in the recent months, i have been writing about the value and evaluation of friendships. i noticed that i keep talking about it to people even, but seldom do i really come to a conclusion. its like i am constantly in limbo, even to myself.
never knowing what to feel, or say, or do.
and never being able to keep to what i feel, or say, or do.
it is almost as though i am losing faith in my own tenacity, and in believing the truth of friendship.
and that is a scary thing to happen to me.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
respite
i know its ramadhan, and i am supposed to be spending my time more fruitfully, but grant me this:
if an elephant could dig his nostrils, wouldn't his nostrils be REALLY big?
if an elephant could dig his nostrils, wouldn't his nostrils be REALLY big?
Saturday, October 16, 2004
visit to the Diva at 11pm
me and t went for nite walking to get in some exercise for me boh-day.
me and t got invite by Diva for some waffles and cream at her semi-d.
me and t and Diva had some quiet fun (not what you think) cos parents were sleeping.
me and t and Diva enjoy each other's company.
thanks for the mini-nite-party-thingie Diva.
much appreciated.
me and t got invite by Diva for some waffles and cream at her semi-d.
me and t and Diva had some quiet fun (not what you think) cos parents were sleeping.
me and t and Diva enjoy each other's company.
thanks for the mini-nite-party-thingie Diva.
much appreciated.
Friday, October 15, 2004
it's here
hannini ramadhan, wa marhaban
so the trial of love begins.
let those who vie succeed in their ventures.
amin.
so the trial of love begins.
let those who vie succeed in their ventures.
amin.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
lickitung
went to cavana at woodlands with my dearest friend t.
we had a cherry each.
we challenged each other to tie a knot in the cherry stalk using just the tongue.
you know, the tongue twisting test thingie.
(this is the standard test to see if one is a good kisser.)
well, this blog is just here to say that t managed to do it.
so, t is a good kisser.
done.
we had a cherry each.
we challenged each other to tie a knot in the cherry stalk using just the tongue.
you know, the tongue twisting test thingie.
(this is the standard test to see if one is a good kisser.)
well, this blog is just here to say that t managed to do it.
so, t is a good kisser.
done.
hannini
its coming again, the fasting month...
today is the second last day of syaaban, and on friday, we would begin fasting again! weeee!!!
i resolve to be a better muslim in the holy month, and to carry it forward as best as i can...
blessed ramadan to all, and make good use of it!!
today is the second last day of syaaban, and on friday, we would begin fasting again! weeee!!!
i resolve to be a better muslim in the holy month, and to carry it forward as best as i can...
blessed ramadan to all, and make good use of it!!
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
new name, new look
two fellow bloggies changed their templates in a space of a few days. in retort, i decided to change mine too. call it peer pressure. i prefer revamp.
in fact i think it is much more pleasant on the eye. i am loving it.
especially the lotus at the corner.
so zen.
in fact i think it is much more pleasant on the eye. i am loving it.
especially the lotus at the corner.
so zen.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
peace
the gathering was attended by six of the first clan. and it went well.
apparently, all that previously ailed, has been resolved.
because my prejudgment was that the issue will take some time to heal. but as it was yesterday, the clan is less petty and frivolous than i made them out to be. and that is good, and once again, that *duh* i am not infallible in making my judgment. hahaha... put me in my place.
and interestingly, the same kind of topics keep coming up.
and its really too funny to be a coincidence.
but i shant read too much into it.
if i read wrongly...then...who knows rite?
but glad that i am at peace now.
and the truth about the clan remains: our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
peace.
apparently, all that previously ailed, has been resolved.
because my prejudgment was that the issue will take some time to heal. but as it was yesterday, the clan is less petty and frivolous than i made them out to be. and that is good, and once again, that *duh* i am not infallible in making my judgment. hahaha... put me in my place.
and interestingly, the same kind of topics keep coming up.
and its really too funny to be a coincidence.
but i shant read too much into it.
if i read wrongly...then...who knows rite?
but glad that i am at peace now.
and the truth about the clan remains: our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
peace.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
let's see what happens.
tonight the clan gathers.
amazingly just after i wrote the short remark on the status quo of the clan, they decide to have a get together to "catch up". and even more surprisingly, the people who were remarked about are gonna be there as well. i wrote to taufiq, and he said that indeed, it's gonna be interesting.
watch this space for what transpired.
woo hoo. i can't wait.
amazingly just after i wrote the short remark on the status quo of the clan, they decide to have a get together to "catch up". and even more surprisingly, the people who were remarked about are gonna be there as well. i wrote to taufiq, and he said that indeed, it's gonna be interesting.
watch this space for what transpired.
woo hoo. i can't wait.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
shs club intra school debates
erm. this happened today.
my group of 2 won. i was kinda disappointed that i did not get the best speaker. yah. that's all i want to say.
sigh.
my group of 2 won. i was kinda disappointed that i did not get the best speaker. yah. that's all i want to say.
sigh.
sue sue!!
nura wrote in her blog about suing the yellow ass off the photocopy lady.
i want to sue all people who spit carelessly over their shoulders.
blardy biyatch was walking in front of me, blardy oblivious to the blardy world around her. taking her own blardy sweet time to blardy walk down the blardy pavement. then as i was trying to overtake her, blardy biyatch turned her blardy face over her blardy left shoulder, blardy puckered her blardy mouth, and blardy spat, straight into my path. then she blardy saw that her blardy sputum almost blardy kena my leg, and she screwed up her blardy face and said blardy sorry. i was blardy pissed man, blardy blardy pissed. stoopid blardy biyatch.
nura counsel, can i blardy sue her ass too, and punish her to a lifetime of sucking up all the sputum on the floor of the blardy world, just so she knows that she should not have F**KING spat in the first blardy place?
kindly advise...
i want to sue all people who spit carelessly over their shoulders.
blardy biyatch was walking in front of me, blardy oblivious to the blardy world around her. taking her own blardy sweet time to blardy walk down the blardy pavement. then as i was trying to overtake her, blardy biyatch turned her blardy face over her blardy left shoulder, blardy puckered her blardy mouth, and blardy spat, straight into my path. then she blardy saw that her blardy sputum almost blardy kena my leg, and she screwed up her blardy face and said blardy sorry. i was blardy pissed man, blardy blardy pissed. stoopid blardy biyatch.
nura counsel, can i blardy sue her ass too, and punish her to a lifetime of sucking up all the sputum on the floor of the blardy world, just so she knows that she should not have F**KING spat in the first blardy place?
kindly advise...
Monday, October 04, 2004
apology
i brought a friend to tarian that day. and that friend was not actually very into tarian, but i dragged him along anyways. at the concert, i met my other friends who were from the tarian group. and i sort of neglected this guest of mine. when the concert ended, i simply asked him to go home, without even inviting him to go for the supper that was already planned for the tarian peeps. how rude was i?
where have my graces gone to? i mean, what the hell sey, you bring someone out, and then you don't take care of him and give him the attention that he rightfully deserves. biadab nizar.
i will never know whether i am ever doing the right thing. it is pissing me off, that i am still so incoherent in my emotional aspects. i conflict what i expect from people and what i do them.
nizar, nizar, always screwing up other people's lives.
friend, i am sorry for screwing up yours.
where have my graces gone to? i mean, what the hell sey, you bring someone out, and then you don't take care of him and give him the attention that he rightfully deserves. biadab nizar.
i will never know whether i am ever doing the right thing. it is pissing me off, that i am still so incoherent in my emotional aspects. i conflict what i expect from people and what i do them.
nizar, nizar, always screwing up other people's lives.
friend, i am sorry for screwing up yours.
knowing my place again
at a recent outing, farida said that i was too judgmental of taufiq. and at another comment i made, azfar said tak baik mengata orang.
am i really such a laser mouth, speaking without thinking?
and do i really make baseless comments?
how far have i defaulted and how much have i affected people with the things that i say and do?
i dunno.
remind me of my place again.
am i really such a laser mouth, speaking without thinking?
and do i really make baseless comments?
how far have i defaulted and how much have i affected people with the things that i say and do?
i dunno.
remind me of my place again.
the state of affairs
some tale run insipidously in the kingdom. the tale speaks of a united people, who achieved great success while working together. however, divided responsibilities seems to have caused conflict and quiet strife among them. the slightest of issues is debated with displeasure among them. i fear that the displeasure, left unchecked, will grow to dissent and hostility. and that will spell perilous times in the kingdom.
lords and ladies of the house, take heed of your actions, and your words. be kind and firm at the same time, yet in no way, intend to purposely offend any of your peers. remember the time which had passed, when without that power and authority vested in yourselves, you worked with an unprecedented efficiency. if necessary, look beyond who you are, and see farther. relish the old times, and relive the old times when the intentions were pure and guided.
insya Allah, all will become fine in due time. and may success be yours.
lords and ladies of the house, take heed of your actions, and your words. be kind and firm at the same time, yet in no way, intend to purposely offend any of your peers. remember the time which had passed, when without that power and authority vested in yourselves, you worked with an unprecedented efficiency. if necessary, look beyond who you are, and see farther. relish the old times, and relive the old times when the intentions were pure and guided.
insya Allah, all will become fine in due time. and may success be yours.
first clan
its funny how the most unlikely people will come up to you and tell you what should or should not be done.
rizal is an example. we had a short talk that night over on msn, and rizal commented that i had been absent from many gatherings. in summary, he asked me to not stay away and to keep in touch. and if possible, go out with the guys more.
isn't it funny, how long i have been away from people like rizal, and yet receive that reaffirmation that they are still around and that they care? i am thankful for these reminders of do's and dont's... but sometimes i really need my time away. just that short session would suffice for me.
my innermost circle of friends comprise of these kind of people. our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
but i fear for this clan. certain actions, when taken too far and with a lot of assumptions, may only serve detriment to the clan. some people in the clan have fallen from grace, and though we still do keep in touch, these people have a lot of work and apologies to do, before they reinstate themselves.
and i am once again, caught in between.
rizal is an example. we had a short talk that night over on msn, and rizal commented that i had been absent from many gatherings. in summary, he asked me to not stay away and to keep in touch. and if possible, go out with the guys more.
isn't it funny, how long i have been away from people like rizal, and yet receive that reaffirmation that they are still around and that they care? i am thankful for these reminders of do's and dont's... but sometimes i really need my time away. just that short session would suffice for me.
my innermost circle of friends comprise of these kind of people. our friendship is tight enough to withstand long periods being away from each other, and yet when we do meet up, it is as though we never spent any time apart at all.
but i fear for this clan. certain actions, when taken too far and with a lot of assumptions, may only serve detriment to the clan. some people in the clan have fallen from grace, and though we still do keep in touch, these people have a lot of work and apologies to do, before they reinstate themselves.
and i am once again, caught in between.
malam jaluran seni
miss tarian.
miss the group.
miss the old times.
hate the politics.
blardy dilemma.
miss the group.
miss the old times.
hate the politics.
blardy dilemma.
khalil's departure
khalil left singapore on thursday 30 sept to study electrical and electronic engineering at imperial college in the uk.
before he left, he invited his friends over to his house on the preceding saturday. i had my conference that day, but i rushed to his house after the gala dinner, just so that we could meet up and i could express my emotions. when i reached there, there was already a crowd. muslim, hasan, adib, syahid, aisah, murshidah, faris, widya, hamla, lala and ali were the ones i knew there. these are my juniors (with the exception of faris and ali) from school, and a great bunch of people they are. however that night was kind of weird, being the only representative from my clan. in fact i felt old and removed from the group. in a sense, there was a subtle acknowledgment that my juniors were all grown up now. I used to refer to them as my babies, my children - but now they are really not child-like. they have matured and grown, and it took me that long to realise it... but it was a good realisation nonetheless. I was filled with a sense of poignancy that night.
i sent him on thursday - azfar came last minute, but thanks for that. all grown up, my dear boy khalil said his goodbyes to his friends as the time came for him to board the plane. as he came to me, i held him, read him a short prayer. he held me back, and kissed my shoulder. and at that moment, i remembered him as my junior once more, ever appealing and endearing to me. Lord, keep him safe in his journey and guide him to what is good and blessed.
that aside, i realise that the juniors speak to me in a different tone and mannerism than when they speak to azfar or taufiq. funny.
before he left, he invited his friends over to his house on the preceding saturday. i had my conference that day, but i rushed to his house after the gala dinner, just so that we could meet up and i could express my emotions. when i reached there, there was already a crowd. muslim, hasan, adib, syahid, aisah, murshidah, faris, widya, hamla, lala and ali were the ones i knew there. these are my juniors (with the exception of faris and ali) from school, and a great bunch of people they are. however that night was kind of weird, being the only representative from my clan. in fact i felt old and removed from the group. in a sense, there was a subtle acknowledgment that my juniors were all grown up now. I used to refer to them as my babies, my children - but now they are really not child-like. they have matured and grown, and it took me that long to realise it... but it was a good realisation nonetheless. I was filled with a sense of poignancy that night.
i sent him on thursday - azfar came last minute, but thanks for that. all grown up, my dear boy khalil said his goodbyes to his friends as the time came for him to board the plane. as he came to me, i held him, read him a short prayer. he held me back, and kissed my shoulder. and at that moment, i remembered him as my junior once more, ever appealing and endearing to me. Lord, keep him safe in his journey and guide him to what is good and blessed.
that aside, i realise that the juniors speak to me in a different tone and mannerism than when they speak to azfar or taufiq. funny.
mirror
like the little puddle you find when the rain stops, and you peer in... and you see things the way you never saw before.
this week, from last saturday to this sunday has been a whole lot of personal introspection for me. and i appreciate the time that has been given to me to think through my life, and what i have experienced. many things i learnt, and many things i observed, both good and bad. reflections are needed, to ascertain your own objectives and goals in life.
in first reflections, i would like to state that i miss writing. i spoke to a dear friend about the need to write, to vent her inner issues, and at the same time, i forgot myself. practice what i preach and don't be a hypocrite, especially to myself. so to you dear sister, thanks for reminding me of the need to let things out myself, and to not keep all to just myself.
the next few entries would be my personal views and observations to the things that happened to me, and the things i attended or did. my opinions only, don't feel that i am attacking anyone if i happen to say anything. my memory is not really that infallible. so here goes.
enjoy reading.
this week, from last saturday to this sunday has been a whole lot of personal introspection for me. and i appreciate the time that has been given to me to think through my life, and what i have experienced. many things i learnt, and many things i observed, both good and bad. reflections are needed, to ascertain your own objectives and goals in life.
in first reflections, i would like to state that i miss writing. i spoke to a dear friend about the need to write, to vent her inner issues, and at the same time, i forgot myself. practice what i preach and don't be a hypocrite, especially to myself. so to you dear sister, thanks for reminding me of the need to let things out myself, and to not keep all to just myself.
the next few entries would be my personal views and observations to the things that happened to me, and the things i attended or did. my opinions only, don't feel that i am attacking anyone if i happen to say anything. my memory is not really that infallible. so here goes.
enjoy reading.
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