and hypocrite, i am

you know, this all is getting to sound a lot similar to what i wrote in my diary...the same themes, the same people, the same emotional outbursts and baggage... but since i never tire of it (or i hope i do not, otherwise this blog will cease to exist), i guess you just have to bear with my crap.

well, the most recent spat that i have has reached a peak. with me confronting him, totally going against what i said i will not do. i promised myself to be indifferent and carefree, and not be affected. and i was going on just fine, until a friend said that he thought i was pissed off at him. in my typical need-to-be-on-top-and-oh-so-noble-and-refined-and-in-the-right manner, i gave him a message, stating my not-pissed off state, but rather my unreactive state of being to his antagonistic ways.

and he apologised at apparently having misread me, though i think in truth, we both know that i am somewhat pissed. and he "excused" himself by saying that he too was taking "time off to be alone to think shit through." yah, ok, whatever. it did not really matter to me what he said, that part is true. but i just had to make my stand that i was not at fault, as always.

hypocrite, i am by two counts.

first i said that i do not care; but in fact i do, to protect me as the good guy.
second i said i no longer care; but in fact i still do, love lives still in me.

so, hypocrite, i am.