the young ones

its been a good 14 years since my secondary school days.
but as they say, the bestest friends are made in those days.

these are the friends we begin to build strong relationships with, the ones with whom we go through the most testing of our pubescent years, and the ones with whom we fall in love with just by virtue of them being around the longest.

and how much we have changed since then.

and yet the friendship remains.

azfar is getting engaged soon, alhamdulillah.
zul is getting married not so long after.
fahmy and firdaus are getting hitched too, though news have not reached us.

haha... how we've grown.

*i've got tears in my eyes*

fairness

so everyone else gets to complain. but me.
sigh, the fairness of it.

did something today

and i was reminded of what the hoopoe excerpted, about hatching out the helpless inside.
to be utterly and totally at His Mercy, and to feel utterly and totally without power.

all things happen for a reason. even what happened yesterday.
and i have to accept it and thank Him that it happened, because i was moved to do what i did.

and then He reminded me.

"Verily, my prayers, my worship, my life and my death are for God, Master of the Worlds. There is none equal to Him, and this I have been commanded, and I am of the believers."

accept from me, Allah, and forgive me.

sleep it all away

bawled my eyes out.
but it was comforting.

feel much better... but just for good measure, will still abstain.

matter of fact

that even the best of people are flawed.
that even the best of friends can let you down.
that even the hardiest of souls can be worn out.

that everyone has the capacity to cause hurt.
that everyone has the capacity to feel hurt.
that everyone does either, at one time or the other.

that others are empathetic.
that others are apathetic.
that others are emotionally sensitive, or emotionally inept.

MALAS. MALAS. MALAS.

at this stage i want to cuss and swear, and cry my heart out.

david cook final 3 performance

american idol. he deserves it.

mess within

i think i need to be away for a while.
i feel more messed up than i have ever been for a long long time.

just been thinking

about the future.

how once everything seemed so near and clear.
and how suddenly now it seems just fuzzy and blur.

maybe it is just my fear, my lack of vision or plans to set things in gear.
or maybe it is just that i sense the currents swiftly flowing, and i have become unable to steer.

and everything, everyone, is moving away from here.
only the void is near.

relief

i was glad you told him.
in my humble opinion, of all people, he deserved to know.
although i don't understand why you decided to hide it before hand.

you guys went through so much together, worked so long and hard together.
so i really just feel that it was the right thing for you to do.
and i am glad you did it.

and i believe it was also a burden off your shoulders.

now you have someone to talk to about the whole thing, and wanting to prepare for it.
much better than before right?

arrogance

to be so is to set yourself as being above others.
fear that Allah brings you down and shames you before others because of your arrogance.
even the slightest words, and the slightest actions may be seen as arrogance.
and you will be taken to task for it.

i guess i was arrogant just now.
and i got the recompense quite immediately.
because i was shunned and hurt.

Allah forgive me, and free me from arrogance.

of the favours God granted, are we not thankful?

On Resurrection Day God will say,
“What did you do with the strength and energy your food gave you on earth?
How did you use your eyes?
What did you make with your five senses while they were dimming and playing out?
I gave you hands and feet as tools for preparing the ground for planting.
Did you, in the health I gave, do the plowing?”

You will not be able to stand when you hear those questions.
Youwill bend double, and finally acknowledge the glory.

God will say,
“Lift your head and answer the questions.”

Your head will rise a little, then slump again.

“Look at me! Tell what you’ve done.”

You try, but you fall back flat as a snake.

“I want every detail. Say!”

Eventually you will be able to get to a sitting position.

“Be plain and clear. I have given you such gifts. What did you do with them?”

You turn to the right looking to the prophets for help, as though to say, I am stuck in the mud of my life, Help me out of this!

They will answer, those kings,
“The time for helping is past. The plow stands there in the field. You should have used it.”

Then you turn to the left, where your family is, and they will say,
“Don’t look at us! This conversation is between you and your Creator.”

Then you pray the prayer that is the essence of every ritual:

God,
I have no hope. I am torn to shreds.
You are my first and last and only refuge.

Don’t do daily prayers like a bird pecking, moving its head up and down. Prayer is an egg.

Hatch out the total helpless inside.

The Soul of Rumi
excerpted from the hoopoe

mabruk ustaz!!

our dear hoopoe will be undertaking a highly acclaimed program, and a well-deserved candidate he is. masya Allah, when i read the prospectus of the program, i was in awe. here is an excerpt of the program.

from wiki:

“The Fulbright Commission aims to bring a little more knowledge, a little more reason, and a little more compassion into world affairs and thereby increase the chance that nations will learn at last to live in peace and friendship.” - Senator J. William Fulbright

The Fulbright Program, including the Fulbright-Hays Program, is a program of grants for international educational exchange for scholars, educators, graduate students and professionals, founded by United States Senator J. William Fulbright. It is considered one of the most prestigious award programs and it operates in 144 countries. The Fulbright Program has 37 Nobel Prize Winners among its alumni, more than any other scholarship program of its kind.

may Allah hasten his journey towards excellence, and reward him equitably with the efforts expended, and more, by His Generosity. And may Allah benefit us from his work.

mabruk, mabruk!

Insya Allah... Professor, Doctor, As-Shaykh, Ustaz, Haji... everything la!!