a movie, harold and kumar go to white castle, which was superbly hilarious. by the way, it was karima's first official visit to the cinema, and we botched it up. movie is NC-16, karima looks 14, uncle at the door asked for ID. hahaha. poor girl. then went into a pitch black cinema, and couldnt find our seats for a good five minutes. i scared fadiah and karima for a teensy while when i squatted down and disappeared. we found our seats, and started laughing immediately. but movie is a big no-no for it shows big no-nos, and karima was embarrassed to the point of laughing. i was embarrassed too. fadiah was like, kill nizar for the recommendation. but what the hell. we had a great laugh.
then went for asar, and to the youth park to see al-falah youth wing and their islamic culture exhibition. was a novel idea, but needed more work on it. well, then met up with taufiq and azfar for dinner. at lucky plaza, met leha and firda. realised i miss tarian like a whole lot. then went to royal plaza on scotts for maghrib. joined up with muslim, adib, shaiful, syahid, hasan, renee over there. miss the kids even more. hahha. then went to apple centre at wheelock with taufiq and azfar and fadiah and karima. i want an apple now.
taufiq left for tarian, azfar left for home, i left for woodlands to accompany the girls for some shopping. two set of shoes, some stockings, a bottle of shampoo and really tired feet later, ended the day at cavana woodland's point for supper. saw terrence and showed him the yearbook. and he was happy.
i am happy.
boarded the train, and waved to herman yr 2 who was alighting.
met so many peeps. sated for a long time. :)
then went to orchard to meet up with herman, he wanted to pass me the invite for the appreciation tea. the poor man rushed from ntu to far east, only to find that my card was for mr yusoff, and not mr nizar. so i wont be able to make it tomorrow for the tea (kidding).
fadiah and karima wanted to meet up along the way, so we did. met shaiful and shahidah along the way. went to watch a movie, harold and kumar go to white castle, which was superbly hilarious. by the way, it was karima's first official visit to the cinema, and we botched it up. movie is NC-16, karima looks 14, uncle at the door asked for ID. hahaha. poor girl. then went into a pitch black cinema, and couldnt find our seats for a good five minutes. i scared fadiah and karima for a teensy while when i squatted down and disappeared. we found our seats, and started laughing immediately. but movie is a big no-no for it shows big no-nos, and karima was embarrassed to the point of laughing. i was embarrassed too. fadiah was like, kill nizar for the recommendation. but what the hell. we had a great laugh.
then went for asar, and to the youth park to see al-falah youth wing and their islamic culture exhibition. was a novel idea, but needed more work on it. well, then met up with taufiq and azfar for dinner. at lucky plaza, met leha and firda. realised i miss tarian like a whole lot. then went to royal plaza on scotts for maghrib. joined up with muslim, adib, shaiful, syahid, hasan, renee over there. miss the kids even more. hahha. then went to apple centre at wheelock with taufiq and azfar and fadiah and karima. i want an apple now.
taufiq left for tarian, azfar left for home, i left for woodlands to accompany the girls for some shopping. two set of shoes, some stockings, a bottle of shampoo and really tired feet later, ended the day at cavana woodland's point for supper. saw terrence and showed him the yearbook. and he was happy.
i am happy.
boarded the train, and waved to herman yr 2 who was alighting.
met so many peeps. sated for a long time. :)
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