friday blues

i just completed the first week in school.

it is truly an experience and a wonder how the smallest of things can make your day or break it.

firstly, school. school to me now is an adventure waiting to be enjoyed everyday. i can see myself there, studying and doing things together with my mates, and getting along very very well with my tutors, lecturers and mentors, and most importantly, having fun. the environment there is serious so different from what i had in NTU, and i am very certain that this is one really wise move that i have made - earthshaking, yes, but wise all the same.

but there are things that i am giving up or at the very least, compromising.

most importantly, my faith.

it is very important for me to attend friday prayers, because the meaning for me is more than a compulsory service. but my time table actually does not make any room for me to attend friday prayers, apparently a fact that was overlooked by the planners. so i had to change my timetable with the other group, with whom i have not yet bonded with. and i feel really sad that i had to leave my original group. but that is a choice that i had to make. but there would still be days where i may not be able to attend...but that is a major sacrifice that i have to make, and i hope that due to circumstances i will be forgiven.

school commitments will also need me to give up quite a bit of my socialising time. the projects and assignments are really coming and starting to pile. as of today, we already have 4 projects and assignments (either individual or group) to be completed. in order to ensure a job well done, i will be sacrificing many social activites, if i find that i cannot cope (which most probably will be the case). so my advanced apologies, if in the course of my study, i appear to have disappeared.

the first week actually saw me asking for more than $200 from my mother for notes, administration and miscellaneous expenses. i am ashamed to ask so much, and knowing that i have to ask for much more. i do not want to be a financial burden. my concession pass already costs $100. it scares me to think of the expenses that i have incurred and the expenses that i will be incurring in the time to come. uniforms, compulsory textbooks, funds... i have tried to apply for the sponsorship, but no news yet. i really need it.

with all these in mind, and my running from NYP to NTU to Cairnhill to home and out again the next day wore me down really thin. last nite, on my way back, as i was walking and thinking about this, it started to drizzle.

and without my consciousness, i cried with the rain.