ventilation

when i first heard about it, i was pleasantly surprised.
and i was thankful, that things seemed to be picking up.

then i heard it, and i was unfortunately irritated.
and even more so when i was just taken for granted.

i had many comments, but i will just let them float away from me because the more i want to say them, the darker my heart becomes. so i hope to not have to ever say it.

no thanks to anyone for making it this way.

congratulations!!

dear friends hafiz and khairiah tied the knot on friday night.

thanks for letting me be a part of the affair!
here's wishing the newlyweds a blessed wedding, and life ahead as a couple.
barakallahu 'alaikuma wa barakallahu jam'a bainakuma!

can't hold on

Someone cries and it washes the street with tears
But when they are mine, they collect in my head for years
Rain or shine, still I'm standing on all I said
'Cause it's in my soul, carry on when the feeling's dead

But if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there in the morning to pull you through

Someone dies late at night and I never know
And even if I did, so afraid of the face I'd show
I feel trapped and enslaved to this dark contrast
Need a feeling now, give me something that's going to last

I want to be free

You say you want to be free
But you can't fool me

Oh, and if you can't hold on
I'll be there, I'll be there

Oh, and if you can't hold on
Let it go and come back in your heart
And if you can't hold on
Maybe it's not time for you
And if you can't hold on
On your very last try
I'll be there so you know that you're not alone

Melee - Can't Hold On

loneliness in perspective

Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly
let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few human or even divine ingredients can.
Something missing in my heart tonight
has made my eyes so soft
my voice so tender
my need of God
absolutely clear.

- Hafiz

quoted from the hoopoe. i feel very deeply for these words.

when the rose is gone

When the rose is gone and the garden faded
you will no longer hear the nightingale's song.
The Beloved is all; the lover just a veil.
The Beloved is living; the lover a dead thing.
If love withholds its strengthening care,
the lover is left like a bird without care,
the lover is left like a bird without wings.
How will I be awake and aware
if the light of the Beloved is absent?
Love wills that this Word be brought forth...

Mathnawi - Rumi

you gotta love her.

i tell you, there is this character in Horton Hears A Who that is so freakily adorable.
her name is Katie, and we don't really know what she is.

but here is a clip.



"In my world, everyone's a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies." *smiles* *aaaaaaahhhhh*

She is either mildly retarded, or has some form of attention deficit disorder.
Or she is a genius.

Cos she flies.

had a visitor.

haha.
thanks for dropping by, you know who you are.

but no, i am not always sad, though i do carry remnants of it around sometimes.
people have said that sometimes i seem to be infinitely melancholic.

and to me, the sadness serves to remind me.
of many things.

and most importantly, of Him.

my internal reflections are here as you read them.
things i cannot say, things i prefer not to say, things that should not be said.

and maybe because i am so happy externally, and to the point of being high, i need to tip the balance the other way sometimes. hence, the morose and sombreness here.

but that's me.

:)

how He reminds us.

of how transient this life is.
and how fleeting each moment becomes.
and how close we are to the end, without us realising it ourselves.

"By Time that is created,
Verily Man is in clear loss;
Except those who believe, and those who do good,
And those who call others to the way of the Truth, and to the way of patience."
Al-Asr:1-3

obituary

A dear friend's mother passed on tonight.
For those who know Rita Zamzamah,
her mother Hajjah Zabidah Binte Hussein, has just passed away.

Rita asks for your sincere prayers for her mother, and for her family.

May Allah place her soul among those whom He is Well-Pleased with.

Al-Fatihah.

what is unsaid

she stood at the door... and looked at me.
i asked her how she was, and all she managed to whisper was...

"I'm very very sad."

what she must be going through. Oh Allah, what she must be going through.
and all i can do is to hold her, and comfort her in whatever little way i can.

Allah forgive us, if we appear weak in the face of Your trials upon us. But strengthen us with patience and faith, and accept us among those You Favor for being patient and thankful.

there has to be a reason...

why my slippers broke on me today after prayers...
why i scratched my arm against the gate today...
why my food order was misinterpreted by the waiter...
why cik brahim was not around and i had to stay downstairs...

and though i am not wise enough to perhaps see the reasons, i have faith that there are reasons.

and why she had to go through it, i believe, there is a reason as well.
whether we are entitled to understand that reason is yet to be seen.

Allah Does as He Wills.
There are times when the reasons are evident.
And there are also times when it is best to conceal the reason till His servants are more able to comprehend.

No matter what, it is important to have faith that whatever happens, the good and the bad, only serve to make us better people with stronger character. And again, these tests Allah Gives, are not without their rewards. Perhaps that is one way we can comfort ourselves.

Whatever it is, she is not alone.

So have hope. have heart. and heal.

i ken lee... in an effort to wash away the blues.

enjoy!

Oh Gentle One, be gentle with us...

"she refused to open her eyes, as they pushed her out of the fateful room...
but yet her tears flowed continuously, the tears of a broken would-be mother, for her child who will never be."

the news of a pregnancy is always something that lifts the heart of the family. and for newlyweds, it is news of a thousand significance. unless one is a parent himself, one can only imagine the joy that parents get when told of the coming of a newborn. it is the next definite step and milestone to a marriage, to the building upon of the family institution. and it is the truest indication of a future.

so i can only imagine what went through her mind.
and yet, at the same time, i don't want to imagine it.

Allah, give her strength.

And the only prayer i have for her, "Oh Gentle One, be gentle with us..."

i hate myself

i hate myself.
i hate myself.
i hate myself.

now i know

he was still sulking.
but when he needed to ask questions, he would come to me.
by the end of the lesson, he was ok.

i guess kids will be kids.
they cannot take as well as they can give... sarcasm and teasing, what not.

but it was a reminder for me to watch out for my words and conduct towards them.
after all, they are a special lot, deserving special treatment.

sigh.

what did i do now

turned away by a child.
and i seriously dunno what i did wrong.
and he refused to say anything.

forgive me if i had transgressed, for i know not.

on the way.

but i am still a long ways off from being the person i envision myself to be.
a long long way.

events these week have hurt me, and i have taken offence.
parents, relatives, friends.

when i shouldn't. because i want to be the bigger person.
but its not easy.

shaf said to just let it go.

i want to.

in time, it will become easier.