neptunians, beware

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

really?

You Are 100% Psychic

You are so very psychic. But you already predicted that, didn't you? You have "the gift" - and you use it daily to connect with others. You're very tapped into the world around you... Just make sure to use your powers for good!

Are You Psychic?

my lurve number

Your Love Number is

2 Of all the numbers, you are the most caring and empathetic lover. Unselfish and humble, you find it easy to forgive your sweetie's mistakes. At times, your need to please can be come a bit too needy. As long as you remain somewhat independent, your relationships are perfectly balanced.

What Is Your Love Number?

validation

I Love You for the Sake of Allah

One day while the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was sitting with his Companions, a man passed by them. One of the ones sitting said, “I love this man.” The Prophet (pbuh) wanted to know if he had told this man his feelings or not. So the Prophet (pbuh) asked him, “Did you tell him?”The man replied, “No, I have not told him yet.” The Prophet (pbuh) told him that if one loves his brother, he should tell him of his feelings. So the man got up and hurried to catch the other man.Then he said to him, “I love you for the sake of Allah.” The other man replied, “May Allah love you, as you loved me for His Sake.”

Thus, it is a Prophetic tradition that a Muslim tell his Muslim brother that he loves him for the sake of Allah, and the other replies that he loves him, too, for the sake of Allah.

buat renungan.

Allah. this came at a much needed time.

i am what i am

i know that some people do not feel comfortable with the way i conduct myself towards them.
overly-affectionate. ultra-sensitive. a combination of weird and unbecoming.

i say this.
i am what i am.

if you wish to accept me, i ask that you accept me whole-heartedly.
in all that i am, because i am what i am.

do not ask that i keep a part of me from manifesting when i am with you.
do not ask that i act, just so you can face others.
do not ask that i change, because it effects a barrage of unfortunate events, that lead to something you may not have wished for in the first place.

i know i should not impose my values on others, if i do not want them to do likewise to me.
i try.

but those few to whom i do whatever it is i do, it is only because i am overwhelmed by what my heart seems to feels for you.

i may not understand it,
but i am what i am.

disenchanted. disenfranchised.

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes

But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps and

I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines

What's ****** up and everything's alright

Check my vital signs

To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Greenday

minerva's burfdae

an event planned in the eleventh hour.

but glad to say, everything went as expected.

woo hoo! i hope the birthday girl had as much fun and excitement as we had in the planning...

"roti abon babi, roti abon babi, satu dua tiga empat, roti abon babi..."

there was great food, great company and great hearts.

"macam mana gajah terbang? dengan cukup susah payah."

laughs were all around and screams were abound.

"razak dengan burung-burung nya..." (razak you so missed this part)

personally i was just glad that everyone managed to come together to celebrate the life of a dear dear friend. May Allah bless her with a long, healthy, fulfilling, happy life in the company of those who love her.

on an end note:
i miss you guys so much.
time is too short whenever we're together.
i was overwhelmed at the end of the day.
but all is good, all is good.
sigh.

for a purpose, with the patience

i was in a state of mind the past few weeks, feeling under-appreciated and used. it seemed to me that people were approaching me only for my services, and i was nothing more but an advantageous addition to whatever it is they intend to do. and i was saddened because the actions of those around me only seemed to confirm that which i assumed or observed. i was in a downward spiral of despair, and growing more and more spiteful of those i blamed for setting me off.

but, somewhere inside, a voice spoke to me. and suddenly the silent voices around me also began to speak up. they advised me, a worthy advice indeed. and so...

paradigm shift in life that i have decided to try to abide by.

that in life, we should live for a purpose, which is The Purpose, and that is to achieve mardhatillah. oh ntu peeps, the MS motto finally comes to light. and in that living, we should of course bear on with patience that is as tenacious as anything in the world. patience towards what others do unto you, patience towards what is being tested unto you, patience towards challenges and obstacles that you face, patience towards the anger, hurt, despair, gloom and unhappiness.

and once you see the supremacy of The Purpose over all else... nothing else really matters.
and for once, you achieve a serenity that all other attitudes seem to not be able to give.

and as how dear ratna says it, you will find it so much easier to remain happy and unburdened.

bro tariq said something in a session that i attended, that a muslim should strive to make everyday an excellent day, a day that he will not look back with regret, a day that will lead him closer to his Creator. and strive i will.

affirmation, approval and encouragement given by close friends to whom i have confided this in.

pray for me now.

just

I know it's late now I know I ought to go

Ride in your car now but please don't drop me home

My head's so heavy, could this be all a dream?

Promise me maybes and say things you don't mean

Rain fall from concrete coloured sky

No boy, don't speak now you just

Drive, drive, drive

Take me through make me fell alive, alive

When I ride with you

Keep my heart turning on axles around you

Keep our love burning just like it used to do

Now just for us, they could play our favourite tune

Let's not discuss all these things we can't undo

Let

Rain fall from concrete coloured sky

No boy, don't speak now you just

Drive, drive, drive T

ake me through make me fell alive, alive

When I ride with you

Rain fall from concrete coloured sky

No boy, don't speak now you just drive

Bic Runga - Drive

death of the third hokage

“Iruka sensei, why do people sacrifice their own lives for the sake of others?

When people die, they disappear and become a part of the future...
As those people die, their dreams come to life.

But… there is something just as important as that.

Parents, siblings, friends, couples.

People that are precious to you are connected… they trust and help each other…when you are born, they connect to everything in your life and when they die, they become a part of that strong chain that connects everyone and everything.

It’s not surprising that a person within the chain holds on to it tightly.

Because it’s important."

how true.

lying low for the while

i think in order to bide me over this tumultuous time, i am going to just lie low for a while.
i don't want to risk hurting others and hurting myself.
and i wish to take the solitude to reflect on my own development.
if you need me, call me. otherwise, leave me in my contemplation.

i have a lot of work to do on myself.
habluminallah, habluminan naas.

2 most difficult cords to maintain.

Guide me, and lead me to the straight path.

'Atini mahabbataka wa makrifataka, ya Allah.

hiking with the ladies, a man, and a matin

hehehe.

fun fun fun.

got competition and all.

and diva lady made sandwiches for everyone.

nice nice nice.

fit fit fit.

hahaha.

again again again?

advice for petty me

pardon the last few entries.
i needed to vent my anger.
i already re-apologised to those involved.

rezuan told me today that sometimes he pities the love that i have for others.
and he said, love Allah more, because the others whom i love, may not be around, even himself.

bro, i truthfully have to say, sometimes i pity myself. for being unable to control that which i feel, and bringing hurt to myself. and i do know the limit, and fragility of the love that i have for you all - it may not last the test of time, it may not be there when i need it, and therefore i should focus on that which i should. i am trying, and i am relearning it. but a life of a muslim is fraught with tests and obstacles, and the love that i bear in me, is both blessing and bane.

He knows my efforts, and He knows my weaknesses, and as we all know, we are not burdened with things we cannot handle. i thank you for your prayers brother, and more. and i believe that i am much stronger than this (as are you).

for all your worries, this is just a passing phase for me too. i get into these super-sensitive moods, where logic may not prevail. and i wallow in my own emotions, which may be negative and crappy to behold.

our final purposes are after all, our own.

sigh.

the truth

i guess the reason i am always getting angry is this - that i expected more from a relationship that has stood against so much for so long. i expected you to be able to know my nuances better than others, which is why i am more lenient to those who just made their acquaintance with me. but you should know better, above all others. and the fact that you demonstrate ignorance and apathy even after all that time, irks me. it just points to a sad fact, that the worth that you place in trying for my sake, is really not much.

really, even after all these years, nothing.
i feel that, you know.
and it hurts a lot.

angry

i know myself well enough to say that i am not perfect. and in spite of trying to improve myself, i still have many hurdles to clear, and i am not getting closer even as i speak. but damn it, i don't need you being there and yet might as well not be. really. sometimes i feel that i am blocking my own path with you. why am i doing this to myself? is it really worth my time, my pain, my effort? you are going to be just you at the end of the day. and i don't want to find myself just as stinking stagnant as you. damn it. i am pissed. really really pissed. go with others you are more comfortable with, those who are as stinking as you are. like i said before and i say it again, you will never see. it does not pay to love i tell you.

never got you

i never did get your shame.
is it due to ego?

or is it me?
you cannot stand me and how i carry myself?
you cannot believe the things i do?
you cannot accept me for who i am?

others are fine with me.
but you, apparently not.

whatever lah.
maybe it's just not meant to be.

saddened

i remember that one told me that if i needed to, i will be able to.
and yes, it was true that i could when i did.

but i am saddened, that even so, that one did not reciprocate with a response that would leave me even the slightest bit satisfied.

it was but a meaningless gesture.
an embrace of no worth.

that one will not know.
that one will not know.

"I can't make you love me

And you can't make me either

Patience, boy I need it

I can't make me love you"

- butterfly boucher

ma'al hijrah

new year, renewed aspirations.

Allah, guide us along the Blessed Path, and forgive us our past transgressions. Lead us to a fulfilling and enlightening future, that we may revel in Your Mercies and Blessings.

Allah, bless those who love and are loved, and keep us in this love that stems from Your Gift to us.

kullu 'amin wa antum bi khair.

nusms nite cycling

went for the event, cos azfar invited me. after much of my pestering.

it was nice.

tiring, but you feel good after it.

and with the company, even better.

i had taufiq, azfar, abu, asri and muslim, wan janggut, hafiz k, ashar, herman, rozi and din among others. t'was good meeting them all, especially yang lama tak jumpa.

so had a whole night at east coast, and changi.
had a guardian all the way, though i wondered why. but it strengthened my faith and more in the guy. Allah, bless him.

then din sent us home, but not before we went to eat at madina at sembawang.
and we were cracking jokes and teasing each other all the way, a result of lack of sleep, leading to a sense of euphoria. hahaha.

yang tak boleh angkat, masa abang rozi nak tengok whether the car we were in will hit a motor on the left. dengan sewenang-wenangnya, dia gerakkan kepalanya untuk melihat ke luar tingkap.

*DUK*

kepala dia terhantuk ke tingkap, yang belum diturunkan.

terkekek semua.

reflection

"And strive for Allah with the endeavour which is His right.

He has chosen you and has not laid upon you in religion any hardship;

the faith of your father Abraham is yours.

He has named you Muslims of old time and in this Scripture, that the messenger may be a witness unto you, and that you may be witnesses unto mankind.

So establish worship, pay the poor-due, and hold fast to Allah.

He is your Protecting Friend. A blessed Patron, and a blessed Helper!"

Surah Al-Hajj, verse 78

saddened

i worry for the state of those dearest to me.

burdened by personal concerns and afflictions, they are doubled over from the sheer weight.
and it shows very clearly and simply: fatigue, burn out, seeking escape but never finding it.

so much so, that even a smile may drain them.

a friend asked me not to worry.

how can i stand still, when i know you hurt?
how can i breathe easy, when your own breaths are laboured?
how can i not feel your pain, when our hearts beat to the same rhythm?
how can i not worry, when i love you so much?

i wish i could do something more.
all i can do is pray that you all find rest and relief.
and may your purpose give you the strength you need to go on.

sigh.

Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand

We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning's light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name

I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my life only to you
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there

Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No one's left to stop you

Evanescence - Anywhere

i only have 24 hours in a day.

therefore i apologise beforehand, if i fall below expectations.
therefore i seek respite before i am accused of neglect.
therefore i ask for understanding, lest i am perceived otherwise.

this is an important semester for me, and a stressful one.
and they said that time management is of the essence.
and i am beginning to see it ever so evidently.

i know i have not been around, i know i have not been there, i know i have not performed what i used to do.

in times when perhaps i am needed, i have to make that choice.
even if it may seem cruel.

you all know that i love you a lot.
you all know that i am here, if and when you need me.
and you all know, that i want to give more, even as i speak.

but, time is not on my side.
selfish it may be, but again i reiterate: time is not on my side.

pardon me this time. i am in no power to fight against what needs to be done.

ida, nura, rita, ratna, shikin, azfar, rezuan, taufiq, shafur - among those whom i address this to.
i just pray that you all remain blessed and guided through this time.