KemBARA '04

i am still reeling from the overwhelming emotions brought about by the camp. the friends, the late nights, the scrambles and most importantly, the kids. you never expected that you would become so attached over just a period of 3 days, would you? but we did, and in fact, i feel that everyone, regardless of appointment, did.

when the kids first came, they were rowdy and loud (not to say that that was bad...) but at some points in time, they were really becoming unbearable because of their over-active and boisterous natures. some facilitators were very close to giving up, and some lost their voices but fortunately, all never lost their drive to keep on trying. the activities that were held did not only test our patience as elders, but also our tenacity as a group and our physical endurance. the kids were not easy to manage, many being very mischievous. and this was of course made worse by the fact that some kids could not get along with each other, in a typical kid's sense - small trivialities and disagreements. and we had to defuse the conflicts many a times to prevent anyone from getting hurt.

the first day, i shall honestly say, was horrendous.
the second day, however, was truly pleasurable.
and the third day, absolutely heart-wrenching.

it was all about getting to know the kids better, and understanding their psyche, and at the very least, getting through to them on some levels. and how i tried, with varying success.

for me, the first high point came on the first day when the kids started calling me "big boss". for me it showed a certain sense of acceptance and identity from the kids to me, and at least it showed the much-hoped for appreciation for my efforts in getting to know them.

the second day, at east coast park, i was imam for zuhur prayers. before we prayed, rahimin came forward and asked me questions on being an imam and the prayers. that was the second time, i felt that we were achieving something in the camp. then after prayers, i announced a tag that was found and wanted the owner to come forward. the owner was rahimin. the faci who found the tag sort of gave rahimin a scolding, which rahimin did not take very kindly to, and he began to cry. i tried to placate him but when my efforts did not get through, i started to break down together with the kid.
that was when i had a first taste of how the facis truly felt trying to handle difficult kids. but when other people took over, they merely comforted him with an ice-cream, and he was all better. sigh, talk about understanding kids. and he forgot the whole incident by the time he reached the camp site from east coast park. while he could have forgotten easily, adults like me don't. i will just take it as a good lesson learnt.

the third day, the kids were really less rowdy and there was a marked improvement in terms of the kids' cooperation and general behaviour. and that was the day when we could actually see how much respect they had for their elders and how much they did not really mean to behave the way they did.

abu choreographed a dramatic beginning to the day's activity. he kicked a dustbin and scolded the facis in front of the kids, which got the kids really shocked. the funny thing was, when he was giving instructions to the facis, the kids immediately reacted to the instructions without the facis needing to tell them. that, to me, was truly reflective of how they did not want to get anyone into trouble and how young they really were. the game that followed required them to rescue a faci from their group who was kidnapped. and they actually cried out for their facis whole-heartedly. it was very touching and most moving to see them beg for the release of their facis.

then later on in the day, to complete the whole activity, abu had another pretense. he called four kids up to the front, stating discipline as the problem. the kids were really not ready for what was to come. then when the kids were already standing in the front, the adults came in with... 4 birthday treats, singing "Allah selamatkan kamu". and the kids in front cried. and i could not help myself either. i cried too while comforting them.

hafiedzul had another reflections session on the kids' appreciation of their parents. that was truly difficult to sit through, especially when you had to comfort the kids who were tearing silently. it was a moving experience, especially when you know the kids come from broken backgrounds and they were here for that love which was missing in their lives. and that behind the facades of toughness and rebelliousness, they were all still children with sensitive hearts and a most emotional nature.

and before the kids left, i had a closing du'a ceremony. i cried openly there, and so did many of those who were in the room with me. the kids hugged their facis after that, and left me a torrent of tears.

just before they boarded the bus, i went around and salamed the boys. and i prayed for their keep in God's hands. and may they be well always. i waved to them in the bus and blew kisses and my eyes became watery again. sigh.

i never expected this. never.
and even as i write this now, i am tearing.

but i will do it all over again.