feeling unloved, and unappreciated

you(1) said lets not be awkward, and lets remain friends. but despite what you yourself said, you have elected for the easy way out, and blocked me. that's a very nice gesture, if i may say. i am ok with remaining as friends, but your very act has offended me very deeply. is it that scary to talk to me? is it that bad? i don't know. after all, it was not me that blocked you. unfortunately for us, i had to find out.

you(2) were supposed to have matured since the last time. you have gotten yourself a companion. for that i was very happy. after all, you were happy. but that day when you spoke those words, as if i was unworthy, as if i should not meet your companion, as if i would only be a bother and an extra burden, as if your relationship with your companion would be at risk somehow if i sat in the same vehicle with the two of you. you threw away 11 years of friendship and you threw away my heart. unfortunately for us, i became angry.

you(3) were the one i have dedicated so much of myself to. i thought you could understand my needs and my feelings. for i treated you with so much love and respect. but that night when you demeaned a practice which i reserved for those i truly cared for, i felt cheated. it was like you had never really wanted what i gave. and that it did not mean anything much to you, if anything at all.

you (1), (2) and (3) have somewhat discarded me.
its painful.

but i shall learn to live with it.
because i don't want to continue lying to myself.