it's coming part 2

to an end that is.

jaa.

misunderstood, but who cares right?

these days i find myself facing off tremendous pressure from all sides. needing to maintain my social roles as a friend and son, and at the same time fulfil my occupational roles as a student and committee member. however i find myself being misunderstood in all of these roles, that people cannot realise that i am trying my best to handle the multitude stresses that are on me, especially in this tumultuous time.

i am isolating myself from my friends.
i am not really functional as a son.
i am rather resigned and nonchalant about my committee.

i am focused on my exams.

to all those who think that i am being personal, or being a jerk, or being emotional...
whatever.

i did not have time, do not have time, will not have time to entertain your misperceptions of me.
at the end of the day, i live for myself.

and by the looks of it, i have been living by myself too.

simple

sim·ple(smpl) adj. sim·pler, sim·plest

1.Having or composed of only one thing, element, or part. See Synonyms at pure.
2.Not involved or complicated; easy: a simple task. See Synonyms at easy.
3.Being without additions or modifications; mere: a simple “yes” or “no.”
4.Having little or no ornamentation; not embellished or adorned: a simple dress.
5.Not elaborate, elegant, or luxurious. See Synonyms at plain.
6.Unassuming or unpretentious; not affected.
7.Having or manifesting little sense or intelligence.
8.Uneducated; ignorant.
9.Unworldly or unsophisticated. See Synonyms at naive.
10.Not guileful or deceitful; sincere.
11.Humble or lowly in condition or rank: a simple woodcutter.
12.Ordinary or common: a simple head cold.
13.Being a fundamental or rudimentary element; basic.
14.Not important or significant; trivial.

note definitions 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 11 & 14.

fyi. get back to me if this is ok.

what i feel

In my dreams I'm dying all the time

As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind

I never meant to hurt you

I never meant to lie

So this is goodbye

This is goodbye

Tell the truth you never wanted me

Tell me

In my dreams I'm jealous all the time

As I wake I'm going out of my mind

Going out of my mind

Porcelain-Moby

its coming...!

11th March 1982

Taufiq's birthday that is...

AND in following the footsteps set by a dear friend (which, by the way, is very effective in garnering gifts, i must say), here is taufiq's wish list, in order of realism...

very realistic... a.k.a short-term gratification

1) Leather wallet replete with cards and coin compartments (GIFTED)

2) Watch (GIFTED!)

3) Male skincare/ grooming accessories

4) Gillette M3 Razor (the one with the battery)

5) Sobakawa pillow

6) Nice shirts and ties (ala metrosexual cutting)

7) Nice pants to go with nice shirts

8) Manicure + Pedicure

9) Haircut at a salon

10) Karaoke session

11) Dinner(s) at an atas place(s)

not so realistic... a.k.a. long term gratification

1) Ipod Mini remote

2) DVD writer compatible with Mac (external)3)

3) Motorola E1000 3G handphone

4) Spa + Massage treatment

5) Brazilian waxing

6) PELG with free applicator

out of this world! a.k.a permanent gratification

1) a new apartment

2) a new car

3) a million dollars to buy everything above and more

oh and in addition to all that, he wishes for world peace.

kindly contact the birthday boy to be if anyone wishes to sponsor the above gifts.

it would really make his day.

...a favour by the insane one

missing

Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Maybe some day you'll look up
And barely conscious you'll say to no one
Isn't something missing?

You won't cry for my absence I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me not now
Though I'd die to know you loved me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
"Isn't something missing?"
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed
Knowing you don't care
And if I sleep just to dream of you
And wake without you there

Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Missing - Evanescence

oh am i...?

You Are 80% Extrovert, 20% Introvert

You are as outgoing as they come The life of the party, you're friends with everyone You're a people person, and you are quite the entertainer You love being around a crowd and acting spontaneously

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

verily, i have wronged myself...

Oh Rabb,

Verily I have wronged myself,

And if You do not forgive me and show Mercy on me,

Then I shall be among those

who have lost out dearly.

Vois sur ton chemin

Vois sur ton chemin
Gamins oubliés égarés
Donne leur la main
Pour les mener
Vers d'autres lendemains

Sens au coeur de la nuit
L'onde d'espoir
Ardeur de la vie
Sentier de la gloire

Bonheurs enfantins
Trop vite oubliés effacés
Une lumière dorée brille sans fin
Tout au bout du chemin

Sens au coeur de la nuit
L'onde d'espoir
Ardeur de la vie
Sentier de la gloire

- Les Choristes

en francais... je me deteste.

pourquoi est-il que nous peut ne jamais apprendre à parler la verité entre eux ?
pourquoi est-ce que je dois combattre au-dessus du plus petit des issues ?

pourquoi est-ce que je dois me sens si mauvais chaque fois, pourquoi dois j'aspirer chaque fois, et est-ce que pourquoi je souffrir pour mes propres actions chaque fois ?

vous savez je t'aime, mais vous ne le direz jamais de nouveau à moi.
mais je sais que mon amour signifie seulement quelque chose à moi, mais je place des espérances.

je ne suis mériter pas ... de la paix apparemment.
j'apporte à ceux-ci sur me

l'idiot que je suis...

through the looking glass

how many times does a person look inwards, and realises that he is not what he makes himself out to be?

and how many times can a person realise this, and still falter in his conduct?

i peeped through my eyes in a time past, and saw the true me.

dependant, ignoble, arrogant, self-justifying.
my values system was a complete farce.

and just when i thought i was already trying, and trying my darndest best.
just when it seemed like i had it under control.
everything just fell through my hands.
just like that.

i am still that idiot, that imbecile, that ignoble arrogant fool who has not moved a single bit.
not even a hair.

that is how freakingly stunted i am.

what have the past 2 years done to me...?
what have i not done for me...?

i am disgusted at myself.

and i dare mock others. when i am worse off.
and i dare impose myself on others, when i do not impose myself on me.

undeserving.
truly undeserving.