to always do good, else intend to do good

i don't know if i have been selfish, egocentric or whatever. but the past few times, whenever i feel slighted, it was always that the world was set against me. and that nobody cared, and that nobody knew what i was going through.

and i set myself up to feel really angry and full of angst against whichever thing that made me begin to feel like that. and it is sometimes just so much easier to blame the predicaments i am in on others, and not because i am myself at fault, or certain aspects of me are not in harmony with others.

then Shaykh came and spoke to us about the weighing of one's deeds.

and what he said hit right home, as always.

"You may think that you have done good, that you have accumulated enough merit in life when you face your Lord. But when your good deeds have been fully accounted for, He will then call out for those whom you have oppressed, those whom you have hurt, those whom you have offended, those whom you have hated unrightfully, those whom you have felt angry against unrightfully... all these people will then be given shares from your deeds in compensation for your misdeeds against them, until there are no more deeds to give away, then shares from their sins will be added onto your own in replacement. So beware of yourself, and your own nature, because those who face this situation in the Hereafter are truly without assets."

i don't know how many people i have hurt in my life, either knowingly or unknowingly.
i don't know how many people i have hated, although i know that the number is substantial.
i don't know how many people i have been angry at, at the slightest of offences.

i shudder to think about my status in this matter.

so i apologise beforehand to all who read my blog, just in case i have hurt you all.
because i don't think i can bear the burden of my own doings.