In purest of spirit, in vilest of soul
Deny those who maim,
Onus was upon them, but they chose the same,
Never to see, never to feel
Therefore, in negation, they forever kneel.
Cursed be my self,
Allowing deepest stealth,
Rankle my very soul,
Embrace me with cold.
Are you blessed and sated,
Now that I yield,
Your ways will remain unaltered,
Morrow will be same as eve
Or find you now respite, enjoy you now despite
Rage, remorse, regret
Enter my poor heart?
Friday, July 30, 2004
Thursday, July 29, 2004
ode to me
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Those tears are for someone else.
I hear your voice on the phone.
I hear you feel so alone.
When we were young,
And truth was paramount.
We were older then,
And we lived our life without any doubt.
Those memories,
They seem so long ago.
What's become of them? When you feel like me I want you to know.
Don't cry.
You're not alone.
Don't cry,
Tonight, my baby.
Don't cry,
You'll always be loved.
Don't cry,
Tonight.
My baby.
Today I dreamed,
Of friends I had before.
And I wonder why.
The ones who care don't call anymore.
My feelings hurt.
But you know I overcome the pain.
And I'm stronger now,
There can't be a fire unless there's a flame.
Limousines and sycophants,
Don't leave me now,
Cause I'm afraid what you've done to me.
Is now the wolf.
In my bed, In my head.
The challenges, we took were hard enough.
They get harder now.
Even when we think that we've had enough.
Don't feel alone,
Cause it's I you understand.
I'm your sedative,
Take a piece of me whenever you can.
Don't Cry - Seal
whats happening to me?
Those tears are for someone else.
I hear your voice on the phone.
I hear you feel so alone.
When we were young,
And truth was paramount.
We were older then,
And we lived our life without any doubt.
Those memories,
They seem so long ago.
What's become of them? When you feel like me I want you to know.
Don't cry.
You're not alone.
Don't cry,
Tonight, my baby.
Don't cry,
You'll always be loved.
Don't cry,
Tonight.
My baby.
Today I dreamed,
Of friends I had before.
And I wonder why.
The ones who care don't call anymore.
My feelings hurt.
But you know I overcome the pain.
And I'm stronger now,
There can't be a fire unless there's a flame.
Limousines and sycophants,
Don't leave me now,
Cause I'm afraid what you've done to me.
Is now the wolf.
In my bed, In my head.
The challenges, we took were hard enough.
They get harder now.
Even when we think that we've had enough.
Don't feel alone,
Cause it's I you understand.
I'm your sedative,
Take a piece of me whenever you can.
Don't Cry - Seal
whats happening to me?
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
burn out blues
i used to think that i was a very patient person. but even patient people have their bad times dun they? i guess all this talk about recharging myself is really not going anywhere...i feel myself straining to regain control...but at the same time, i got the tendrils creeping out and lashing at those around me. i pity the innocents hurt by my insensitivities.
example, a wall's ice-cream boy (oklah not so boy, maybe in his teens, but still innocent) came to my door when i was teaching tuition. even before he could say anything, i put my hand up and said, "i am sorry, i have no time for this." and closed the door in his bewildered face. all i heard from him was, "but sir would you like to consider...BAM!"
well, he's gone now. i hope i did not put him off too badly. he was just trying to earn his living. uuurrrrggghhh. sometimes i just want to not be involved. so that i wont feel bad about anything. but now, i am feeling the crappiness that follows doing something as ungracious as that.
wall's ice-cream boy, i am sorry.
here's what i would say to you if i could...
"I had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again
She spilled her coffee broke a shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again
And she swears there’s nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me up and puts me on
I had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said I’m sorry i
I had a bad day again
Nooo...
And she swears there’s nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me up and puts me on
Oh I had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day"
Bad Day by Fuel
burn out sucks.
example, a wall's ice-cream boy (oklah not so boy, maybe in his teens, but still innocent) came to my door when i was teaching tuition. even before he could say anything, i put my hand up and said, "i am sorry, i have no time for this." and closed the door in his bewildered face. all i heard from him was, "but sir would you like to consider...BAM!"
well, he's gone now. i hope i did not put him off too badly. he was just trying to earn his living. uuurrrrggghhh. sometimes i just want to not be involved. so that i wont feel bad about anything. but now, i am feeling the crappiness that follows doing something as ungracious as that.
wall's ice-cream boy, i am sorry.
here's what i would say to you if i could...
"I had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again
She spilled her coffee broke a shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again
And she swears there’s nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me up and puts me on
I had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note and said I’m sorry i
I had a bad day again
Nooo...
And she swears there’s nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me up and puts me on
Oh I had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day again
She left a note that said I’m sorry, i
I had a bad day"
Bad Day by Fuel
burn out sucks.
Monday, July 26, 2004
farida
there is one more person whom i think deserves special mention for outstanding contributions to my life these past few months. and from the bottom of my heart, i wish to thank you for everything that you have done, either physically or emotionally.
i got to know farida since the ol' secondary school days...then we were mere acquaintances in our respective schools, with nothing more than hi-s and bye-s... but as fate would have it, we came together again, more recently under the umbrella of tarian with perkumpulan seni... and i think our friendship blossomed from then on...
what really struck me was how similar farida was in her outlook towards friends and relationships as compared to me. we are both the same kind of people, expecting to a certain degree the same things from those around us. birds of a feather flock together, ain' it? we have our differences of course, like she's more guy than me in some aspects, and i am more gal than her in others...hahahha but that's for us to know...and you to never find out... but in essence, we perhaps shared a common bond.
and that bond facilitated us in getting to know each other better, and find solace in a companion that could and would understand you... and provide perspectives that you may need to carry on with our altogether messed up lives...hahahah
but that aside, i think farida has given me a lot of help and assistance in many of the activities that i am involved in... venatoris, awallah dondang...the works... well girl, i hope you dun think that i am taking advantage of you, 'cos really, you were the one person i could definitely turn to for help in all the areas that i asked... it is in fact testimony to your capability... and thank you thank you thank you...
i apologise again for that mess last saturday. i really did not mean it.
but that aside, you know i am always a listening ear, and an empathic heart. it's been great, and may it always be so.
'hos forever!
i got to know farida since the ol' secondary school days...then we were mere acquaintances in our respective schools, with nothing more than hi-s and bye-s... but as fate would have it, we came together again, more recently under the umbrella of tarian with perkumpulan seni... and i think our friendship blossomed from then on...
what really struck me was how similar farida was in her outlook towards friends and relationships as compared to me. we are both the same kind of people, expecting to a certain degree the same things from those around us. birds of a feather flock together, ain' it? we have our differences of course, like she's more guy than me in some aspects, and i am more gal than her in others...hahahha but that's for us to know...and you to never find out... but in essence, we perhaps shared a common bond.
and that bond facilitated us in getting to know each other better, and find solace in a companion that could and would understand you... and provide perspectives that you may need to carry on with our altogether messed up lives...hahahah
but that aside, i think farida has given me a lot of help and assistance in many of the activities that i am involved in... venatoris, awallah dondang...the works... well girl, i hope you dun think that i am taking advantage of you, 'cos really, you were the one person i could definitely turn to for help in all the areas that i asked... it is in fact testimony to your capability... and thank you thank you thank you...
i apologise again for that mess last saturday. i really did not mean it.
but that aside, you know i am always a listening ear, and an empathic heart. it's been great, and may it always be so.
'hos forever!
Sunday, July 25, 2004
abu sufyan
one person that never struck me the way anybody else before has throughout my experience in NTU is abu sufyan. i first got acquainted with him when i was asked to help out with venatoris as a camp coordinator.
first impressions really differ from what you will eventually get to know about that person.
i remembered that day, when he spoke to us for the first time as chairperson. i did not take to his style immediately. he was assertive and aggressive, and spoke with a no holds barred attitude. he set the tone for the meetings to come, 'cos we were all new to each other, but what i got was that it was not going to be an easy ride. he seemed at that time, aloof and uncompromising.
but i never expected that to eventually bloom into a most dear friendship.
as we went along, through kembara, through the meetings that we had, and through the sharing sessions, i realise that my judgement was indeed way skewed. in fact i grew to accept him and embrace his ways as one utterly unique from that of the others i know.
abu, as a leader, made no compromise towards the quality of work of his team members. abu, as a thinker, contributed measures not conventionally taken, but just as effective or more so. abu, as a team player, ensured the welfare and undying support of his team. abu, as a muslim, realised the importance of subtlety, and worked with a special hidayah that to me, is such a valuable gift of insight from God to him. abu, as a friend, always trusted the capabilities and strengths of his peers and covered up their weaknesses. abu, as a person, knew what should be done and what had to be done, and made sure that it was done, even if it meant that in the process, some people may be slighted.
behind that facade of coolness and apparent disdain, there lay a truly noble, concerned and aware soul. one whose ways were not always accepted, and therefore misunderstood. one whose efforts and sacrifices sometimes seemed under-appreciated, and therefore feels a sense of disappointment.
but truly still, a very aware soul.
it saddens me that only now, when i leave NTU, that i begin to learn of his character. i would have loved to be with him more, and to learn of him better. i hope i still can.
i am honoured and proud that i can count him among my dearest friends. I never expected such a deep attachment to form, but i am gladdened. He will always have that place of respect and pride in my psyche.
Let his voice be heard, and guide those that need guidance back to the Middle Path. Let his heart be healed, and steeled, to face the challenges ahead of him together with his peers. Let his spirit soar, with the rest upon whom the future lies. And let them achieve success as one, and as one, blessed be.
first impressions really differ from what you will eventually get to know about that person.
i remembered that day, when he spoke to us for the first time as chairperson. i did not take to his style immediately. he was assertive and aggressive, and spoke with a no holds barred attitude. he set the tone for the meetings to come, 'cos we were all new to each other, but what i got was that it was not going to be an easy ride. he seemed at that time, aloof and uncompromising.
but i never expected that to eventually bloom into a most dear friendship.
as we went along, through kembara, through the meetings that we had, and through the sharing sessions, i realise that my judgement was indeed way skewed. in fact i grew to accept him and embrace his ways as one utterly unique from that of the others i know.
abu, as a leader, made no compromise towards the quality of work of his team members. abu, as a thinker, contributed measures not conventionally taken, but just as effective or more so. abu, as a team player, ensured the welfare and undying support of his team. abu, as a muslim, realised the importance of subtlety, and worked with a special hidayah that to me, is such a valuable gift of insight from God to him. abu, as a friend, always trusted the capabilities and strengths of his peers and covered up their weaknesses. abu, as a person, knew what should be done and what had to be done, and made sure that it was done, even if it meant that in the process, some people may be slighted.
behind that facade of coolness and apparent disdain, there lay a truly noble, concerned and aware soul. one whose ways were not always accepted, and therefore misunderstood. one whose efforts and sacrifices sometimes seemed under-appreciated, and therefore feels a sense of disappointment.
but truly still, a very aware soul.
it saddens me that only now, when i leave NTU, that i begin to learn of his character. i would have loved to be with him more, and to learn of him better. i hope i still can.
i am honoured and proud that i can count him among my dearest friends. I never expected such a deep attachment to form, but i am gladdened. He will always have that place of respect and pride in my psyche.
Let his voice be heard, and guide those that need guidance back to the Middle Path. Let his heart be healed, and steeled, to face the challenges ahead of him together with his peers. Let his spirit soar, with the rest upon whom the future lies. And let them achieve success as one, and as one, blessed be.
rezuan
many tributes in my blog this time round, but of course all the laureates are worthy... :)
rezuan.
brother of faith since birth, brother in arms since last year, brother in heart for eternity to come, insya Allah.
since his election as a training development officer, he has put forward many concerns that he has with regards to his capabilities in handling the responsibilities that would soon be placed on his shoulders. and he was unsure as to why he was given the appointment in place of other better choices, people whom he felt were more deserving.
well, perhaps i would like to pen down my thoughts with regards to that matter. what exactly is capability, and should capability be viewed in overall context? to me rezuan is very very capable, and it is not just for the fact that among all of us, he is one of the smartest. indeed his track record is almost infallible. but is academic intelligence enough to constitute capability? rezuan found himself questioning that very core of his character, his ability to lead and perform. but as he soon found out, there were many other reasons as to why he was elected to office. and he found solace in some of those reasons. finally, :) those reasons are his to know... and in keeping to my promise i shall refrain from revealing them.
it was worrying when rezuan questioned his capability, and it was even more worrying when he thought that he would be left alone. reassurance no 1: you are never alone. i promise to be there whenever you need me, and i know for a truth, that our friends will never desert you. you were not simply elected because you are smart, but because you have proven in your time that you are worthy and able enough to assist in the running of MS. reassurance no 2: remember your talk with that person. and reassurance no 3: trust in the Divine Agenda, and trust that what He has in plan for you and your peers to be the best for each individual. Everything has a reason, and it's up to you to find that reason.
lastly, i am very proud of you brother. and i will never tire of saying that i have full faith that you will bring us to newer and greater heights. be kind to yourself and others around you. and learn to prioritise. insya Allah, all will fall just nicely into place...
you'll be just fine.
rezuan.
brother of faith since birth, brother in arms since last year, brother in heart for eternity to come, insya Allah.
since his election as a training development officer, he has put forward many concerns that he has with regards to his capabilities in handling the responsibilities that would soon be placed on his shoulders. and he was unsure as to why he was given the appointment in place of other better choices, people whom he felt were more deserving.
well, perhaps i would like to pen down my thoughts with regards to that matter. what exactly is capability, and should capability be viewed in overall context? to me rezuan is very very capable, and it is not just for the fact that among all of us, he is one of the smartest. indeed his track record is almost infallible. but is academic intelligence enough to constitute capability? rezuan found himself questioning that very core of his character, his ability to lead and perform. but as he soon found out, there were many other reasons as to why he was elected to office. and he found solace in some of those reasons. finally, :) those reasons are his to know... and in keeping to my promise i shall refrain from revealing them.
it was worrying when rezuan questioned his capability, and it was even more worrying when he thought that he would be left alone. reassurance no 1: you are never alone. i promise to be there whenever you need me, and i know for a truth, that our friends will never desert you. you were not simply elected because you are smart, but because you have proven in your time that you are worthy and able enough to assist in the running of MS. reassurance no 2: remember your talk with that person. and reassurance no 3: trust in the Divine Agenda, and trust that what He has in plan for you and your peers to be the best for each individual. Everything has a reason, and it's up to you to find that reason.
lastly, i am very proud of you brother. and i will never tire of saying that i have full faith that you will bring us to newer and greater heights. be kind to yourself and others around you. and learn to prioritise. insya Allah, all will fall just nicely into place...
you'll be just fine.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
venatoris post mortem
venatoris post mortem happened on thursday 22 july.
i came in and the first thing i heard were complaints on coordination, thus indirectly complaining about me. sheesh. what a way to start rite? but hell, who really cares? the camp ran along just fine to me, given the limits and deviations allowed a typical camp, and at the end of the day, everyone felt that Venatoris '04 was simply brilliant.
across the board ok, and that is saying something.
exco acknowledged that. and din acknowledged that at another separate meeting. we did ourselves proud by outdoing ourselves! hahaha...what a day.
and i am so proud of abu for saying the things he said that day, for standing up for what he felt should be made known to all. and i am glad to have been there to see him give them a piece of his mind. i really have great people around me you know. congrats abu, if you ever read this.
then we went to pizza hut for some relationship patching... i think that went well. the meal was superb. hahahah... adea bought me a gift, that moved me so much. a pocket watch, in a silverish case, inside a cat bag. and she said some really nice things. adea sis, i appreciate the gift and will treasure it very much. thank you.
then went to pray at al-mukminin, and then went bowling with the group at chevrons...
'twas a really fun outing.
till abu sent me home and made me cry with his words again, even though i promised not to.
abu, strike one!
PS: i want a lock of hair, weird me.
i came in and the first thing i heard were complaints on coordination, thus indirectly complaining about me. sheesh. what a way to start rite? but hell, who really cares? the camp ran along just fine to me, given the limits and deviations allowed a typical camp, and at the end of the day, everyone felt that Venatoris '04 was simply brilliant.
across the board ok, and that is saying something.
exco acknowledged that. and din acknowledged that at another separate meeting. we did ourselves proud by outdoing ourselves! hahaha...what a day.
and i am so proud of abu for saying the things he said that day, for standing up for what he felt should be made known to all. and i am glad to have been there to see him give them a piece of his mind. i really have great people around me you know. congrats abu, if you ever read this.
then we went to pizza hut for some relationship patching... i think that went well. the meal was superb. hahahah... adea bought me a gift, that moved me so much. a pocket watch, in a silverish case, inside a cat bag. and she said some really nice things. adea sis, i appreciate the gift and will treasure it very much. thank you.
then went to pray at al-mukminin, and then went bowling with the group at chevrons...
'twas a really fun outing.
till abu sent me home and made me cry with his words again, even though i promised not to.
abu, strike one!
PS: i want a lock of hair, weird me.
exco baru
congrats to my friends for their appointments to exco NTUMS!
they are namely, president Hafiz Mustaffa, vice pres muslim Ahmad Bakhtiar, vice pres muslimah Suhaila Ahmad Samsi, and last but not least, Training Development Officer, Rezuan!!
the task ahead is not small, and i can see their jittery faces and associated jittery hearts wondering what the future holds and what is in store for them. well, brothers and sisters...
RELAX.
your appointments came to you by His Grace and Mercy, first of all. and i believe that you are all thankful to Him. secondly, it was by syura that you were all elected, so obviously, your capabilities and weaknesses were intricately monitored and your suitability to the posts, scrutinised. and when the decision came out, it was to the best interest of all parties and to the society as a whole that you were elected. thirdly, it is testament to your abilities and how you have conducted yourself in the past year among your peers. so either extrinsically or intrinsically, you have proven yourselves worthy to be entrusted with the responsibilities.
while some of you may not have total faith in the syura, i ask that you trust the Divine Plan. everything that happens has a reason and a hikmah behind it. and all will be revealed in due time. there may be greater things in line for ALL of you, where you are now. believe.
for the new exco, i am so happy for you. insya Allah, where i am i will still be rooting for the whole lot of you, exco or not. but i hope you remember what we have achieved together as a team, when we are not in our appointments. that team still exists now, so never forget to tap on the team's potential. remember our roots and humble beginnings together and realise that we will never succeed, unless together.
"with great power comes great responsibility, but even ants can move mountains if they work together..."
they are namely, president Hafiz Mustaffa, vice pres muslim Ahmad Bakhtiar, vice pres muslimah Suhaila Ahmad Samsi, and last but not least, Training Development Officer, Rezuan!!
the task ahead is not small, and i can see their jittery faces and associated jittery hearts wondering what the future holds and what is in store for them. well, brothers and sisters...
RELAX.
your appointments came to you by His Grace and Mercy, first of all. and i believe that you are all thankful to Him. secondly, it was by syura that you were all elected, so obviously, your capabilities and weaknesses were intricately monitored and your suitability to the posts, scrutinised. and when the decision came out, it was to the best interest of all parties and to the society as a whole that you were elected. thirdly, it is testament to your abilities and how you have conducted yourself in the past year among your peers. so either extrinsically or intrinsically, you have proven yourselves worthy to be entrusted with the responsibilities.
while some of you may not have total faith in the syura, i ask that you trust the Divine Plan. everything that happens has a reason and a hikmah behind it. and all will be revealed in due time. there may be greater things in line for ALL of you, where you are now. believe.
for the new exco, i am so happy for you. insya Allah, where i am i will still be rooting for the whole lot of you, exco or not. but i hope you remember what we have achieved together as a team, when we are not in our appointments. that team still exists now, so never forget to tap on the team's potential. remember our roots and humble beginnings together and realise that we will never succeed, unless together.
"with great power comes great responsibility, but even ants can move mountains if they work together..."
Saturday, July 17, 2004
my personality cocktail
| How to make a Nizar |
| Ingredients:
1 part friendliness 3 parts silliness 3 parts leadership |
| Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little lustfulness if desired! |
a journey to be remembered
i wrote before, that i was anticipating the end of the camp, when we would sit down and say, "Alhamdulillah, that was a great camp. Great job everyone."
that day has come and gone. and it is my turn to express my feelings.
it is not easy to adequately cover the myriad of emotions that ran through me during the camp itself. but i shall try to encapsulate what i can in my writing, and hopefully, this would be enough for those who read. the rest that remains unwritten is up for inferences, and secretly for those who went through the camp itself and now find themselves lost for words too.
VENATORIS '04 is a journey to be remembered.
I remember when i was invited to join the committee as the camp coordinator. At the insistence of Rezuan, i accepted, but never really knowing the things that i would be getting myself into. The first time i got to know the committee, i was not really very clear as to the direction of the camp, and as to the synergy and dynamics of the people involved. My judgements of characters were not very helpful. I realised that i needed to be more involved and get to know them.
There were the initial meetings that i attended, but they proved to be too short for me to make relevant analyis on people. the few that i knew were namely, Rezuan and Iqbal. Even Abu, Syaiful, Nasir and my co-coordinator Fadiah were distant people at that time. Then when the exams drew near, and we had to push meetings till after they passed, i lost touch with all that i needed to know.
after the exams, there was a lethargy in everyone which meant slow work. but the spirit eventually picked up, but not without the conflicts and disagreements and spats between individuals, departments and committees. I remember at a point in time when almost everyone was at everyone else's neck. fortunately the disagreements were settled before they degenerated further. the spirit of VENATORIS blazed in everyone's mind and pushed us onwards towards that common goal, now successfully achieved.
but at that period of time, i had many commitments - work, school application, tarian. and i am sorry to say that i had to give up much time, and VENATORIS did not receive my full attention.
I hereby apologise to the committee for my absence from the many meetings that i was supposed to be there for. I apologise to Abu for not being there beside him when he needed me. I apologise to Fadiah for not being around to take the brunt of the appointment and leaving her open to all the criticisms and bad misconceptions. I apologise to Rezuan and the programmers for not being there to support their work when they were placed under fire from all sides. I apologise to Suhaila and Saliha for not assisting in publicity till late. My contributions to this camp are not much at all, but you all did a wonderful job nonetheless.
but as someone who sat on the boundaries and looked in while you all worked, i would have to say that the success of the camp was nothing short of a miracle, brought about by pure intentions, faith, brotherhood, strength and unity.
and these were indeed values that i re-learnt in the camp. most importantly, faith. i never truly realised how much faith bound us together. faith gave us the pure intentions, faith gave us strength, faith bestowed unity among us, and faith blessed us with brotherhood. faith was what made us work together and rise above our petty selves, faith brought us our ideas and limits. faith was what moved the camp.
there were times when i felt insulted, there were times when i felt that certain comments were unnecessary, there were times when i felt that i was not doing enough, there were times when i was utterly stretched, there were times when i was angry at those i loved, there were times when i was lost and unsure, there were times when i just could not figure out what i was feeling.
but all that became unimportant.
at the end of the camp, when we sang together, i felt our spirit. when we apologised to each other, all was forgiven. when you said those words that meant so much to me, i brought it into myself and held on to it.
when we cried together, when i kissed you and you kissed me and we held each other close, that was what mattered to me.
i was never very good at partings. so i comfort myself by saying that that was not a parting at all. and i will try my best to make that true. you all never really lost me, i am always beside you when you need me.
and i know that i never really lost you too, for our gift to each other is eternal.
Rezuan, Iqbal, Abu, Nasir, Syaiful, Hakim, Hafiz Kamal, Shahih, Jabbar, Hafiz Mustaffa, Ashraf, Din, Rohaizad, Lukman, Rizal, Hafiedzul, Herman, Siddiq, Ahmad, Firdaus, Fadiah, Farhana, Farhanah, Marlina, Mazlinah, Firza, Karima, Shikin, Suhaila, Miza, Khairiah, Shahisdah, Ira, Suhaila, Maisarah, and all those whom i may have missed out...
I love you, my brothers and sisters. May Allah guide and bless you all.
that day has come and gone. and it is my turn to express my feelings.
it is not easy to adequately cover the myriad of emotions that ran through me during the camp itself. but i shall try to encapsulate what i can in my writing, and hopefully, this would be enough for those who read. the rest that remains unwritten is up for inferences, and secretly for those who went through the camp itself and now find themselves lost for words too.
VENATORIS '04 is a journey to be remembered.
I remember when i was invited to join the committee as the camp coordinator. At the insistence of Rezuan, i accepted, but never really knowing the things that i would be getting myself into. The first time i got to know the committee, i was not really very clear as to the direction of the camp, and as to the synergy and dynamics of the people involved. My judgements of characters were not very helpful. I realised that i needed to be more involved and get to know them.
There were the initial meetings that i attended, but they proved to be too short for me to make relevant analyis on people. the few that i knew were namely, Rezuan and Iqbal. Even Abu, Syaiful, Nasir and my co-coordinator Fadiah were distant people at that time. Then when the exams drew near, and we had to push meetings till after they passed, i lost touch with all that i needed to know.
after the exams, there was a lethargy in everyone which meant slow work. but the spirit eventually picked up, but not without the conflicts and disagreements and spats between individuals, departments and committees. I remember at a point in time when almost everyone was at everyone else's neck. fortunately the disagreements were settled before they degenerated further. the spirit of VENATORIS blazed in everyone's mind and pushed us onwards towards that common goal, now successfully achieved.
but at that period of time, i had many commitments - work, school application, tarian. and i am sorry to say that i had to give up much time, and VENATORIS did not receive my full attention.
I hereby apologise to the committee for my absence from the many meetings that i was supposed to be there for. I apologise to Abu for not being there beside him when he needed me. I apologise to Fadiah for not being around to take the brunt of the appointment and leaving her open to all the criticisms and bad misconceptions. I apologise to Rezuan and the programmers for not being there to support their work when they were placed under fire from all sides. I apologise to Suhaila and Saliha for not assisting in publicity till late. My contributions to this camp are not much at all, but you all did a wonderful job nonetheless.
but as someone who sat on the boundaries and looked in while you all worked, i would have to say that the success of the camp was nothing short of a miracle, brought about by pure intentions, faith, brotherhood, strength and unity.
and these were indeed values that i re-learnt in the camp. most importantly, faith. i never truly realised how much faith bound us together. faith gave us the pure intentions, faith gave us strength, faith bestowed unity among us, and faith blessed us with brotherhood. faith was what made us work together and rise above our petty selves, faith brought us our ideas and limits. faith was what moved the camp.
there were times when i felt insulted, there were times when i felt that certain comments were unnecessary, there were times when i felt that i was not doing enough, there were times when i was utterly stretched, there were times when i was angry at those i loved, there were times when i was lost and unsure, there were times when i just could not figure out what i was feeling.
but all that became unimportant.
at the end of the camp, when we sang together, i felt our spirit. when we apologised to each other, all was forgiven. when you said those words that meant so much to me, i brought it into myself and held on to it.
when we cried together, when i kissed you and you kissed me and we held each other close, that was what mattered to me.
i was never very good at partings. so i comfort myself by saying that that was not a parting at all. and i will try my best to make that true. you all never really lost me, i am always beside you when you need me.
and i know that i never really lost you too, for our gift to each other is eternal.
Rezuan, Iqbal, Abu, Nasir, Syaiful, Hakim, Hafiz Kamal, Shahih, Jabbar, Hafiz Mustaffa, Ashraf, Din, Rohaizad, Lukman, Rizal, Hafiedzul, Herman, Siddiq, Ahmad, Firdaus, Fadiah, Farhana, Farhanah, Marlina, Mazlinah, Firza, Karima, Shikin, Suhaila, Miza, Khairiah, Shahisdah, Ira, Suhaila, Maisarah, and all those whom i may have missed out...
I love you, my brothers and sisters. May Allah guide and bless you all.
FOC rundown
VENATORIS '04 came to a close on Thursday 15 July.
Day 0 went by rather uneventfully. I came late, we had some last minute meetings for the opening ceremony, and i presented the roleplay that we were all a part of. we spent the nite at Asy-Syakirin Mosque, but not before we made the videos of the princess who was to be kidnapped...that was cute. I apologise to Brother Hafiz AGAIN for having thrown him on his bum...utterly unintended... :)
Day 1 was kind of a rush...participants arrived earlier than expected, and we had to begin our socialising and preparations all at the same time so that the participants do not get bored. it was very nerve-wrecking when you see that things had yet to be done, but the participants were already there waiting...thankfully, the Exco were there to assist in the initial mingling... everyone had to hurriedly prepare the room, change into their "costumes" and run the roleplay through their heads. some last minute orders, and we were off.
the opening act was very very well received, with Abu as the King, Fadiah as Royal Advisor, Rezuan as Minister of War, Syaiful as Minister of Health, Nasir as Minister of Home Affairs, Iqbal as Minister of Expeditions, Karima as Minister of Information and the Arts, Shikin as Minister of Foreign Relations, Hakim, Ridzwan, Firdhaosh, Hafiz Kamal and Taufiq as the Generals, Siddiq and Shahisdah as the Warlords, Mazlinah and Marlina as the King's attendants, Farhanah as the Chef, Suhaila, Firza and Shahih as Heralds, Marliana as the Wise Woman, the Station Masters as the Dark Knights, the Facilitators as the Guards and lastly, yours sincerely as the Chronicler.
Everyone was really spontaneous, and very sporting despite last minute changes... and that made the whole play all the more interesting and amusing to watch.
We then carried on with our ice-breakers, and the the 2KM2 game, which made the newly inducted warriors get to know each other as well as the school. A few glitches in control issues came up, but was quickly taken care of. The weather held up fine, except for a part during the 2KM2 where the station had to be relocated due to lightning concerns. There was a shield presentation ceremony and then the groups were given their tasking for the next night, which was presentation night. After Isya', the groups moved to Hall 11 for a very interesting night game, Hunt Or Be Hunted. I was deeply impressed with the efficacy of the programmers in making sure that the limits of contact were adhered closely to (quite ingeniously too, if you ask me...) and how they were able to tweak the games to suit the objectives while not compromising any values... their resourcefulness in modifying what was needed really deserves applause and credit...
when the game ended, everyone was transported to Mendaki where they would spend the night. The committee had a late night debrief which left me with a bad taste in my mouth - but i was too tired to bother... i was incoherent myself... to the point that i could not understand what Rezuan was trying to tell me... hahahah
Day 2 began with a late subuh on my part... i was very reluctant to wake up... hahaha... I ensured that everyone was ready for the briefing by 0800 and let Iqbal and Jabbar take over the emceeing for the morning... which i must say, they did a much better job at working the crowd than i ever could... made me wonder why i was needed in the first place... the surveillance video camera of the princess being kidnapped was shown, and the faces of the culprits shown in mugshots were also flashed... the participants then set off for the next activity which would take them all the way to maghrib... Amazing Race... they travelled from Mendaki to Pasir Ris to Shahih's grandmother's place to Darul Ma'wa to East Coast Park to Plaza Singapura to Al-Falah Mosque to Masjid Tentera then back to NTU before they rescued the beautiful princess (thank you Farida!!!) from the clutches of the evil warlords... and amazingly, they did it much much faster than we had all expected... these participants were really really on...
After the rescue was complete, they were given time to rest and prepare for their presentations that would take place later on. With five virtues to act out - integrity, wisdom, brotherhood, trust and courage - the groups were really entertaining and creative. It gave me heart when i saw them re-enacting the roleplay, which showed that it was really something cool for them... WEEE!!! they took inspiration from many things, Taegukgi, Ali Baba, the roleplay, Internet... it was really fun!
Then the highlight of the camp came. Hunt for Faith. The weather did not look very promising in the evening. There were hints of wet weather, which would have caused the event to be called off. Many of us, especially the programmers, were worried, because this was the one event which cannot and should not be cancelled. The cemetary walk had many objectives which were crucial to making VENATORIS '04 a true Muslim Camp. Alhamdulillah, the weather held up, and instead of rain, the entire grounds became misty and dark, adding a mystical and sombre touch to the already unique atmosphere. Almost everyone went through the activity (the exception being those who did not feel they were in appropriate attire) and gave positive reviews, stamping our successful conduct of the activity. We headed off to Masjid Al-Firdaus for the night and rested our tired heads till the time for reveille came.
Day 3 was the only relaxed day for us all. We left the mosque close to 11.00am, arriving in NTU just in time for the final physical activity, Sendaloka Bersama Syai. Apparently, the long rest at the mosque was enough to give everyone the energy needed to carry out the really active games during the telematch and extreme soccer. Everyone took part in the games - participants, Adhoc and even the Exco. It was an uplifting end to the events of the camp.
We then had lunch and zohor, afterwhich the participants packed their belongings up. We initiated a short game which culminated in the surprise birthday party for the July babies, and then went on to the closing. After the knighting ceremony and the presentation of prizes, Shamir from NUS gave a short invitation speech to the participants for the NUS FOC camp. Then we viewed a powerpoint presentation put together by Hafiz Mustaffa on the activities of the camp. Brother Luqman gave a final speech on behalf of Exco, and we had a sing-a-long session. Finally Brother Firdaus led us in the closing du'a and we shook hands and hugged each other.
I present to you, the 4 days of VENATORIS '04.
Day 0 went by rather uneventfully. I came late, we had some last minute meetings for the opening ceremony, and i presented the roleplay that we were all a part of. we spent the nite at Asy-Syakirin Mosque, but not before we made the videos of the princess who was to be kidnapped...that was cute. I apologise to Brother Hafiz AGAIN for having thrown him on his bum...utterly unintended... :)
Day 1 was kind of a rush...participants arrived earlier than expected, and we had to begin our socialising and preparations all at the same time so that the participants do not get bored. it was very nerve-wrecking when you see that things had yet to be done, but the participants were already there waiting...thankfully, the Exco were there to assist in the initial mingling... everyone had to hurriedly prepare the room, change into their "costumes" and run the roleplay through their heads. some last minute orders, and we were off.
the opening act was very very well received, with Abu as the King, Fadiah as Royal Advisor, Rezuan as Minister of War, Syaiful as Minister of Health, Nasir as Minister of Home Affairs, Iqbal as Minister of Expeditions, Karima as Minister of Information and the Arts, Shikin as Minister of Foreign Relations, Hakim, Ridzwan, Firdhaosh, Hafiz Kamal and Taufiq as the Generals, Siddiq and Shahisdah as the Warlords, Mazlinah and Marlina as the King's attendants, Farhanah as the Chef, Suhaila, Firza and Shahih as Heralds, Marliana as the Wise Woman, the Station Masters as the Dark Knights, the Facilitators as the Guards and lastly, yours sincerely as the Chronicler.
Everyone was really spontaneous, and very sporting despite last minute changes... and that made the whole play all the more interesting and amusing to watch.
We then carried on with our ice-breakers, and the the 2KM2 game, which made the newly inducted warriors get to know each other as well as the school. A few glitches in control issues came up, but was quickly taken care of. The weather held up fine, except for a part during the 2KM2 where the station had to be relocated due to lightning concerns. There was a shield presentation ceremony and then the groups were given their tasking for the next night, which was presentation night. After Isya', the groups moved to Hall 11 for a very interesting night game, Hunt Or Be Hunted. I was deeply impressed with the efficacy of the programmers in making sure that the limits of contact were adhered closely to (quite ingeniously too, if you ask me...) and how they were able to tweak the games to suit the objectives while not compromising any values... their resourcefulness in modifying what was needed really deserves applause and credit...
when the game ended, everyone was transported to Mendaki where they would spend the night. The committee had a late night debrief which left me with a bad taste in my mouth - but i was too tired to bother... i was incoherent myself... to the point that i could not understand what Rezuan was trying to tell me... hahahah
Day 2 began with a late subuh on my part... i was very reluctant to wake up... hahaha... I ensured that everyone was ready for the briefing by 0800 and let Iqbal and Jabbar take over the emceeing for the morning... which i must say, they did a much better job at working the crowd than i ever could... made me wonder why i was needed in the first place... the surveillance video camera of the princess being kidnapped was shown, and the faces of the culprits shown in mugshots were also flashed... the participants then set off for the next activity which would take them all the way to maghrib... Amazing Race... they travelled from Mendaki to Pasir Ris to Shahih's grandmother's place to Darul Ma'wa to East Coast Park to Plaza Singapura to Al-Falah Mosque to Masjid Tentera then back to NTU before they rescued the beautiful princess (thank you Farida!!!) from the clutches of the evil warlords... and amazingly, they did it much much faster than we had all expected... these participants were really really on...
After the rescue was complete, they were given time to rest and prepare for their presentations that would take place later on. With five virtues to act out - integrity, wisdom, brotherhood, trust and courage - the groups were really entertaining and creative. It gave me heart when i saw them re-enacting the roleplay, which showed that it was really something cool for them... WEEE!!! they took inspiration from many things, Taegukgi, Ali Baba, the roleplay, Internet... it was really fun!
Then the highlight of the camp came. Hunt for Faith. The weather did not look very promising in the evening. There were hints of wet weather, which would have caused the event to be called off. Many of us, especially the programmers, were worried, because this was the one event which cannot and should not be cancelled. The cemetary walk had many objectives which were crucial to making VENATORIS '04 a true Muslim Camp. Alhamdulillah, the weather held up, and instead of rain, the entire grounds became misty and dark, adding a mystical and sombre touch to the already unique atmosphere. Almost everyone went through the activity (the exception being those who did not feel they were in appropriate attire) and gave positive reviews, stamping our successful conduct of the activity. We headed off to Masjid Al-Firdaus for the night and rested our tired heads till the time for reveille came.
Day 3 was the only relaxed day for us all. We left the mosque close to 11.00am, arriving in NTU just in time for the final physical activity, Sendaloka Bersama Syai. Apparently, the long rest at the mosque was enough to give everyone the energy needed to carry out the really active games during the telematch and extreme soccer. Everyone took part in the games - participants, Adhoc and even the Exco. It was an uplifting end to the events of the camp.
We then had lunch and zohor, afterwhich the participants packed their belongings up. We initiated a short game which culminated in the surprise birthday party for the July babies, and then went on to the closing. After the knighting ceremony and the presentation of prizes, Shamir from NUS gave a short invitation speech to the participants for the NUS FOC camp. Then we viewed a powerpoint presentation put together by Hafiz Mustaffa on the activities of the camp. Brother Luqman gave a final speech on behalf of Exco, and we had a sing-a-long session. Finally Brother Firdaus led us in the closing du'a and we shook hands and hugged each other.
I present to you, the 4 days of VENATORIS '04.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
murshidah
this girl is so cute.
i have to write about what happened today when we met.
well, she came to the jamming studio, and without warming up and harmonising, she sang into the mike, as she was supposed to (let's give her credit for trying). but it came out wrong and off, and i couldn't help myself but laugh. and nura apparently knew what i was laughing about (we click on like the weirdest of levels, especially spotting people),and astonishingly, she said, "ok shidah, you will stick to poetry reading, and nizar you be the back up ok?" talk about blatantness...hehehe...
she commented that razak looked different today. we all said, "he was not wearing his spectacles." and she was like, "oh a'ah..."
then when we were having our dinner/ supper at A&Z, there was a conversation on weblogs. the conversation went on, until i asked murshidah, "do you know where my blog is?" to which she immediately replied, "yah, it's near to the mosque, i think i can recognise where it is..."
cute.
and we met faris for the first time today...they make an even cuter couple...nura was enthralled, that lusty one.
i have to write about what happened today when we met.
well, she came to the jamming studio, and without warming up and harmonising, she sang into the mike, as she was supposed to (let's give her credit for trying). but it came out wrong and off, and i couldn't help myself but laugh. and nura apparently knew what i was laughing about (we click on like the weirdest of levels, especially spotting people),and astonishingly, she said, "ok shidah, you will stick to poetry reading, and nizar you be the back up ok?" talk about blatantness...hehehe...
she commented that razak looked different today. we all said, "he was not wearing his spectacles." and she was like, "oh a'ah..."
then when we were having our dinner/ supper at A&Z, there was a conversation on weblogs. the conversation went on, until i asked murshidah, "do you know where my blog is?" to which she immediately replied, "yah, it's near to the mosque, i think i can recognise where it is..."
cute.
and we met faris for the first time today...they make an even cuter couple...nura was enthralled, that lusty one.
friday blues
i just completed the first week in school.
it is truly an experience and a wonder how the smallest of things can make your day or break it.
firstly, school. school to me now is an adventure waiting to be enjoyed everyday. i can see myself there, studying and doing things together with my mates, and getting along very very well with my tutors, lecturers and mentors, and most importantly, having fun. the environment there is serious so different from what i had in NTU, and i am very certain that this is one really wise move that i have made - earthshaking, yes, but wise all the same.
but there are things that i am giving up or at the very least, compromising.
most importantly, my faith.
it is very important for me to attend friday prayers, because the meaning for me is more than a compulsory service. but my time table actually does not make any room for me to attend friday prayers, apparently a fact that was overlooked by the planners. so i had to change my timetable with the other group, with whom i have not yet bonded with. and i feel really sad that i had to leave my original group. but that is a choice that i had to make. but there would still be days where i may not be able to attend...but that is a major sacrifice that i have to make, and i hope that due to circumstances i will be forgiven.
school commitments will also need me to give up quite a bit of my socialising time. the projects and assignments are really coming and starting to pile. as of today, we already have 4 projects and assignments (either individual or group) to be completed. in order to ensure a job well done, i will be sacrificing many social activites, if i find that i cannot cope (which most probably will be the case). so my advanced apologies, if in the course of my study, i appear to have disappeared.
the first week actually saw me asking for more than $200 from my mother for notes, administration and miscellaneous expenses. i am ashamed to ask so much, and knowing that i have to ask for much more. i do not want to be a financial burden. my concession pass already costs $100. it scares me to think of the expenses that i have incurred and the expenses that i will be incurring in the time to come. uniforms, compulsory textbooks, funds... i have tried to apply for the sponsorship, but no news yet. i really need it.
with all these in mind, and my running from NYP to NTU to Cairnhill to home and out again the next day wore me down really thin. last nite, on my way back, as i was walking and thinking about this, it started to drizzle.
and without my consciousness, i cried with the rain.
it is truly an experience and a wonder how the smallest of things can make your day or break it.
firstly, school. school to me now is an adventure waiting to be enjoyed everyday. i can see myself there, studying and doing things together with my mates, and getting along very very well with my tutors, lecturers and mentors, and most importantly, having fun. the environment there is serious so different from what i had in NTU, and i am very certain that this is one really wise move that i have made - earthshaking, yes, but wise all the same.
but there are things that i am giving up or at the very least, compromising.
most importantly, my faith.
it is very important for me to attend friday prayers, because the meaning for me is more than a compulsory service. but my time table actually does not make any room for me to attend friday prayers, apparently a fact that was overlooked by the planners. so i had to change my timetable with the other group, with whom i have not yet bonded with. and i feel really sad that i had to leave my original group. but that is a choice that i had to make. but there would still be days where i may not be able to attend...but that is a major sacrifice that i have to make, and i hope that due to circumstances i will be forgiven.
school commitments will also need me to give up quite a bit of my socialising time. the projects and assignments are really coming and starting to pile. as of today, we already have 4 projects and assignments (either individual or group) to be completed. in order to ensure a job well done, i will be sacrificing many social activites, if i find that i cannot cope (which most probably will be the case). so my advanced apologies, if in the course of my study, i appear to have disappeared.
the first week actually saw me asking for more than $200 from my mother for notes, administration and miscellaneous expenses. i am ashamed to ask so much, and knowing that i have to ask for much more. i do not want to be a financial burden. my concession pass already costs $100. it scares me to think of the expenses that i have incurred and the expenses that i will be incurring in the time to come. uniforms, compulsory textbooks, funds... i have tried to apply for the sponsorship, but no news yet. i really need it.
with all these in mind, and my running from NYP to NTU to Cairnhill to home and out again the next day wore me down really thin. last nite, on my way back, as i was walking and thinking about this, it started to drizzle.
and without my consciousness, i cried with the rain.
Monday, July 05, 2004
VENATORIS '04 update
the camp is fast approaching.
in 7 days' time, all your hard work will come to bear fruit.
my brothers and sisters have given their all and more in planning and ensuring that the camp is as interesting and as exciting and as inspiring as it can be. i am glad to see that differences have been resolved and that conflicts are at a minimum. truly, they are all seeing the need for restraint and patience. and i really respect them for that.
and working together towards a common goal, that is what is most important.
i already asked that a letter be given to me to excuse me from school, so that i can attend and give my fair share of work and effort (which once again, i apologise for my lack of throughout the whole planning stage). i hope it works.
and i am anticipating the day we all sit down, when its over and done with, and we say,
"Alhamdulillah, that was a great camp. Great job everyone."
and the tears will flow once more...
in 7 days' time, all your hard work will come to bear fruit.
my brothers and sisters have given their all and more in planning and ensuring that the camp is as interesting and as exciting and as inspiring as it can be. i am glad to see that differences have been resolved and that conflicts are at a minimum. truly, they are all seeing the need for restraint and patience. and i really respect them for that.
and working together towards a common goal, that is what is most important.
i already asked that a letter be given to me to excuse me from school, so that i can attend and give my fair share of work and effort (which once again, i apologise for my lack of throughout the whole planning stage). i hope it works.
and i am anticipating the day we all sit down, when its over and done with, and we say,
"Alhamdulillah, that was a great camp. Great job everyone."
and the tears will flow once more...
NYP...HERE I COME!!!
i had actually intended to write this some time ago, but due to commitments elsewhere...it did not come out...so here goes...
some time in the past week...
without my noticing, time has crept up slowly and suddenly i feel it tapping my shoulders. school is so near, yet i failed to prepare for it. well, i dunno how to prepare for it actually. but i guess the adage time flies when you are enjoying yourself really does apply to me. only in my terms, time flies when you are busy. i have to think of enrolment, tuition subsidies, sponsorships, tarian, awallah dondang, FOC... sigh sigh... but i really should ready myself for the uncertainties of life in a new school... after all it was not a small decision made...i need to make it work... and i need to work...
2nd July 2004
had my orientation in school...and found out that there were only 3 guys in the course...but the other 2 guys were really cool and friendly, and we immediately found common ground...army...but that aside...we had a boring introductory session, which was redeemed by a half day amazing race-cum-treasure hunt which in my opinion, really managed to gel everyone together and bond us pretty well...for a half-day event that is, so kudos to the organising committee...and OT won the first prize for the day and that just really augmented our high spirits... made a lot of friends... i think school is gonna be a really exciting and interesting affair, what not with the managers and mentors who are ever so friendly and approachable... i am falling in love even as i write this... but my only worry is my religious obligations...i hope that gets settled soon...
5th July 2004
first day of school...i arrived in good time...but transport is gonna cost a whole lot of money...and i need that sponsorship to alleviate the burden of asking from my parents...and i need to be self-sustenant...had some lectures and found the topics really interesting...and as pointed out by the lecturers, our subjects' depth are really not poly level, it was more towards university level... i dunno how comforting that is...but we shall see how...and had to choose our electives today...and guess what happened...i could not get the one i wanted - conversational mandarin...so i opted for something that was closer to the heart - appreciation of the arts...hahahha...then i started thinking. i did not want to go to arts and social science in NUS, and neither did i apply to medicine. but now in OT, i am doing sociology, arts appreciation and pseudo-medicine. hehehhee...talk about durian runtuh.
but i am loving it so far.
so far.
some time in the past week...
without my noticing, time has crept up slowly and suddenly i feel it tapping my shoulders. school is so near, yet i failed to prepare for it. well, i dunno how to prepare for it actually. but i guess the adage time flies when you are enjoying yourself really does apply to me. only in my terms, time flies when you are busy. i have to think of enrolment, tuition subsidies, sponsorships, tarian, awallah dondang, FOC... sigh sigh... but i really should ready myself for the uncertainties of life in a new school... after all it was not a small decision made...i need to make it work... and i need to work...
2nd July 2004
had my orientation in school...and found out that there were only 3 guys in the course...but the other 2 guys were really cool and friendly, and we immediately found common ground...army...but that aside...we had a boring introductory session, which was redeemed by a half day amazing race-cum-treasure hunt which in my opinion, really managed to gel everyone together and bond us pretty well...for a half-day event that is, so kudos to the organising committee...and OT won the first prize for the day and that just really augmented our high spirits... made a lot of friends... i think school is gonna be a really exciting and interesting affair, what not with the managers and mentors who are ever so friendly and approachable... i am falling in love even as i write this... but my only worry is my religious obligations...i hope that gets settled soon...
5th July 2004
first day of school...i arrived in good time...but transport is gonna cost a whole lot of money...and i need that sponsorship to alleviate the burden of asking from my parents...and i need to be self-sustenant...had some lectures and found the topics really interesting...and as pointed out by the lecturers, our subjects' depth are really not poly level, it was more towards university level... i dunno how comforting that is...but we shall see how...and had to choose our electives today...and guess what happened...i could not get the one i wanted - conversational mandarin...so i opted for something that was closer to the heart - appreciation of the arts...hahahha...then i started thinking. i did not want to go to arts and social science in NUS, and neither did i apply to medicine. but now in OT, i am doing sociology, arts appreciation and pseudo-medicine. hehehhee...talk about durian runtuh.
but i am loving it so far.
so far.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
kilir jati and tarian unlimited
30th june was the fateful day of the performance...Malam Kilir Jati...the crowd was great with many big names in the cultural circles coming to see the newly choreographed works of the dance groups in singapore... well, i dunno how i really did on the performance itself, but some people said that i made very obvious boo boos...but hey...kata baru mula kan...so i cant be blamed...i tried to give my best, and i think that i did manage to put in about at least 80%...if not for the tight corset-like bengkung that i forced myself to wear...but the overall vibe i got was a positive one...so i am not going to complain much...and we made new friends again with the other kumpulans...just my social bee speaking there...so fun!!!
but i guess the more eventful thing to write on would actually be the rehearsals...kilir jati rehearsals were not really a bed of roses - from the flare-ups, to the apparent miscommunication and consequent misunderstandings, the politics, the leadership issues - the list goes on and on as to what went wrong and what could be considered a conundrum of unpleasantness... i will just touch in brief as to what the main highlights were...
1) TAPAC stinks of cat-poo
2) Changes in dance all the way till the last day
3) Cohesion issues between seniors and juniors
4) Insensitive bastards pooping from their oral cavities
5) Communication problems between EVERYONE
6) Physical and mental fatigue
7) Over-sensitive ME
so all these highlights put together really churned out a veritable mess. during rehearsals that is. but of course, inevitably the performance would also be affected. so there.
thank goodness for gay peeps who really made everything bearable at least (and no, i am not referring to you amin)
and if kilir jati was not enough, we had perkampungan tari like 4 days after that. that was another highlight in my tarian career. we had a full run through on the basics and the intricacies of tarian, which culminated in our choreographing a piece for assessment. hehehe... we had some practice in the morning on the beach...really cool...and had musical and vocal inclusion in tarian... the second day, me and sapee choreographed a piece called "hayat" which we got the highest marks for (85/100) and though i dun want to sound arrogant, i am actually pretty proud of it, and when abang kamil chose me and rozzy to choreograph the finale piece, i was actually filled with quiet pride... and most importantly, i passed the camp. hehehehe, not that the points really matter, but only 3 people passed...hahahaha...
tarian is actually going somewhere. that's good. i am happy. :)
but i guess the more eventful thing to write on would actually be the rehearsals...kilir jati rehearsals were not really a bed of roses - from the flare-ups, to the apparent miscommunication and consequent misunderstandings, the politics, the leadership issues - the list goes on and on as to what went wrong and what could be considered a conundrum of unpleasantness... i will just touch in brief as to what the main highlights were...
1) TAPAC stinks of cat-poo
2) Changes in dance all the way till the last day
3) Cohesion issues between seniors and juniors
4) Insensitive bastards pooping from their oral cavities
5) Communication problems between EVERYONE
6) Physical and mental fatigue
7) Over-sensitive ME
so all these highlights put together really churned out a veritable mess. during rehearsals that is. but of course, inevitably the performance would also be affected. so there.
thank goodness for gay peeps who really made everything bearable at least (and no, i am not referring to you amin)
and if kilir jati was not enough, we had perkampungan tari like 4 days after that. that was another highlight in my tarian career. we had a full run through on the basics and the intricacies of tarian, which culminated in our choreographing a piece for assessment. hehehe... we had some practice in the morning on the beach...really cool...and had musical and vocal inclusion in tarian... the second day, me and sapee choreographed a piece called "hayat" which we got the highest marks for (85/100) and though i dun want to sound arrogant, i am actually pretty proud of it, and when abang kamil chose me and rozzy to choreograph the finale piece, i was actually filled with quiet pride... and most importantly, i passed the camp. hehehehe, not that the points really matter, but only 3 people passed...hahahaha...
tarian is actually going somewhere. that's good. i am happy. :)
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