the above mentioned concoction has been proven to contain trace elements of undesirable "stuff" which can lead to a loss of stress, a warm fuzzy feeling for a certain individual (name withheld for security reasons), and just overwhelming comfort. while it has appreciable benefits in small quantities, an overdose will lead to a long day in bed and baths. proven to work either in anticipation or in actual utilisation of the brew. once again, experimental procedures involving and names of all involved parties are kept in strictest confidence for the personal mirth of the author of this anecdote.
fartekang @ FTK.
heheheh.
Friday, October 29, 2004
habluminallah, habluminannaas
habluminannaas is fine. getting along ok. just needs tweaking here and there. and a bit more restraint.
habluminallah. problematic, fraught with issues. hypocritical, inconsistent, fradulent, just not good at all. needs a whole deal of improvement.
sigh.
habluminallah. problematic, fraught with issues. hypocritical, inconsistent, fradulent, just not good at all. needs a whole deal of improvement.
sigh.
of manicures, pedicures and anak kopi
nizar was lavishly excessive today, of course with the help of 2 dearest friends.
had a manicure and pedicure all at once, which was really a novel experience. t'was just so fun being serviced that way. no dirty thoughts peeps. and not even being labelled while they were at it. and after that, spent a lot of the time looking and admiring his oh-so-clean-and-fresh-and-bootiful nails. wakakkaka.
then went to break fast at fish & co's centrepoint, and had a really great and satisfying meal. something which can only happen nicely and perfectly with the right kind of people. and the right company nizar had.
then walked to plaza singapura, where they had dessert at gelare. nizar met his dear friend from camp, who gave discounts at gelare. gelare good. very very good. but so sinful, so decided no more till after fasting month.
then sat by the stairs at dhoby ghaut mrt, for closure for the night. talked some interesting talk with friends.
"anak aku nanti keluar kopi susu" sums up the discussion pretty well. heh.
went home on the mrt, sending everyone off.
tired, but fulfilled.
its been a while since nizar had such a time - the close quiet company of a few good people, with whom nothing needs restraining, because acceptance comes wholly and fully. its just so nice, so refreshing to be able to revel in the antics of each other, and yet know that the concern and love will always be there in spite of what is said or done. nizar yearns for more of these moments.
but for now, thank you to both you.
love you both lots.
had a manicure and pedicure all at once, which was really a novel experience. t'was just so fun being serviced that way. no dirty thoughts peeps. and not even being labelled while they were at it. and after that, spent a lot of the time looking and admiring his oh-so-clean-and-fresh-and-bootiful nails. wakakkaka.
then went to break fast at fish & co's centrepoint, and had a really great and satisfying meal. something which can only happen nicely and perfectly with the right kind of people. and the right company nizar had.
then walked to plaza singapura, where they had dessert at gelare. nizar met his dear friend from camp, who gave discounts at gelare. gelare good. very very good. but so sinful, so decided no more till after fasting month.
then sat by the stairs at dhoby ghaut mrt, for closure for the night. talked some interesting talk with friends.
"anak aku nanti keluar kopi susu" sums up the discussion pretty well. heh.
went home on the mrt, sending everyone off.
tired, but fulfilled.
its been a while since nizar had such a time - the close quiet company of a few good people, with whom nothing needs restraining, because acceptance comes wholly and fully. its just so nice, so refreshing to be able to revel in the antics of each other, and yet know that the concern and love will always be there in spite of what is said or done. nizar yearns for more of these moments.
but for now, thank you to both you.
love you both lots.
first paper: sociology
alhamdulillah, that went very well. insya Allah the A, perhaps even distinction will come. 3 more papers, 2 hellish ones. wakakkakaka...
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
me...a witch??? noooo....
Congratulations you have achieved level 4 witch
status... you have studied hard and learned
well!!
What Level of Witch are you
brought to you by Quizilla
break from revision...hehehe
Category I - The Hub
You're a 'people person'. Networking runs in your
blood. Consequently, you can move through most
social circles with ease.
What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, October 24, 2004
perkumpulan seni iftar
i thought it was just going to be a get together, with nothing up their sleeves. but boy were we in for a good time. subtly, we were given a dressing down for attitudes, mocked for lack of commitment, and smacked in the rump for thinking that it would all go unpassed. haahhaahahhaa... well, well, well.
it was for the better anyways, and i hope it settled some things.
i hope lah.
it was for the better anyways, and i hope it settled some things.
i hope lah.
drawing near
wow. there goes a semester. and school's out. exams are up in about 3 days' time. ready or not.
it just seems like everything zooms past you when you are focused on your tasks at hand. yes people, i have been focused on my studies, whether you believe it or not. and this time round, i am glad to say that i have found passion for it.
and now the inevitable exams breathe down my neck. the results are especially important for me. i have already received a reply from national healthcare group, whose interview if i successfully nail, will grant me $900 per month of study. and if i am luckier, they will give me a scholarship to go to australia to complete my degree in the fourth year.
i am very excited, knowing that i really REALLY want it. pray for me all.
and to everyone who's having their examinations around the corner, take heart. do your best and it will be over soon. and we shall see each other after our papers are complete ok?
it just seems like everything zooms past you when you are focused on your tasks at hand. yes people, i have been focused on my studies, whether you believe it or not. and this time round, i am glad to say that i have found passion for it.
and now the inevitable exams breathe down my neck. the results are especially important for me. i have already received a reply from national healthcare group, whose interview if i successfully nail, will grant me $900 per month of study. and if i am luckier, they will give me a scholarship to go to australia to complete my degree in the fourth year.
i am very excited, knowing that i really REALLY want it. pray for me all.
and to everyone who's having their examinations around the corner, take heart. do your best and it will be over soon. and we shall see each other after our papers are complete ok?
Friday, October 22, 2004
more more!!
"'Tis an ice dragon breath...when the first snowflake doesnt melt..."
You're an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and family are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apologize later!
What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
mythical pulak...
You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.
"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."
Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.
As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.
Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
mystical creature...
You're like an angel. As everyone knows, angels
dwell in heaven. They were desribed as shining
ones wearing white and the idea that they have
wings is believed as well. Guardian angels are
the ones that many people think are dead loved
ones who try to protect the living friends or
family they have on Earth. They usually had
blonde hair and maybe brown with flawless
appearance and sweet dispositions. They were
cheerful, hopefull, selfless, loving, and kind.
Angels are the one mystical creature that a
majority of people truly believe in. Encounters
with angels are poping up all over the world
and reassuring people's beliefs in angels.
What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
longing fulfilled
diva lady has a really sweet entry on the get together.
i have to say, i concur.
during break fast, one thing that really touched me, was what she said. it was like breaking fast with family. there was a sense of togetherness, of purpose, and of a common spirit, that bound us closer than we think.
words need not be exchanged, yet there will be full comprehension.
words were not exchanged, but we know.
we just do.
it was just nice seeing familiar faces, of those whom you know you love, and love you back. while i deign for more, the encounter will leave me sated for a time to come.
for that, i am thankful.
i have to say, i concur.
during break fast, one thing that really touched me, was what she said. it was like breaking fast with family. there was a sense of togetherness, of purpose, and of a common spirit, that bound us closer than we think.
words need not be exchanged, yet there will be full comprehension.
words were not exchanged, but we know.
we just do.
it was just nice seeing familiar faces, of those whom you know you love, and love you back. while i deign for more, the encounter will leave me sated for a time to come.
for that, i am thankful.
zikr
Ya Latif lam nazal
Ul-tuf bina fima nazal
Innaka latifun lam nazal
Ul-tuf bina wal muslimin
O Most Gentle upon that which You decree,
Be kind and gentle with that which You decree,
For You are the Gentlest upon that which You decree,
Be gentle with us and all who believe.
Ul-tuf bina fima nazal
Innaka latifun lam nazal
Ul-tuf bina wal muslimin
O Most Gentle upon that which You decree,
Be kind and gentle with that which You decree,
For You are the Gentlest upon that which You decree,
Be gentle with us and all who believe.
sanctity smeared
astaghfirullah.
i have to ventilate my anger. i must. otherwise i will explode.
language warning - no apparent control in the following entry.
bloody idiot had 3 days m.c. because of some infection. but as soon as my mom went to the doctor's with him and got him his medication, he left the house and did not come back for 2 days. he returned only to change and then left again. he just returned a few minutes ago. and immediately got into an argument with my father. he simply refused to answer my father's questions and muka macam budak sial when my father asked him where he went to.
and he dared to raise his hands to my father. his fists were clenched and raised.
perangai sial. what in hell's name is he trying to do? who does he f**king think he is? what, the house owes him our lives issit? f**king ingrate! kau lupa kau datang dari siapa, kau lupa siapa jaga kau, kau lupa diri lah!
haramzaddeh, let me tell you this - if ever you touch my parents with your filthy hands, and you hurt anyone in this house, my judgment will be made. and i will move against you like i have not done before, this i swear. and i guarantee you, it will not be easy, nor simple. you will suffer.
listen to me, people.
just listen.
its ramadhan some more.
i am still shivering from my restraint.
i have to ventilate my anger. i must. otherwise i will explode.
language warning - no apparent control in the following entry.
bloody idiot had 3 days m.c. because of some infection. but as soon as my mom went to the doctor's with him and got him his medication, he left the house and did not come back for 2 days. he returned only to change and then left again. he just returned a few minutes ago. and immediately got into an argument with my father. he simply refused to answer my father's questions and muka macam budak sial when my father asked him where he went to.
and he dared to raise his hands to my father. his fists were clenched and raised.
perangai sial. what in hell's name is he trying to do? who does he f**king think he is? what, the house owes him our lives issit? f**king ingrate! kau lupa kau datang dari siapa, kau lupa siapa jaga kau, kau lupa diri lah!
haramzaddeh, let me tell you this - if ever you touch my parents with your filthy hands, and you hurt anyone in this house, my judgment will be made. and i will move against you like i have not done before, this i swear. and i guarantee you, it will not be easy, nor simple. you will suffer.
listen to me, people.
just listen.
its ramadhan some more.
i am still shivering from my restraint.
Monday, October 18, 2004
iftar ntums
the iftar session was a rather enjoyable one. we had a pre-break-fast lecture by a rather entertaining fella, ustaz zulkifli if i am not wrong. but so many of the things he brought up were like hitting home, REAL GOOD. so there i was deflecting all the arrows (of course futilely) until he said this," some people fast because they are fat." that was it. no more defence. wakkakaka.
then we broke fast with mentos, courtesy of zul. pahala dah tu. this is because our indon brothers were really numerous, and they were taking the kurma. so in order not to hold up the line, we had mentos. i had strawberry in particular.
then we prayed maghrib. and proceeded into the adjoining room for our proper meal.
briyani with mutton (or was it beef?), sambal leher ayam, acar and kimah and more kimah (stashed from the other group's dulang) all served in a nice dulang. been quite a while since i had such a meal. and there we were making jokes and all that over the meal, rezqi from Him. and our jokes had the typical, unbridled freedom of male talk and male understanding (hint hint). it was so farnie, i lost control and laughed like the maddie that i am. rabaks.
damn it.
and that mood maintained throughout the night, even at the bus-stop depan orang-orang semua, and dalam bas. while yes, the terawih was a short break (which i must say, the qiraah was superb) i think my lack of restraint was evident tonight. and i am not happy.
although i am glad that i met my dearest friends, i am almost regretting going for the fact that there were many things i would have rather not done there. but t said that it was a trial, and rightfully, i needed to go through it. ok lah.
if you say so.
but i had a wonderful time, if you discount the transgressions.
good job dearhearts.
then we broke fast with mentos, courtesy of zul. pahala dah tu. this is because our indon brothers were really numerous, and they were taking the kurma. so in order not to hold up the line, we had mentos. i had strawberry in particular.
then we prayed maghrib. and proceeded into the adjoining room for our proper meal.
briyani with mutton (or was it beef?), sambal leher ayam, acar and kimah and more kimah (stashed from the other group's dulang) all served in a nice dulang. been quite a while since i had such a meal. and there we were making jokes and all that over the meal, rezqi from Him. and our jokes had the typical, unbridled freedom of male talk and male understanding (hint hint). it was so farnie, i lost control and laughed like the maddie that i am. rabaks.
damn it.
and that mood maintained throughout the night, even at the bus-stop depan orang-orang semua, and dalam bas. while yes, the terawih was a short break (which i must say, the qiraah was superb) i think my lack of restraint was evident tonight. and i am not happy.
although i am glad that i met my dearest friends, i am almost regretting going for the fact that there were many things i would have rather not done there. but t said that it was a trial, and rightfully, i needed to go through it. ok lah.
if you say so.
but i had a wonderful time, if you discount the transgressions.
good job dearhearts.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
faithless
in the recent months, i have been writing about the value and evaluation of friendships. i noticed that i keep talking about it to people even, but seldom do i really come to a conclusion. its like i am constantly in limbo, even to myself.
never knowing what to feel, or say, or do.
and never being able to keep to what i feel, or say, or do.
it is almost as though i am losing faith in my own tenacity, and in believing the truth of friendship.
and that is a scary thing to happen to me.
never knowing what to feel, or say, or do.
and never being able to keep to what i feel, or say, or do.
it is almost as though i am losing faith in my own tenacity, and in believing the truth of friendship.
and that is a scary thing to happen to me.
respite
i know its ramadhan, and i am supposed to be spending my time more fruitfully, but grant me this:
if an elephant could dig his nostrils, wouldn't his nostrils be REALLY big?
if an elephant could dig his nostrils, wouldn't his nostrils be REALLY big?
Saturday, October 16, 2004
visit to the Diva at 11pm
me and t went for nite walking to get in some exercise for me boh-day.
me and t got invite by Diva for some waffles and cream at her semi-d.
me and t and Diva had some quiet fun (not what you think) cos parents were sleeping.
me and t and Diva enjoy each other's company.
thanks for the mini-nite-party-thingie Diva.
much appreciated.
me and t got invite by Diva for some waffles and cream at her semi-d.
me and t and Diva had some quiet fun (not what you think) cos parents were sleeping.
me and t and Diva enjoy each other's company.
thanks for the mini-nite-party-thingie Diva.
much appreciated.
Friday, October 15, 2004
it's here
hannini ramadhan, wa marhaban
so the trial of love begins.
let those who vie succeed in their ventures.
amin.
so the trial of love begins.
let those who vie succeed in their ventures.
amin.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
lickitung
went to cavana at woodlands with my dearest friend t.
we had a cherry each.
we challenged each other to tie a knot in the cherry stalk using just the tongue.
you know, the tongue twisting test thingie.
(this is the standard test to see if one is a good kisser.)
well, this blog is just here to say that t managed to do it.
so, t is a good kisser.
done.
we had a cherry each.
we challenged each other to tie a knot in the cherry stalk using just the tongue.
you know, the tongue twisting test thingie.
(this is the standard test to see if one is a good kisser.)
well, this blog is just here to say that t managed to do it.
so, t is a good kisser.
done.
hannini
its coming again, the fasting month...
today is the second last day of syaaban, and on friday, we would begin fasting again! weeee!!!
i resolve to be a better muslim in the holy month, and to carry it forward as best as i can...
blessed ramadan to all, and make good use of it!!
today is the second last day of syaaban, and on friday, we would begin fasting again! weeee!!!
i resolve to be a better muslim in the holy month, and to carry it forward as best as i can...
blessed ramadan to all, and make good use of it!!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
new name, new look
two fellow bloggies changed their templates in a space of a few days. in retort, i decided to change mine too. call it peer pressure. i prefer revamp.
in fact i think it is much more pleasant on the eye. i am loving it.
especially the lotus at the corner.
so zen.
in fact i think it is much more pleasant on the eye. i am loving it.
especially the lotus at the corner.
so zen.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
peace
the gathering was attended by six of the first clan. and it went well.
apparently, all that previously ailed, has been resolved.
because my prejudgment was that the issue will take some time to heal. but as it was yesterday, the clan is less petty and frivolous than i made them out to be. and that is good, and once again, that *duh* i am not infallible in making my judgment. hahaha... put me in my place.
and interestingly, the same kind of topics keep coming up.
and its really too funny to be a coincidence.
but i shant read too much into it.
if i read wrongly...then...who knows rite?
but glad that i am at peace now.
and the truth about the clan remains: our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
peace.
apparently, all that previously ailed, has been resolved.
because my prejudgment was that the issue will take some time to heal. but as it was yesterday, the clan is less petty and frivolous than i made them out to be. and that is good, and once again, that *duh* i am not infallible in making my judgment. hahaha... put me in my place.
and interestingly, the same kind of topics keep coming up.
and its really too funny to be a coincidence.
but i shant read too much into it.
if i read wrongly...then...who knows rite?
but glad that i am at peace now.
and the truth about the clan remains: our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
peace.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
let's see what happens.
tonight the clan gathers.
amazingly just after i wrote the short remark on the status quo of the clan, they decide to have a get together to "catch up". and even more surprisingly, the people who were remarked about are gonna be there as well. i wrote to taufiq, and he said that indeed, it's gonna be interesting.
watch this space for what transpired.
woo hoo. i can't wait.
amazingly just after i wrote the short remark on the status quo of the clan, they decide to have a get together to "catch up". and even more surprisingly, the people who were remarked about are gonna be there as well. i wrote to taufiq, and he said that indeed, it's gonna be interesting.
watch this space for what transpired.
woo hoo. i can't wait.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
shs club intra school debates
erm. this happened today.
my group of 2 won. i was kinda disappointed that i did not get the best speaker. yah. that's all i want to say.
sigh.
my group of 2 won. i was kinda disappointed that i did not get the best speaker. yah. that's all i want to say.
sigh.
sue sue!!
nura wrote in her blog about suing the yellow ass off the photocopy lady.
i want to sue all people who spit carelessly over their shoulders.
blardy biyatch was walking in front of me, blardy oblivious to the blardy world around her. taking her own blardy sweet time to blardy walk down the blardy pavement. then as i was trying to overtake her, blardy biyatch turned her blardy face over her blardy left shoulder, blardy puckered her blardy mouth, and blardy spat, straight into my path. then she blardy saw that her blardy sputum almost blardy kena my leg, and she screwed up her blardy face and said blardy sorry. i was blardy pissed man, blardy blardy pissed. stoopid blardy biyatch.
nura counsel, can i blardy sue her ass too, and punish her to a lifetime of sucking up all the sputum on the floor of the blardy world, just so she knows that she should not have F**KING spat in the first blardy place?
kindly advise...
i want to sue all people who spit carelessly over their shoulders.
blardy biyatch was walking in front of me, blardy oblivious to the blardy world around her. taking her own blardy sweet time to blardy walk down the blardy pavement. then as i was trying to overtake her, blardy biyatch turned her blardy face over her blardy left shoulder, blardy puckered her blardy mouth, and blardy spat, straight into my path. then she blardy saw that her blardy sputum almost blardy kena my leg, and she screwed up her blardy face and said blardy sorry. i was blardy pissed man, blardy blardy pissed. stoopid blardy biyatch.
nura counsel, can i blardy sue her ass too, and punish her to a lifetime of sucking up all the sputum on the floor of the blardy world, just so she knows that she should not have F**KING spat in the first blardy place?
kindly advise...
Monday, October 04, 2004
apology
i brought a friend to tarian that day. and that friend was not actually very into tarian, but i dragged him along anyways. at the concert, i met my other friends who were from the tarian group. and i sort of neglected this guest of mine. when the concert ended, i simply asked him to go home, without even inviting him to go for the supper that was already planned for the tarian peeps. how rude was i?
where have my graces gone to? i mean, what the hell sey, you bring someone out, and then you don't take care of him and give him the attention that he rightfully deserves. biadab nizar.
i will never know whether i am ever doing the right thing. it is pissing me off, that i am still so incoherent in my emotional aspects. i conflict what i expect from people and what i do them.
nizar, nizar, always screwing up other people's lives.
friend, i am sorry for screwing up yours.
where have my graces gone to? i mean, what the hell sey, you bring someone out, and then you don't take care of him and give him the attention that he rightfully deserves. biadab nizar.
i will never know whether i am ever doing the right thing. it is pissing me off, that i am still so incoherent in my emotional aspects. i conflict what i expect from people and what i do them.
nizar, nizar, always screwing up other people's lives.
friend, i am sorry for screwing up yours.
knowing my place again
at a recent outing, farida said that i was too judgmental of taufiq. and at another comment i made, azfar said tak baik mengata orang.
am i really such a laser mouth, speaking without thinking?
and do i really make baseless comments?
how far have i defaulted and how much have i affected people with the things that i say and do?
i dunno.
remind me of my place again.
am i really such a laser mouth, speaking without thinking?
and do i really make baseless comments?
how far have i defaulted and how much have i affected people with the things that i say and do?
i dunno.
remind me of my place again.
the state of affairs
some tale run insipidously in the kingdom. the tale speaks of a united people, who achieved great success while working together. however, divided responsibilities seems to have caused conflict and quiet strife among them. the slightest of issues is debated with displeasure among them. i fear that the displeasure, left unchecked, will grow to dissent and hostility. and that will spell perilous times in the kingdom.
lords and ladies of the house, take heed of your actions, and your words. be kind and firm at the same time, yet in no way, intend to purposely offend any of your peers. remember the time which had passed, when without that power and authority vested in yourselves, you worked with an unprecedented efficiency. if necessary, look beyond who you are, and see farther. relish the old times, and relive the old times when the intentions were pure and guided.
insya Allah, all will become fine in due time. and may success be yours.
lords and ladies of the house, take heed of your actions, and your words. be kind and firm at the same time, yet in no way, intend to purposely offend any of your peers. remember the time which had passed, when without that power and authority vested in yourselves, you worked with an unprecedented efficiency. if necessary, look beyond who you are, and see farther. relish the old times, and relive the old times when the intentions were pure and guided.
insya Allah, all will become fine in due time. and may success be yours.
first clan
its funny how the most unlikely people will come up to you and tell you what should or should not be done.
rizal is an example. we had a short talk that night over on msn, and rizal commented that i had been absent from many gatherings. in summary, he asked me to not stay away and to keep in touch. and if possible, go out with the guys more.
isn't it funny, how long i have been away from people like rizal, and yet receive that reaffirmation that they are still around and that they care? i am thankful for these reminders of do's and dont's... but sometimes i really need my time away. just that short session would suffice for me.
my innermost circle of friends comprise of these kind of people. our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
but i fear for this clan. certain actions, when taken too far and with a lot of assumptions, may only serve detriment to the clan. some people in the clan have fallen from grace, and though we still do keep in touch, these people have a lot of work and apologies to do, before they reinstate themselves.
and i am once again, caught in between.
rizal is an example. we had a short talk that night over on msn, and rizal commented that i had been absent from many gatherings. in summary, he asked me to not stay away and to keep in touch. and if possible, go out with the guys more.
isn't it funny, how long i have been away from people like rizal, and yet receive that reaffirmation that they are still around and that they care? i am thankful for these reminders of do's and dont's... but sometimes i really need my time away. just that short session would suffice for me.
my innermost circle of friends comprise of these kind of people. our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
but i fear for this clan. certain actions, when taken too far and with a lot of assumptions, may only serve detriment to the clan. some people in the clan have fallen from grace, and though we still do keep in touch, these people have a lot of work and apologies to do, before they reinstate themselves.
and i am once again, caught in between.
malam jaluran seni
miss tarian.
miss the group.
miss the old times.
hate the politics.
blardy dilemma.
miss the group.
miss the old times.
hate the politics.
blardy dilemma.
khalil's departure
khalil left singapore on thursday 30 sept to study electrical and electronic engineering at imperial college in the uk.
before he left, he invited his friends over to his house on the preceding saturday. i had my conference that day, but i rushed to his house after the gala dinner, just so that we could meet up and i could express my emotions. when i reached there, there was already a crowd. muslim, hasan, adib, syahid, aisah, murshidah, faris, widya, hamla, lala and ali were the ones i knew there. these are my juniors (with the exception of faris and ali) from school, and a great bunch of people they are. however that night was kind of weird, being the only representative from my clan. in fact i felt old and removed from the group. in a sense, there was a subtle acknowledgment that my juniors were all grown up now. I used to refer to them as my babies, my children - but now they are really not child-like. they have matured and grown, and it took me that long to realise it... but it was a good realisation nonetheless. I was filled with a sense of poignancy that night.
i sent him on thursday - azfar came last minute, but thanks for that. all grown up, my dear boy khalil said his goodbyes to his friends as the time came for him to board the plane. as he came to me, i held him, read him a short prayer. he held me back, and kissed my shoulder. and at that moment, i remembered him as my junior once more, ever appealing and endearing to me. Lord, keep him safe in his journey and guide him to what is good and blessed.
that aside, i realise that the juniors speak to me in a different tone and mannerism than when they speak to azfar or taufiq. funny.
before he left, he invited his friends over to his house on the preceding saturday. i had my conference that day, but i rushed to his house after the gala dinner, just so that we could meet up and i could express my emotions. when i reached there, there was already a crowd. muslim, hasan, adib, syahid, aisah, murshidah, faris, widya, hamla, lala and ali were the ones i knew there. these are my juniors (with the exception of faris and ali) from school, and a great bunch of people they are. however that night was kind of weird, being the only representative from my clan. in fact i felt old and removed from the group. in a sense, there was a subtle acknowledgment that my juniors were all grown up now. I used to refer to them as my babies, my children - but now they are really not child-like. they have matured and grown, and it took me that long to realise it... but it was a good realisation nonetheless. I was filled with a sense of poignancy that night.
i sent him on thursday - azfar came last minute, but thanks for that. all grown up, my dear boy khalil said his goodbyes to his friends as the time came for him to board the plane. as he came to me, i held him, read him a short prayer. he held me back, and kissed my shoulder. and at that moment, i remembered him as my junior once more, ever appealing and endearing to me. Lord, keep him safe in his journey and guide him to what is good and blessed.
that aside, i realise that the juniors speak to me in a different tone and mannerism than when they speak to azfar or taufiq. funny.
mirror
like the little puddle you find when the rain stops, and you peer in... and you see things the way you never saw before.
this week, from last saturday to this sunday has been a whole lot of personal introspection for me. and i appreciate the time that has been given to me to think through my life, and what i have experienced. many things i learnt, and many things i observed, both good and bad. reflections are needed, to ascertain your own objectives and goals in life.
in first reflections, i would like to state that i miss writing. i spoke to a dear friend about the need to write, to vent her inner issues, and at the same time, i forgot myself. practice what i preach and don't be a hypocrite, especially to myself. so to you dear sister, thanks for reminding me of the need to let things out myself, and to not keep all to just myself.
the next few entries would be my personal views and observations to the things that happened to me, and the things i attended or did. my opinions only, don't feel that i am attacking anyone if i happen to say anything. my memory is not really that infallible. so here goes.
enjoy reading.
this week, from last saturday to this sunday has been a whole lot of personal introspection for me. and i appreciate the time that has been given to me to think through my life, and what i have experienced. many things i learnt, and many things i observed, both good and bad. reflections are needed, to ascertain your own objectives and goals in life.
in first reflections, i would like to state that i miss writing. i spoke to a dear friend about the need to write, to vent her inner issues, and at the same time, i forgot myself. practice what i preach and don't be a hypocrite, especially to myself. so to you dear sister, thanks for reminding me of the need to let things out myself, and to not keep all to just myself.
the next few entries would be my personal views and observations to the things that happened to me, and the things i attended or did. my opinions only, don't feel that i am attacking anyone if i happen to say anything. my memory is not really that infallible. so here goes.
enjoy reading.
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