abandonment

pride is when one thinks so highly of oneself, that one creates these expectations towards others. but that pride is ugly, and one feels that ugliness, when one realises that others don't think quite so highly of oneself.

so abandon that pride.
and all expectations will go with it.

the less one thinks "i don't deserve this kind of treatment", the more one becomes deserving in the eyes of the One.

abandoning that pride allows one to not feel for one's ego.
and when the ego is diminished, the easier it is for one to disappear in His Glory.

then disappear.

just venting

when you call, sekurang-kurangnya nizar layan baik-baik. kalau nizar tahu nizar tak mampu, nizar tak akan jawab. why did you bother answering if you felt i was a bother?

ragam orang. nak sedih, nak marah pun tak guna, sebab yang merasa cuma diri sendiri.
ye lah, orang sibuk. nizar mengganggu. salah diri sendiri.

of humility and sincerity

my grandfather is not well. he's been in the hospital for the past 2 weeks. and as is common with the elderly once they spend a longer time than is expected at the hospital, confusion and disorientation can set in. and the impact of such a state can be very painful to see, especially for family members.

it is humbling to see how when that privilege of cognizance is taken away, one is little more than a shadow of one's previous self. for my grandpa, it upset me tremendously to see him in that state. some of the things he said to me were enough to rend me apart, and i am still affected by it. while i understood that he was in a disabled state of mind, i still could not dissociate myself from feeling that when he said what he did, he meant it. his anger and frustration were more than evident.

and i glimpsed the pain that caregivers go through - my mother, aunties and uncles - and families of my patients, and can only begin to truly comprehend the sincerity that goes into caring for someone. "treat in fairness, but do not expect to be treated so" - how strongly these words rang in my head. as my grandfather railed at me for not letting him come off the bed, all i could do was to look at him, and say no. and despite the things that happened, i could not just go off and leave him to his affairs.

i remember the times past when my grandfather was better.
when he was the doting father figure for all his grandchildren who stayed with him.
i want my memory of him to remain as that.

i pray you recover soon, that we will be able to talk about your life as we did before.

nerina pallot - idaho

Cause I can’t be anyone but me, anyone but me

And I can’t keep dreaming that I’m free, dreaming that I’m free

I don’t want to fall asleep and watch my life from fifty feet

My hands are on the wheel so I’m driving to Idaho

Cause I hear it’s mighty pretty...

passion

" The moth forgets about itself as it yearns for the light,
knowing no fear and feeling no heat from the bright light of the lamp.
It strives toward the light,
singing its wings,
but continues to strive with all its being."

- Silence of the Sufi

qaisy dan laila

am waiting to see this show on tv. hope i dun miss it.
in any case, i love the song. its called "warkah buat laila" or "letter for laila".

"Doakanlah Laila, doakan untuk ku dan yang senasib dengan ku
Agar kebenaran kembali dijulang
Sabar redha bertawakkal pada hikmah kalimah
Lailahaillallah Muhammadar Rasulullah"

serving the servants... for the love of the Lover

the hoopoe left me a very moving comment two posts ago, and i am just bringing it up again here because sheer coincidence or not, i bought a book immediately the day after that spoke of the exact same thing. and i felt that it was something that was inevitably fated for me to hear and learn. so i put it here for everyone else as well.

the hoopoe:
"...establish your "rope with mankind" - cos being a muslim is not just about worship really. get out of that mindset that prevents and confused so many muslim from being true to our existence (and i am not even talking about the self), and perhaps, even to God. don't get trapped in the illusion that you are good to God via your worship - He does not need that. you need to be good to His creations to truly know Him and to reach Him..."

from the book, "The Silence of the Sufis":
"If a Muslim desires to render service unto another, honour him! - say the shaikhs. For service to another is the reason for God's acceptance of hearts and the condition for crossing over to zikr and muraqabah... The result of rendering service is love and the attachment of hearts, because service is by its very nature based upon love for those who are more deserving of it... in accordance with the scale of the love you demonstrate to others, the Most High's love will come to you in return."

Amin. Amin. Amin.

May Allah continually guide those who seek His Love.
and thank you again, hoopoe.

rindu

nizar rindu.

in memoriam of the sweet lady

got this message a few days ago.

"Hi Nizar, just want to thank you for all your help to rehabilitate my mother and lending her a listening ear. She got a stroke and passed away 10 days ago. You gave her much joy in being able to stand, and listening to her grievances, she enjoyed your visits very much. God has been gracious, she slipped into unconsciousness very fast, but we all miss her a lot. Thank you very much in lifting up her spirits."

one sometimes fails to realise the value of one's work, especially when caught up in the humdrums of life.

but i know why i do what i do.

raya yang hilang

"Bergema suara di pagi fajar

Mendayu irama takbir berlagu penuh syahdu

Oh sayang Syawal menjelma, tiada seindah yang sudah

Hanya keluhan pilu bermain di kalbu..."

suffice to say that perhaps things have changed. and that it saddens me greatly.

Eid Greetings to all

May our sins be expiated, like birds freed from their restraints,
And our rewards, proliferated, bountiful without constraints,

As the day is celebrated, free from malice and taint,

Our egos exonerated, to Him we reacquaint.

Minal aidin wal faizin wal maqbulin.

Forgive me my transgression against you, and have a blessed Eid with loved ones.

emo me part 2

emo me

warning.
not quite ramadhan-ish.

reflections of ramadhan

thanks to a friend for posting this...

ramadhan is observed all over the world in various manners... and its just beautiful how everyone else does it... these pictures tell you why...

Symbolizing the faith of Islam, the crescent moon is seen at sunset on top of the Faisal Mosque in Islamabad, Pakistan, Tuesday, Sept. 16, 2008. (AP Photo/Wally Santana)

An officer of Brunei's Islamic authority looks through a telescope as he performs "rukyah", the sighting of the new moon for Ramadan, over the skies of Bukit Agok outside Bandar Seri Begawan August 31, 2008. Muslims scan the sky at dusk at the end of their lunar calendar's eighth month in search of the new moon to proclaim the beginning of Ramadan. (REUTERS/Ahim Rani)

The Al-Zaim family of Duxbury, Massachusetts sits, gathered together for their dinner after 7pm on September 14th, 2008, to break their Ramadan Fast. (Justine Hunt/Globe Staff Photo)

Kashmiri Muslims offer prayers inside the Jamia Masjid, or Grand Mosque, on the first Friday of Ramadan in Srinagar, India, Friday, Sept. 5, 2008. (AP Photo/Dar Yasin)

A child prepares food for Iftar (evening meal) before the breaking of fast on the first day of Ramadan at Memon Mosque in Karachi, Pakistan on September 2, 2008.

Visually impaired Palestinian students read verses of the Koran, Islam's holiest book, written in Braille, during the holy fasting month of Ramadan at Al-Qabas Islamic school in the West Bank city of Ramallah, Sunday, Sept. 7, 2008.

A boy sleeps in a mosque while waiting to break his fast on the first day of Ramadan in Makassar, Indonesia on September 1, 2008.

more pictures at http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/observing_ramadan.html

its really sad how soon it is going to be over...

Allah accept our deeds, forgive our sins, and make us better people...
And let us meet the next Ramadhan, by your Grace.
Amin.

jason mraz - life is wonderful

"And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes some tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished..."

and another

puke-a-thon. *WEEEEEEEEEEERRRRGHHHHH*

family guy farting contest

i couldn't help but laugh. my youngest bro showed this to me.

the journey

the blessed month of Ramadhan is finally here.

and so begins the journey of self-reflection.

May Allah grant us all the piety and strength to increase our devotions, and may He too accept the endeavours that we strive towards.

"It is not the end that matters, but the journey towards it."

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone!

wall-e

watch it.

you cannot believe how adorable robots can be.

especially when they are in love.

and i cried at some parts. laughed at most parts.

i love the psycho robot ward. brings new meaning to "short-circuited".

one of the many scenes that make the movie absolutely worth it.

the ties that bind

had an interesting discussion a few weeks back with two friends. and one of them raised up a very pertinent point about me. a very apt observation, if i may say.

well, she said, "If you weren't so religiously inclined, I would think that you would have gone wild."

i hate to say it, but she's right.

she also said that she thinks I am holding on to a very thin rope - so tenuous that it could go anytime. and frankly, that scares me, and I am afraid of the truth of it.

it got me thinking about the whole concept of the ties between humankind (habluminannaas) and the ties between Man and God (habluminallah). Man is connected to God by that relationship of faith and subservience, of a servant to his Master. However, how Man chooses to sustain and maintain that relationship is entirely up to him. He can choose to reinforce that rope, through God-awareness and piety, or he can wear down that rope through disobedience and mischief-making.

Yet, Man is not entirely alone in this. His relationship with others serve to further bolster or deteriorate that relationship to God. Imagine Man hanging in limbo between God and other men. All other men would also have relationships with God. If one man were to have a fraying rope, but he is with others whose ropes are strong and taut, the chances of that one man falling to his own doom is lessened, because the net force is upwards. But conversely, if that one man were to have a frayed rope, and he associates with others whose ropes are similarly frayed, then their association will just increase their combined burden, and the net force will snap their individual ropes, who cannot bear the load of their accumulated actions.

which is why the Prophet made it especially clear in the matter of choosing companions, that one should never forsake faith for any other matters that may attract the friendship.

something to think about.