bleargh

it's valentine's day and to all those who have their love out there, happy valentine's day. hold on and never lose faith in that dream and love, lest you become like me.

well, i am stuck at home since morning. though the day was initially full of plans, now i have made the whole day seem so empty and wasted. was supposed to go and meet my friends for a dance and then supper session in the afternoon, so i spent the better half of the morning sleeping in and watching cartoons and having breakfast.

then noon approached and i went online to chat with another group of friends, and told them my plans for the day. when they heard i was going to dance, they made some comments i would rather help myself forget. well, to them, i say thanks for the encouragement and support. well, for them, i made the decision to not go for the dance practice. and my whole day is now spoilt. i do not even feel like going for the supper now. all i want to do is to stay in my sanctuary, away from everyone who are so kind and loving.

i used to let these useless comments just pass me by. i used to stand strong and face whatever criticism with a smile. but lately, i have lost the strength to fight. and i am fearing that i am even losing my self-confidence. in my bid to not care, i know that i am not caring about other people in terms of the shit that they bring upon themselves, but am i also not suppose to care about what people say to me? i mean that has been a strength of mine, but i guess i am taking a really deviated approach to my life now.

which leaves me with a bad aftertaste in my mental mouth.

BLEARGH