Wednesday, February 25, 2004

the worth of regrets

I did something i should not have done this morning. I slammed the door on my innocent mother who was just trying to bring to my attention what an idiot had done. I vented my anger on her when she did not deserve it. and i should not have. she did not deserve it. how could i have been just simply unthinking and done that?

my sister then messaged me and told me that i should not have done it. believe me, i know i should not have. but the deed's been done, and i cannot take it back. and i am sorry about what i did, and how it reflects on me, but i cannot take back that one impression that i made on my mom, and in my own mind. what the hell was i, as a son, thinking of when i followed my emotions and acted rudely towards the person who bore me up and gave me my life?

but what can i do?

it has been done.

sorry for it, but sorry doesn't mean anything much does it?
my regrets do not really take away the pain that my mother felt when i behaved unjustly.
sorry sorry sorry.
i cannot do anything much.

i feel exactly now like that idiot whom she was telling me about. and i curse that idiot because his deed made me be rude to my mother.

i curse him with an endless regret, that will only bring him pain and suffering, ever-increasing.

let him feel the worthlessness of regret.

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