raya macam orang giler.

this year raya was mad. started from the first weekend after raya... and actually still haven't ended. and given that we have the whole month, who could blame us?

a million houses gone, and a million more to go.

but here are some memories of this year... for now. haha.

kiter-kiter nyer outing.

inspirez part 1

inspirez part 2

inspirez part 3

"fahmy's gathering"

juniors from nyp.

friends from camp.

the professionals.

its so easy...

to hurt someone.

by what you say, or choose not to say.
by what you do, or choose not to do.
by what you know, or choose not to know.

by who you are, or who you aren't.
by how you are, or how you aren't.

the littlest deeds, the simplest comments.
or the lack thereof.

and only those who go through it can know the pain it causes.

its unimaginable

Do you feel like a man, when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

Face down in the dirt she said, "this doesn't hurt,"
she says, "I finally had enough.."

i dedicate this song to you. and may God give you the strength and courage you need to step away and stand for yourself.

mad cap saturday

20th october. madness redefined.

events:

auntie's open house
sister's open house
2 friends' open house
ntu raya outing to 6 houses
inspirez mini raya outing
ri mini raya outing

all to happen within the span of 12 hours.

tell me how to do it.

haha.

started at abu's. abang din drove dad's car to fetch fathiah, dropped motor off at my place. at abu's met din adri adlin uan. then went to my sister's place, met alfi filzah fadiah there. then went to abang din's. met hafiz there. hafiz took over dad's car, dropped motor off at my place. abang din fetch his motor and left. went to uan's. met yanto there. party split into two - to adri's and junlin's. hafiz drove me uan fath to junlin's. met naz fifi fhar nisa and nas there. then junlin drove to ferhan's. met shah and ferhan. then off to shasha's. then went home. uan drove to his place, then hafiz drove to fath's and to mine. parked car, and he left for home.

cancelled appointment with 2 groups.

but it was all good.

despite the crazy schedule, the bulk of us maintained the sanity to complete the rounds. wee!

but it was crazy. i will endeavour to learn to say no. so that i don't get crazy.
and i feel sad about something. but only i will feel sad about it.

alone

Could it be just a passing thing…
This feeling inside… that once caused me to sing,
But now cold and empty, to every last strand of hope I cling…

Could it be just a silly thing…
That those actions I took to preserve that which I am still dreaming
But the reality of which leaves me grasping… at nothing.

Why did you once hold me, with such fervour and strength?
With such emotion and depth?
Or… was I merely mistaking what you were not thinking yourself?

Was I merely imagining that there was something… when in fact something was really only anything to my wanting self?

Last night, I could not feel you…
Even though I held you close.
Last night, as much as I needed you…
I knew it was someone else you wanted the most.

So love all I may, but that love is my own.
Because to you, I am nothing more than the fallen leaf, away by the wind, it is blown, alone.

selamat menyambut aidilfitri

selamat hari raya semua.

let this dream be true

had a good dream as i slept last night.
and all i can say was that there could not be anything more that i can ask for, if that dream were true. and how truly blessed it is to have come on the last night.

doakan mimpi nizar menjadi kenyataan.

last night of ramadhan

it came so suddenly, and about to leave just as unexpectedly.
may this Ramadhan be a blessing and expiation from the sins of the past, and may You permit me to meet another Ramadhan in the year ahead, Amin.

as i was heard this song, i suddenly realised how it related so much to my experience of Ramadhan this year. and how even in the most unexpected places, you hear prayers to the Almighty. this song is entitled Stand Inside Your Love, by the Smashing Pumpkins. And as i recalled the lyrics, i just thought about how it read to me, as a muslim in this blessed month.

"You and me...meant to be
Immutable, impossible
It's destiny, pure lunacy
Incalculable, insufferable"

This first verse spoke to me of the nature of the human soul, created in a state of fitrah, destined to seek a higher purpose of knowing the Almighty and to submit to His Greatness - a nature which cannot be changed, or denied, across the span of time and space.

The fitrah is the natural inclination to worship God alone, and it includes compliance with what God and His Messenger explained to be from the characteristics of fitrah. The acts of fitrah are specific features which God has created in man and found within his natural tendency to like as well as to dislike what contradicts these acts. The great Islamic scholar al-Sayyuti said: "The best explanation of fitrah is that it is the Sunnah (way) of all of the Prophets which is in agreement with (all of) the revealed Laws, indicating that it is a response to naturally created inclinations. In the Holy Quran, Almighty God, the Most High and Exalted, has identified the pure fitrah with which He created mankind:

"So set your purpose for religion as a man upright (hanifan) by nature (fitrah) - the nature (fitrah) framed by God, in which He created mankind. There is no altering (the Laws of ) the creation of God." (Holy Qur'an Chapter 30, Verse 30)

"But for the last time
You're everything that I want and ask for
You're all that I'd dreamed
Who wouldn't be the one You Love
Who wouldn't stand inside Your Love
Protected and the lover of "

The second verse reflects a dialogue between the 'abid and his Lord. In complete submission, and in true worship, what better prayer and wish can one have... than to be one who is in his Lord's Pleasure and Love, and receiving His Protection, on the day when no one else can protect save Him. and as i reflect this last night of Ramadhan, a blessed month where prayers are answered, it may be the last time that i may be allowed to make this cry to Him in this month, for who knows of my destiny...

"A pure soul and beautiful - you
Don't understand, don't feel me now
I will breathe for the both of us
Travel the world, traverse the skies
Your home is here within my heart"

According to Abu Hurairah, the Holy Messenger said:"God says, 'My servant becomes closer to Me by performing those deeds which are obligatory on him. And he gets close to Me through constant observance of optional (nafila) prayer until he becomes My beloved. When he becomes My beloved, I become his ears through which he hears, his eyes through which he sees, and his hand with which he holds, and his feet with which he walks." In repentance, in contemplation of creation, and in submission, the 'abid returns to his original self of fitrah and does not seek any other purpose aside from his Lord. And when the Lord accepts him in that state, the 'abid is fully provided for, for the Lord Sees to his every need and is well-pleased with his every deed.

"And for the first time
I feel as though I am reborn in my mind
Recast as child and mystic sage,
Who wouldn't be the one you love
Who wouldn't stand inside your love"

and the gift of ramadhan to the believer is the expiation of sins of the past, and state of rebirth, where the slate of actions is wiped clean. Narrated Abu Huraira (Volume 3, Book 31, Number 125): The Prophet said, "Whoever established prayers on the night of Qadr out of sincere faith and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven; and whoever fasts in the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven."

and for those whom have been blessed, the month also gives a state of heightened spiritual awareness, where the experience of ramadhan goes beyond just the physical realm, but allows the 'abid to understand and perceive the hidden hikmahs.

"And for the first time
I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for
Your every move and waking sound
In my time
I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind
You're mine forever now"

the 'abid becomes aware of how much he needs Ramadhan as a guide for his own journey towards his Lord, and how much Ramadhan has given him. The blessings of the month is worth more than all the luxuries in the world, where each deed is multiplied, by the Lord's grace. and the 'abid realises how his own weaknesses will draw him down in the time to come, when Ramadhan leaves him, and he cries for a firm resolution to be set upon his heart on this final night, that his weaknesses leave him, and that Ramadhan has made him a better person.

why i posted the previous 2 posts

nizar rasa nizar cukup bertuah.
kerana mendapat nikmat sahabat yang mengajak kepada kebaikan, dan sahabat yang menuntun kepada keredhaan Allah.

Alhamdulillah, merupakan ucapan yang penuh makna, yang cukup berat ertinya, memanjatkan syukur kepada Allah atas kelebihan yang diberikan. dan cukup sekadar Alhamdulillah, untuk menyampaikan isi hati yang tidak dapat digambarkan betapa gembiranya, dan perasaan betapa beruntungnya atas pemberian ini.

Alhamdulillah.

"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang Maha Mengetahui bahawa hati-hati (orang-orang yang dibayangkan) ini, telah berhimpun di atas dasar kecintaan terhadapmu, bertemu di atas ketaatan kepada-Mu, bersatu lagi memikul beban dakwah-Mu. Hati-hati ini telah mengikat persetiaan untuk menolong meninggikan syariat-Mu. Oleh itu, Ya Allah, Engkau perkukuhkan ikatannya dan Engkau kekalkan kemesraan mawaddah antara mereka. Tunjukkanlah kepada hati-hati ini akan jalan yang sebenar serta penuhkanlah piala hati-hati ini akan jalan yang sebenar serta penuhkanlah piala hati-hati ini dengan cahaya Rabbani-Mu yang tidak kunjung malap. Lapangkanlah hati sanubari ini dengan keimanan dan keindahan tawakal kepada-Mu. Hidup suburkanlah hati-hati ini dengan makrifat (pengenalan yang sebenarnya) tentang-Mu. (Jika Engkau takdirkan kami mati) maka matikanlah hati-hati ini sebagai para syuhada dalam perjuangan agama-Mu. Sesungguhnya Engkau sebaik-baik pelindung dan sebaik-baik penolong. Ya Allah perkenankanlah doa kami".

dan sesungguhkan, nizar amat sayang dan cinta kepada kalian semua. Moga Allah sentiasa merahmati persahabatan kami, dan memberi kami inayah dan barakah di masa mana kami bertemu mahupun tidak. Dan moga dalam ingatan itu, Allah memberi pengampunan dan menambahkan kasih sayang antara kami semua. Amin.

another commentary

Hafidh Ibn Katheer, commenting on a verse, relates a story on the authority of Ali Ibn Abi Talib (r.a.):

Two who are friends for Allah's sake; one of them dies and is given good news that he will be granted al-Jannah, so he remembered his friend and he supplicated for him, saying: O Allah, my friend used to command me to obey You and to obey Your Prophet (s.a.w.) and used to command me to do good and to forbid me from doing evil. And he told me that I will meet You. O Allah, do not let him go astray after me, until you show him what you have just shown me, until You are satisfied with him, just like You are satisfied with me." So he is told: "Had you known what is (written) for you friend, would you have laughed a lot and cried a little." Then his friend dies and their souls are gathered, and both are asked to express their opinions about each other. So each one of them says to his friend: you were the best brother, the best companion and the best friend."

The Blacksmith and the Perfumery

On the authority of Abu Musa al-Ash'ari (ra), the Prophet (pbuh) said:

"The likeness of a righteous friend and an evil friend, is the likeness of a (musk) perfume seller and a blacksmith. As for the perfume seller, he may either bestow something on you, or you may purchase something from him, or you may benefit from his sweet smell. And as for the blacksmith, he may either burn your clothes, or you may be exposed to his awful smell."
[Bukhari and Muslim]

rivermaya - you'll be safe here

knowing me, knowing you

i think i had a post with a similar title a long time ago.
can't remember what it was about, but i think it ran along the lines of knowing people for who they are.

yesterday juni asked me if i ever thought that i did not know people enough.
on second thoughts, maybe i don't know people enough, but it is just that i do not perceive it.

in actuality, the scenario calls for interaction from both parties involved.
the knower and the knowee.
it is easier said than done, this whole getting to know each other better.
there are various levels of information that one may share with another person.
sometimes the information is readily shared, and sometimes the information has to be sussed out.

and it really depends on the level of comfort that you have with the other party, and how significant the other party is to you, and how significant you are to the other party.

i remember having had deep conversations with some people, lasting into the wee hours of the morning. for some of them, the relationships between us grew tremendously, but yet for some of them, the relationships have somehow waned.

it is not a one-off instance that makes you know a person. it is seeing them in all their nuances, environments, good and bad times - and it is not merely seeing or being a passive observer, it is about being a part of their lives that will make you know a person.

a further response to your question then, juni, would be that for those whom i dearly care for, i do make the effort to get to know them. to meet those whom they consider dear to themselves, and to know what drives them and what disses them, to be with them when times are good or tough, to see them cry, laugh, scream, despair, rage... and at all of this, i want to be a part of whatever happens.

and then i begin to love them, and everything else falls into place.