tired, and in need

i don't know why, but i have been feeling slightly lethargic at work the past week.
almost like i am utterly stretched out, when the truth is that i am not quite as worked out as i make myself out to be. days sometimes start late, and end early, but still i find myself not quite in the same element as i was when i initially started.

i hope that it is not burn-out.

it cannot be burn out, 'cos i still enjoy seeing my clients and working with them.

but maybe its the amount of associated work which i am not too keen on doing.
and also the other projects which i need to complete, but haven't really got around to them.

i have the ideas in my head, but to realise them, and to actualise the plans, well, all these take more time than i feel i have in hand. and sometimes, time spent in the office is really not one i look forward to, because it may mean that my plans may be encumbered.

i want to be able to work properly, and work through my clients thoroughly.
but at the current rate we are going, it seems like i am bounded by the idiocies of number-crunching administrators, over whom i have no control. and frankly, it sucks.

next quarter, it all begins over again.
and not something that i quite look forward to.

and it of course does not help that i am not in top physical form.
falling sick and feeling it, well, just drives my energy way low.

been wanting to take some time off to reorganise my work.
but because of the current load, it is a bit difficult to do that.
yes some may say that you got the time when you go home to do the necessary, but usually by the time i reach home, i am too unmotivated to work on work. 'cos travelling drains me.

sigh.

complaining a lot aren't i?
and its really barely 3 months, though it seems like it has been so much longer.

i guess these are just the rantings of a newbie in worklife.

i have not lost my reason.

i watched grey's today, despite being warned not to. show is such a tearjerker. they soooo know how to play on emotions. i got something from the show, though. why i choose to be in this line of work, and why i will continue to be in this line of work. the power of the human soul, to conquer in times of adversity, and the gift of adaptability and flexibility in face of diverse circumstances. i want to be a witness to that. and that's why i am still here.