to move on when its time to

i had my sensory dysfunction practical exam just now. the lecturer had already warned us before hand, that many of the the failures of the past, used to have problems with this module specifically. so i was worried. and duly so, because i had missed one lesson of this module, and i never really caught up with the skill that i had missed in that one class.

i was quite the jitterbug as the time came for me to take the practical. you were alone, in that room. and two lecturers were there. one to observe, the other to behave as how the patient would. both would give their remarks to score the assessment after i was done. it began quite well, and i was not as nervous. but once it came to handling the lecturer, i began to fluster. i forgot to give cues when it was necessary, and i forgot to facilitate when it was necessary. i forgot all that i had learnt and attempted to internalise the past couple of weeks of intensive practice. i left that room today feeling most disturbed and disappointed.

and unfortunately, i blamed myself for not being able to do what i needed to do. and for somewhat fulfilling the trend.

and images of what i should have done, and what i could have done, keeps appearing in my head. and it is really not a good feeling to have.

but no point crying over spilt milk, as they would say. its over and done with. nothing i do will change anything. and somehow that just makes me more incensed.

but yah. move on when its time to. cos no point harping over something like this. all i can hope for is that the lecturer did see what i was trying to do, and that i was trying my best. i still have a whole week of exams to take. and i cannot afford to become consumed by my own engineering. so i must let go.

let go.