giving it up

it only recently struck me, that in my pursuit of OT, i will be losing some other things that were in my plans for a long time.

poly and uni terms begin differently. and if i get into OT, i will not be able to join FOC. and with that in mind, i had to reluctantly give up my camp coordinater post to fadiah, whom i am sure will be a brilliant CC. it's just that there were so many things that i wanted to do in the camp, or at least i know i could do in the camp. there were so many things i wanted to be involved in. there were so many people i still wanted to get to know. there were so many emotions i wanted to feel and revel in throughout the whole process. there were just so many things...so many.

when it first dawned upon me that my involvement had to be cut short, i was really really depressed. the idea of not being able to contribute as effectively, the idea that i am now out of the circle, the idea that i will not be meeting my dear beloved friends, it all brought me to a state of gloom. and that gloom pervaded my being even throughout the mock camp. abu felt it, and tried to make me feel better, but at the end of the day, its really just me.

i put this as an apology, that i never meant to pull out of the camp, not in any way. and the fact that i had to pull out really breaks my heart to a million pieces. no words can adequately describe this feeling that i go through now, not when i was so geared up, and not when suddenly, i find myself stranded in the middle of nowhere.

lost.

i really love you guys so much. that camp would have bolstered our friendship even more. but OT is a choice that i have to make. and i thank you all for understanding. at this moment when we need each other even more than ever, i had to leave. but i do not leave you with nothing at all. my prayers for your successful integration, my prayers for your fantastic planning, and my prayers for the ultimate memorable camp that NTUMS has ever seen.

and my prayers and love for you all.

i am here whenever you need me.

VENATORIS will always be our brain-child, and our effort together. and i thank you all for the memories.