I'm no...

...superhero, no knight in shining armor, not a paragon of virtue nor a leader of men. I’ve most always been the bland one, the quiet one, the wallflower when spoken to; always looking for a modicum of acceptance in the social circle of whomever; never being too abrasive nor too submissive; always threading the fine line between great and less than zero.

I’ve not performed beautiful arias nor painted Mona Lisas, not built Great Walls nor won the Nobels. I’ve always been put in my place and thought that’s where I’ll always be; never reaching any heights of any particular greatness nor any depths of inner substance.

It’s been a long day, a rainy one even and all I wanted today was to be me. The simple one. The not so great one, maybe even the mediocre one. The one who didn’t have to be thought of as being a saviour of others nor the fount of eternal wisdom. The dispassionate one, the outside observer; the inert rock which lies on shifting ocean sands; the unemoting monster. If I cease to be me, am I the new self or just a reflection of the expectations of others? If I believe to be someone else for a long enough length of time, can I start believing a self-imposed personal illusion?

I wish you’d all have known who I truly am; but understand that I’d rather keep myself to myself when I felt like it; and you all, if you’d have stepped into my shoes would feel how maddening it can be to be misunderstood and yet feel an overwhelming relief of never having been known;

of being both exalted and a disappointment.

After a long day and a rainy evening, I’m no superhero, I just wanna be me.

- excerpt from Hammie's blog