it was an interesting conversation that azfar recounted to me. apparently it has not just been a niggling thought it my head, but also among some of my cohort mates... what has happened to the call for "auspicium melioris aevi"? has this call been answered, now that it's, let's see, about 10 years down the road?
my secondary school batchmates have been sounding off for a reunion to celebrate our tenth year from graduation... but when i saw the posting on facebook, it got me thinking about where i am now in my life... is it something that i am proud of? after all, it was a proud moment for our families (and ourselves) that we got accepted into that prestigious institution. but after all that hoohaa... what have we got to show for it? we were supposed to be the creme de la creme... but have we lived up to the name or the expectations that society (including ourselves, personally) had for us?
i remembered a composition which i wrote, and got 49/50 for it. that was in secondary 4. it was one of my proudest pieces of work, and it was apparently so good, that my English teacher said that i had the makings of an MP. i was actually entertaining those thoughts for a while, for the institution was a birthing place of ministers and bigwigs for the longest time. perhaps having been "raised" and "nurtured" under the same auspices as those elites, i believed that i too could make a change. i too could become one of the leaders of the community. i too could make a name for myself.
and maybe, that was the start of the problem.
being labelled an "elite" (i use this word with sarcasm aimed at myself) came with a bunch of pressures and responsibilities. you could hear it in people's words and tones that they expected the world of you. and being young and naive, what was i to do but bask in all the "glory" and "pride" that was accorded by virtue of being accepted in the institution? that is not to say that i was not proud and did not feel glorious - i felt every inch of it, because i knew i was deserving of the place. and in fact, i did quite well while in the institution. but once you let that go to your head, as how i told azfar, you become complacent, as i admitted felt i did. the whole idea that you are among the best of the best could have generated a false sense of security, perpetuating a vicious cycle that would come and bite me in my bum.
and perhaps some of the others in the batch as well.
i had wanted so much to live the life as one of the best, but i did not quite work as hard for it. i had perhaps thought that simply being there would have availed opportunities. education became somewhat sidelined, and school was a playground, entertaining fanciful fantasies of famous and fecund futures, without the labours.
but what is elitism all about? and how does elitism and education come together in a coherent match? i don't think they do at all, now. when one considers oneself an elite, one becomes obsessed with maintaining that status, which may come and go anytime. but when one gets an education, that education stays for life. one cannot consider oneself an elite, but it is a status that is accorded to one by others, by virtue of one's virtues.
i guess i learnt that the hard way. moving on to the affiliated college, i became disengaged with my own learning. the challenge sometimes became too much to bear. i was unable to adapt and cope quite as well as i though i could. among the "elite" i began to falter. and among the "elite", i began to realise my own shortcomings and limitations as a normal person. and the fallacious facade began to crack. i began to understand that perhaps my place was not to be among the "elite". and there was of course the flip-side - the lifestyle of the rich and famous, but not so-smart. that was a side that i never wanted to be a part of.
and that was my education.
it is only recently that the true lesson became clear - that you do not need to be among the "elite" - smart people, successful in life, making big bucks, etc. - to be able to help others. and sometimes, it is better for you to be out of the "elite" to be able to see and understand life - sometimes up there, all you can see are clouds and fluff, that blinds you to the grime and dirt at your feet.
back to the point i was trying to make. my batch.
when azfar and i discussed the younger batches, we came to the conclusion that they were faring much better than us, in terms of "living up" to the expectations of how graduates of the institution were to progress on in life. there are quite a number on various scholarships in prestigious universities abroad, and some are already back and in various executive positions in government stat boards. there are also a few who are slated for ministerial positions.
looking back at my batch, well, firstly, not everyone made it to university (myself included). not everyone is holding important positions, or high-paying or ranking jobs. most of us are just "normal" professionals, doing our jobs, like everyone else. but is that necessarily a negative thing? "hope for a better age" did not specify how we should live our lives, or how better "better" is. semantics i know, but the degree with which you perceive your success should be based on your own person and circumstances, and not based on others. and at the end, happiness is truly an individual experience. we are all holding jobs which we are happy and satisfied with, we are safe and stable, and we are each successful in our own little ways. yes, being a teacher, or being an occupational therapist may not be as wow as being a doctor or being a PhD student (no offence dear), but does it really matter at the end of it? it is just so subjective, that i even wonder if it is worth my ranting about here.
maybe not.
we are each our own persons, results of the circumstances that shaped our choices and values. and who or what we are today is undeniably more important than what we were in the past. if only we all realise this and act upon it, then we would have already become better people. however we serve our community, that is our way of making a better age and creating hope for a future.
thence we fulfill the motto, no?
dwelling in a past that is long gone is not for us...
peace my brothers.
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