Empathy VS Apathy

I have always though of myself as someone who has good social skills...and that is further enhanced by my personality - emphathetic and insightful. Well, one day, i was invited to attend a function which i did not want to go to, for some reason or another. Events took place which assaulted my hold on myself and i was utterly distressed by the end of the day.

and in that night, i passed a judgement.

judgement. the final announcement of a verdict that was arrived at through meticulous assessment, with no bias except to logic and evidence.

that is the supposed explanation.

but my judgement is intuitive and emotive, very biased towards what i feel is right. and what i feel should be.
that judgement i passed that night, was made in a state of elevated emotions.
that judgement i passed that night, was made by pure inference and background knowledge.
that judgement i passed that night, was not a judgement.

mooted by prejudice and clouded by emotions.
that was the state of my mind for the few days that followed. and i did not get any comfort from those close to me. i had to resolve the issue myself. no help came my way.

and it did not help that the ones close had a mask of apathy. which i misread and thus unfairly judged them too. but where does the line in between standing up for what you feel is right, and being passive just because you do not think you can do anything, lie?

my empathy almost destroyed me. their apathy almost destroyed what was left of me.

between them and me, i am almost gone.

running

how do you deal with the exasperation of wanting to be able to do something but you just find yourself being stumped in the end? how do you deal with the desire to succeed, only to find that failure has become a norm to you? how do you deal with the pressures that force you along a path that will only leave you exhausted but not fulfilled?

i run.

why?

its yet another day spent at home bumming.

i feel sick. sick of myself and my ability to procrastinate if i am the one in control. sick of my incessant belittling of tasks that should be completed with the time i am given, only to later find that i have no time to complete it.

i am like that. and i hate it.

it is a great flaw, and i do nothing to correct it.

and weirdly i survive. by the theory of evolution, by rights i should have fizzled out a long time ago. but i am still here.

barely getting by, but still here.

what's wrong with me? i accuse others of apathy, but i am myself guilty of it. remind me to talk about my passing of judgement on others. and my quest to change courses.

because now, i really should not be doing this.

REALLY.

on blogging

Well, I just came back from a business meeting. At the same time I am writing this, I am chatting with 3 friends from the varsity...And it is not easy having to multi-task like that...So if my train of thought disappears along the way, please do pardon me.

I have been reading the blogs of two very special people. And they made me wonder. What is the true purpose now of me possessing a blog? Is it to comply to the requests of others? Or is it to just have yet another outlet to release my repressed spirit?

As i read their entries, i realised that the blog has many uses and purposes. Razak bro uses his as a diary to pen down his daily activities and thoughts and experiences. Nura the Mistress of Music utilises her space as an artistic form. But one thing prevails in both. The two blogs portray the characters of their owners perfectly. It is almost as if you see them writing in the blogs. It is their heart and soul that they reveal in their blogs. And their blogs have personality.

Well, even though mine may seem rather bland in comparison to theirs, and rather plain at that, I hope to eventually build my Asylum to a level that befits me...

But till then, I guess you have nothing but to bear with me...

a new beginning

hey-o all...

am in the computer lab...just staring at a computer screen, and wondering what the hell am i doing here again...left all my stuff at home, and so could not do any work.

BUT!!!

as it is, inspiration jolted me out, and i was moved to write a blog...or at least attempt to get one. which i did. and so here i am. with my very own blog. go me!

here's to a start of a wonderful life...in the cyber world!